Trying to Trying to rust my girlfriend - partying and blackouts

[Babolat]

Should read "Trying to trust my girlfriend"

 

We are both in our 40s. We have both had serious LTRs. I am pretty conservative, night quite the goody two shoes type but close. She is more of a free spirit type, which attracts me. She can get me to do fun/crazy things I otherwise would not do. She is drop dead gorgeous with a body that gets a lot of attention. Honestly, the most attractive woman I have ever been with. And I am a good looking guy, not to be conceeded, and I have been with some attrractive woman.

 

She has been a party girl since her teens. She's told me some stories about partying, drugs and heavy drinking that amaze me. Nothing bad on her part other than lots of drinking and lots of drugs. No sex stories or anything like that though as she puts it it was certainly going on around her. She has been very honest with me and said it was important for her to tell me about her drinking and partying past. She has also told me she has made and continues to make changes with her drinking, that she has slowed down a lot over the past 10 years and sees herself being more like me in the future. She says she will change for her, not me. I do not ask her to change, I keep quiet.

 

She has slowed way down though she still likes to go out every so often and drink\party until 3-4AM. When she drinks, she drinks a lot and drinks fast. I have been with her and I have now discovered she has had blackouts with me.

 

In 8+ months I can think of 4 times she partied past 4AM and I was not with her. I did not want to be. She will text me to say hi, tell me she is thinking about me and misses me. She was with friends I have met, some I have not. In all cases she spent the night at their house or hotel because she did not want to drive and they alwasy get a cab. This is actually normal for her...she describes a history since her teens of partying and staying the night on a couch or bed simply because it made sense. I have never partied like this so it does not make sense to me. I have had my drunk moments, not many, so I am not angel here. I like to drink, not to get wasted though, more to get a mild buzz. She likes to drink to get intoxicated.

 

One of her male best friends is a partier too and he was with her all 4 of these times. I have met him, he is a party boy type, likes to be around gorgeous model type woman, which my GF is. He buys the drinks, buys the drugs, takes care of them. I trust her as I have watched their interactions. She says they are such good friends as she is one of the few who does not use or take advantage of him and never has. I think I trust him.

 

What bothers me is her blackouts. I am worried, scared even, she will, or has blacked out when I am not around and who knows what happened. I know one of the four times she did as the next day she did not remember the texts she sent me while intoxicated. We have had sex before while she was intoxicated (2 times i can recall) and did not remember the next day. We have had talks before while she was intoxicated that she does not remember the next day. I had no idea what a blackout was until I recently researched them.

 

She tells me to trust her, that she will not put herself in that situation (sleep with somone, do something wrong) and that her friends look after each other when they are partying.

 

I am obsessing over this, way too much I know. I want to move past it though I think about the "next time" and I get very anxious. My friends tell me I should go with her, just don't drink as much. In the past I have made up an excuse to not go or simply told her I did not want to go. Partying at that level literally scares me.

 

Her words and her actions to date show 100% trust. It's the "unknown actions" if she has or will blackout that scare me. I have talked to her about this twice and she assures me I can trust her. Recently she gave out her phone # to a guy in a bar as a way to get rid of him (1 of the 4 nights). I saw where he texted her around 4AM, she replied asking who it was, he replied, she did not reply anymore. She said it was a mistake, once she realized it she did not respond to him; she was trying to get rid of him as they were all leaving a bar. Per my female friends this is not uncommon.

 

So, what do I do? End the relationship because of my concern and anxiety, my "what if?"? Go with her when she goes out, which to me shows control and a lack of trust?

