Trying to Trying to rust my girlfriend - partying and blackouts

[Babolat]

Since my post I have been thinking on this, and after we spent the weekend together.

 

This weekend we shared 1 1/2 bottle of wine together Friday night, over about 4 hours.

 

Saturday she had 2 glasses of wine with a good friend, then about 5 hours later she went out to a sportsbar; I met up with her about 2 hours after that as I had other plans. She had a couple of glasses of wine at the bar over 2 hours, then did a tequilla shot and then we left.

 

Since then no alcohol. In fact, the same open bottle of wine has been in her refrig for about 2 weeks.

 

I think part of this issue for me is how I define partying. I got all pissy with her at the bar, I was pouty, I was rude, I kept telling her I was gonna go home, that this was not my scene. She responded by telling me my body language and my comments from the minute I walked in told her I did not want to be there. I walked in with a chip on my shoulder and I was being controlling.

 

What was she doing? Talking with old friends, including and introducing me, sitting at the bar with me, singing karoke, dancing with me, etc. All of her friends were drinking heavy though she was not.

 

I finally asked her to go outside, so I could apologize for being a butt. She told me the way I was talking to her made her feel it was all her fault, and she was right, I wanted her to feel that. I apologized, and I was sincere, I knew my actions and comments were out of line. I did walk in with a chip on my shoulder and, in a way "expected" her to want to leave with me. She told me she loved me, she appreciated me apologizing and talking to her, that she was not going to have a serious talk then and there, that she wanted me to stay, go home if I really wanted to, that she was going back inside to have a good night, and she did.

 

On one occassion I actually left. I sat in my car, decided I was wrong in my behavior and started walking back in. I could see her from outisde as I walked in. She was doing exactly what she was doing when I left, sitting at the bar talking to an old high school friend she had introduced me to. I felt myself trying to "catch her in the act" when in fact she was doing what she tells me she does when she goes out, being social and having a good time. Something similar happened before where I left the bar, came back in to go to the bathroom, decided to "watch" her to see if she behaved any different when I was gone. She did not, in fact she seemed upset the entire time and her friends kept putting there arm around her and talking to her. I decided I was being controlling, came back in, hugged her and she said "thank you" and so did her friends.

 

Does she like to go out, drink, be social and get a little crazy? Yes. Not every weekend though. I have never really been this way and it does bother me, almost in an envious way as I see how much fun she has and how many good friends she has. Kind of a weird feeling. I remember in high chool thinking the party people were cool, though I was almost scared to party.

 

My dad was a heavy drinker and I had to spend many moments just being with him when he was drunk. My grandmother was an alcoholic. I am wondering if some of this is why I see her partying as extreme, even when in some cases it's a couple of glasses of wine, a shot, over 3+ hours with lots of socializing and having fun.

[Quiet Storm]

Nothing bad on her part other than lots of drinking and lots of drugs. No sex stories or anything like that though as she puts it it was certainly going on around her.

 

We have had sex before while she was intoxicated (2 times i can recall) and did not remember the next day.

 

I think she just doesn't remember the drunken sex she had with others. I think you are very naive to think she doesn't have drunken sex with other men when she had drunken sex with you.

 

From her perspective, if she doesn't remember the sex, it doesn't count.

[chex]

I think she just doesn't remember the drunken sex she had with others. I think you are very naive to think she doesn't have drunken sex with other men when she had drunken sex with you.

 

From her perspective, if she doesn't remember the sex, it doesn't count.

 

That's an interesting POV actually. It's like .. if you completely erase all of someone's memories, are they still the same person?

[NervisPervis]

I don't know. I'm a big crusader against women in a committed relationship partying in meat markets w/o their man, but you've almost got me sold. I just can't help wonder why she wants to spend so much time away from you, and always in places with alcohol and men on the prowl.

[Babolat]

I don't know. I'm a big crusader against women in a committed relationship partying in meat markets w/o their man, but you've almost got me sold. I just can't help wonder why she wants to spend so much time away from you, and always in places with alcohol and men on the prowl.

 

She invites me to go out with her, I just usually decline. She is usually with her girlfriends, who are all married or in committed relationships. She is not going to meat markets to meet men...please hear that though I do understand your point. And it's not like she is spending that much time away from me. This is like every few weeks, one weekend night. In fact she has told me she is declining offers to go out more so she can spend more time with me.

 

I talked to her about the blackouts with us and she tells me she does remember, just not details, and she knows what she is doing when she is in that state...she is not clueless nor has she lost control of her senses or her morals. And as she put it, she knows she is with me and wants to have sex with me then.

Edited January 17, 2013 by Babolat

[Babolat]

Ended the relationship, just became too much for me to deal with. Thanks for all the feedback here.