Aaaarrrggghhhhh !!!!!!

[Zammo25]

Zammo, it is you who refuses to address the issue.

you dress it up, decorate it, embellish it, add to it, elaborate, magnify and inflate it.

 

But do you do anything about moving on, healing, dropping the pain, working on yourself, ignoring her and leaving the past behind?

 

The threads speak for themselves, i think.

 

just as my posts do, more than adequately.

 

Clichés are clichés, because they're tried, tested and they work.

 

You should try them some time.

 

And the £ 4000 possessions ?

[Zammo25]

What I would say about you TM is that you are so sure your way is the only way. You hold onto this belief and trash people who do not conform to your way of thinking. You seem to think you are this perfect person with the answer to everything as you know best, always. It is quite tiresome in a way. Yes you have a lot of good advice to give but you seem to be resolute in that what you say is ALWAYS right and other people are wrong, everytime.

[TaraMaiden]

You've done without them up to now... why suddenly is this an issue?

 

Remember the Golden Rule:

Do not deal with Practical matters from an Emotional level.

 

If there is something you can do, legally (ie, using the law) to get it back, do it.

If it's just resentment and sour grapes - you need to let things go.

 

If it's any consolation, when my ex- and I divorced, I lost in the region of £15k's worth of stuff that had been brought to the relationship BY ME.

 

Good riddance.

[TaraMaiden]

What I would say about you TM is that you are so sure your way is the only way. You hold onto this belief and trash people who do not conform to your way of thinking. You seem to think you are this perfect person with the answer to everything as you know best, always. It is quite tiresome in a way. Yes you have a lot of good advice to give but you seem to be resolute in that what you say is ALWAYS right and other people are wrong, everytime.

 

Aah.

 

Right.

 

And How's your way working for you?

 

if you haven't tried 'my way' (which incidentally, isn't 'my way' exclusively, but actually seems to work, as many will attest) how do you know it wouldn't work for you...?

Because as far as I can tell - you're not getting very far with the alternative - are you?

[TaraMaiden]

You'll notice I haven't commented in this thread, but people seem to be giving the same advice.

 

How would you account for that?

[Zammo25]

Aah.

 

Right.

 

And How's your way working for you?

 

if you haven't tried 'my way' (which incidentally, isn't 'my way' exclusively, but actually seems to work, as many will attest) how do you know it wouldn't work for you...?

Because as far as I can tell - you're not getting very far with the alternative - are you?

 

Well I am actually but all you seem to want to do is trash anyone who does not follow your every word. Tell me what is your story ? Why are you on here every day as the person who knows it all ? Did you ever have your heart broken or are just on here to feel some sort of superiority over other people as you have NEVER got it wrong ? Am I right as you like to dish it out. Maybe you don't like to have it dished back out and your life is all rainbows and flowers.

[TaraMaiden]

Zammo I hate to put this out to you, but this isn't about me.

This is about you.

 

Don't turn your inability to move on, onto me.

 

 

I'm 55 years old, and believe me, I have been trhough some harrowing times.

I don't need to go into them though, because I'm done with re-living the past and hauling it into the present, as if it mattered.

The only thing I ever did right was to use the past to build a better me.

 

I worked in Relationships counselling for 4 years, and learnt more than I could ever tell you here.

 

So if you don't want to hear or see what I have to say, feel free to ignore.

But the more questions you ask of me, the more you deflect from the real issue.

And that is, you're letting your past drag you down and hold you back.

 

And that is your tragedy.

 

Not mine.

[Zammo25]

Zammo I hate to pijt this out to you, but this isn';t about me.

This is about you.

 

Don't turn your inability to move on, onto me.

 

 

I'm 55 years old, and believe me, I have been trhough some harrowing times.

I don't need to go into them though, because I'm done with re-living the past and hauling it into the present, as if it mattered.

The only thing I ever did right was to use the past to build a better me.

 

I worked in Relationships counselling for 4 years, and learnt more than I could ever tell you here.

 

So if you don't want to hear or see what I have to say, feel free to ignore.

But the more questions you ask of me, the more you deflect from the real issue.

And that is, you're letting your past drag you down and hold you back.

 

And that is your tragedy.

 

Not mine.

 

No you are not going to get away with this. I will move on, I am but I find your way very abbrasive, very matter of fact as that you know all the answers and you are never ever wrong. That is why I find it hard to relate to you as you are like a robot almost devoid of feelings and empathy for others. You just trot out the TM manual everytime regardless of the circumstances and come across to me at least as a Woman who has a lot of knowledge and can recit the manual word for you but do not really connect to people or how they feel at any moment in time, quick to judge, quick to reride and trash them as you have to me and countless others and the ultimate the self appointed judge in everything.