[RR1]

OK so what is it you are actually worried about? Are you worried about her blacking out and hurting herself or are you worried about what she will get up to whilst you aren't there? If you are worried about her hurting herself then that's one thing but if you are worried about what she might do whilst intoxicated then the only thing you need to ask is if you trust her? Because when you are intoxicated it's sort of possible to forget small details like texting someone, it's definitely not at all possible to forget getting off with someone, even if it's just kissing someone it is not most definitely not possible to forget something like that. So there's absoutely no chance of her doing the dirty on you and then forgetting she has done it or doing it whilst blacked out. Just t'aint possible. Blacking out and sustaining some type of injury is theroretically possible but blacking out and kissing some other guy isn't. Blackouts like you are suggesting i don't think are really possible, your memory may get hazy over small details, like a text message, but major details tend to stick. I really wouldn't worry about her cheating on you if that's your concern.

[RR1]

P.s. i'm loving the title to this thread.

[Babolat]

Thanks for the reply. I am worried about some guy taking advantage of her. I do trust her, 100%; it's the unknos around her, with her, that i dod not. I have read a lot about blackout where folks do not remember events, things they did, at all, including sex with a stranger.

 

In addition, it's a bit uncomfortable dating someone who drinks to the point of blacking out and I do not know how to handle it or address it with her. I do not know when she has reached that point with me even.

[Keenly]

This is a bad situation man. You may be almost twice as old as I am but it always plays out the same way. A party girl is dangerous and In my opinion the most likely to cheat (personal experience).

[Minnie09]

No offense, but binge drinking at regular intervals in her mid-forties? And she blacks out? No judgement, but that's a sign of alcoholism. I would worry about her health. College kids do that and even they feel embarrassed if they don't remember what they did the night before.... For a grown up woman that's quite strange I would say. Have you ever talked to her about it, or does her alcohol (and drug) consumption not worry you? If my partner did that, I would definitely assume there's something wrong with him. Addictive behavior indicates underlying issues, plus, after probably at least 2.5 decades of drinking like that, she must have suffered some bodily change/memory loss/brain damage.

[Babolat]

No offense, but binge drinking at regular intervals in her mid-forties? And she blacks out? No judgement, but that's a sign of alcoholism. I would worry about her health. College kids do that and even they feel embarrassed if they don't remember what they did the night before.... For a grown up woman that's quite strange I would say. Have you ever talked to her about it, or does her alcohol (and drug) consumption not worry you? If my partner did that, I would definitely assume there's something wrong with him. Addictive behavior indicates underlying issues, plus, after probably at least 2.5 decades of drinking like that, she must have suffered some bodily change/memory loss/brain damage.

 

I have thought about ALL of your comments, yes. In 8 months of dating I can count 4-5 times this has happened, not sure if that is considered regular or not. Yes, I have talked to her about it. She states she has been slowing down over the past 10+ years and continues to slow down. She is making changes she says, but for her, not for me, which I respect.

 

I also have concerns for her health like you address. My question is does one walk away from an otherwise great relationship because of this?

[NervisPervis]

Nothing bad on her part other than lots of drinking and lots of drugs. No sex stories or anything like that though as she puts it it was certainly going on around her.

 

20 years of this. And she's slowed down now. And the sex was going on all "around her".

 

Get out of this relationship. How many men has she told you she has slept with that she met in the clubs in her life? Over a 20 year period? 3 a year is 60. I'll be she told you "less than 5", right?

 

You good with this?

 

"I am pretty conservative, not quite the goody two shoes type but close."

 

You have NO IDEA who you are dating, do you?

[NervisPervis]

My question is does one walk away from an otherwise great relationship because of this?

 

No. One RUNS!

[Babolat]

20 years of this. And she's slowed down now. And the sex was going on all "around her".

 

Get out of this relationship. How many men has she told you she has slept with that she met in the clubs in her life? Over a 20 year period? 3 a year is 60. I'll be she told you "less than 5", right?

 

You good with this?

 

"I am pretty conservative, not quite the goody two shoes type but close."

 

You have NO IDEA who you are dating, do you?

