a023938 Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Hi, I am here because I may have made a huge mistake. I got married about a month ago and have been dating this man for 2 1/2 years. I love him very much but before we got married our sex life had declined badly. He told me it would get better after we were married because I worked days and he worked nights, therefor after our wedding I would already be there and it would be alot easier. We have been married about a month our sex life is still just as bad if not worse. I try explaining how bad it makes me feel which leads to my moodiness, but he doesn't understand. I started freaking out a little bit because I thought maybe there was another woman. Weird things kept happening like an outfit I bought to take on our honey moon had just disappeared and I drove myself crazy looking for it a month and a half later it shows up in my closet wrapped in a ball. He says he knows nothing about it, but thats not all. He works in restaraunt business and there is alot of bad that goes on like drugs, affairs, etc. Anyway I found some white powder on the table, of course, he says he knows nothing about it! He has never been into drugs so I know it wasn't his but could someone else have left it? Could someone be purposfully trying to tell me something. He just had a weird look on his face when I confronted him about it. He says I am crazy!!! Pretty much I am just really confused on why my husband doesn't want to have sex or be affectionate. He doesn't ever say anything really complimentary or nice to me either. Also, before we were married and still not having sex I found weird things, but all he ever says is "I don't know" and says "You have to trust me and doesn't that ring mean anything?" Am i overreacting or could there be another woman? I am already unhappy in my marriage it hasn't even been two months. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
sinner Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Did you marry into the Mob? Seriously, get out, now. In your marriage, after only 1 month, there's no sex, no trust, no joy and no love. And this is supposed to be the Honeymoon phase!!! On top of everything else, it sounds like your drug lord restauranter of a husband is trying to "gaslight" you. Chalk this one up to life experience, and exit promptly, stage left. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Ditto. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a023938 Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 I know that it sounds really bad but I don't want to accuse him of something he didn't do! I love him but I am dying inside. When I talk to him I think there is no way possible he would ever cheat but then after a while I just start feeling the same again! Is there anyway to know forsure? Could he have some kind of problem with sex that he hasn't told me about? Why would he bother getting married if he was cheating all along? We have been through more in the last two years than some couples go through in a lifetime. But there was one time when I was unhappy in our relationship and fell in love with another guy. I never actually physically cheated but inside I was in love. Till this day I think about what might have been, but I broke it off with him because I was afraid to leave my boyfriend/husband at the time. I had a fear of being alone. Also, the other guy lived in Ohio he just went to school here. After everything I still missed him so much I tried to find him and contact him but I don't remember his last name because it was really different(he was italian). Anyway I confessed to my husband (boyfriend at the time) and after alot of fights he forgave me and blamed part of it on himself. About a year later he went on a business trip and a girl called later on after he came home. I confronted him and he admitted she was young and had the hots for him. He said it flattered him but he swore nothing happened He said he told her all about me and that he could never cheat on me? I am worried that I am just paranoid and nothing is really going on! or am I blind? How do I find out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a023938 Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 Also, what does gaslighted mean? Link to post Share on other sites
sinner Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 To find out if your new husband is cheating, you could hire a private investigator. Although his suspected infidelity appears to be only part of the problem. You are harboring extreme doubts about this man's suitability to be your husband. Trust issues abound. To "gaslight" someone is to try to convince that person that they're going insane by manipulating their environment. The word is based on a 1940s movie of the same name starring Charles Boyer as the evil husband who tried to drive his good wife insane. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a023938 Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 As a man what do you think? does it sound like cheating? is it possible this early? why did he want to marry me? Link to post Share on other sites
sinner Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 The loss of sexual interest and affection often, but not always, accompany infidelity. Sexually, you're just to tired to make love to the wife because your needs are taken care of by someone else. As for affection, many cheating spouses feel guilt and a loss of affection is the way this guilt manifests itself. The girl calling and the cocaine also indicate your new husband may have a double life. I'd check his cell phone usage and bills because people in affairs love their cell phones. Is he cheating? Probably. If he's not, he's might as well be because he's displaying many of the signs of an unfaithful husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a023938 Posted August 20, 2004 Author Share Posted August 20, 2004 He doesn't have a cell phone. That is my frustration there is no way to find out. Me on the other hand he could catch in a second because I have cell phone and email. He says he hates cell phones. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 If you're REALLY high on coke, you can't get it up (normally) so that might explain lack of sex. He's too stoned off of his gourd to stick it in. Either way, you sound kind of screwed. But not in the way you want. The weird look on the face could have been his inside voice saying "Oh F*CK I KNEW I forgot to clean that up...." or "AH SH*T can't trust them hookers one bit" Sorry to be such a downer, but he doesn't sound like a keeper. From someone who used to work in a large, busy, popular money making restaraunt I can tell you people get high and hump like bunnies, all the time. Seriously hon, why are you still there? Link to post Share on other sites
sinner Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 If you're REALLY high on coke, you can't get it up (normally) so that might explain lack of sex. He's too stoned off of his gourd to stick it in. Always the romantic, Spock. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a023938 Posted August 20, 2004 Author Share Posted August 20, 2004 I have done coke so I would know if he was high and it wasn't his so I guess some bitch left it there for me to find. I should have never broke it off with the guy from Ohio I guess I will never be able to find him unless fate brings him across my path. Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 before we were married and still not having sex I found weird things, but all he ever says is "I don't know" and says "You have to trust me and doesn't that ring mean anything?" "weird things" are what you found? What exactly is a "wierd thing?" Plastic appendages on the porch? (sorry Deranged............couldn't resist). Also Sinner, if it's any comfort, I knew what you meant by "gaslighting." I suppose if we're going to grow old together we gotta stick together (its "not for sissys"--Paul Newman). Anyway, a0, to answer the question, have you made some horrible mistake, the straight answer is: YES Now, to solve your problem, divorce immediately and call 218-555-0302, ask for SAMSON. Link to post Share on other sites
sinner Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Now, to solve your problem, divorce immediately and call 218-555-0302, ask for SAMSON. Samson, that better be your real phone number. I'll be crushed if it's not! Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Just for you, Sinner, I've set up the toll free number: 1-800-GAS-LITE Link to post Share on other sites
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