[Jono85]

Well about 6 months ago. I am past caring but she said she would get my stuff back and she is taking the piss now. She and the new guy can just get on with it but I still think this situation is wrong.

 

i'm sorry but 6 months?!? no excuses. you should have demanded for the stuff back in month 1.

 

my guess, you didn't really want the stuff back in any kind of hurry, b/c you thought it would only help to bring her back to you (memories, future meet up, whatever).

 

imo the stuff belongs to her now. you say 6 months, but it seems from your threads you broke up a year ago, and were friends for a few months after. that's not a relationship. fact is it's been a year and you haven't cared about the stuff to this degree, until recently. you have no case here. you're just angry that she actually has moved on, and sure you have that right. but the stuff, give it up. you never cared about the stuff.

[Zammo25]

I don't agree with this at all. 6 months ago she said he would get the stuff back to me and now 6 months on nothing. I am sorry I just cannot agree with your view on this.

[Zammo25]

I am amazed at how people think theft is ok.

[Jono85]

I am amazed at how people think theft is ok.

 

6 months is like 180 days. the time to worry about this was 150 days ago, after a month and your stuff still wasn't in your possession. not now. give it up. this isn't theft. it's lack of effort from BOTH parties.

[steelpantherrocks]

i honestly think you holding on to hope of getting your stuff back is what is holding you back from moving on man. your angry and bitter and thats ok, but when you just dont care about your things anymore youll see the bigger picture..

[Zammo25]

6 months is like 180 days. the time to worry about this was 150 days ago, after a month and your stuff still wasn't in your possession. not now. give it up. this isn't theft. it's lack of effort from BOTH parties.

 

I disagree when it was stated 6 months ago my stuff would be returned. I don't know what moral values you have but to me it is plain wrong and there are no excuses for it.

[Zammo25]

i honestly think you holding on to hope of getting your stuff back is what is holding you back from moving on man. your angry and bitter and thats ok, but when you just dont care about your things anymore youll see the bigger picture..

 

I suppose I will write them off , I just can't believe so many people seem to think this is acceptable.

[Zammo25]

6 months is like 180 days. the time to worry about this was 150 days ago, after a month and your stuff still wasn't in your possession. not now. give it up. this isn't theft. it's lack of effort from BOTH parties.

 

Theft is theft, 1 month on, 6 months on , 10 years on. It is theft.

[Zammo25]

i'm sorry but 6 months?!? no excuses. you should have demanded for the stuff back in month 1.

 

my guess, you didn't really want the stuff back in any kind of hurry, b/c you thought it would only help to bring her back to you (memories, future meet up, whatever).

 

imo the stuff belongs to her now. you say 6 months, but it seems from your threads you broke up a year ago, and were friends for a few months after. that's not a relationship. fact is it's been a year and you haven't cared about the stuff to this degree, until recently. you have no case here. you're just angry that she actually has moved on, and sure you have that right. but the stuff, give it up. you never cared about the stuff.

 

How the f*ck can it belong to her now ?

[steelpantherrocks]

id be pissed too, and your right its not acceptable but remember what she did to you so do you expect anything different from her. i got ripped off bad by my ex, with all that happened it took alot of will power to not care. honestly, but, i try and look at it this way, i didnt marry this thing and i didnt have kids i kept my house my buisness and dont have to pay her support, had i married her and she went through this phase later on i woulda been capital F ucked. woulda lost it all. so at the end of the day man, be thankful its only 4000 not 100 000 or more. obviously these items are not hindering your exsistance, so replace them or forget them, the quicker you accept this the quicker youll forget about that person and her buddy there and life will go on.

[Zammo25]

id be pissed too, and your right its not acceptable but remember what she did to you so do you expect anything different from her. i got ripped off bad by my ex, with all that happened it took alot of will power to not care. honestly, but, i try and look at it this way, i didnt marry this thing and i didnt have kids i kept my house my buisness and dont have to pay her support, had i married her and she went through this phase later on i woulda been capital F ucked. woulda lost it all. so at the end of the day man, be thankful its only 4000 not 100 000 or more. obviously these items are not hindering your exsistance, so replace them or forget them, the quicker you accept this the quicker youll forget about that person and her buddy there and life will go on.

 

At least you understand mate. I just think it is wrong. I will live with it and write if off and move on but it is not right. To be honest I am now past caring what she does now as she has gone down in my estimations she can live with her actions and I will rebuild my life. Thanks for the support.

[Chi townD]

Really dude? You just want to tear everyone up on here! Tara has been instrumental in a lot of people healing process and if she coming across as a little harsh. Well, that's called tough love, getting your head smacked with a 2x4....whatever you want to call it. And she doesn't deserve to be bashed on, she was trying to help you even if you refuse to see it.

