Should I tell my GF that I knocked up another woman?

[Million.to.1]

The risks are not high at all, but should be considered nonetheless.

If she stopped taking it early it should be fine.

 

The Dangers of Taking Birth Control While Being Pregnant - Yahoo! Voices - voices.yahoo.com

[runningfar]

You have to convince her that adoption into a stable, two parent family with a good income would be the unselfish thing to do. When it turns 18, it will come looking for you both and thank you for giving it a better chance in life.

 

Start researching adoption attorneys and maybe arrange for a meeting for the two of you where the attorney can explain how she or you both could pick the parents for your child's wonderful new life.

 

Tell her you won't leave her side when she has an abortion and will take care of her for a couple of days afterward until she is up on her feet again.

 

You have to offer a lot of positive reinforcement for either of the above options.

 

Use negative reinforcement when it comes to her keeping the baby and wanting to involve you. Tell her she will never see you or hear from you again, you aren't interested in this child and any communication will have to be done through your attorney. Every time she starts fantasizing about this baby, either hang up or get up and walk out.

 

Yeah, she'll get plenty of men as a single mom. Imagine this kid growing up in a small, cheap apartment with a welfare mom, no dad, and a series of "uncles" who wish that kid didn't exist. Or worse -- pedophiles target single moms because they know they are desperate and might turn a blind eye to any strange goings on.

 

It's possible she may have a miscarriage soon, which is rather common at this stage so the problem may resolve itself.

 

The men thing is bull****. My mom was a single mom before my stepdad. If she is responsible and cares of the child well being a ove her own she won't end up in this situation.

Not that there's anything wrong with adoption if you both decide THAT is in the child's best interest. The child. Not yours.

Whatever you wanted, this happened and man up. Support her and if she keeps the child, the child. Trying to talk her into abortion, disgusting. What a bunch little boys. Clearly she didn't do this on purpose, so both of you deal with it like adults. You had sex. This is a possibility evrn with contraception. Immature should not have sex.

Also, my good friend got pregnant on the pill and was scared, but the doctor said the risk is extraordinarily low. If she is a partner, worry about that more.

[Porter]

Whatever you wanted, this happened and man up. Support her and if she keeps the child, the child. Trying to talk her into abortion, disgusting. What a bunch little boys.

 

A child would be much better off without their bio dad then to have him come in and out of it's like or resent it. If I do not want kids I'm not going to be happy having one or a good dad.

 

I'm not telling her "have an abortion or else...". I can't force her to do it. All I'm trying to do is get her to get her head out of the clouds and realize what her life would actually be like. She is hormonal and not thinking logically. I'm certain that she would have had an abortion if she would have found out earlier. When they just give you a couple pills and it's taken care of. Now the doctor would have to rip off the limbs, cut the head off and crush the skull. No one likes the sound of that and she's admitted that she is afraid of that.

[melodymatters]

A child would be much better off without their bio dad then to have him come in and out of it's like or resent it. If I do not want kids I'm not going to be happy having one or a good dad.

 

I'm not telling her "have an abortion or else...". I can't force her to do it. All I'm trying to do is get her to get her head out of the clouds and realize what her life would actually be like. She is hormonal and not thinking logically. I'm certain that she would have had an abortion if she would have found out earlier. When they just give you a couple pills and it's taken care of. Now the doctor would have to rip off the limbs, cut the head off and crush the skull. No one likes the sound of that and she's admitted that she is afraid of that.

 

At 12 weeks the fetus is about the 2 inches and weighs a half of an ounce. They basically scrape and vacuum out tissue, what you are describing are the very rare and horrendously sad ( often this is chosen because the fetus is so non viable it will die regardless) partial birth abortions.

 

Trust me on this: And sorry to tell you, but this chick has problems. She is not going to abort and she will make your life a living hell for the next 18 yrs. She WILL contact your family and will file for child support. Unless your gf is a saint or an idiot, that relationship is pretty much done. This "hot" chick with no family is trying to create her own now: with you.

[darkmoon]

scr*wing is a popular enjoyable acticity, we all know how it works, you were scr*wing the baby-to-be into existence, so this is a 50/50 situation between you and your co-scr*wer

Edited January 10, 2013 by darkmoon

[Porter]

Trust me on this: And sorry to tell you, but this chick has problems. She is not going to abort and she will make your life a living hell for the next 18 yrs. She WILL contact your family and will file for child support. Unless your gf is a saint or an idiot, that relationship is pretty much done. This "hot" chick with no family is trying to create her own now: with you.