 

By slowed down I mean the alcohol use. She use to go out 3 nights a week 10 years ago with her friends. Now, it's maybe 1 - 2 times a month, and that's not to get drunk, just to go out to a club or bar, watch a band play, hang out, dance. And it use to always be to 2, 3AM. Now she leaves at 11 or 12. She goes out to be social, to be with her friends, not to pick a man up. I have seen this in her, I see it in her friends. I trust her on that. I have been out with her myself many times so unlike some men, she is not going out looking to hook up. I have gone out with her and her friends too. They are good people who like to get a little crazy every so often.

 

I am not one to ask "how many partners" in ones past. She would not sleep with me for over 6+ weeks, after many many dates and she made it clear in the beginning we were not going to until she knew we were exclusive.

 

So, again, I tust her and I am not going to grill her on her sexual past. She has shared enough, volunteered enough where I feel comfortable with that.

[pinkie]

How long have you two dated? A little over 8 mos? Regardless, it comes down to this: She has issues with alcohol. You either give her a wake up call and she makes a decision to get help. Or you have to turn away.

 

It won't happen overnight, it's not a lifestyle, it's a disease. Hey, we all have our flaws. It's what we do to fix them that matters. Either you stand by her side (firmly) Or you just simply walk away. Goodluck.

 

*I'd say there are probably some underlying issues to her drinking. She probably needs you more than ever and doesn't realize it. But the choice is ultimately up to you.

[RR1]

It always amazes me when the good folks on LS advice people to sack off their relationship based on a few paragraphs written about someone that they don't know. I personally never feel qualified to advise people to take such drastic action. The OP did say that she has cut down her drinking to a couple of times a month and continues to cut down so it isn't like she hasn't adjusted her behaviour. You know what, i have a totally radical idea, it's going to right out there in terms of advice someone has received on LS. My advice is don't sack off a relationship based on advice from randam strangers who don't know either of you, much better to see if you two can work together and build a relationship that is long lasting, have a word with your g/f, express your concerns, if necessary put your foot down and say some things have to be non-negotiable. Explain that you are only saying this because you are worried about her and not because you want to control her social life, it's amazing the difference it will make if you introduce changes in her behaviour because she understands that you are worried about her more than anything else. Sometimes you have to treat individuals like this with firm compassion, tell them no you aren't doing this but i am only saying this because i don't want any harm to come to you. She can't really argue too much with that. I don't think so anyway.

[Mina]

It always amazes me when the good folks on LS advice people to sack off their relationship based on a few paragraphs written about someone that they don't know. I personally never feel qualified to advise people to take such drastic action.

 

I rarely give dating advise here for that reason. That being said, I've found that the collective hivemind of LS tends to be right consistently. When I was going through my breakup, I railed against it, but now I've found that, yes, the advise I refused to listen to was right.

 

Someone who still drinks to blackout at that age screams problems. Now I'm not saying breakup over it, but there needs to be a solution to it.

[mammasita]

She sounds like an irresponsible full grown teenager. It was cool to binge drink and blackout back in the day....but at 40....her priorities are all out of whack. Sounds like trouble to me.

[NervisPervis]

By slowed down I mean the alcohol use. She use to go out 3 nights a week 10 years ago with her friends. Now, it's maybe 1 - 2 times a month, and that's not to get drunk, just to go out to a club or bar, watch a band play, hang out, dance. And it use to always be to 2, 3AM. Now she leaves at 11 or 12.

 

Hmmm. Interesting. Because in your original post on this very thread, you wrote:

 

She has been a party girl since her teens.

 

She has slowed way down though she still likes to go out every so often and drink\party until 3-4AM. When she drinks, she drinks a lot and drinks fast. I have been with her and I have now discovered she has had blackouts with me.

 

She was with friends I have met, some I have not. In all cases she spent the night at their house or hotel because she did not want to drive and they alwasy get a cab.

 

One of her male best friends is a partier too and he was with her all 4 of these times. I have met him, he is a party boy type, likes to be around gorgeous model type woman, which my GF is. He buys the drinks, buys the drugs, takes care of them.

