Sugarkane Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Birth control has side affects in general. So who cares if the morning after pill causes some more? You gotta look out for your own life and not rely on this chick to stay on top of her pill schedule. AGAIN, if the condom breaks...get the morning after pill. That pharmacist basically helped alter your life greatly with some lame advice imo. People don't seem to use the morning after pill on here. Why is this? There was another thread similar to this but from the woman's point of view. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Birth control has side affects in general. So who cares if the morning after pill causes some more? You gotta look out for your own life and not rely on this chick to stay on top of her pill schedule. AGAIN, if the condom breaks...get the morning after pill. That pharmacist basically helped alter your life greatly with some lame advice imo. I found that extremely odd as well but my post didn't go through. And really, I didn't have all that much for side effects when I took it once, years ago. The meds are better now than they were back then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porter Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 Big deal, you have to see a picture or two. If your child comes along they deserve extended family much more than you deserve to have your child be a shadow of a mistake you made that you are too embarrassed to tell anyone. This won't be the first bastard child and it won't be the last BUT your own flesh and blood deserves something better than to be a smear on your glorious resume. I think knowing my parents would be hurtful. It would have to see pictures of me around their house and hear about me but never get to know me. It won't have any extended family on it's mothers side. I don't think the only extended family should be on my side when I don't want it. I don't want the child in my life. I'm not intended to be an ass. My family is part of my life. I don't see the baby as my family. It shouldn't have to go to Christmas dinner just to be reminded that its father didn't want it. Sew me for trying to save a kid from losing their biological dad... A child would be much better of with no dad (or not their bio dad) then have him but he resents the kid or is always coming in and out of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porter Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 Regarding the morning after pill: We completely intended to go through with it. But when the pharmacist (someone we are supposed to trust) said that you don't take it with BC, we listened. You don't take multiple pain relievers at once either, so at the time it made sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Regarding the morning after pill: We completely intended to go through with it. But when the pharmacist (someone we are supposed to trust) said that you don't take it with BC, we listened. You don't take multiple pain relievers at once either, so at the time it made sense. I've never heard of this before. Interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 If he trusted you then you wouldn't have to take it while he was there... Everyone here does goes to university and lives on their own (or with a roommate). It's normal up here. We also have thousands of dollars in student debt. Sorry to go off topic, but how on earth can any afford to go to uni and live on their own? Without serious debt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porter Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 And I heard it come directly from the pharmacist's mouth. If the girl would have said it then I would have been suspicious. Link to post Share on other sites
Shameless87 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 As a female who was recently in a very similar situation...be sure you stress to your friend that you want no part in the child's life. Even if you have to be harsh, be sure you get your point across as this will have a huge effect on her decision. No one wants to raise a child alone. Be sure you squash any fantasies she may have. If she decides to keep the child anyway, start preparing yourself and tell your girlfriend what's happened as soon as possible. Hopefully she will stand by your side, but expect the worst I feel for you, an unexpected pregnancy is terrifying. Do the honorable thing and be honest with both women, that's really your only choice, scary but you'll get threw it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porter Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 Sorry to go off topic, but how on earth can any afford to go to uni and live on their own? Without serious debt. If you work a minimum wage job for 6 hours/week in a month (working 5 days a week) you would make $1300. A apartment is $650. Then you have $670 left for food, etc. In the summer we work full time and make about $9000. This covers tuition for the year. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shameless87 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Your friend wants to be with you...plain and simple Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porter Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) Your friend wants to be with you...plain and simple So she got pregnant on purpose? That doesn't add up. She could have easily just asked me out. She knew I would say yes. She is WAY out of my league. I'm not the most attractive person she's pretty damn hot. Edited January 10, 2013 by Porter Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 You have to convince her that adoption into a stable, two parent family with a good income would be the unselfish thing to do. When it turns 18, it will come looking for you both and thank you for giving it a better chance in life. Start researching adoption attorneys and maybe arrange for a meeting for the two of you where the attorney can explain how she or you both could pick the parents for your child's wonderful new life. Tell her you won't leave her side when she has an abortion and will take care of her for a couple of days afterward until she is up on her feet again. You have to offer a lot of positive reinforcement for either of the above options. Use negative reinforcement when it comes to her keeping the baby and wanting to involve you. Tell her she will never see you or hear from you again, you aren't interested in this child and any communication will have to be done through your attorney. Every time she starts fantasizing about this baby, either hang up or get up and walk out. Yeah, she'll get plenty of men as a single mom. Imagine this kid growing up in a small, cheap apartment with a welfare mom, no dad, and a series of "uncles" who wish that kid didn't exist. Or worse -- pedophiles target single moms because they know they are desperate and might turn a blind eye to any strange goings on. It's possible she may have a miscarriage soon, which is rather common at this stage so the problem may resolve itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porter Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 You have to convince her that adoption into a stable, two parent family with a good income would be the unselfish thing to do. Tell her you won't leave her side when she has an abortion and will take care of her for a couple of days afterward until she is up on her feet again. Or worse -- pedophiles target single moms because they know they are desperate and might turn a blind eye to any strange goings on. It's possible she may have a miscarriage soon, which is rather common at this stage so the problem may resolve itself. She thinks the kid would be happier with it's actual family (mum). I don't know how to make her see that adoption would be better. I'm not sure if she would go if I made an appointment for us to go. She only has 4 weeks to decide if she will abort. She actually has 6 weeks but for the last 2 weeks if she aborts the hospital will have to induce her and she'll have to go through the birth process... It makes me feel weird. I couldn't be there for that. I have said that if she has an abortion I will take her and stay with her for a while but she doesn't believe me. She thinks I'm just saying that. Which I find strange that she wants me there so bad. If she can't do that alone how can she raise a baby alone? I don't want the kid growing up a crappy life. I don't want it but no one wishes that for someone. Seriously? Paedophiles? Is that common, too date a guy who is? As much as I don't want the kid hoping for a miscarriage seems kind of harsh... Not for me but for her. Weird to think that I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I don't envy you as this situation could happen to anyone. I don't know what I'd do if it were me. It would be difficult to get an abortion and also difficult to keep it and get it adopted out. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Chemical termination, done early, many women report good physical outcomes. Psychological affects, early is better YMMV. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porter Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 Chemical termination, done early, many women report good physical outcomes. Psychological affects, early is better YMMV. She's almost 12 weeks. Chemical termination isn't an option. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Sorry to go off topic, but how on earth can any afford to go to uni and live on their own? Without serious debt. In Alberta, it's unheard of to work for min wage unless you just can't figure out how to read a newspaper. In ft. Mac, the median family income is 169K a year. I am in Calgary and the government actually FUNDS ME over 2K a month to upgrade my prerequisites to go to university. It is a GRANT. I will never have to pay it back. That's not including the $1250 in scholarships I got last semester and the $750 in scholarships I am looking at this semester or the roughly $100 GST cheque that comes four times a year and the child tax benefit I get because I am considered "low-income" plus I get fee assistance to access the local pool/gym and even zoo passes. Also our benefits dental/basic prescription are covered and healthcare is already covered federally. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I think I should move countries. Get nothing here despite low income. Certainly no free gym or zoo passes! That's unheard of. In Alberta, it's unheard of to work for min wage unless you just can't figure out how to read a newspaper. In ft. Mac, the median family income is 169K a year. I am in Calgary and the government actually FUNDS ME over 2K a month to upgrade my prerequisites to go to university. It is a GRANT. I will never have to pay it back. That's not including the $1250 in scholarships I got last semester and the $750 in scholarships I am looking at this semester or the roughly $100 GST cheque that comes four times a year and the child tax benefit I get because I am considered "low-income" plus I get fee assistance to access the local pool/gym and even zoo passes. Also our benefits dental/basic prescription are covered and healthcare is already covered federally. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 As much as I don't want the kid, I don't want some other man playing dad. I wouldn't care if she had the kid and raised it by herself or if the kid was adopted. But I'm just slightly uncomfortable with someone else playing house with her. This decision won't be yours to make - when you state you don't want to be in the child's life - it's healthier if she has supportive and postive males around the child to be a good male role model. If you're not that guy - best to pay and stay away. Yes, tell your GF...honesty is always the best way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porter Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 This decision won't be yours to make - when you state you don't want to be in the child's life - it's healthier if she has supportive and postive males around the child to be a good male role model. If you're not that guy - best to pay and stay away. Yes, tell your GF...honesty is always the best way. Thinking about her raising our kid with someone else is uncomfortable but I still don't want it at all. These feelings suck. I'll probably tell my GF after the abortion window has closed. If she'll go through with adoption I don't think I should. There would be no point. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Thinking about her raising our kid with someone else is uncomfortable but I still don't want it at all. These feelings suck. I'll probably tell my GF after the abortion window has closed. If she'll go through with adoption I don't think I should. There would be no point. If you are in Sask, adoption will be a total bitch. They try to dissuade private adoption. I have no clue why. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Ok, I haven't gone through this thread, but this reminds me of when one of my friends, who was engaged to his gf, knocked up his coworker. He eventually told his fiance, and believe it or not, she decided to forgive him and not bail on his ass. The coworker he knocked up also said she was keeping the baby (she had 2 other kids from 2 other men making this three time's a charm, btw) and he was going to have to help out. So him and his fiance come over and this is when one of my daughters was still a baby. His fiance is holding her in her arms...my friend takes a look at her and says, I sh*t you not..."You better get used to that." Chew on that for a minute. Let it really sink in. I strongly doubt there has ever been a more tactless moment in history than right then and there. She eventually dumped his ass. But, my god.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 If she was taking birth control, and was up until, and after conception, then this would have affected the fetus. At what point did she stop taking it? Have you asked her this? The childs health is of utmost importance. If she only found out about the pregnancy recently, then any drinking or drug use over the christmas/ new Years season should also be considered. And for those who assume that this FWB had intentions to get pregnant, i think that is highly assumptive. I had a pregnancy from a FWB that resulted from a failed Morning after pill. I wasn't wanting a pregnancy, but once i had it, the hormones and my emotions took over. I really considered keeping it as that's what "felt right" - it's really hard to explain, but you kinda lose yourself and just become a vehicle for this other being in you that wants to grow. You lose sense of what's rational. The father wanted nothing to do with it. It was a ver dark time. It was tremendously stressful for me and i wouldn't wish the situation on my worst enemy. I'm glad it's in my past. If you want tips on how to swing her decision, i can certainly give you some that will work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porter Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 If you are in Sask, adoption will be a total bitch. They try to dissuade private adoption. I have no clue why. That's where I am... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porter Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 If she was taking birth control, and was up until, and after conception, then this would have affected the fetus. At what point did she stop taking it? Have you asked her this? The childs health is of utmost importance. If she only found out about the pregnancy recently, then any drinking or drug use over the christmas/ new Years season should also be considered. If you want tips on how to swing her decision, i can certainly give you some that will work. I don't know when she stopped taking it... We stopped having sex 8 weeks ago and she wasn't having sex with anyone else. She went on birth control when we started having sex. So she could have stopped then and she would have been about 4 weeks pregnant. Or she might have stopped when she found out she was pregnant which was a week ago and she was about 10-11 weeks pregnant. What does BC do to a fetus? I guess I'll look it up. She never does drugs or drinks so that's not a concern for her. I don't think. I feel concerned now and I don't even want the kid... Wth. And any tips would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
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