 

I don't think she's crazy... We've been friends for 20 years. Filing for child support is fine, but what would be the point in telling my family?

 

I really think you need to consider being in the child's life if she decides to have it.

 

That isn't really my problem... Yes it takes 2 to get pregnant, but she is the one choosing to go through with it (maybe) not me. I have told her where I stand and she knows that the kid would be fatherless. If she chooses to put the kid through that its her fault.

[melodymatters]

Porter, I feel for you man. I, a woman have never put a man in this situation. ( I had two abortions, one in a long term R, one in a marriage, both times I was ready to go forward but I took my partners at their words that this was NOT the right time, and that they did NOT want the child and I did not think it was right or fair to FORCE them into such a huge life decision) But *I* been forced into the other side by having partners where some chick wanted a baby, used him for sperm and then not only wanted the child support, but wanted active co-parenting, wanted their precious angel to " know their family" meaning YOUR parents, sibs etc.

 

First time it was a 30 yr old who seduced my H when he was 15 and gave birth when he was 16 and when we married when he was 28 and he was 18k in the hole for child support.

 

Second time she was a lesbian who got "un-gay" for a couple of months and then once the stick turned blue she was back with her female partner BUT still wanted Rich to co-parent, be the dad, pay for everything and OH YEAH,,,,, she wanted the attention HIS stable family would give her kid since she ...wait for it....didn't have any family of her own.

 

Those are just two examples of MY crazy baby mama drama.

 

And again the worship at the alter of DNA : Why can't "Hot chick" find a man who wants her and her child and is willing to step in and play dad ? Why is "the boy going to jail and the girl to the stripper pole", because a guy who donated a 2 second orgasm and 23 chromosomes in a FWB situation, using birth control, does not want to play baby daddy/baby mama games? I always thought it was who RAISED you who helped determine your destiny. Guess I'll have to tell all my highly successful adult cousins who were adopted that they better resign and start investing in G-strings and crack !?!

 

MJwashere sounds like an intelligent and sensible poster from everything I've seen on here, but to keep things in perspective, she is currently pregnant from a 4 month relationship and hoping when she tells the bio father he is happy about it and jumps in with both feet.

 

Wanting you there for the sonogram, talking about the horrors of skull crushing, this b*tch is having that kid and you are in for a world of hurt you can't even imagine. Your family WILL pressure you, they are now on HER side for " The sake of the child", many young successful woman will NOT want to date you. At least 20% of your future income is GONE, for 18-21 yrs.

 

Finish your degree and leave the country ASAP. I AM SERIOUS !!!!!

[FitChick]

Look at how many threads are on here about people asking if they should get involved with a single mother or one who has an acrimonious relationship with her ex. No one wants to be with a man or woman like that unless they are desperate.

 

Seems to me there is a statistic about how pregnancy and childbirth causes more maternal deaths than abortion. Google it. Scare her straight.

 

The man who raises the child is the father, not someone who is a sperm donor.

[darkmoon]

"The man who raises the child is the father, not someone who is a sperm donor"

 

There's only been one ivf-made, father-lacking adult that has publicly enthused (hardly a ringing endorsement) Zach Wals is his name

[aed]

"The man who raises the child is the father, not someone who is a sperm donor"

 

There's only been one ivf-made, father-lacking adult that has publicly enthused (hardly a ringing endorsement) Zach Wals is his name

 

 

:?

 

so the women who raises the child is the mother not the one how depot the embryo?

 

I always find this comments so funny. Childeren have a more and deeper bond with their biological parents. I know some people have not (but when their is a loving parent biological parents have deeper bonds with their childeren!!!)

[darkmoon]

:?

 

so the women who raises the child is the mother not the one how depot the embryo?

 

I always find this comments so funny. Childeren have a more and deeper bond with their biological parents. I know some people have not (but when their is a loving parent biological parents have deeper bonds with their childeren!!!)