 

Partying at that level literally scares me.

 

 

Then there's this from a different thread of yours:

 

 

She is reconnecting with a lot of her old freinds as she recently moved back into town after ending a LTR where she lived out of town with him. Some of these are male, single friends.

 

I have not facebooked her as I do not want to see these friends nor do I want to learn more about her "electronically". What I can see on her facebook are great photos of her having fun with girlfriends, where men post comments like "you are hot","your are gorgeous", "Looking good". She replies Thank You.

 

This past weekend she went out with some girlfriends, bar hoping, and she told me she ran into a couple of male friends she has not seen in a while, even told me their names. She was at my house the next night. Her phone was on my coutertop, it buzzed, lit up, I looked down as it surprised me, and I saw a text from one of these men saying "I had a great time last night, lets do it again". This just feels odd to me. I do not have a female friend who would send me a text like this. Plus, I feel like she is hiding this from me, though she does not "report" to me and does not have to tell me about this.

 

She also still has at least one photo on her facebook page that I can see of her and her last LTR, hugging, holding hands, a warm photo. I never mentioned it until this weekend. She said she thought she had deleted all of them. It's been 6 days and the photo is still there.

 

I have kept quiet about her male friends. I don't ask questions. She will tell me she had dinner with them, I know they pay as funds are tight for her right now. One texts her everyday and sometimes they talk everyday. She told me he is like a brother to her and I have even heard her daughter refer to him as "Uncle".

 

I am not use to dating someone who has male friends and gets this kind of "attention" from them.

 

I do not want to talk to her as it will show my insecrutiy. And, in a way it's not jealousy or insecurity...it's more why has she not introduced me to these men and why does she have so many male friends? And, I am concerned about what may be a transition period for her, where she is reconnecting with a lot of old friends, partying, having fun, and it's not clear to me where I fit and where these male friends fit. I have already been thru "my transition" from a LTR ending, and I feel like maybe she is still going thru hers.

 

Just feeling a little uneasy here...looking for some feedback. .

 

You declined her friend request just because you didn't want to get to know her "electronically"? Oh, wait. She HASN'T friend requested you. Interesting...

 

I am not one to ask "how many partners" in ones past. She would not sleep with me for over 6+ weeks, after many many dates and she made it clear in the beginning we were not going to until she knew we were exclusive.

 

OK. Time to get to it.

 

YOU - Not a party guy. Conservative. "uncomfortable" with her partying. But you're not letting the behavior of this bar...fly of a GF bother you because you are an independent man of the 21st century.

 

HER - Party girl since her teens. Three nights a week until she's 30. She's slowed down, so can we go to once a week average from 30-40? That's...let's see...carry the 4...multiply by 12...

 

That's right around 2,400 times she's partied at meat markets in her life. Dressed the way she does, with guys "hitting on her all the time". At places that would not exist if it was not a place to hook up for casual sex. Is she a nun? Why does she go to these places so much? Do you think she'd go if there were no men "hitting on her all the time"? Sorry dude, and I realize this is your GF I'm talking about, but my initial estimate of 60 casual sex partners may be a little low. It may be a LOT low.

 

Let me tell you a tale. I love this story. Got it from another board. Guy and girl meet after college (different schools). Guy and girl fall in love and get married. A couple of years later, girl has 5 year college reunion at her sorority. Husband can't go. Wife is all "oh, that's too bad. I SOOO wanted you to meet everybody". Guy's work schedule changes and he can suddenly go. Guy's wife's demeanor is not exactly what he expected. Senses she was not REALLY all that excited about him going.

