Fell in love with a Cop...THEN found out he was still MARRIED!

[lovekillslowly]

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A COP ....

 

THE AGE DIFFERENCE WAS -- HES 39 AND IM 22 ...

AGE IS ONLY A NUMBER TO ME BECAUSE IM VERY MATURE FOR MY AGE - AND PLUS HES A COP SO HES NOT SOME CREEPER --ANYWAYS ALOT OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY KEPT TELLING ME IN THE BEGINING OF THE RELATIONSHIP WHICH WAS IN SEPTEMBER OF 2012 ( LAST SEPTEMBER ) -- "HES DEFINATLEY MARRIED SWEETIE BECAUSE ALL COPS THAT AGE ARE MARRIED WITH KIDS " IM LIKE YEA OKAY -- BUT DEEP DOWN SOMETHING INSIDE OF ME KNEW IT WAS TRUE BUT JUST DIDNT WANT TO BELIEVE IT BECAUSE HE WAS THE PERFECT MAN --- HE GOT ME TO STOP USING DRUGS -- GOT ME TO STAY AWAY FROM THE BAD CROWD ***FOR GOOD*** PUT ME ON THE RIGHT PATH ** FOR FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE -- HE WAS LIKE MY GUARDIAN ANGEL -- MY PROTECTOR -- HE FOUGHT ALL THE DEMONS AWAY FROM ME -- THATS WHY I DIDNT WANT ANYTHING THAT WAS SAID BAD ABOUT HIM TO BE TRUE BECAUSE IT WOULD TRULEY DEVASTATE ME BECAUSE HE SEEMED PERFECT -- 6 MONTHS INTO IT -- I GET INTOUCH WITH HIS EX GIRLFRIEND AND THATS WHERE I FIND OUT EVERYTHING -- HE HAS AN EX WIFE AND A KID ..... MY HEART DROPPED I DIDNT NO WHAT TO DO !!!! I CONFRONTED HIM AND HES LIKE "YES ITS IT MY EX WIFE -- AND I DO HAVE A SON -- I LIVE AT THE HOUSE BUT I SLEEP ON THE COUCH -- BECAUSE AFTER OUR HOUSE GOT FOR CLOSED ( WHICH I SAW AND KNEW ABOUT) I HAD NO WHERE TO GO -- SO WE ARE LIVING LIKE ROOM MATES -- DO NOT EVEN TALK AND ITS A HI / BYE SITUATION" ( WHICH IS TRUE BECAUSE 24/7 I AM WITH HIM ALL THE TIME - SO IF HE STILL WAS REALLY WITH THE WOMAN IM SURE SHE WOULDA BEEN UP HIS ASS CALLING HIM NON STOP ( I SEEN HIS CALL LOGS ITS LIKE ONE CALL FORM HER COUPLE TIMES A WEEK AND ONLY LIKE 1 MINUTE IN TIME NO LONG CONVOS LIKE ME AND HIM SO YEA SHES NOTHING TO HIM OBV) ..SO YEA..HE PROMISED ME HE IS GOING TO MOVE OUT ASAP...ANYWAYS.... I GOT OVER IT AND I LEARNED TO ACCEPT IT ( EVEN THO I ALWASY PROMISED MY SELF I WOULD NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH A MAN WITH ALL THAT BAGGAGE ) .... COUPLE MONTHS GO BY AND I DO MY DETECTIVE SKILLS AND FIND OUT THAT HE IS STILL LEGALLY MARRIED -AND STILL LIVING AT THE GOD DAM HOUSE...LIKE R U KIDDING ME-- I BUG THE **** OUT TELL HIM OFF AND ALL THAT GOOD SH*T....THENNNNN HE TELLS ME THIS TIME HE IS DEF MOVING OUT FOR GOOD SO SINCE AUGUST OF 2012 (THIS AUGUST ) HE HAS BEEN NOW SUPPOSEDLY LIVING AT HIS MOMS HOUSE WITH HIS PARENTS ON THE COUCH....I EVEN HAVE RECORDINGS OF HIM TALKING TO HIS SON SAYING HIM AND "MOMMY" ARE GOING TO LIVE 2 DIFFERENT LIVES...I DRIVE PAST THE HOUSE SOMETIMES TO MAKE SURE CARS THERE AND IT IS....BUT HOW BAD DOES THIS SUCKK I FEEL LIKE I GOT AMBUSHED MANNN LIKE I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MAN WHO DIDNT TELL ME HE WAS STILL LEGALLY MARRIED... EVEN THO