 

You didn't agree with what Spainard said in his post to you in an earlier in this thread. I agree with EVERYTHING he said to you. What have YOU done to improve your situation? What positive changes have YOU made in your life? Going to the gym? Changing your wardrobe? Getting new hobbies? Traveling? going back to school? Improving your financial situation?... ANYTHING?

 

Now, here's my advice if you want to bash on me for awhile. Aside from one text six months ago. What other steps have you taken to get your crap back? She didn't respond to your request? Okay, fine. What about her other family members? Brother? Sister? Her parents? Have you asked them to get your crap back for you?

 

You don't want to that route? Fine, is 4,000 in gear. Have you gone to the cops to retrieve your stuff? Have you petioned the courts to FORCE her to return your property? Have you even considered that route to get your sh*t back?

[Jono85]

Theft is theft, 1 month on, 6 months on , 10 years on. It is theft.

 

it is not theft lol. u know how many ppl have had my stuff, even after i asked for it back, and months go by. that's not theft, wtf. the responsibility is yours to go and get YOUR stuff. now if you showed up to where your possessions were, and she said, no, you can't have them, THEN you might have a case. otherwise, just stop. go and get your stuff already..

[Zammo25]

it is not theft lol. u know how many ppl have had my stuff, even after i asked for it back, and months go by. that's not theft, wtf. the responsibility is yours to go and get YOUR stuff. now if you showed up to where your possessions were, and she said, no, you can't have them, THEN you might have a case. otherwise, just stop. go and get your stuff already..

 

Ok I will go and front her and the new guy. I did not want it to come to this as I thought she would do the decent thing but I am over there tomorrow.

[TaraMaiden]

Theft is theft, 1 month on, 6 months on , 10 years on. It is theft.

 

Unfortunately not....

 

How the f*ck can it belong to her now ?

 

It's a question of time....

 

. Aside from one text six months ago. What other steps have you taken to get your crap back? She didn't respond to your request? Okay, fine. What about her other family members? Brother? Sister? Her parents? Have you asked them to get your crap back for you?

 

You don't want to that route? Fine, is 4,000 in gear. Have you gone to the cops to retrieve your stuff? Have you petioned the courts to FORCE her to return your property? Have you even considered that route to get your sh*t back?

 

Herein lies the problem:

Strictly speaking within the Law, you may have left it too long to retrieve your property.

You would first have to demonstrate that you took all reasonable steps to regain the items: Phone calls, texts, letters, engaging legal services.

If this amount of time has elapsed, it may be extremely difficult to convince any legal authority that you haven't waived your rights of ownership.

 

If all you have to pin your hopes on, is her/their willingness and good nature to give it back to you - all of it - then I wish you luck, I really do - but I wouldn't hold my breath.

 

Thank you for your kind words, Chi townD, I appreciate your input.

[portableversion]

intersting conversation, makes me wonder about some of my stuff. I just dont have the space for it, but there are things there like art hanging on the wall, old x-mas ornaments, and old clock. I just dont have the room for it since ive had to down grade my living situation in a serious substantial way.

 

i dont know then too she had me stay the house for a week over thanx giving when she went to alaska to go shag her boyfriend and i stayed there for a whole week.

[portableversion]

hang inthere zammo ive read some of ur stuff, and i can feel ur pain. U can only do all the self help stuff if u have the energy and motivation to do it, some days its just enough to not step out on front of the train, or suck on the barrel of a gun

 

for me i think u are coping by venting on here, ive been using this as an online journal to just get crap out of my mind. its interesting to go back and read stuff ive posted awhile ago, and compare the different emotions of then and now

 

my problem is my ex wont leave me alone, and she filed and i have no idea what shes up to, my therapist and divorce counselors tell me to proceed with caution. she was on the phone yesterday for almost an hour saying she wants to be friends and wants to maintain that, despite the fact it could very well strain dating opportunities...............

 

personally ive found church to be very helpful, it comes in strange ways, many times id ask god for strength and id end up crying like a baby. So that was it i had to cry and cry and cry some more its been good and a learning experinece. Geez im not the type to cry over anything, ive lost my dad, and both grandmas and my grandpa, none of that made me cry like being tossed aside in love.

 

my job is physically demanding so i have not been to the gym in awile but it does create positive feelings for a short while. when i was real bad off it would get me to stop crying for a couple of hours or so then id have a fit.

 

had to cry to stop crying at least for me, rejection is horrible i just dont think we are built for it, for me it has been the absolute worst horrible experience, i wish i had a chance togoto combat, i wonder how the terror of being shot at compares to being rejected in love

Edited January 12, 2013 by portableversion