 

Long story short, it didn't take too much time or alcohol for her "sisters" to out her as the blowjob queen of the tri-delts, or whichever sorority it was. The number doesn't matter, it's moot anyhow. It went from 28 - 39 quickly enough to understand it was a lot higher. I'm sure he was a "the past is the past" guy like you, so he didn't ask. Neither one of them planned on it coming out. But it did. So what's going to happen when the guy who's been trying to get her skimpy dress off for months finally gets shot down hard, and to get revenge by coming to you and telling you about all of those former partners?

 

And no sex with you for 6 weeks? Pl-EASE!! I don't want to accuse, because I don't know, but she wouldn't be the first party girl to get her claws into a nice guy and convince him she's "not that kind of girl" by not sleeping with him. All the more reason to believe she's getting it elsewhere.

 

An earlier poster told you to not leave a girl just because a bunch of dolts on an internet website tell you to. Probably the best advice I've seen to date on these boards. But we DO give some vision to the blind. So open your eyes. 8 months is serious. Make sure you are doing the right thing.

 

Good luck to you. You are going to need it.

[Emilia]

A lot of negative stuff on this thread OP and much of it projecting by posters who experienced worse than you. However, I would say that this woman's lifestyle is appalling because it screams of poor impulse control.

 

I'm 40 and had party years, I still like going out but I recognise that maturity also means impulse control and responsibility for my actions. Personally, I dislike fast drinkers who just want to get drunk quickly, they tend to be rather embarrassing to go out with and childish. I think lack of self-control gives you a good indication of her character, maybe she has an addictive personality?

 

Just something to consider.

[Babolat]

A lot of negative stuff on this thread OP and much of it projecting by posters who experienced worse than you. However, I would say that this woman's lifestyle is appalling because it screams of poor impulse control.

 

I'm 40 and had party years, I still like going out but I recognise that maturity also means impulse control and responsibility for my actions. Personally, I dislike fast drinkers who just want to get drunk quickly, they tend to be rather embarrassing to go out with and childish. I think lack of self-control gives you a good indication of her character, maybe she has an addictive personality?

 

Just something to consider.

 

Thanks for all the feedback. She does not go to meat markets. She invites me out every time she wants to go out. Sometimes I go, sometimes I decline. She likes to watch bands play at bars, she grew up that way. She has a lot of friends who are in bands. I get that and see no harm in it.

 

When she goes out it's to be social, not to meet a man. I know that may be difficult to grasp for some, but it's the truth, I see it. yeah, I am sure she does enjoy male attention just like a man enjoys female attention. I do trust that she does not cross the line. All of my friends have said she is a very attractive woman who is very social and easy to talk to, and shows interest in a conversation (not sexual interest, just interest like she is trying to learn). This does not make her a club whore. It's also her career, she has to Network A LOT in her career, and she is very good at it.

 

Yes, I do believe she has a binge alcohol problem. Yes I do belive it's an addition. Yes she has had some childhood and "life" issues that perhaps she uses alcohol to mask. Yes she has male friends, who yes, probably like her. I cannot control that, nor do I want to. I trust her with these male friends. I am not the controlling type and I am not looking to change her. She is the only person that can change her.

 

My ONLY concern is her drinking to a black out stage, which is not often, when I am not with her. That's it. Do I set boundaraies?

[clia]

Yes, I do believe she has a binge alcohol problem. Yes I do belive it's an addition.

 

My perspective is different. I don't see how doing this 4-5 times in eight months constitutes a binge alcohol problem. That's essentially once every two months. She's not doing this every night. So she likes to go out and get drunk sometimes? So do a lot of people. It doesn't mean she has a problem. Is it affecting her job? Is it affecting her friendships? Is it affecting her relationship with her family? Is she a productive member of society aside from this? It's just silly to leap to a conclusion that she has an alcohol problem.

 

My ONLY concern is her drinking to a black out stage, which is not often, when I am not with her. That's it. Do I set boundaraies?

 

Stop worrying. She's managed on her own for over 40 years. You simply need to decide whether you can accept this facet of her personality. If you can't, you should move on and find someone whose drinking style more aligns with your own.

