Aaaarrrggghhhhh !!!!!!

[TaraMaiden]

man f*** this what's the point of offering my f***** advice then?! this self defeatest attitude is depressing, i'm out!

 

Yeas... I hate to say it Zammo, but after a while, banging my head against the wall, seems the more favourable option......

 

You can't possibly actually enjoy feeling like this.

But you seem to be suck in making absolutely no effort whatsoever in changing your mind-set.

And that's what it will take.

For you - to change your mind about how you're dealing with this.

[Mint Sauce]

I HATE the weekends. I just loved having a take away, watching a film or tv, having a few drinks on a Saturday Night and then a lazy Sunday, in bed, doing nice stuff as now Mr Wonderful is enjoying this. Weekends are HELL.

 

Zammo, note that in this picture of the perfect weekend, nothing is specific for your ex. You can have such weekends with any girl inclined to enjoy lazy weekends. Find yourself a new, better one, and stop wasting weekends pining over what is lost.

[SuperGeek]

My ex took a lot of my stuff when she left. The stuff she took was stuff we purchased together and I didn't want it back anyway since it would have been a triggering mechanism.

 

I was so out of my mind when my ex left me that i literally donated nearly all the stuff in my house to the poor and purchased all new stuff so that it didn't trigger any feelings of the ex. Sold a car i had purchased with her and bought a different one just so I didn't have to be reminded of the memories.

 

Threads like this just amaze me because I just don't understand why some people care about getting their material items back from an ex, especially when emotionally you're already just torn to shreds (at least i was back then). i suppose it depends on what the items are, but for me it was inexpensive to moderately costly household items such as a couch, kitchenware, etc.

 

I never did sleep in our bed again. I gave the bed to a couple who were sleeping on the floor due to a flood. She left some clothes behind and I just donated those to a woman's shelter. She didn't ask for those back either, she was already in another relationship anyway and i was yesterdays newspaper at that point (I was the dumpee, can you tell? lol).

 

Two truck loads of stuff I donated due to my ex. Gosh it costed me so much money in the end getting out of that relationship, but the biggest cost of all was the emotional cost and scars that I'm still carrying around right now. I'm indifferent to most of it now, but I'm still working on fixing my trust issues and letting someone new enter my life.

 

My advice after being out of my relationship for 2.5 years is the material stuff doesn't matter unless it's of significant monetary value and worth paying a lawyer to get it back for you. Even then it still might not be worth it.

 

My ex was broke when she said our marriage was over and she wanted to move out to have her space. So after grieving for about two hours, I gave her money just so she could get her own temporary living location. THAT is how completely screwed up I was from the whole thing. I never once asked her for the money back. It was freedom money... it gave me the freedom to heal from it and to get us away from each other. Lots of blokes tell me I was daft for giving her that money at the end to move out, but i don't regret it at all... I was able to go insane privately instead of in front of her. I delt with the pain on my own.

 

I wish her well whatever she is doing now.

 

SuperGeek

[Zammo25]

Well I an getting my stuff back. She did not want to speak to me, ignored my call and sent a one word text back. Why does she treat me like a piece of sh*t ? I don't get it all I am trying to do is do the right thing and be civil but it is like I am the Devils Spawn now and I really don't think I deserve to be treated in such a shi*ty way.

[TaraMaiden]

You really do need to detach from her motives, and attitude.

It doesn't matter any more, it's over. How she feels is her problem and her sourness to carry.

You're getting your stuff back.

That's cool.

Then this will well and truly see the end of it all, won't it?

[Zammo25]

You really do need to detach from her motives, and attitude.

It doesn't matter any more, it's over. How she feels is her problem and her sourness to carry.

You're getting your stuff back.

That's cool.

Then this will well and truly see the end of it all, won't it?

 

Thanks Tara. I hope this does not destroy me. 50/50. Zammo.

[Jingle14]

You really do need to detach from her motives, and attitude.

It doesn't matter any more, it's over. How she feels is her problem and her sourness to carry.

You're getting your stuff back.

That's cool.

Then this will well and truly see the end of it all, won't it?

 

If only it were that easy. Am sure the OP doesn't enjoy feeling the way they do - who would - and I doubt the return of the items will diminish the hurt they feel, it's very difficult to detach one's feelings from the perceived cruelty and cold unkindness of someone we held so dear and was once shared a mutual love, bond and mutual closeness with.

[Zammo25]

Thanks Jingle. You understand. No, getting my stuff is not going to ease the pain, infact in a way it will make it worse as that was the one remaining connection I had with her. I do not know whether to go and see her in person to get my stuff or let her take them to a friend ,which is a hassle for her, but I don't think I could face seeing her face and hearing her voice again, and maybe having a coffee, collecting my stuff and then going as I am still in love with her but I don't want to appear a pussy either afraid to get my stuff. Any advice ?

Edited January 25, 2013 by Zammo25

[Zammo25]

I have decided to let her take my stuff to the friend. If she thinks I am a pussy for not seeing her face to face and collecting them , it does not matter anymore really does it ? What good could come of this meeting " she may think, wow, Zammo, I still have feelings for you ? " nah, it would be collecting my stuff, maybe a quick coffee and a chat and then bye and the new guys stuff may be there, cards, flowers and all that sh*t. No, too much pain would come from it I think. If I saw her face I would probably crumble as I have missed her every single day for a year now and she has been with the new guy for 7-8 months. This is utter MADNESS. I have left with dignity, laid my heart on the line, fought for second chances and she has move on, without regrets and without a fight. That has to tell me all I need to know.

[Zammo25]

I am PROUD of the way I handled this. I have my stuff back, delivered to a friend and I think I made the right call not seeing her face to face to get it as it would have hurt too much. So today I am going to congratulate myself for doing the right thing, laying my heart on the line and moving on. It is now OVER, the last rites have been conducted now and I will move forward.

[TaraMaiden]

Good for you.

NOW you can truly begin to take each day, a step forward.

 

I suggest you try to go on a retreat, or join an organisation where you can shut yourself away for a week or so, and challenge your 'stuckiness' head-on.

No reason now, to keep thinking of her.

It's over.

Great stuff.

 

Now - emerge a newer, better and wiser man.

[Zammo25]

Good for you.

NOW you can truly begin to take each day, a step forward.

 

I suggest you try to go on a retreat, or join an organisation where you can shut yourself away for a week or so, and challenge your 'stuckiness' head-on.

No reason now, to keep thinking of her.

It's over.

Great stuff.

 

Now - emerge a newer, better and wiser man.

 

Thanks Tara. I think I made the right call today. Meeting up with her would have ended in pain, for me. I wanted to, just to look her in her eyes and see if she felt any remorse but really what was the point ? She is with a new guy now and happy so I did the decent and right thing and respected her and sent her a few final e mails during this wishing her and the new guy well, saying I did love her but I am happy for her so I did all I could to end it finally with head held high and for that I have to be proud of myself no matter how much this final act has hurt me. I will move on now.