Contact led to "We can talk

[SMF]

New color to the picture....

 

If anyone has any advice on this- I would greatly appreciate.

This was my initial post.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t44730/

 

In a nutshell (ex and I dated for a year, he is an immature 29 year old I am 26 year old mature woman) we had a very very balanced, healthy relationship- spoke about marriage, engagement, living together, etc.... He was very forthright with future plans and we had a lot of fun, trust and union. ONLY red flag was that he spoke about this future stuff- but never ever said I love you.

 

Then one day out of the blue, via phone, he broke it off. Said he didn't want to be in a serious relationship, needs time, he may not want to get married for 5 years, who knows, don't know, flipping out, lost feelings... etc... This happened 1 month ago. The first 2 weeks, due to the shock of the snap decision I calmly reached out to him to discuss the matter. He refused. Tried to mentally block me out. Said he wasn't ready to reconsider and speaking at this point would not be helpful. He was very stoic, rude and inconsiderate to my feelings.

 

So for 16 days I did not speak or have contact with him. We spoke for the first time yesterday where he told me that he felt that he was making a good decision, his feelings were not at the level that they were supposed to be ( I barked at that considering he was talking about spending a lifetime with me and I think its his own inadequacies that caused him to have his feelings quiver) , etc... He has thought often about our relationship since we have broken up.

 

WELLLLLLLL He saids "WE CAN STILL TALK" UM HELLO - are we going to talk about ice cream and unicorns and bunnies... UM how in the world and why in the world does he want to speak??

 

If he is so 100% confident with his decision well his decision entails not having me in his life bc I am not the person to be BEST Friends with an EX after they broke my heart.

 

OR is he doing this to help me along?

[blackheart]

IMO he sounds like he hasn't decided for sure what he wants. I don't think he wants to get back together with so much as he wants the option of it. So he is trying to keep you there as a fallback in case things don't go like he planned. Sorry if that sounds cynical.

 

Also IMO you would be better off not having contact. I don't think the dumpee can be friends with the dumper after the breakup. I'm the dumpee right now in my relationship and I've found that I do much better the less I talk to my ex. All talking does is reopen a lot of wounds and doesn't allow me to get over her.