6 months later and I'm even MORE mad?

[snowflayke]

My boyfriend and I have been together for exactly one year. We didn't exactly get together the right way either. He had a girlfriend of a year before we "hooked up" I guess. He came over one day and we made out. I'm still ashamed of how this happened, but he was completely unhappy with her and he broke up with her the next day and told her the truth. I know we should have given it time before actually jumping into a relationship, but I had been wanting to be with him for over a year at that point so I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind.

 

He treated me horribly for the first 6 months of our relationship. I knew I was unhappy with the way he was treating me, but I was so scared he would break up with me if I addressed it, so I just didn't say anything. Until one day I was on his computer and I found pictures of his ex:sick: saved in a private folder. New pictures. They weren't inappropriate pictures, and they weren't ones she had sent him. They were saved from facebook and old ones he had had on there. He didn't have her as a friend on facebook so I knew he was stalking her. I was furious. I knew he had looked at her facebook recently because literally a week or two before I saw his web history. When I addressed him about it, he said he was just curious and he rarely looks at her page. He didn't just have pictures of her though. He had pictures of a bunch of girls he was friends with on facebook, who were dressed inappropriately.

 

Of course I called him screaming at him and at the time I had no idea why he had those pictures, (I was obviously oblivious), but come to find out they were for his viewing "pleasure".

 

The fact that we were having sex and when I wasn't around he was looking at "HER" to get off, really doesn't sit well with me. STILL. I feel lied to. He always told me how disgusting she was, how she was gross and smelled. Clearly she wasn't that gross.

And since that happened, I can't seem to get over how I was treated. I feel used. The first week we were together, he had already taken my virginity. I feel so stupid for how I let him treat me, but I just really really loved him and I put him before myself. I wasn't ready to have sex. (Granted I was 19, but I felt rushed and wish I could take it back. That's not fair.) After I found those pictures, sex just hasn't been the same. I don't want to do it anymore. I haven't wanted to for 6 months. I have, but I just do it to make him happy. That whole incident has made my self esteem drop dramatically. He tells me I'm beautiful everyday but I just don't feel it.

 

In the beginning of our relationship, he was in a transitioning period. Trying to get used to not being with "her" anymore. Sometimes he'd come over and I'd be listening to music, and he'd make me turn it off because he "Couldn't deal with that right now." obviously because those songs remind him of her. And I'm so mad that now I can't listen to certain music still to this day because that's all I think about.

 

Because of those pictures I found, and because I knew most of the girls, I hate every single one of them. And I don't even know them personally. Every time I see a pretty girl I get defensive.

 

First let me start off by saying he did everything to make it up to me. He deleted the folder, deleted facebook permanently, and has basically been treating me like a princess ever since. I shouldn't be thinking about it anymore.

 

But I'm still not over it. In fact the longer it has been, the angrier I get. When I try to talk to him about it now, he gets mad. It's an old topic for him. He doesn't know what else he can do, and neither do I. You can't change the past.

 

Since finding those pictures, all I've been doing is spying on him. I went through his entire computer one time to make sure he didn't have anymore pictures.

 

I feel like a crazy person.

 

I know some of you have been cheated on, and I know this is far less extreme than that. But why is this so hard to get over? How do I fix this? I don't even know what I want to do. I'm tired of the doubts. Any advice? Please?

[MrBossMan]

This is extreme. I can guarantee you that your relationship is doomed. I would bet my life on it.

 

Look at how it began. That's probably how it's going to end, except this time, you'll be the one cheated on. He's already planning to dump you sooner or later. Take your dignity and dump him first. Don't wait for more evidence, just leave.

 

And PLEASE, be a little more picky when it comes to guys. You'll save yourself from a lot of heartache.

[GSB81]

You are experiencing karma.

[umirano]

Dump him. You are unhappy and you are 19, thus plenty of time and opportunity to find someone better. Go out there and learn more about what you want and who gives you what you need.

 

Good luck.

[Ribbons Undone]

quite a sad situation.

u are now most likely feeling what ur bf's ex must've felt around the time u 2 "hooked up"

 

ur just 19. u should get away from this sour relationship and start fresh.

staying in a relationship that started with 'cheating' and being the 'other women (for a day) ', is not a good thing.

 

if he did that to her with u, he could do that to u with anyone.

 

i suggest u end this relationship.

take the experience.

learn from it.

start fresh.

don't start a relationship like that again.

and don't let anyone make u feel like ur being used.

 

because u r worth more than that.

 

-ribbons undone