Should I tell my GF that I knocked up another woman?

[Balzac]

So worst case scenario due date is after semester end. Will Fall '13 be her final year? Is she capable of doing a graduate level degree?

 

Is your GF employed in the same occupation you are?

Have you contemplated an initial meeting w an attorney?

I believe this may be in your best interest.

[BehindBlueEyes]

I hope you were not WITH your GF AND sleeping with the girl you knocked up at the same time.

 

My advice with the child....deal with it, you knew the risk, so it's time to take responsibility.

[serial muse]

As much as I don't want the kid, I don't want some other man playing dad. I wouldn't care if she had the kid and raised it by herself or if the kid was adopted. But I'm just slightly uncomfortable with someone else playing house with her.

 

 

OK, wait wait wait. This is interesting. What do you think this is about? Seems a bit selfish, no?

 

I also think that if you really intend to not be in the kid's life (assuming she has it and keeps it) that you absolutely should not go to the ultrasound with her.

[Porter]

So worst case scenario due date is after semester end. Will Fall '13 be her final year? Is she capable of doing a graduate level degree?

 

Is your GF employed in the same occupation you are?

Have you contemplated an initial meeting w an attorney?

I believe this may be in your best interest.

 

If I'm not mistaken I believe she said the due date was the beginning of August. She's suppose to start her graduate degree this fall. It would be 2-3 years, but I assume longer when you have a kid because she wouldn't have as much study time.

 

If she has the baby in August there is no way she'll be able to go back to school in the fall. It would only be a few weeks old. So she would have to wait until Fall '14.

 

We don't work in the same occupations. But we do work in the same building. We never see each other because are work is totally unrelated but we do work in the same place.

 

I have been thinking about talking with an attorney. I'm just not sure if I should or not yet.

 

I hope you were not WITH your GF AND sleeping with the girl you knocked up at the same time.

 

My advice with the child....deal with it, you knew the risk, so it's time to take responsibility.

 

No, I'm not. I have never cheated and I never intend to.

 

OK, wait wait wait. This is interesting. What do you think this is about? Seems a bit selfish, no?

 

I also think that if you really intend to not be in the kid's life (assuming she has it and keeps it) that you absolutely should not go to the ultrasound with her.

 

It is selfish. I think it's similar to being jealous when your ex dates someone else, even though you ended the relationship and you don't actually want them.

[BehindBlueEyes]

OK, wait wait wait. This is interesting. What do you think this is about? Seems a bit selfish, no?

 

I also think that if you really intend to not be in the kid's life (assuming she has it and keeps it) that you absolutely should not go to the ultrasound with her.

 

Yeah I read the quote you had.

 

I don't think it is any of the OP's business who becomes the childs dad and that girls

BF/husband, seeing he doesn't want a thing to do with the child. I say that girl should move on and create a life and give that child a good father and forget the OP forever.

 

That is all.....before I flip out....

 

*shivers*

[BehindBlueEyes]

He is seriously saying he wants nothing to do with the child, yet he doesn't want the girl/child to have another man in their life?

 

Am I reading that right?

[Balzac]

As much as I don't want the kid, I don't want some other man playing dad. I wouldn't care if she had the kid and raised it by herself or if the kid was adopted. But I'm just slightly uncomfortable with someone else playing house with her.

 

Now were getting somewhere. Willingness to share your emotions here in addition to intellectual discourse will help you. This feeling is understandable. It's also in conflict w some of your real world choices. Are you more at ease w adoption? Neither bio parent involved or OK w open for FWB?

[Porter]

He is seriously saying he wants nothing to do with the child, yet he doesn't want the girl/child to have another man in their life?

 

Am I reading that right?

 

I also agree that it is none of my business who she dates or marries. I don't care about her having another man. I am just not completely comfortable with that man playing dad. I know that it's wrong.

 

So those feelings confuse me.

[Porter]

Now were getting somewhere. Willingness to share your emotions here in addition to intellectual discourse will help you. This feeling is understandable. It's also in conflict w some of your real world choices. Are you more at ease w adoption? Neither bio parent involved or OK w open for FWB?

