Aaaarrrggghhhhh !!!!!!

[Mr.White]

I am glad that at least I learned something from this thread.

 

I already knew most of it by scrolling the forums but I like to read stories like Spaniard's.

 

Zammo it has been such a long period of time for you to retrieve your belongings, honestly this girl has no intention of ever contacting you back.

 

You have tried endlessly to get into contact with her, now you seem to be that weird ex always attempting to contact the other person.

 

There was a time for you to have contacted her and retrieved your items and at the longest I would give it depending on the distance between the both of you a month (even through the USPS!).

 

This site is an advice site. Not every user will post and sympathize your emotions, I have even rejected everyone's advice in my own thread seeking advice but sure as heck I eventually saw it was the truth.

 

You seem to still be dwelling on this past relationship.

 

Try and give up your items because she has no intentions of giving them back to you. Heck she might have even thrown them away! I know it is 4000 euros but it has been months since the break up. You have lost your chance to retrieve it, but go ahead and keep trying to contact your ex who has NEVER replied to a SINGLE ONE of your messages.

 

Its okay, you can do what you want and become that creepy ex never letting go and moving on.

 

That is my point of view and advice, but you can reject it and flame me all you want.

[TaraMaiden]

I don't know enough about him or his circumstances to advise anything. How he chooses to deal with his situation is his business and not mine, he must do what is right for him but, as he is posting on here - same as me - I must assume he's low, heartbroken and in need of some kind words. I would never judge or preach to others on here - not saying you do, of course, it's clear you have provided people with lots of helpful advice - that's not my place. If someone is feeling as low as I often do - my heart is shattered beyond repair, God knows I've tried to get past that - the last thing they need is a stranger on a forum giving them what they perceive as a hard time, however well meant.

 

I have neither judged nor preached - but posting on here for advice, is precisely what people want and seek...

Imagine if everyone who came here for some supportive counsel was met with the response that it's not our business what she/he should do, and they must choose for themselves.... people come here for advice, counsel, and guidance - and it comes in all guises....

 

One person's 'hard time' is another person's 'timely wake-up call'.

 

As I have stated on more than one occasion, I have previously attempted to modify my approach, soften my attitude and bring down the timbre a notch or two,...

 

And you know what??

I've had people asking me, what's wrong with me? What am I doing, this isn't like me!

 

I have an approach.

it's the way I am, and as you will see, I don't pull punches for anyone. 9.9 times out of 10, it seems to be what people need.

 

I advised Zammo some time ago that if really, he couldn't bear to read my posts, there was always the 'ignore' button.

 

But he has chosen to continue engaging with me - and in a way, I'm grateful for that, because if he asks me questions, presumably he's not only reading my posts, but seeking further responses.

 

I can only go by what I know to be true for me, and what works for me.

Astonishingly, it seems to have worked for a huge number of other people too.

if it doesn't work for Zammo, then I'm sorry.

But I'm still here, still trying and still answering his questions.

And as long as he feels the urge to talk to me, I will be here for him.

[Zammo25]

I am glad that at least I learned something from this thread.

 

I already knew most of it by scrolling the forums but I like to read stories like Spaniard's.

 

Zammo it has been such a long period of time for you to retrieve your belongings, honestly this girl has no intention of ever contacting you back.

 

You have tried endlessly to get into contact with her, now you seem to be that weird ex always attempting to contact the other person.

 

There was a time for you to have contacted her and retrieved your items and at the longest I would give it depending on the distance between the both of you a month (even through the USPS!).

 

This site is an advice site. Not every user will post and sympathize your emotions, I have even rejected everyone's advice in my own thread seeking advice but sure as heck I eventually saw it was the truth.

 

You seem to still be dwelling on this past relationship.

 

Try and give up your items because she has no intentions of giving them back to you. Heck she might have even thrown them away! I know it is 4000 euros but it has been months since the break up. You have lost your chance to retrieve it, but go ahead and keep trying to contact your ex who has NEVER replied to a SINGLE ONE of your messages.

 

Its okay, you can do what you want and become that creepy ex never letting go and moving on.

 

That is my point of view and advice, but you can reject it and flame me all you want.

 

Er. I have sent her one e mail six months after she moved on. What on Earth are you talking about ?

[Mr.White]

I had the thought you contacted her more then once, considering it was 4000 euro worth of items.

 

You decide to contact her 6 months after the break up for your stuff?

 

What an obvious mistake.

[Sav]

I'm reading bits and pieces here because frankly it's one whole chunk but I think I got the main picture figured out.

 

For starters, I don't disagree with Tara and Spanaird. On the matter about your ex not replying your "kind and respectful" email, your ex has no obligations to reply anything you send her. ANYTHING. She is not being disrespectful, rude or arrogant. She's just using her rights. If she wants nothing to do with you, she can choose not to have anything to do with you and that means cutting off all communication.

 

Secondly, your possessions. I know you just mentioned you gave up on them but if it's so important to you, send her a message asking when can you pick them up. If she still doesn't reply, call her and ask. Then proceed to ask a friend to help you go down to her place and pick them up. It's really just that simple.

