Do you need tons of friends and a massive social circle to be successful at dating?

January 9, 2013

I'm just wondering, one piece of common dating advice is to get tons of friends, and create a huge social circle and then using your social circle to find women potentially interested in you. While that makes sense is that really needed or really feasible? The average guy who goes on dates and can get a girlfriend from what I can tell isn't Mr. Popular, with tons of friends.

Making friends can be very difficult especially for people who aren't outgoing, socially awkward, shy, and may have interests that are more solo orientated, not too common, and enjoyed by a mostly male population, and it takes a long period of time to start networking and getting those connections going, and the bigger the network more time has to be devoted to maintaining this network, plus after the effort you put in to expand your social circle it's still highly likely you still won't find someone interested in you.

Plus you can't really force your social circle and amount of friends you have to get bigger, its just something that kind of happens. Personally I have never in my life been the popular guy with hundreds of friends, I'm usually either alone or with a small group of friends, though I have gotten better at networking, but I find that as I get older networking becomes more difficult as people become more involved with themselves. So naturally finding available women interested in me in my social circle is a major challenge. Now I do try to go out more and be more sociable even though it pains me to do so.

January 9, 2013

I'm just wondering, one piece of common dating advice is to get tons of friends, and create a huge social circle and then using your social circle to find women potentially interested in you. While that makes sense is that really needed or really feasible?

No it's not needed, but it makes it a lot easier.

Making friends can be very difficult especially for people who aren't outgoing, socially awkward, shy, and may have interests that are more solo orientated, not too common, and enjoyed by a mostly male population,

This is why so many of the guys on LS have the problems they do. People are people if it's hard for you to make friends, it's going to be hard for you to get a girl friend. A lot of the same skills apply to both scenarios.

and it takes a long period of time to start networking and getting those connections going, and the bigger the network more time has to be devoted to maintaining this network, plus after the effort you put in to expand your social circle it's still highly likely you still won't find someone interested in you.

this reads as I'm lazy and don't want to put in any work. it also reads as I don't want to put in any work, unless i know it will get me exactly what I want.

The side effect so many guys on LS don't seem to understand, is that friends make life better, and more fun. When you spend less time by your self thinking about what you don't have, and more time enjoying life.

January 9, 2013

You don't have to have TONS of friends, but having a decent network comprising of a few dozen people is quite beneficial not just for dating purposes but for professional/social benefits too. And the best part is that you don't even have to be extroverted to do it. You really don't.

I have quite a large extended social network. Being a musician, my name is somewhat known to certain circles so I find it easy to meet people. But I spend most of my time alone too. I love people, I love being around people and I feel energized when around them. But I love my solitude just as much.

I am well aware how difficult it is to make friends if you aren't inclined. I found it hard years ago. But I learned how to navigate it well enough by being interested in others, having interests in general, and focusing on being a good, interesting conversationalist. The average guy tends to have a OK social circle, not large one, but a solid one.

You don't have to have a massive social circle to get women, but it surely helps. It will help you overall to be able to have a big social circle, and you don't have to be extroverted to do it. The information on how to do it is out there, if you need links PM me to some downloads that can help you.

January 9, 2013

It's not just about friends really, but more so making connections in various social situations. Having interests does that. Let's say I'm really into poetry, I go to a poetry slam at one of the clubs in the city. I'm surrounded by people who share common interests, so we already have an in. Approaching girls there is easier because I already have something to talk about. Going to concerts of your favorite band. Etc etc. Using your interests and hobbies to find people makes everything easier. Discover interests that you enjoy, and everything else falls into place naturally.

January 9, 2013

@Necris.

Ever played 6 degree of seperation? The idea is, and this has acually been tested scientifically, that everyone on earth is only six introductions from knowing everyone else on Earth. Even the most isolated people (afterall even the Unabomber had a brother.)

The more people you know the more networked you are, the easier it is to connect to new people.