[NervisPervis]

It's just silly to leap to a conclusion that she has an alcohol problem.

 

 

clia. Excuse me...CLIA??

 

She drinks fast and hard and to the point of blacking out in DANGEROUS situations. Are you f-ing kidding me?

 

B. Sorry to call your gal a bar-w.h.o.r.e. That was out of line.

 

You'll be OK, however, when you find out that her "number" is up in triple digits? That many of that number were one night stands while out drinking? You, a conservative guy not comfortable with this hard-partying lifestyle will be OK with it?

[Babolat]

clia. Excuse me...CLIA??

 

She drinks fast and hard and to the point of blacking out in DANGEROUS situations. Are you f-ing kidding me?

 

B. Sorry to call your gal a bar-w.h.o.r.e. That was out of line.

 

You'll be OK, however, when you find out that her "number" is up in triple digits? That many of that number were one night stands while out drinking? You, a conservative guy not comfortable with this hard-partying lifestyle will be OK with it?

 

She has told me she has never had a one night stand, I believe her. She told me how many partners she has had one night when we were out drinking. I did not volunteer mine nor did she ask. Mine is more than the # she shared with me though. It's just not something I care about and have a concern with her about. She is with me now and really, that's all I care about.

 

I get your point about bars ands sex; it's not who she is. It IS a social, be with my friends, who some happen to be males, thing for her. And yes, I know she gets hit on and yes I know she talks to men at bars and in the grocery store probably. I trust her though. I have seen enough and heard enough from her to know she is a GOOD person with good morals and values, she just likes to party more than I do. That does not make her someone who wants to have sex with every man she meets when drinking.

 

clia, 4-5 blackout episodes that I recall. There have been other times we have gone out together where she gets a good buzz or is intoxicated. My guees, if I had to say how often, 1-2 times a month where she will drink fast and get a good buzz going. And, your comment about drinking styles is on my mind. Can two people who are that far apart have a good relationship? Can I let her have her "tie one on" moments when I am not with her and feel ok about it?

[clia]

clia. Excuse me...CLIA??

 

She drinks fast and hard and to the point of blacking out in DANGEROUS situations. Are you f-ing kidding me?

 

What dangerous situations? She's out with friends and according to her boyfriend isn't driving drunk. And she isn't doing this every day. I stand by what I said. If she has a problem, then so do 50% of the people who regularly frequent bars. (Yes, I pulled that number out of the air. My point is that this isn't some rare thing--even among the 40s set.).

 

Sorry to call your gal a bar-w.h.o.r.e. That was out of line.

 

You'll be OK, however, when you find out that her "number" is up in triple digits? That many of that number were one night stands while out drinking? You, a conservative guy not comfortable with this hard-partying lifestyle will be OK with it?

 

You might find this hard to believe, but women are capable of getting drunk--even blackout drunk-- and not having sex. You are completely jumping to conclusions here.

[NervisPervis]

Yes, I have jumped to many conclusions here. But dude, you even said you were uncomfortable with this level of partying. And SO MUCH of it over the years. You're pushing 3/4 of a year. Many people are engaged by then. And neither one of you are getting younger. It's serious, in other words. The odd couple of romantic compatibility, maybe. Be careful.

 

To answer your question, if you are serious with her, you cannot allow her to drink to excess like that. Solicit the help of those friends that supposedly have her back. She could EASILY be leered away from her group at a concert if she's that wasted. Not being able to not do that is dangerous. At 40? That should be 0 times a year.

 

And if she can't drive home, you go get her. Are you kidding me?

[Babolat]

We talked a lot this weekend about this. She understands her blackouts and does not deny them. She states it has happened with 2 glasses of wine at times, that its happened with me after a few drinks. They are not complete blackouts like a I thought, she remembers just not some of the details of a conversation.