 

I am way more at ease with a closed adoption. I don't know why, it's stupid. Either way someone else is the dad. But it just feels more personal I guess if she keeps it. I feel like I would feel weird about the situation if it was an open adoption and she was still in the kids life.

 

I don't want to let these dumb feelings change my mind, but I also don't want to completely ignore them.

[Balzac]

I can understand you feeling more comfortable with closed adoption. Often this is handled through an attorney.

 

smh Due date in August? [sounds innacurate] I'm just not sure why you/she believe that an infant delays her from grad school. Many women plan this very calendar as newborns sleep a lot, by summer the child is near to walking. Med school students, law school students, science field it's easier than you'd think.

 

These feelings are just that. Logical reasoning and ethics will guide your decisions. What you need now are optional pathways.

 

Keep going.

[dreamingoftigers]

I am way more at ease with a closed adoption. I don't know why, it's stupid. Either way someone else is the dad. But it just feels more personal I guess if she keeps it. I feel like I would feel weird about the situation if it was an open adoption and she was still in the kids life.

 

I don't want to let these dumb feelings change my mind, but I also don't want to completely ignore them.

 

They aren't "dumb feelings." They are human feelings that are part of how we are constructed.

 

You made a baby. Somewhere in you is a want to have it. And if not to have it to jealously make sure no one else gets it. The jealous gene, as it were. It helped humanity and the best genes survive for generations.

 

You aren't the first father who didn't want his child and you won't be the last.

 

However, it's sad that you accuse her of selfishness when you want to be rid of your own flesh and blood because it doesn't fit your agenda.

 

$314 a month wouldn't exactly kill you and I'm sure your parents would either if they knew. They would probably be a great support for the girl who had no other family and your cast-aside child.

 

However, from the fwb, your gf and your baby, including all the way out to your family, it is ALL ABOUT YOU.

[BehindBlueEyes]

I am just not completely comfortable with that man playing dad. I know that it's wrong.

 

It has to become comfortable with you no matter what and you will have to get used to it. You don't seem like a bad person from how you handle the forum so I bet you have the ability and intelligence enough to make the best of this situation and take responsibility for it.

 

If there is anytime to stand up and be a damn fine man, this is it....Stand up proudly and say "I'm A GOOD MAN AND I WANT TO MAKE THIS RIGHT!"

 

Things like this do not mean the end of the world.... A baby man! A freakin baby! how awesome it can be!

[Porter]

I can understand you feeling more comfortable with closed adoption. Often this is handled through an attorney.

 

smh Due date in August? [sounds innacurate] I'm just not sure why you/she believe that an infant delays her from grad school. Many women plan this very calendar as newborns sleep a lot, by summer the child is near to walking. Med school students, law school students, science field it's easier than you'd think.

 

These feelings are just that. Logical reasoning and ethics will guide your decisions. What you need now are optional pathways.

 

Keep going.

 

I just put August 1st into a due date thing (not sure of the actual day) and it put her right at 11 weeks. So it must be around there. I don't know how it is everywhere but I know that where we live the baby has to be 6 or 8 weeks before you can go back to work/school. The baby would only be 4 weeks at the start of school. Or less if it came late. I think they usually do not sure though...

 

For her university (I went there too) you have to attend the orientation and she wouldn't be able to. That's why I say she would have to take a year off. I doubt they offer Jan admission but possibly.

 

I am pretty sure that if it came down to her keeping it and having a BF it probably wouldn't bother me. If it did I don't think it would last long. It's just how I feel right now not actually being in the situation.

 

You made a baby. Somewhere in you is a want to have it. And if not to have it to jealously make sure no one else gets it. The jealous gene, as it were. It helped humanity and the best genes survive for generations.

 

However, it's sad that you accuse her of selfishness when you want to be rid of your own flesh and blood because it doesn't fit your agenda.

 

$314 a month wouldn't exactly kill you and I'm sure your parents would either if they knew. They would probably be a great support for the girl who had no other family and your cast-aside child.

 

 

I don't want the baby I'm certain of that. But "jealously make sure no one else gets it", yes. At least right now.