 

Thirdly, if she isn't willing to return you your items, you could bring this case to a third party such as a legal entity and allow judgement to be passed. This should only be used as a final resort as things won't be pretty.

 

Fourthly, nobody is taking your ex's side on this. I don't know how blinded you are right now but ALL I can see is people stating facts. I don't know both sides of the story so I will not judge but emotions cloud judgement and right now, you're in a fog.

 

Fifth, I see some comments on this forum being supportive and not a place for harsh comments. Let's agree to disagree on this. I can write a whole essay for this point but let me point you towards my favourite boy in this forum : Frederickkkk. Go read his posts from day 1 till now and tell me again if you should keep on being supportive or give him "tough love".

 

Lastly because my brain is starting to malfunction, I just want to say moving on equates to finding forgiveness and letting go. Moving on may not necessarily mean wishing the best for your ex, but it does mean all the hate and anger are gone. You seem to have alot of resentment built up within you, I hope you can turn it into positive energy instead of feeling sorry for yourself or constantly comparing yourself to the other guy. Everyone has their good and bad side. Remember their good and forgive their bad, this way YOU will lead a much happier life. Trust me on that

[Zammo25]

I had the thought you contacted her more then once, considering it was 4000 euro worth of items.

 

You decide to contact her 6 months after the break up for your stuff?

 

What an obvious mistake.

 

No the agreement was she would give my items to a mutual friend and I respected that and believed her. I did not pester her and left it to her conscience. If that is my fault, I accept the blame. I would not do this to someone else so it says everything about her and nothing about me.

[Zammo25]

No the agreement was she would give my items to a mutual friend and I respected that and believed her. I did not pester her and left it to her conscience. If that is my fault, I accept the blame. I would not do this to someone else so it says everything about her and nothing about me.

 

Let me get this right. You are saying I am in the wrong ? Er, ok then.

[Zammo25]

I had the thought you contacted her more then once, considering it was 4000 euro worth of items.

 

You decide to contact her 6 months after the break up for your stuff?

 

What an obvious mistake.

 

Let me get this right. You are saying I am in the wrong ? Er, ok then.

[Jingle14]

I have neither judged nor preached - but posting on here for advice, is precisely what people want and seek...

Imagine if everyone who came here for some supportive counsel was met with the response that it's not our business what she/he should do, and they must choose for themselves.... people come here for advice, counsel, and guidance - and it comes in all guises....

 

One person's 'hard time' is another person's 'timely wake-up call'.

 

As I have stated on more than one occasion, I have previously attempted to modify my approach, soften my attitude and bring down the timbre a notch or two,...

 

And you know what??

I've had people asking me, what's wrong with me? What am I doing, this isn't like me!

 

I have an approach.

it's the way I am, and as you will see, I don't pull punches for anyone. 9.9 times out of 10, it seems to be what people need.

 

I advised Zammo some time ago that if really, he couldn't bear to read my posts, there was always the 'ignore' button.

 

But he has chosen to continue engaging with me - and in a way, I'm grateful for that, because if he asks me questions, presumably he's not only reading my posts, but seeking further responses.

 

I can only go by what I know to be true for me, and what works for me.

Astonishingly, it seems to have worked for a huge number of other people too.

if it doesn't work for Zammo, then I'm sorry.

But I'm still here, still trying and still answering his questions.

And as long as he feels the urge to talk to me, I will be here for him.

 

And that is precisely what I said.

 

You have your approach, I have mine. Part of giving counsel to people is also knowing when to walk away because you are no longer being of benefit to that person. I also don't presume to think that my view is the only view.

[TaraMaiden]

We're agreed on that.

But as my view is being sought, I am responding.

It's only fair.....

[Zammo25]

We're agreed on that.

But as my view is being sought, I am responding.

It's only fair.....

 

I did not say " what do you think TM ? " you chipped in and told me I was not within my rights and was harrassing her after one e mail.

[Jingle14]

We're agreed on that.

But as my view is being sought, I am responding.

It's only fair.....

 

I also think it's fair to say that Zammo now knows your views very clearly, so I don't think there is a need to keep labouring the point with him. I think he now just needs to be left to make whatever decision about his property and how to go about reclaiming it - or not.

[Zammo25]

I also think it's fair to say that Zammo now knows your views very clearly, so I don't think there is a need to keep labouring the point with him. I think he now just needs to be left to make whatever decision about his property and how to go about reclaiming it - or not.

 

Thanks for your understanding Jingle. I am going to write my possessions off. It has helped me as it has shown me her true colours and that makes it easier. The pedastal I once held her on has come crashing down.

[TaraMaiden]

I did not say " what do you think TM ? "

 

you chipped in and told me I was not within my rights

 

and was harrassing her after one e mail.

 

Look you're dramatising things again...