One thing to realize is that these "friends" are not all good goood friends. Mostly they are acquiantances, activitity partners, people you knew from school, as well as new friends. They are people you are involved with through interest groups of any and all kinds, even male dominated ones.

Suppose you go to a group that is all about collecting Pokemon cards. It may be 80 to 90 percent men there.

That can still lead to meeting women. Each of those men knows women and has friends. So you make friends with one or two guys there.

They invite you to hang out.

You genuinely enjoy time with them and so hang out allot.

You meet their other friends some of whom are single women.

As these women are at least friends with men who are like you they at least understand men like you.

You take a fancy to one of those women...now with your new found social skills and some basic common ground you connect to them and feel a spark.

Viola, a woman who was a friend or friend of a friend is now dating you.

That's one example of how this sort of thing can work. Notice in the above scenario you don't even need to go on any official "dates" with the woman.

Dating within circles you have to be around (friends, coworkers) means you have to be mature. You can't just fade, you can't tell the lies that have become common place. You date if your both feeling it great, if your not feeling it well shake hands and be friends still.

January 9, 2013

you don't need a large circle. I am friends with about 10 people...close friends.I never had trouble with girls. I kept my fb small. I don't twitter. And god I hope you aren't thinking of ease to get girls based around fb/twitter circles. Only Terence minded chicks think of that as amazing. LOL...but no...just talk.it all starts with a talk. T"hen a friendship.

January 9, 2013

you don't need a large circle. I am friends with about 10 people...close friends.I never had trouble with girls. I kept my fb small. I don't twitter. And god I hope you aren't thinking of ease to get girls based around fb/twitter circles. Only Terence minded chicks think of that as amazing. LOL...but no...just talk.it all starts with a talk. T"hen a friendship.

What does the bolded mean in English (United States of America dialect?)

January 9, 2013

No it's not needed, but it makes it a lot easier.

This is why so many of the guys on LS have the problems they do. People are people if it's hard for you to make friends, it's going to be hard for you to get a girl friend. A lot of the same skills apply to both scenarios.

this reads as I'm lazy and don't want to put in any work. it also reads as I don't want to put in any work, unless i know it will get me exactly what I want.

The side effect so many guys on LS don't seem to understand, is that friends make life better, and more fun. When you spend less time by your self thinking about what you don't have, and more time enjoying life.

Put in work? How? Making friends isn't something you force, you just act friendly and nice, but also stand up for yourself, hang out with people with common interests, and eventually you get friends. I can't get alot of friends nor do I particularly desire alot of friends but a few associates, and 2 close friends is what I do have.

January 9, 2013

I can't........

Seems to be the story of the lives of certain guys. I can't, I can't.

Yes you bloody can.

January 9, 2013

I can't........

Seems to be the story of the lives of certain guys. I can't, I can't.

Yes you bloody can.

I never in my life been the popular guy with alot of friends, and honestly I don't really want to be, since I'm actually fairly content with the social circle I do have. Besides most people aren't all that friendly or people you want to be friends with to begin with, and it can be difficult to find loyal, honest people who share similar interests and ideas, that you can communicate with on a meaningful level.

My other question is why would you need alot of friends, when it comes to meeting women? In my personal experience of the friends/associates I have and have had, they never really helped me at all in the dating arena, I've heard people also say its good to be friends with women as they'll help introduce you to more women you might have a chance with, but I also have never experienced that as well.

January 9, 2013

It definitely helps. One of the things I have considered when I have been rejected is that if I had a more exciting social circle and more friends, more exciting facebook photos, then she might have gone for it. That is definitely one of the things that charms women.

Not that my life has been any less exciting than the women I have been rejected by, but that's besides the point I guess.

January 9, 2013

My other question is why would you need alot of friends, when it comes to meeting women? In my personal experience of the friends/associates I have and have had, they never really helped me at all in the dating arena, I've heard people also say its good to be friends with women as they'll help introduce you to more women you might have a chance with, but I also have never experienced that as well.

They want what you can give them.

If you can give them cool places to go, cool people to meet, and exciting experiences and stories, you are more appealing.