HE SAYS THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN THEM - THATS STILL SOMETHIGN UR SUPPOSED TO TELL SOMEONE --- BUT I NEVER TOLD HIM I DID DRUGS AND HE IS A NARCOTICS DETECTIVE AND THAT IS SOMETHING HE HATES SO WE BOTH STARTED OFF ON A BAD FOOT WITH LIES -- I EVEN MESSAGED SOME OF HER FRIENDS AND THEY SAID THAT I NEED TO LEARN TO TRUST MY MAN BC THE WAY IM ACTING IM NOT GOING TO HAVE HIM LONG ( BECAUSE I WAS ASKING IF THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER OR NOT BC HE DID HIDE ALOT OF **** FORM ME ) ..AND THEY ALL SAID NO ...SO IDKKK.... I JUST DONT NO MAN B/C HE HE HID SO MUCH FROM ME AND HE MAKES THINGS THAT ARENT SHADY -- > LOOK ***SOOOO*** SHADY...SO IDK WTF TO DO ..CAN ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME OR RELATE TO ME I NEED ALL THE INFO I CAN GET ...BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I AM STUCKK -- I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT HIM HE IS MY ANGEL MY STRENGTH HE HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME SINCE DAY ONE ... WE NO EACHOTHERS FLAWS AND WE MAKE EACHOTHER BETTER --- IN OCTOBER HE STARTED THE PROCESS WITH THE DIVORCE..... GOT ALL FINANCIAL PAPERS DONE --- THEN RIGHT WHILE DOING THAT THERE HAS BEEN AN INTERNAL AFFAIRS COMPLAINT FROM HIS EX GF WITHIN THE POLICE STATION -- SO NOW THAT PUT THE PAUSE ON EVERYTHINGGGG AND IM GETTING REALLY UPSET BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO WAIT FOREVER AND WHEN I DO ASK HIM ABOUT THE DIVORCE HE GETS MAD AND SAYS I ALREADY TOLD U ( I DO ASK HIM ALL TIME BUT I THINK I DO HAVE RIGHT TO NO!!! ) SO NOW HE HAS TO WAIT FOR THIS INTERNAL AFFAIRS THING AT THE POLICE STATION TO BE OVER WITH SO HE CAN PUT HIS LIFE BACK ON PLAY AND TO START TO END THE DIVORCE B/C WITH THE WHOLE POLICE THING IT PUT A HUGE PAUSE ON ECERYTHING THAT WE WERE DOING --- AND ** I HAVE NO FRICKIN PATIENCE **** I DO NOT NO IF I SHOULD WAIT ANY LONGER I DO NOT NO WHAT TO DO I AM LOST I BEEN WAITING FOR ALMOST A YEAR AND A HALF NOW FOR HIM TO FINALLY MOVE ON AND EVERYTIME WE GET CLOSER TO THE FINISH LINE **** GETS ****ED UP AND EVERYTING GETS PUT ON HOLD...WHAT DO I DO... I DO NOT NO WAHT TO DO...THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS TRULEY PUTTING A HUGE TOLL ON ME.... WE BOTH LOVE EACHOTHER VERY MUCH..WE CANNOT SEE EACHOTHER WITHOUT EACHOTHER....WE ARE MEANT TO BE --- BUT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE SO HARD....MY TRUST IN HIM IS AT 0 ... IM SO SAD.... I GUESS WE BOTH JUST HID **** FROM EACHOTHER JUST SO WE WOULDNT UPSET EACHOTHER YA NO -- SO WHAT DO I DO HOW MUCH LONGER DO I WAIT...B/C THE WHOLE COP THING WILL BE OVER IN LIKE 2 WEEEKS....HOW MUCH LONGER DO I GIVE HIM ..WHAT DO I TELL HIM .. PLEASE IM BEGGING ANY ONE OF U TO HELP ME WIHT ANY HELPFUL INFO ... BC RIGHT NOW..DEPRESSED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT...THANKS SO MUCH GUYS.......XXOXO:love:

[dreamingoftigers]

Omg, please, for the love of all that is loveshack, take the CAPS off.

 

It is so hard to read in all caps.

 

I did it anyway.

 

Hun, he's still married. He wasn't upfront with you BUT I would say separate from him until the divorce is final. Just take it easy, take it slow, there are a lot of pieces to this puzzle.

 

What is he under internal review for?

[Lillyfree]

that was an effort to read. wall of text in caps...

 

my advice is: cut it off here and now. 17 year difference, he's under review, lying about being married....

 

cop or not, i would say he is a creeper. sorry you have to deal with this, you're so young...

[lovekillslowly]

he is in internal affairs because supposidly 3 years ago he put a gun to his ex girlfriends head and raped her?? that makes no sense why would she file that NOW 3 years later...? she obviously is just jealous of what me and him have and wants to get back at him b/c he left her b/c she cheated on him ( and sorry about the caps i was very into the moment lol )

[lovekillslowly]

thanks so much and yes sorry about the caps too didnt mean to ruin the posst -- but yes if you couldnt read it he basically lied about being married and i found out so many more lies after that i lied to him too about my drug use and he lied about things with the "wife'' like for example he would lie and say he was home -- when i knew for fact he was out at a soccer game with ex wife there --- then he would finally admit and turn tables adn say ohhhh if you cant handle that my son has a mom then leave--- and he always does guilt trip when i ask about divorce hes like IF you cant handle waiting then NO ONE is TELLING you TO STAY!!!!!! ahhh i am in a horrible spot...and stuck...i cant see my life with out him neither can he i am with him all time wheenver im off of work im with him.....vice versa.

[whichwayisup]

You're 22. Are you ready to be a stepmother to his kids? Remember, his ex will ALWAYS be in your lives because of their children. Can you accept this? Accept that there will be times they talk or see one another because of their kids?

 

You love him, but the way you're reacting, freaking out and calling everybody (it's one thing to call his ex, but to call other people?), watching him like a hawk and also snooping about his business ... Seems like an unhealthy attachment you have to him because he's helped change your life. A hero..A cop who reached out and pulled you away from a bad crowd, showed you a better way of life.

 

You don't know him as well as you think you do. Fact. You only know him in an affair setting.

 

Many who are cops ARE nice. But there are some who aren't. Just because he's a cop doesn't mean he's an honest and great person. You've held him to high standards, think he's absolutely perfect. He isn't. Far from it.

 

He's older and wiser, lived a hell of a lot of life, seen a lot in life .. You haven't.

 

Again, are you ready to be a step mother? Deal with being a cop's wife? It isn't easy. It's a certain "lifestyle" and also you must know his job comes first. Cops, firefighters, paramedics, those in the Army etc., all have a certain 'something' about them to do the job and if you can't trust him now, how on earth will you trust him later on? He's lied to you, many times. I highly doubt he never speaks to his wife. They live together and I'm sure they have meals together, do family stuff with the kids too.

 

I'd end it and walk away. Really think about what it is you want. Maybe date him when he IS officially divorced, but until then, really think about staying out of his life until things are more settled.

 

Talk to your mom, dad and friends. Do they know about him? I mean all about him, not that he's a cop, but he's married with kids?

 

As for the internal thing going on, don't get involved. Stay out of that completely.

[whichwayisup]

he is in internal affairs because supposidly 3 years ago he put a gun to his ex girlfriends head and raped her?? that makes no sense why would she file that NOW 3 years later...? she obviously is just jealous of what me and him have and wants to get back at him b/c he left her b/c she cheated on him ( and sorry about the caps i was very into the moment lol )

 

See, you are letting your heart and emotions rule over your better judgement.

 

He's lying to about tons of stuff..You knew something was off, you knew he was married but chose to stick your head in the sand about it.

 

His ex girlfriend, or ex wife?

 

Women don't always come forward as soon as a rape occurs..Especially since he's a cop, he's going to have a lot of support against her. Fact is, you DON'T know what happened. Don't assume he's a wonderful guy...

[lovekillslowly]