 

She states she is in complete control of her actions and thoughts then and nothing has ever happened and nothing will. This was a very calm thoughtful conversation and I do believe her. She also stated she does not drink heavy when she is out at a bar/club with her friends knowing the potential for a blackout, that she only does that if she is out with friends or family at someones home, somewhere safe, which I have seen.

 

No doubt, she has a heavy party background. We talked about that too. 3-4 nights a week was not unusual for her 7+ years ago. She describes parties and events where there was a lot of alcohol. She states for her it's more about the social part, talking to friends, making new friends, getting to know people. Yes she drank then, and drank heavy, and there was recreational drug use. She says some of her girlfriends were into the sex that resulted from these parties (sometime with celebrity types), she was not and she takes a lot of pride in that. She never went to these parites to have sex or to pick up somone. She truly enjoys the social side and in most cases wanted to meet people. She had a job then that gave her access to these exclusive parties and in some cases she was responsible for hosting the parties (long story). Yes, men hit on her, yes men wanted to have sex with her, though she tells me she made it clear that was not the kind of girl she was and for the ones that got it she became friends with them; for the oens that did not she chose to not hang out with them.

 

I see this social side to her in bars. I saw it this weekend. Lots of hugs with girlfriends, male friends, lots of talking about old times, lots of talking in general. I am a little more conservative on the social side so i do think that is part of my "isse" as I do not get it.

 

I met her out at a local sports bar on Saturday. She had 3-4 glasses of wine over a 4 hour period and then did a shot at the end of the night. She was dacning with her girlfriends and singing Karoke, which she loves to do. I got uncomfortable, upset, expressed that and she said "you are not going to runin my nigh, I want you to stay, I love you, but if you are uncomfortable then you should go home". I decided to stay. She started drinking water at that point.

 

I also discovered I have been out a few times with one of her past lovers/partners, who is now dating one of her good friends. She did not tell me as she was concerned how I would react to her still being good friends with him. It came up in another conversation and she immediately told me about. She asked me how I felt about it, I am not sure yet, so far so good. Kind of wiered to be good friends and still do things socially with an ex (only when his girlfriend is around though). Just new to me.

 

She HAS slowed way down with her drinking, based on her comments about her past and her time with me over 9+ months.

 

Regarding her current males friends, there are 3 she is close too. All 3 have been her friend for over 20+ years. No sex, no dating, no relationshships. She has talked to them about us; she has even asked them if them dating or her dating should change their friendships.

 

In the end I need to decide if her current level of drinking, which honestly is not extreme or to excess, is something I am comfortable with. I get made, angry, upset and hurt when we are at a bar (or someones home) and I see her drinking what seems like a lot to me, only because I am not a big drinker and I do not understand heavy drinking. We talked about this over the weekend. She alwasy invites me out with her, I go becasue I want to see her. We talked about the idea of me not going so I do not have ot be around it and feel uncomfortable.

 

From a relationship wise she is one of the coolest woman I have ever dated. She is a communicator, she stands on her own two feet, she is very intelligent, she is warm, kind, loving and affectionate, an incredible mom to her daughter, she is 110% into me.

[Emilia]

From a relationship wise she is one of the coolest woman I have ever dated. She is a communicator, she stands on her own two feet, she is very intelligent, she is warm, kind, loving and affectionate, an incredible mom to her daughter, she is 110% into me.

 

She is also an addict and you need to ask yourself the question whether you can live with that. If you can, that's fine.

[Babolat]

She is also an addict and you need to ask yourself the question whether you can live with that. If you can, that's fine.

 

I have done a lot of research on drinking, and you may be right. She does not drink every day, she does not drink every weekend. She does not party every weekend. Recently, she went well over 2 weeks without drinking. I know becasue we had some wine Friday night and she mentioned it had been a while since she had wine (wine is really all she drinks).

 

I can't make the decision on her being an addict or not, I am not a medical professional. You are right though that I need to make a decision on if i can live what what I know and see now.