January 9, 2013

I've never dated someone within my "circle" of friends. I've never really even dated someone I was friends with first. The girls I've been with were introduced to me by mutual friends or someone I met at a club/party, etc.

January 9, 2013

IMO, if one can otherwise form and maintain healthy relationships, like friendships, the only dynamic required to being successful at dating, relevant to volume, is having access to single women. The requirement for a large social circle really isn't necessary. If one likes such dynamics, sure, go with it, but it's access to single women which is important. If one has a large social circle within which nearly everyone is married, and socializes with married people, then one will, as I do, meet and greet a lot of married people No complaints here; I love my friends and that most are long married and have great families. I just don't see them as a conduit to dating potentials. YMMV.

January 9, 2013

Having more friends and people in your circle means you go out more, to public places with a high chance of meeting even more people. I got invited to a happy hour with an old co-worker of mine not too long ago. When I went, he was there along with his brother, his best friends, and a couple of other guys too. All single too. Just by knowing him I got in touch with a bunch of different guys. What if my soulmate had been there and I hadn't gone? I don't even like drinking! lol

Look, you have to put yourself out there. I get it, you don't like it, but you have to do it. In school, some people are good at some subjects and not so at others. I love math and did well in it without much effort. I didn't do so well in History though. My choices were to either suck it up and study harder to get that A in History, or accept that I wasn't good at it and take the C. It's not easy. No one likes studying. But what separates the people who graduate with honors versus those who just graduate is what you're willing to put into it.

Same thing with dating. Find events related to what you like to do (they exist, trust me) and just go. Meet people. Have fun. You'll grow from it.

January 9, 2013

The number of friends doesn't matter, as long as you have some. Having both male AND female friends is a plus, but not absolutely necessary.

If you don't have any friends, that's a red flag to many women, and understandably so. There's a reason why someone doesn't have any friends, and 95% of the time the reason(s) are not good.

Women like guys who are socially competent and have a personality and some interests/passions (in a non-loner sense). Guys like that almost always have friends.

It is very unusual for someone to not have any friends. Even most shy people have at least a friend or two.

If you don't have friends or acquaintances, you probably shouldn't be dating.

January 9, 2013

I don't have a social circle.

But if there is a band i like playing I can go out to bar alone & be sociable with both men and women.

Most of my ONS were from going out solo.

January 9, 2013

I'm just wondering, one piece of common dating advice is to get tons of friends, and create a huge social circle and then using your social circle to find women potentially interested in you. While that makes sense is that really needed or really feasible?

It's not needed... for example I'm getting dates from the interwebz with no involvement of my social circle.

However, having a social circle that contains a wide variety of people (girls, too!) may have helped me to gain a few social skills... which might make it easier to get from first date to second date.

So, no, it's not needed since clearly you could get a date through other means... but I don't think it's a hindrance.

Is it feasible to have a "huge social circle"? Sure, but start small.

January 9, 2013

Social circle can work in attracting women' date=' but pre-selection plays a large part. If there's a popular guy with a large social circle and his friend, the much less popular dude with the same circle, the popular guy will have little trouble pulling women from the peripheries of his circle because of his status.[/quote']

Pre-selection is interesting because I've seen it in action in 2 very different scenarios. When I was performing, we were doing shows alongside a well-known band, and sometimes the same people would turn up so in effect it was like a circle because people knew each other. It would be interesting to see the main people in little circles dominate the attention in the circle as a whole. I was often on the periphery and I liked that at the time - I got to observe without people asking me sh*t . But generally the star of the show was lead singer of the well known band. Tall dude, very charismatic. Typical of a circle obviously.

On the flip side - when I went out with my brother to certain parties, it would be completely different. There was a dude - he was short, not particularly great looking, and worked at a retail store - but he was such a boss . He had girls constantly all over him, everybody knew him and treated him well, and new girls would constantly be looking over him. I've met a few guys like that. So yeah, pre-selection does work to a certain degree - not on every girl, but I've seen it work. It creates a level of intrigue in said individual. I experienced it sporadically while performing. I suspect it will probably happen more often afterward.

