Armyguy Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Hi I've been engaged now for almost a year and have been with my fiancé for over 2 years now. We started dating right after getting out of relationships. About 7 months in I started getting bored but didn't want to leave her because I was about to join the army. Well now I'm in and the day of my basic training graduation I proposed to her because well I missed her and I believe I want to spend my life with her. Well I just recently went on a 2 week leave, while home I think we had sex 3 or 4 times out of the 2 weeks. I just didn't feel the spark or attraction I once did. She even came in once in lingerie but I rolled over and went to sleep. Well now I'm in fort lewis in Washington state and she's back home in Florida. While here in Washington I met a female soldier who I've been getting to know and become friends with. But for some reason in the back of my mind I want to start a relationship with this new girl and be with her. Me and this new girl have more i common then me and my fiancé. So now for some reason when I talk to my fiancé, I feel annoyed and don't want to talk to her. I really don't know what's wrong with me or what I should do. I'm pretty sure I love my fiancé and it'd be a terrible idea to break up with her, but in the back of my mind I feel like I'd just be letting her and her family down and my family down if I broke up with her . Especially if its for this new girl. Just need some advice and opinions. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
MrBossMan Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Morally, I think you should definitely call it off with your fiance. Be gentle and explain to her that it's nothing she did wrong, etc. You're not in love with her anymore. It may let your families down, but family isn't a reason to stay in a loveless relationship. You will only be miserable. Please, you have to let her go. You can give it time to see if your feelings return, but as it stands, you should end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Armyguy Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 But when I'm with her in person we can be best friends. I don't know. I just feel bipolar about it all. Right now she's in school to be a medical assistant and she found out there's a school she can transfer up to here and we could just elope. Instead of waiting for her to finish in July then get married in August. After she told me all this, I got super angry for some reason and told her no. But part of me just didn't want her up here at the moment. Is it normal for someone to be going through this. The past 8 months we've been engaged has been over the phone and skyping and all I wanted was to see her but then I got to see her I just wanted to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
mavendark Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 If you even feel "bipolar" about it, that means you have doubts. You are uncertain. You should give yourself a certain amount of time to become certain, and if you don't, call it off. You will be spending the rest of your life with her, you need to know for sure you want to be with her. By the way, having been in numerous long distance relationships, I feel that the symptoms you exhibited are exactly the same as mine. You're basically losing interest possibly due to the distance. You guys might have made it if you had stuck around her, but you left and that was the catalyst. I honestly think at this point, your relationship is already over, not to be blunt or anything. But that's what exactly happened to me 3 times. Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Sounds like you are just hanging on to the current girl in case things don't work out with the new one. That's unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Armyguy Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 Then sometimes when I get the thought of leaving her kills me sometimes. I also know that I'd never find someone like her and I feel like I'd be making a giant mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Then sometimes when I get the thought of leaving her kills me sometimes. I also know that I'd never find someone like her and I feel like I'd be making a giant mistake. You may well be making a mistake, but that's besides the point. You can't continue the engagement with your state of mind, period. Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. If your girl has been good to you and for you, you really need to keep that in mind. Sounds like she has, you mentioned she wants to move to be closer to you and get married sooner and gets all dressed up for your enjoyment. How are you gonna feel when she's giving that attention to a guy who appreciates her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Armyguy Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 Well right now just chilling with my new friend so I'm not sure how I'd feel for her to hang out with another guy. She used to all the time at the beginning of our relationship. Took me a bit to get used to but I did. I also think her birth control is one reason why she's been annoying. She made an appointment today to see if she can get it changed. So maybe itl help. I just don't want to make an over night decision that I would regret. Link to post Share on other sites
mavendark Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Then I would recommend you to keep that new friend at an arm's length until you figure things out. Don't make our fiance your backup while you go chase the new girl. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 If you are serious about marrying your fiance then you need to go NO CONTACT, right now, with the "friend" you have made because you are well on your way to an affair if you don't. Im sure you had fluttery, excited feelings for your fiance when you met her, the same as you are for this new girl. So you know those don't last once the honeymoon phase ends. So keep in mind, they will fade with the new girl as well. If you aren't serious about marrying your fiance then dump her and try it out with the new girl. But seriously if you want your fiance, nip this s.hit in the bud now and quit even talking to the other girl. Link to post Share on other sites
snowflayke Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I was that "other girl". Keep her in mind. Don't string her along if you're just going to be with your fiance. I suggest you take some time to yourself and figure out what you want before you break not just one heart, but two. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Armyguy Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 Well I skyped my fiancé tonight and ended up telling her I started having feelings for this new girl. Killed me to see her cry but I told her I wouldn't hang out with her anymore. I think my feelings for the new girl is just lust related. But idk anymore. I love my fiancé and want to marry her but then I get the feeling sometimes that they put a lot of money down so I have to marry her. I always wanted to get married right away because my fear of a fear that this would happen. But her parents wanted a long engagement. How do I tell the new girl that I can't talk or hang out with her anymore? And I want to know if you all think I'm ready to get married or this happens to a lot of people and I'm not alone in the world. Starting to get depressed on the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 ... I always wanted to get married right away because my fear of a fear that this would happen. ... Are you talking about a fear of having feelings for someone besides you fiance? Or are you talking about family money being involved? I'm not clear on what your fear is... Link to post Share on other sites
MrBossMan Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 How do I tell the new girl that I can't talk or hang out with her anymore?. This question alone shows that you are being selfish. If you are having trouble committing to your fiance now, then postpone the wedding until you are sure you have yourself figured out. Marriage is about living for the other person and putting their needs above your own... taking care of each other. If you don't have it in you for this woman, then don't marry her. Let her go. The other girl's feelings (just friends or not) should take a back seat to your fiance's. You shouldn't even really care that much how she will react. Link to post Share on other sites
Ribbons Undone Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 u seem way too confused to be in any kind of relationship. if u love ur fiance, nothing can mean more than that. so this army girls feelings (and any other girls feelings) should mean nothing to u. why r u worried about telling her anything? -ribbons undone :confused: Link to post Share on other sites
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