My friend is being verbally, physically, and emotionally abused.

[BornToDie]

This girl and I have been friends for about a year now. Ironically, I knew her last year because her boyfriend's old roommate is MY boyfriend. Back then, she and I didn't know each other personally, but even then, I saw things like screaming fights between her and the boyfriend.

 

First off, she's dated the guy 3 years. She hasn't dated or had sex with anyone else in her whole life. They were high school sweethearts. When they first began dating, he was very sweet, but he's changed.

I'm not sure where to start, but I do know that he is verbally, emotionally, and sometimes sexually/physically abusive. When they argue (which most of the time, they do), he mocks her when she tries to voice her opinion. He literally makes fun of her and says stuff like, "Why don't you just go cut your wrists?" or "Why don't you just go drink if you're so sad?"

When he gets drunk, he sometimes puts his hands on her and gets belligerent. He calls her a stupid b****, wh***, etc. He tells her things like, "You can go die for all I care."

Sexually, my friend doesn't have much of a drive. Her boyfriend holds it over her head and says, "If you had sex with me, maybe I'd try in our relationship," or, "If you don't have sex with me right now, I'm gonna go mess around with other girls who will," or, "I won't go do ______ for you until you have sex with me," or even, "I took you out to dinner, so why won't you have sex with me?" There have been instances where he literally kicks her out of his bed for refusing to have sex. He will say, "You're French, I thought French people were supposed to be passionate and want sex." He carries on "friendships" with his exes and swears it's nothing more, but when he's angry, he'll say, "Maybe my ex will give me what I want. I'll go stay with her tonight."

When I or another friend confronts him, he starts acting so friendly. Literally, everything that comes out of his mouth is complete BS. He'll say, "I act this way because I need to be close to God/because she and I were both raised different ways/etc."

 

I really have no clue what to do. My friend is used to being talked down to by her parents, and sometimes, she'll be slapped for doing something wrong, so I can see where she's used to being treated in an unhealthy way. I keep trying to convince her to go to therapy because she sometimes has suicidal thoughts and says, "I wonder if he'll be there if I swerve off the road and end up in the hospital."

This guy has nothing special about him, nothing at all. He is your typical, run of the mill frat boy jerk. My friend is totally opposite, and she says she can never be happy without him.

[turnera]

The best thing I can think of is to start talking to her about one little thing at a time. Put a seed of doubt in her mind. "He told you that you were too stupid to get a job? If that were true, how come you were able to graduate from high school?"

 

Start questioning little things he says, but very slowly, or she will rush to his defense.

 

I'd also get her a book from Patricia Evans. ANY book - they're all about women abused by men, and easy to read. Or read one yourself, and start quoting things to her that you read, without saying they are about her. She'll hear it, though she may be too ashamed to admit it.

[turnera]

You may also consider alerting the school that she may be suicidal. They'll be obligated to bring her into the office to talk to her. But inform them first that she is being abused, so they can look for that.