thanks so much for the replys i really really appreciate it -- like uhhhhh its so hard because i lied to him about so much too -- hid things like drugs from him too so i didnt hurt him -- and he did same thing to me as well..i am good friends with his mom and i met his son -- and everyone knows about me whole police station his family -- my moom adores him -- and she is an extremley good judge in character --> always spotted out teh good ones and bad ones -- and my mom still has yet to say anything bad about him -- ... where do i go from here? b/c it seems to me that all we ever fight about is him getting mad if he thinks im tlaking to wrong crowd again -- then i fight with him if i think hes doing something shady and hiding something from me again --- like idk this relationship straight out is like hit rock bottom -- and iw ant to save it --- his ex gf is the one who went to police station to make complaint about him -- she always told me " X- X x- X ( my name ) i need to tell you someting im like WHAT?! shes like -- i cant tell you because hes a cop and i will get in trouble "...and she would start hysterically crying ---and ever since that strange phone calll inever heard from her again...... but yea... how long should i give him fro this divorce b/c he promised me alot of things man -- and none of them happened yet so HOW MUCH LONGER HELP ME! like i dont do **** but work 24/7 m-f 11-8 and then just go home.he does not let me do **** -- uhhh but i cant picture my life without him and him with another girl NEITHER CAN HE....i need tips and suggestions THANKS SO MUCH GOD BLESS YOU ALL WITH HELPING ME TONIGHT!

[whichwayisup]

You two have a pretty unhealthy dynamic going on right now. Mistrustful of each other and fighting etc..

 

Back off and give each other space. He has to sort out his problems without you there.

 

Focus on your own life. Friends, family, work (school) and allow him some breathing space.

 

Detach too. You're too into him and made your whole life about him and that's not a good thing at all.

[mitchell]

This guy is a creep and has been dishonest with you from the start.

 

Whatever you do, don't have sex with him. I bet he's just looking for some action on the side and has no intention of leaving his wife.

[jwi71]

OP

 

Three things.

 

Punctuation is good.

So are paragraphs.

No need to shout (caps) or bold everything.

 

You'll get more ( and better) responses if you do.

[ThatJustHappened]

Wow. Just because he's a cop doesn't make him a good person..I dated a cop a few years ago and he was a real @sshole. Your guy sounds worse. I say run and don't look back.

[RickFox]

You're his 'chip.'

 

Nothing will change, it's a huge part of the police subculture.

 

Being investigated by Internal Affairs has no bearing on whether his divorce can proceed or not. That's a load of crap.

 

BTW, Chip is piece of a** on the side in coptalk. Accept that you are just that or move on and I'm really not trying to sound like a butt.

 

I'm curious, you write that his 'ex' gf filed a complaint on him. So what I'm seeing is that, he had a previous chip, while still married, and now that's coming home to roost on him too. If I'm reading it right, you are the newest addition.

Edited January 10, 2013 by RickFox

[SunshineToday]

1. You lying about using drugs in your past is not the same about him lying about being married. Big huge difference.

 

2. An Internal Affairs investigation is NO REASON why a divorce can't proceed. He probably doesn't wan't a divorce.

 

3. OMG you are so young and he is so much older with kids and ex's and rape charges?

 

GIRL--please let him go and keep yourself on the drug free path, someone better will come along before you know it!

[Realist3]

You need to run away. He is using you, and using your youth an inexperience against you. And yes, he is most certainly a creep.

 

Most people that are not creeps don't lie about being married to a younger woman that is 17 years younger. They also don't have an exGF who brings forth charges of rape and brandishing a gun to her head to internal affairs. That is serious business.

 

You found a bad apple. Despite how mature you may think you are, you are completely naive in regard to what this person is doing to you.

 

You mentioneded baggage. Well, if you keep it up with him all of that will soon be your baggage as well. You have been used by someone who has brought you into a completely unhealthy realtionship.

 

No matter how much good you think he has done for you with the drugs and wrong crowd; take that part and leave the rest alone. He is no good for you.

[dreamingoftigers]

1. You lying about using drugs in your past is not the same about him lying about being married. Big huge difference.

 

2. An Internal Affairs investigation is NO REASON why a divorce can't proceed. He probably doesn't wan't a divorce.

 

3. OMG you are so young and he is so much older with kids and ex's and rape charges?

 

GIRL--please let him go and keep yourself on the drug free path, someone better will come along before you know it!

 

I reread the posts. (whew, I'm done...)

 

Girl,

 

Seriously! This poster just said everything that I was thinking. RUN!

 

At the very LEAST he is an old man with tons of baggage, manipulation and poor communications skills that will erode you self-esteem.

 

RUN! RUN! RUN!

 

And I don't say that often....

 

Love doesn't look like this! It isn't "I say one thing BUT it's the exact opposite and I guilt trip and shame you about it when you find out."

 

Btw, there's a rather large percentage of sociopathic cops when compared to other professions. Narcissistic too. My father was one. My gawd. A lot of cops abuse the uniform and an internal review would NOT delay a divorce whatsoever.

 

Rape charges!? Get out of there!