I never in my life been the popular guy with alot of friends, and honestly I don't really want to be, since I'm actually fairly content with the social circle I do have. Besides most people aren't all that friendly or people you want to be friends with to begin with, and it can be difficult to find loyal, honest people who share similar interests and ideas, that you can communicate with on a meaningful level.

If you're fairly content with your social circle, then how exactly do you want to meet a girl? Church? Cold approach? As I said, your circle doesn't have to be big - but if your circle is connected to a network (which it usually is), you have the option of accessing it somehow, and there are ways you can do this. And you don't have to make friends with everyone. I'm not saying you have to be an extrovert - I'm saying you can still make new friends if you stop telling yourself how hard it is.

My other question is why would you need alot of friends, when it comes to meeting women? In my personal experience of the friends/associates I have and have had, they never really helped me at all in the dating arena, I've heard people also say its good to be friends with women as they'll help introduce you to more women you might have a chance with, but I also have never experienced that as well.

It depends on how you use your friends (yes, I said use). I would probably bet that you, like me a while ago, did not really know how to navigate your social network to get the best out of it.

Having a lot of friends, can be a result of being overly friendly, or a status move. Status does increase being able to attract certain kinds of women, and exposes you to more. Having more friends, increases your network and that should include more women to meet without seeming like a complete stranger.

January 9, 2013

I've never dated someone within my "circle" of friends. I've never really even dated someone I was friends with first. The girls I've been with were introduced to me by mutual friends or someone I met at a club/party, etc.

That's also part of your "circle" of friends. People you know + people they know + people who know people you know... Understand?

January 9, 2013

Same thing with dating. Find events related to what you like to do (they exist, trust me) and just go. Meet people. Have fun. You'll grow from it.

Now I do actually do that, even though I'm not really the type to go out and meet people, but I try to force myself out of that thinking.

January 9, 2013

Not necessary at all but it can help to get girls.

I've known loners who had women left, right & centre. Most women don't give a sh*t about a guys friends anyway.

But that's not the point of having friends. Don't listen to advice saying 'have heaps of friends to get women'... That's useless sh*t.

Make and keep friends for the sake of... HAVING FRIENDS.

They are what make life worth living and they are who will stick by you when times are tough. Majority of women won't do that, they'll flee for what they think is a better deal as soon as some rubbish reason makes them think so.

If you want to have a group of friends, go for it. It'll be very rewarding. DON'T do it just because some nobody on loveshack.Org says it'll get you girls.

I seriously can't understand going through life without friends, I'd go bananas!

January 10, 2013

I don't think it makes a major difference, if you already have social skills, unless you meet people who're surrounded by females and wouldn't mind setting you up or letting you in on their little circle..

I've had plenty of friends.. Whenever we'd hang out? Total sausage fest. Like, 12 guys altogether drinking some beers and hanging out, playing video games and crap.. Never any girls. They all had their own things going on independent of the group.. As in, a girl that they were flirting with online or a girlfriend or whatever..

I don't expect to meet girls just because I've made some guy friends at a cashier job or from school or whatever..

I think in my case, I might as well cold approach, because at this rate I'll never meet any nice, attractive girls through any friends of mine..

January 10, 2013

Not necessary at all but it can help to get girls.

I've known loners who had women left, right & centre. Most women don't give a sh*t about a guys friends anyway.

But that's not the point of having friends. Don't listen to advice saying 'have heaps of friends to get women'... That's useless sh*t.

Make and keep friends for the sake of... HAVING FRIENDS.

No one's said have friends in order to get women.

We have said having friends and healthy social life makes it possible to get women. (Think of it as the first network that ever existed for online dating).

January 10, 2013

Don't you guys actually meet mixed social circles?

I guess thats a job for advancing your social skills in general.

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Do you need tons of friends and a massive social circle to be successful at dating?

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