 

One:

Your post was basically an open invitation to other members to come in and comment. You didn't ask anyone "What do you think, <member's name here>?" so as you posted, I joined in. Like every other person on this thread.

 

Two:

I never said you were NOT within your rights

I suggested to you that seeking a legal redress would prove extremely difficult after the passage of time, and no evidence to demonstrate that you had taken all reasonable steps to re-secure the property in question.

Rights, are not necessarily rights in Law. The Law is written for society, not the individual.

 

Three:

The person with the opinion that you might have been harassing her - would have been her, not me. She's the kind of spiteful person who would accuse you of doing that, together with everything else she did, I - or anyone else - would not put it past her.

 

Quit fighting invisible monsters, Zammo.

I'm really not your enemy here, I promise you.

[Zammo25]

Thanks for all the advice. I have taken it all onboard. I will let it go along with my possessions just feel I have been treated very badly.

[Mr.White]

You just got one bad apple in the batch. You can toss her out, it does not mean all girls are bad though!

 

Keep your head up and build on yourself

[Zammo25]

Thanks. Apologies to Tara Maiden and Spaniard I am just hurting very bad and genuinely feel I do not deserve this.

[TaraMaiden]

Thanks for all the advice. I have taken it all onboard. I will let it go along with my possessions just feel I have been treated very badly.

I couldn't agree with you more....

 

Thanks. Apologies to Tara Maiden and Spaniard I am just hurting very bad and genuinely feel I do not deserve this.

 

You don't. Absolutely you definitely don't.

 

And honestly, if I could, I'd reach through and give you a hug.

believe it or not, the last thing I would want from you, is an apology.

What I really want is for you to find equilibrium, serenity and a new lease of a more happy life for yourself. That would be just wonderful....

 

What Mr.White says is true; you had a bad apple.

Not all women are like that, but you need time to yourself, for yourself, to face the situation head-on, fair and square, and refuse to let it cloud your horizon for a second longer.

It takes clarity and character to apologise, and I am grateful for that.

But really, it's not needed.

 

And like I said - I - with everyone, I'm sure - am here for you when you need to spill it all out.

 

(((Hugs))) Zammo.

[Zammo25]

Thanks Tara. I am a decent and loyal Man just wanting someone who would be the same.

[winstonsdreams]

Zammo buddy hang in there you are going through the anger phase of the break up ride it out. dude i was with you as a dumper we don't get a lot of sympathy here sometimes but you have to understand a lot of these people are trying to help you. this chick you were with sounds horrible, she didn't deserve you. please understand Tara honestly knows what she is talking about, dude i am feeling so much better and it's because A) I went hard NC and B) I let her go. Dude the anger will subside, if you REALLY want your stuff back call the police immediately and get some advice, but don't let this be a reason to hang on. there is someone out there that deserves you and you will find them only when you let this one go.

 

take it from me because my ex moved on to someone else, but you won't be hearing me call him Mr Wonderful, instead i have gone NC and followed all the advice i have received on here and healing. you can do this man i know it come on we are with you on this!

Edited January 12, 2013 by winstonsdreams

[Roi]

@TaraMaiden

 

I can't send private messages yet so I'll approach you in this post,

remember the advice you gave me? I took it but it felt a bit harsh too but I understand you only tried to help.

 

Now I have started a little rant-thread like this a few days ago, or yesterday can't remember, it's called: "Why doesn't my effort pay off?!"

 

I've been thinking about what you said but can you give me some more in-depth guidelines, techniques etc.? I really want to do what you told me and my head is capable of doing so but my emotions just won't follow, they're even getting worse at times!

[Zammo25]

I HATE the weekends. I just loved having a take away, watching a film or tv, having a few drinks on a Saturday Night and then a lazy Sunday, in bed, doing nice stuff as now Mr Wonderful is enjoying this. Weekends are HELL.

[winstonsdreams]

man f*** this what's the point of offering my f***** advice then?! this self defeatest attitude is depressing, i'm out!

[Renard99]

I HATE the weekends. I just loved having a take away, watching a film or tv, having a few drinks on a Saturday Night and then a lazy Sunday, in bed, doing nice stuff as now Mr Wonderful is enjoying this. Weekends are HELL.

 

I know it's not easy but find something else you like to do on a weekend then. My ex didn't really like motorsport, so I hardly went. After she'd gone I got myself tickets to every race I could get to. I rarely saw friends when I was with me ex too, but now there was nothing holding me back from organising evenings out.

 

I went out and did things that I liked but didn't do before. Ok, so I did like spending the day in bed too, but for the sake of moving on and not dwelling on things it really did me the world of good to shake up the routine.

[spaniard]

I HATE the weekends. I just loved having a take away, watching a film or tv, having a few drinks on a Saturday Night and then a lazy Sunday, in bed, doing nice stuff as now Mr Wonderful is enjoying this. Weekends are HELL.

 

I can totally relate. As my ex and I mostly met in the weekends (and we were together all day), after the break-up these were the worst times. Thank God the break up happened in summer, so I could spent my time doing outdoor activities.