Mount Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Anyone here can share experience if OWs naturally fall out of love MMs during the course of affair? Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I think his behaviour eventually eroded any intense feelings I had for him. I did completely love him and ill always have good memories but he isn't the same person he used to be from my perception, at least. Eventually I just saw him for the lying cheat that he is/was 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Not me personally but I know posters that ended their relationships with their AP because they just didn't have the same feelings for them. Others found someone else and ended it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) Anyone here can share experience if OWs naturally fall out of love MMs during the course of affair? It happens. An A is just a "special kind" of R and as such, the APs may find another, the WS may rediscover love for the BS and so on. Mynpointvis an A isn't a special or defining characteristic for this. It's natural. Edited January 10, 2013 by jwi71 Link to post Share on other sites
Catplates Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Yes. After a two year A , NC for 18 months and then two reunions, I totally fell out of love with him. Last time I saw him we were meant to have coffee but he wouldn't go into the coffee shop because he was afraid he would be seen with me. We ended up sitting in my car, chatting for a little while. On the way home I can remember thinking... that it was boring. His conversation had bored me, same old things about maybe we can do this or go there, maybe I can see you next week ad nauseam. In fact I just felt totally sick of the whole A, the secret meetings, the disappointments, the complex arrangements that needed to be put in place for us to meet . I then remember thinking... he's not that special and he just wasted my morning, let alone at least 2 and a half years of my life. I'M DONE! It happened very suddenly, I sent him an email when I arrived home and we talked on the phone one last time. He begged and pleaded throwing the usual crumbs of hope my way but I refused and haven't contacted him ever again. That was it... and it was the best thing I had done in many years and I don't miss all that CRAP one bit. Cat 10 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I loved 2 of the MM I was involved with. One I actually still think about. I didn't so much as fall out of lve with them as ....just got bored with the affair. The relationship existed in such a vacuum that without the evolution and change that naturally occurs in a conventional relationship....it became redundant. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Anyone here can share experience if OWs naturally fall out of love MMs during the course of affair? Need to ask - Are you still hoping to fall out of love and detach from him while still having the affair? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 WWI, it is not the point that I hope or not hope, I am just speaking of the reality that how I feel. Yes I am having affair with MM, over the time especially during last few weeks holiday time, it seems to me he invested more emotion and cared more and more, while I am switching my focus to other things besides MM. So that is why I am raising the topic. Need to ask - Are you still hoping to fall out of love and detach from him while still having the affair? Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 WWI, it is not the point that I hope or not hope, I am just speaking of the reality that how I feel. Yes I am having affair with MM, over the time especially during last few weeks holiday time, it seems to me he invested more emotion and cared more and more, while I am switching my focus to other things besides MM. So that is why I am raising the topic. My gut reaction to this mount is: He senses the distance and is putting more into it. You may well find out how much you mean to him shortly - for better or worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
twinsmom Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I think his behaviour eventually eroded any intense feelings I had for him. I did completely love him and ill always have good memories but he isn't the same person he used to be from my perception, at least. Eventually I just saw him for the lying cheat that he is/was Same for me.. Link to post Share on other sites
april38 Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Yes. After a two year A , NC for 18 months and then two reunions, I totally fell out of love with him. Last time I saw him we were meant to have coffee but he wouldn't go into the coffee shop because he was afraid he would be seen with me. We ended up sitting in my car, chatting for a little while. On the way home I can remember thinking... that it was boring. His conversation had bored me, same old things about maybe we can do this or go there, maybe I can see you next week ad nauseam. In fact I just felt totally sick of the whole A, the secret meetings, the disappointments, the complex arrangements that needed to be put in place for us to meet . I then remember thinking... he's not that special and he just wasted my morning, let alone at least 2 and a half years of my life. I'M DONE! It happened very suddenly, I sent him an email when I arrived home and we talked on the phone one last time. He begged and pleaded throwing the usual crumbs of hope my way but I refused and haven't contacted him ever again. That was it... and it was the best thing I had done in many years and I don't miss all that CRAP one bit. Cat I wish I could "like" posts more than once because I LOVE this!! I'm getting there, and I can't wait to feel that moment when I'm totally over it. This morning after about a month and a half of NC (excluding an xmas run in at work) I told myself for the first time, I don't think I want him anymore. He's not all that great. It's a step and a good feeling. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I loved 2 of the MM I was involved with. One I actually still think about. I didn't so much as fall out of lve with them as ....just got bored with the affair. The relationship existed in such a vacuum that without the evolution and change that naturally occurs in a conventional relationship....it became redundant. I could not agree more. Had this discussion with my MOW last night. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Yes. After a two year A , NC for 18 months and then two reunions, I totally fell out of love with him. Last time I saw him we were meant to have coffee but he wouldn't go into the coffee shop because he was afraid he would be seen with me. We ended up sitting in my car, chatting for a little while. On the way home I can remember thinking... that it was boring. His conversation had bored me, same old things about maybe we can do this or go there, maybe I can see you next week ad nauseam. In fact I just felt totally sick of the whole A, the secret meetings, the disappointments, the complex arrangements that needed to be put in place for us to meet . I then remember thinking... he's not that special and he just wasted my morning, let alone at least 2 and a half years of my life. I'M DONE! It happened very suddenly, I sent him an email when I arrived home and we talked on the phone one last time. He begged and pleaded throwing the usual crumbs of hope my way but I refused and haven't contacted him ever again. That was it... and it was the best thing I had done in many years and I don't miss all that CRAP one bit. Cat I can so relate! After a while the whole thing can just feel like a one-trick pony and then the entire fantasy collapses around you and you realize all this while you thought you were in a solid brick building, when it was merely a cardboard facade smh. My A didn't end in this way but another dead-end relationship I was attempting to have did. It was the same as with you. We met up to take a walk in a park and just sit down and chat and while there and after I just realized how lame it was. All we did was talk about things that never came to pass. Everything needed some grand orchestration (and it wasn't even an A! ) That day I was in the same place I'd always been in with this man, but for some reason (and thank God) was when I saw it plain as day that it was a waste of time. I looked at him and wasn't even attracted to him anymore. Literally, all of a sudden, all the glitz and glamour and "love" I believed I felt for 2 years evaporated and he was not that special and wasn't worth any of the nonsense. After we parted ways, that was it for me. I never looked back although he attempted to call me up. So yes things can end in that way where essentially you wear yourself out to your last....and for some people who are stubborn, so shall it be. But I know from experience that "premature endings" are also a blessing in disguise often and you waste a lot less time than waiting until you have no choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I loved 2 of the MM I was involved with. One I actually still think about. I didn't so much as fall out of lve with them as ....just got bored with the affair. The relationship existed in such a vacuum that without the evolution and change that naturally occurs in a conventional relationship....it became redundant. I can relate to this as well and it's what I consider the glass ceiling of most As. It's normal when you love someone you want to grow and expand and share your life...I don't think most people are built for the stunted state of As. After a while it does become redundant and pointless. It's like LDR or internet relationships. It's all good and well initially but usually people grow tired of being constrained and only being able to use electronic media to communicate and the constant "talking" but not seeing, doing, living, breathing around this person...then as much as you love them it's just wearisome. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I think his behaviour eventually eroded any intense feelings I had for him. I did completely love him and ill always have good memories but he isn't the same person he used to be from my perception, at least. Eventually I just saw him for the lying cheat that he is/was imperfectangel....... I couldn't have said it better myself... The Wife can have his lying ass....Because I surely don't want him..... Link to post Share on other sites