 

We're saying the same thing biology counts

[aed]

We're saying the same thing biology counts

 

 

misread your comment

[dreamingoftigers]

First time it was a 30 yr old who seduced my H when he was 15 and gave birth when he was 16

!

 

This happened to my husband. But the girl was 20. She just wanted the baby and made efforts to keep my husband out of the picture. His son will be 18 this year and he has never met him. Very sad.

 

And now that he is much older he has no idea how to explain to the kid that he had no supports, was living on the street and had no sense of what to do at the time.

[Porter]

Wanting you there for the sonogram, talking about the horrors of skull crushing, this b*tch is having that kid and you are in for a world of hurt you can't even imagine. Your family WILL pressure you, they are now on HER side for " The sake of the child", many young successful woman will NOT want to date you. At least 20% of your future income is GONE, for 18-21 yrs.

 

 

I wouldn't call her a b*tch. She isn't. It's not like she's just some random person that I slept with. I've known her for 20 years. She didn't get pregnant on purpose. It's obvious.

-If she wanted to be with me she KNEW that she could just tell me and I'd be with her.

-She was horrified and broke down crying on the way to the doctor.

-She is a sh*tty, sh*tty liar.

 

She isn't keeping it just to mess with my life. She has said a bunch of times that she feels bad, doesn't know what to do, that I don't have to be a part but she would like me to, that she would feel bad making me pay child support.

 

I don't know where you are getting "At least 20% of your future income is GONE" because I'm only going to be paying 9.5% of my income. I checked online because the government has pages up on that AND checked with a lawyer. $3800/year is not going to set me back. Not every country is the same.

 

I don't believe that if she does raise it and I'm not in the kids life that it will either be a hooker or career criminal. I know plenty of people who were raised by single parents they are all just fine. It's not likely that she will be single forever.

 

 

Look at how many threads are on here about people asking if they should get involved with a single mother or one who has an acrimonious relationship with her ex. No one wants to be with a man or woman like that unless they are desperate.

 

There are actually people who prefer to date them. Normally other single parents.

 

 

Childeren have a more and deeper bond with their biological parents.

 

Try telling this to all the adopted people out there. It's not going to fly over well. There are MANY adopted people who never want to meet their bio parents. Some bond, hey? My friend (the pregnant girl) he bio dad left when she was little. She has never met him nor does she want to because she has no bond with him and is perfectly content with her step dad.

[dreamingoftigers]

I agree with you on all of your points. It's pretty clear from what you described that this was an "oops" but that she doesn't want to kill it.

 

Honestly, planned, unplanned and possibly even from forced sex I don't think I could kill it either. Just, couldn't.

 

She has her bachelor's, right? If so, she isn't going to be some crazy, destitute welfare mom. It's ridiculous to chalk it up to that. Out country has a reasonable enough standard of living with opportunities that the child wouldn't have to lead a miserable, deprived life. Not with a reasonably-educated mother in her 20s. This isn't 1954. The at-risk groups are single parents/High school dropouts/addicts. Seriously the bracket sits around all three as being a mutually exclusive grouping.

 

Of course the work situation depends on your region. But from the sound of it she has some mobility too.

 

I think you know this too.

 

 

 

I wouldn't call her a b*tch. She isn't. It's not like she's just some random person that I slept with. I've known her for 20 years. She didn't get pregnant on purpose. It's obvious.

-If she wanted to be with me she KNEW that she could just tell me and I'd be with her.

-She was horrified and broke down crying on the way to the doctor.

-She is a sh*tty, sh*tty liar.

 

She isn't keeping it just to mess with my life. She has said a bunch of times that she feels bad, doesn't know what to do, that I don't have to be a part but she would like me to, that she would feel bad making me pay child support.

 

I don't know where you are getting "At least 20% of your future income is GONE" because I'm only going to be paying 9.5% of my income. I checked online because the government has pages up on that AND checked with a lawyer. $3800/year is not going to set me back. Not every country is the same.

 

I don't believe that if she does raise it and I'm not in the kids life that it will either be a hooker or career criminal. I know plenty of people who were raised by single parents they are all just fine. It's not likely that she will be single forever.

 

 

 

 

There are actually people who prefer to date them. Normally other single parents.