 

It's not that it doesn't fit my agenda. I just don't ever want kids. I never have. I have the time, money and probably family support but I just don't want it. Yes sex comes with risks I'm aware of that. But no one thinks they will get someone pregnant when 2 forms of BC are used (or you believe they are used).

 

The problem I have with my parents being in her/it's life is that I don't want to be involved. If they were involved then I would be. They would have pictures up that I'd have to see, talk about it, pressure me into coming over when it was there. I don't want any of that. They already have 2 grandkids.

 

It has to become comfortable with you no matter what and you will have to get used to it. Things like this do not mean the end of the world.... A baby man! A freakin baby! how awesome it can be!

 

I do know that I will have to get use to someone else being the dad if she has it.

 

When you don't want a baby it's not awesome at all. It's being forced into doing something just so people think you're a good man.

[TheZebra]

 

Things like this do not mean the end of the world.... A baby man! A freakin baby! how awesome it can be!

 

Not everyone likes or wants children, and I think the OP made it clear he doesn't want any.

[kaylan]

Lesson in all this:

 

DISCUSS what you would do about pregnancy before having sex with someone.

 

Even if a girl says shes on birth control, ALWAYS USE A CONDOM.

 

And if it breaks, BUY THE MORNING AFTER PILL ANYWAY, and watch her take it.

 

Last month I was seeing this girl and we were having sex. We discussed how we felt about pregnancy and kids early on in our dating. The condom slipped off into her one time at the end of sex, so the next morning we got the morning after pill. I paid for it since she wasnt doing too well financially, and she took it in the car as soon as we got it.

 

You gotta make sure a girl is on the same page as you when it comes to kids. Luckily I found a chick who felt the same way I did. Hell, she was super freaking out about getting the morning after pill as soon as possible, and I was super calm through the whole thing.

[Sugarkane]

How does she live on her own and go to school, without help from her parents? Your country must have way more support resources than mine does. I can't think of anyone that's ever done that here. It's sad that she has no one to support her in this. I have no idea how she could do it alone and keep the baby without family.

[Sugarkane]

I akways take the pill when my boyfriend is there. That way he trusts me and he knows I'm responsible.

[Porter]

Lesson in all this:

 

DISCUSS what you would do about pregnancy before having sex with someone.

 

Even if a girl says shes on birth control, ALWAYS USE A CONDOM.

 

And if it breaks, BUY THE MORNING AFTER PILL ANYWAY, and watch her take it.

 

We actually did discuss pregnancy. She said she would for sure abort because she wasn't ready for kids and didn't want them with someone she wasn't married to. That may have been how she felt at the time, but not when in the actual situation.

 

I always used a condom. Every single time.

 

The first time the condom broke we went to the pharmacy the next morning, freaking out. The pharmacist said you don't need it if you are taking BC properly and that it won't do anything other than give side effects.

[Porter]

I akways take the pill when my boyfriend is there. That way he trusts me and he knows I'm responsible.

 

If he trusted you then you wouldn't have to take it while he was there...

 

 

Everyone here does goes to university and lives on their own (or with a roommate). It's normal up here. We also have thousands of dollars in student debt.

[TheZebra]

We actually did discuss pregnancy. She said she would for sure abort because she wasn't ready for kids and didn't want them with someone she wasn't married to. That may have been how she felt at the time, but not when in the actual situation.

 

I always used a condom. Every single time.

 

The first time the condom broke we went to the pharmacy the next morning, freaking out. The pharmacist said you don't need it if you are taking BC properly and that it won't do anything other than give side effects.

 

Look, I'm normally not a conspiracy theorist but this just isn't adding up to me.

 

1. She says she took BC and you said you saw her take it.. but here we are

 

2. She says she would abort, giving you comfort to have sex with her. People don't go from pro choice to pro life that quickly.

 

3. She wants you to see the ultrasound. She wants you to participate.

 

I know you said that she apparently never wanted to be your girlfriend or anything, but all of this sounds so fishy to me. Actions speak louder than words.