movingon45 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Yes. After a two year A , NC for 18 months and then two reunions, I totally fell out of love with him. Last time I saw him we were meant to have coffee but he wouldn't go into the coffee shop because he was afraid he would be seen with me. We ended up sitting in my car, chatting for a little while. On the way home I can remember thinking... that it was boring. His conversation had bored me, same old things about maybe we can do this or go there, maybe I can see you next week ad nauseam. In fact I just felt totally sick of the whole A, the secret meetings, the disappointments, the complex arrangements that needed to be put in place for us to meet . I then remember thinking... he's not that special and he just wasted my morning, let alone at least 2 and a half years of my life. I'M DONE! It happened very suddenly, I sent him an email when I arrived home and we talked on the phone one last time. He begged and pleaded throwing the usual crumbs of hope my way but I refused and haven't contacted him ever again. That was it... and it was the best thing I had done in many years and I don't miss all that CRAP one bit. Cat And I think it's best to let the A run its course than forced NC or LC, in some situations anyway. You will eventually get bored. Initially it's all good and exciting because it's the perpetual first date and you are both on your best because you know that you have limited time. It's all fantasy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OneMoreNight Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Yes. But what were we in love with in the first place? MM broke things off a few months ago. I was devastated. I had fallen in love with him, even knowing there was no future. We grew distant...and then closer and are back 'together' as it were. But I can honestly say I do not feel the same way about him. I love him when he is with me...it's a different reality then....but I don't pine for him when he isn't here. So I think once the blinders are off (or moved slightly to the side), we start to see things more clearly for what they are. Borrowed time and an undercover reality . Does that make any sense? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Catplates Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Yes. But what were we in love with in the first place? MM broke things off a few months ago. I was devastated. I had fallen in love with him, even knowing there was no future. We grew distant...and then closer and are back 'together' as it were. But I can honestly say I do not feel the same way about him. I love him when he is with me...it's a different reality then....but I don't pine for him when he isn't here. So I think once the blinders are off (or moved slightly to the side), we start to see things more clearly for what they are. Borrowed time and an undercover reality . Does that make any sense? As they say, we were in love with dorks wrapped in tin foil.... not the knights in shining armour. After two reuinions with MM, I looked at him and found that he wasn't that special after all. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life breaking up and reuniting with him . I suppose his charm had worn very thin and everything he said was just the same old formula with maybe a few different words thrown . It is a different reality when you are with him... total fantasy, unrelated to anything except the two of you. Have a think about how long you want to be yo yoing back and forth , I hope not for the rest of your life. I spent almost 4 years and it's ultimately not worth it. Cat 1 Link to post Share on other sites
movingon45 Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Yes. But what were we in love with in the first place? MM broke things off a few months ago. I was devastated. I had fallen in love with him, even knowing there was no future. We grew distant...and then closer and are back 'together' as it were. But I can honestly say I do not feel the same way about him. I love him when he is with me...it's a different reality then....but I don't pine for him when he isn't here. So I think once the blinders are off (or moved slightly to the side), we start to see things more clearly for what they are. Borrowed time and an undercover reality . Does that make any sense? We could be in love with our youth (in my case anyway because we were college sweethearts), with our attractive/wanted self, or with whatever that borrowed/fantasy time with our AP represents. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 The Wife can have his lying ass....Because I surely don't want him..... Excuse my random comment... I can't say I don't want him. I do I am trying to detach from him whilst still...in the "thing" (as I call it)...and this upsets him... but...I do think of her/them and get jealous...However, I can say for the past week or two I can say that I have been telling myself that I don't know really why I should be jealous. She CAN have him and whatever happens, I hope they are happy...but really. I keep asking myself why I should be jealous of a woman whose man loves her so much that he is able to do this to her. Why am I jealous of a woman who by all accounts is very dependent and needs to stay with a man like this because she is not capable of doing anything for herself... Why am I jealous of their relationship...? I hate being single but I have to be grateful I don't have a relationship like this...and I hope NEVER to! would I want to be a woman like that? Not at all and I thank God I am not. Link to post Share on other sites
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