sugarbaby0701 Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=darkred][/color] my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 2 years. He has many female friends and is very secretive about them. I have to fight just for him to tell me their names and he never tells me when he goes out with them. Its not hard for me to realize that hes out with them because we constantly talk, so when he doesnt answer the phone i know something is up. i find myself getting extreamly jealous because he talks to them so much and i have no idea who they are. he tells me all the time that they are just friends and i dont need to worry and tells me that i shouldnt be suspicious because we arent married! what the heck is that supposed to mean?? we've been together for a while i think i have the right to be suspicious. I really want to trust him, but sometimes its really hard to. I really need advise. the fact that hes so secretive and doesnt care how i feel bugs me. so, if your in the same boat as me, post a messege! thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Anshul Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 well i think he is cheating on you, he is denying you in a way by saying we r not married as of yet, why dont u hang out with some male friends right in front of him and try his patience. Maybe he is just teasing you to get that reaction. always remember girld can tease better than guys Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 I wouldn't let a guy treat me the way you're bf is treating you. If he really cared about you he wouldn't care for you to know who his female friends are. I think you need to talk to him about it, and if things don't change, you should move on. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Whilst it is healthy to have different friends and time to yourselves, it is just plain DISRESPECTFUL to treat your partner the way your BF is treating you. I have been there - my BF wouoldn't introduce me to most of his friends, he'd go off to visit them and leave me at home doing housework or i'd go see my folks or friends. He would tell me that i wasn't very sociable and didn't get on with his friends - er, this is because he never let me meet them! We were together for three years and he wouldn't even let me meet his dad and step sisters! He took no interest in my friends or family, when he was invited to come places with me and my friends he would make up some excuse. He even chose to wait in the car rather than come inside the house and meet my brother and niece once! But loved him so much i was blind to all of this whilst my friends could see how badly he was treating me. He left me eventually, after i had dared do something of my own accord one weekend - i had to work away and took the opportunity to see my friends at the same time and he was sick so couldn't go see his friends and he wanted me to stay home, he threw the biggest tantrum in the world and left me a couple of days later. Broke my heart, but my friends were glad i was finally free of his domination. Don't allow yourself to be subjugated, you are worth more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 P.S i don't think the problem is that these friends are female. Some guys just get on better with girls and this doesn't have to be a problem, in fact it could provide you with more friends if he introduced you to them and you got onwith them. i think the problem here is the way he keeps you seperate from the rest of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 I agress with Zara. Some guy just get along bettre with girls. That's not the problem. The problem is how he doesn't lie to you but just avoids the wuestions instead and keeps you in the dark. Why put up with it? You said you have been with him a while and you do deserve to know where he is and who he is with. If he can f*ck you then you should be able to know who he is with. Sorry to be blunt but thats the way I see it. I say talk to him again about it and if things don't change move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen_Angel Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd I say talk to him again about it and if things don't change move on. Absolutely. I myself get along better with guys, and my boyfriend is ok with it. Granted, my boyfriend has never met my guy friends, but I'm up front with him about it. He knows their names and such. Plus, if I'm out with a guy friend and my boyfriend calls, I always answer the phone. It's not as though I have hour long conversations with him while out with friends, but I don't feel like I need to hide anything. I think it is pretty telling that your boyfriend is being so secretive about it. There's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, so long as you're honest about it. You most certainly should not have to put up with this behavior. I know I wouldn't. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarbaby0701 Posted August 21, 2004 Author Share Posted August 21, 2004 I just dont know what to do anymore!! when i talk to him about it he freaks out and gets pissed at me! he tells me his friends and me are seperate and i dont need to know anything about them or their names, but hes not understanding that i wouldnt worry if he would be more open with me! Its causing so many arguements, its ridiculous!! Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 Sounds to me like he's not just a control freak, but one that wants to have his cake, cookies and pie and eat 'em all too - preferably all at once! Dump this loser - you deserve better!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 If he can f*ck you then you should be able to know who he is with. Sorry to be blunt but thats the way I see it. Eternallyconfused, I think I love your "bluntness!" You need to get the first line on a bumper sticker. However, there's something buried in the post: they "constantly talk" so sugarbaby knows that when their conversation is interrupted, then he must be with female "friends." Its not hard for me to realize that hes out with them because we constantly talk, so when he doesnt answer the phone i know something is up. Sugarbaby, if your gonna need to "constantly" talk to ANY GUY (over a TWO year period, then your going to find that EVERY GUY is gonna have "lots of female friends." Link to post Share on other sites
krbshappy71 Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 I totally agree with reasontosigh.... Reason, haven't I seen that quote before? Under a differetn name? Or am I high. Link to post Share on other sites
Neo Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 If he won't let you see his friends, don't give him any sex... see if that works You do have a degree of power here, you know. Ask him why he won't tell you anything, and explain how you are having a hard time trusting him solely based on his reactions to your desire to see his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Originally posted by krbshappy71 I totally agree with reasontosigh.... Reason, haven't I seen that quote before? Under a differetn name? Or am I high. The quote in my sig, you mean?? Yes, indeed...its my all time favorite from Dave1234, who must be off for some summer fun, as I haven't seen him around lately. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Originally posted by sugarbaby0701 I just dont know what to do anymore!! when i talk to him about it he freaks out and gets pissed at me! he tells me his friends and me are seperate and i dont need to know anything about them or their names, but hes not understanding that i wouldnt worry if he would be more open with me! Its causing so many arguements, its ridiculous!! Uhh no. Dump him, its not worth the hassle. This all sounds very suspicious. If a woman told me that lame excuse I'd be gone. If one can't at least introduce your gf/bf to friends there is a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 If one can't at least introduce your gf/bf to friends there is a problem. Definitely. If he doesn't care about how you feel and try to make things better, he's not worth sticking around for. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 He may be paranoid that you think that he's cheating on you. I've felt like that before with regards to my relationship. Maybe if you stop asking, bite your tongue and make him feel like you're not suspicious of him cheating (don't say it, it probably wont work, show it with your actions) then he may be forth-coming just to be honest. Ofcourse if you can't deal with the secrecy in the end...then leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
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