[dreamingoftigers]

My husbands bio-father tried to hide his child. He was 23 and had gotten a 16 year old pregnant.

 

I find him repugnant.

 

His parents did find out when H was four. They tried to reach out at that point but my H had already gone through foster care etc etc with no support from that side of the family and his crazy adoptive mother (maternal grandmother) would have none of it.

 

Now he doesn't know half of his family AND it turn my daughter barely knows anyone on that whole side because his bio mom is dead and he was (technically) an only child.

 

I only found out recently that his grandmother on that side is still alive and wanted something to do with him. His bio-father (in his patheticness) is still trying to block the effort. It isn't his decision anymore. My husband is 34 with his own family. Good thing that there is Facebook. He need not worry about being involved. None of us want him involved. It would be nice however if he would have made a unilateral decision that affected my husband's course in life so negatively and attempted to deprive my child of her extended family including cousins etc.

 

Big deal, you have to see a picture or two. If your child comes along they deserve extended family much more than you deserve to have your child be a shadow of a mistake you made that you are too embarrassed to tell anyone. This won't be the first bastard child and it won't be the last BUT your own flesh and blood deserves something better than to be a smear on your glorious resume.

 

Maybe try to think of this child as that, a child instead of those olives that showed up when you ordered a pepperoni and cheese pizza.

[Sugarkane]

If he trusted you then you wouldn't have to take it while he was there...

 

 

Everyone here does goes to university and lives on their own (or with a roommate). It's normal up here. We also have thousands of dollars in student debt.

 

Here not many people live on campus, even living hours away. It seems mostly international students and the government/ uni's like them because they see dollar signs.

[BehindBlueEyes]

Not everyone likes or wants children, and I think the OP made it clear he doesn't want any.

 

Oh keep your pants on...I read him right the first time...

 

Sew me for trying to save a kid from losing their biological dad...

 

I always think I don't want a child, but deep down I pucker up at the thought of a little tyke holding onto my finger with their tiny hands.... I will say....I really enjoyed my nieces in babyhood..... I remember our dances around the living room with me holding their tiny hands lol....and seeing their huge smiles.... Ehhh....words can't explain it...

 

It actually is pretty fascinating.....

 

I also know If I screwed up....I'd take full responsibility and make sure the little turd has a good life, even if I am not the "under the roof" dad to them... I'd be in their life....I'd never run....I can promise you that.

 

and if you think ole EOTW is getting soft......Suck it....

 

Ok softness over....

[Porter]

Look, I'm normally not a conspiracy theorist but this just isn't adding up to me.

 

1. She says she took BC and you said you saw her take it.. but here we are

 

2. She says she would abort, giving you comfort to have sex with her. People don't go from pro choice to pro life that quickly.

 

3. She wants you to see the ultrasound. She wants you to participate.

 

I know you said that she apparently never wanted to be your girlfriend or anything, but all of this sounds so fishy to me. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Maybe I'm not seeing what you are seeing? Just believing what I want to believe?

 

Let me think...

1. I did see her take it but it's possible she just took the placebo pills. She could have thrown up, not taken them when I wasn't around.

 

2. Possible. But I do think that people change their mind when they are actually pregnant. I could be wrong.

 

3. This is fishy. She said because she wants support and thinks it will change my mind and make it seem more real.

 

We talked about being together before. I wanted to she didn't. Maybe she regrets that? That would just push me further away though. Would she abort if I told her I will never be with her? Because I won't.

[kaylan]

We actually did discuss pregnancy. She said she would for sure abort because she wasn't ready for kids and didn't want them with someone she wasn't married to. That may have been how she felt at the time, but not when in the actual situation.

 

I always used a condom. Every single time.

 

The first time the condom broke we went to the pharmacy the next morning, freaking out. The pharmacist said you don't need it if you are taking BC properly and that it won't do anything other than give side effects.

Birth control has side affects in general. So who cares if the morning after pill causes some more? You gotta look out for your own life and not rely on this chick to stay on top of her pill schedule.

 

AGAIN, if the condom breaks...get the morning after pill. That pharmacist basically helped alter your life greatly with some lame advice imo.