 

 

 

 

Try telling this to all the adopted people out there. It's not going to fly over well. There are MANY adopted people who never want to meet their bio parents. Some bond, hey? My friend (the pregnant girl) he bio dad left when she was little. She has never met him nor does she want to because she has no bond with him and is perfectly content with her step dad.

[Porter]

I agree with you on all of your points. It's pretty clear from what you described that this was an "oops" but that she doesn't want to kill it.

 

Honestly, planned, unplanned and possibly even from forced sex I don't think I could kill it either. Just, couldn't.

 

She has her bachelor's, right? If so, she isn't going to be some crazy, destitute welfare mom.

 

She is doing her last semester of her bachelors. Then plans to do her masters (speech therapist). I know she will do it it might just take longer.

[dreamingoftigers]

She is doing her last semester of her bachelors. Then plans to do her masters (speech therapist). I know she will do it it might just take longer.

 

Linguistics bachelor?

 

Speech path is an excellent field! (it is my Plan B)

 

She'll be fine even if she has to delay it....

[JasmineC]

sdsssssssssssssss

 

Lol wth did I do. Newbies...

[darkmoon]

I wouldn't call her a b*tch. She isn't. It's not like she's just some random person that I slept with. I've known her for 20 years. She didn't get pregnant on purpose. It's obvious.

-If she wanted to be with me she KNEW that she could just tell me and I'd be with her.

-She was horrified and broke down crying on the way to the doctor.

-She is a sh*tty, sh*tty liar.

 

She isn't keeping it just to mess with my life. She has said a bunch of times that she feels bad, doesn't know what to do, that I don't have to be a part but she would like me to, that she would feel bad making me pay child support.

 

I don't know where you are getting "At least 20% of your future income is GONE" because I'm only going to be paying 9.5% of my income. I checked online because the government has pages up on that AND checked with a lawyer. $3800/year is not going to set me back. Not every country is the same.

 

I don't believe that if she does raise it and I'm not in the kids life that it will either be a hooker or career criminal. I know plenty of people who were raised by single parents they are all just fine. It's not likely that she will be single forever.

 

There are actually people who prefer to date them. Normally other single parents.

 

 

Try telling this to all the adopted people out there. It's not going to fly over well. There are MANY adopted people who never want to meet their bio parents. Some bond, hey? My friend (the pregnant girl) he bio dad left when she was little. She has never met him nor does she want to because she has no bond with him and is perfectly content with her step dad.

 

if adoption is so wonderful, give your child up

Meet Lori Carangelo

Edited January 10, 2013 by darkmoon

[Porter]

if adoption is so wonderful, give your child up

Meet Lori Carangelo

 

I don't have control over that.

[Balzac]

I'm curious what if any dialogue you and FWB are having?

You've given each option considerable thought, come to conclusions. You have it seems two preferred outcomes. We all understand that you lack decision making power here. In all honesty, you seem concerned if not outright worried about FWB. How are you coping in these days of uncertainty?

[FitChick]

If biological parents are so wonderful why do many of them abuse and kill and abandon their own children? Generally due to them not wanting kids in the first place. Remember Baby P?

[darkmoon]

If biological parents are so wonderful why do many of them abuse and kill and abandon their own children? Generally due to them not wanting kids in the first place. Remember Baby P?

 

yes, i agree, i know and see your point, but your response still doesn't tell me why adoption is so wonderful

[Porter]

I'm curious what if any dialogue you and FWB are having? You've given each option considerable thought, come to conclusions. You have it seems two preferred outcomes. We all understand that you lack decision making power here. In all honesty, you seem concerned if not outright worried about FWB. How are you coping in these days of uncertainty?

 

I am concerned about her. Like I said we have known each other for 20 years. We were best friends for the last 10 years. So I do care about her (non-romantically of course). I don't want the kid so abortion would be preferable but I also don't want her to be hurt by it. Same with adoption. With her keeping it, I wouldn't want to be around her but I don't want to lose her as a friend. Its hard to deal with.

 

We don't talk much right now but we have been talking. Right now I'm having to initiate conversation because she won't. She wants to but doesn't. I text her to see how she is and if she's decided on anything. We met for coffee once this week to talk.

[Porter]

If biological parents are so wonderful why do many of them abuse and kill and abandon their own children? Generally due to them not wanting kids in the first place. Remember Baby P?

 

Do you really think that adoptive or foster parents don't also do this?