InquisitiveMan Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 My wife of 5 years has been friends with a single man for about 15 years. He lives in a different state, but they talk and message each other often. I have never met him and he seems like a decent guy, but I've always thought he may have some feelings for her. Also, she is very attractive and has a very successful occupation. Recently, I found out that he is buying her a Cartier bracelet with a some of his bonus. He is not rich by any means, but he does ok. They had a conversation though texts and my wife was really excited. He sent her a picture of it from the store and she was giving him the size she would want it in. From my perspective, I find it inappropriate for him to be doing this. I know, if I was a single I would never buy a married woman really expensive jewelry. To me, I think it would be disrespectful to her husband and simply inappropriate. I asked her about it and at first she said it was a joke. Then she said he got a big bonus and there is nothing wrong with it. I asked if the tables were turned if she had a problem with it and she said she wouldn't. What do you make of this? Am I right for expressing concern? Thanks!
somedude81 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 So your wife would have no issue with you buying expensive gifts for another woman? 3
seibert253 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I imagine if you do a little digging, you will find your W and this dude are more than just "friends". 1
CptObvious Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 There's nothing you can do about it. You're at war with a stronger, smarter, and richer opponent. Bet you regret not going to med school now huh? Most of us are. We can all relate.
CarrieT Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I have never met him and he seems like a decent guy, You don't know him. You have never met him. He is buying your wife expensive jewelry and you are allowing it??? He is not a decent guy. He is a guy with a motive and you are a doormat. 4
Radu Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 You don't know him. You have never met him. He is buying your wife expensive jewelry and you are allowing it??? He is not a decent guy. He is a guy with a motive and you are a doormat. Totally agree with Carrie here. He might be her friend for 15yrs, but you are her husband of 5yrs. There should be some rules involved. 2
sweetkiwi Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 This guy is crazy in love with your wife. If I were this dude I would be going to Vegas to buy a threesome. Not jewelry for a married woman. Put your foot down dude. 1
Lauriebell82 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I think this is innapropriate. I agree that he has feelings for her. Do you think she has any feelings for him? I it almost sounds like she is thinking this is a little "too normal" (which it's not normal at all). This is a red flag IMO. I have had friends who have had feelings for me, and I have not reciprocated. I would NEVER accept a gift like that from them. And I would freak if some single woman tried to buy my husband an expensive watch or something. I think you should confront her on this. It's innapropriate and you need to put your foot down.
newmoon Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 your wife should take 100% of the blame if she even thinks to accept a gift like this. she is a married woman, with a job, and should be buying jewelry for herself or letting you buy her some. totally inappropriate and she should know it. i don't believe they are more than friends - she wouldn't flaunt that so boldly imo, she's have accepted the gift(s) privately and had you discover it later. but i would suggest that you start taking better care of your wife... maybe he is hitting a soft spot with her (gifts?) and she'd be happier if you did the same. women (and men) get emotional needs fulfilled outside the relationship when the primary one is lacking, just saying
2sure Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I really like nice jewelry and have been fortunate over the years to have been the recipient of it as gifts from people who care about me. I also have a wide and diverse group of friends , many of whom are men I have known for years and have always been close but platonic relationships. I should also maybe add here that some of them definitely have the means to buy whatever they want on a whim & have on occasion been nicely surprised by their generosity. I am pointing all of this out to you to show that I do understand your wife's position in this. And I am telling you that jewelry like you are referring to is an intimate gift. To give AND to accept. Your gut feeling is right on. And its mutual between them.
veggirl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 No woman with any amount of respect for her husband would accept a gift like that, or keep in contact with a man who clearly has romantic feelings for her. She is more to blame than the guy. She is leading him on, as evident by her excited texts. how did you find out about this anyway? Did she tell you or did you have to find out on your own? your wife is either having some sort of affair (emotional or physical) with this guy, or she is a user. Gross. 2
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 It's totally inappropriate! You have every right to be concerned. Their friendship is questionable..Meaning, they are too close! Though you know this.. ALL my male friends, my husband knows. The gifts I got from 4 of my male friends - A box of chocolates, a pair of wool socks, christmas cake and a bottle of wine. (neither my H or I drink, so getting a bottle of wine is kind of funny). Do you know this 'friend'? Is he married as well?
MissBee Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I imagine if you do a little digging, you will find your W and this dude are more than just "friends". That's my inkling as well. Frankly, as a married woman I would not be entertaining single male friends in that way and would most certainly not take a Cartier bracelet from one. WTF?! That's unheard of. And most normal men, even if wealthy, do not buy expensive jewelry for women they're not seeing or who aren't related to them. This is shady.
charlietheginger Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Onces she gets the bracelet sell it take the cash. This guy is 1 of 2 things 1 a sucker your wife can milk 2 ur wifes backup incase she leaves u she has A place to go. I hope he is just a sucker..... What do u do with suckers? Suck them Till their is nothing left to suck
FitChick Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Ask your wife why she never married this guy. She might be just using him for what he can buy her. You could ask her to ask him for something that YOU want, pretending it's for her. Then you can send him a thank you note. That should put an end to the gift giving. 1
charlietheginger Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I like fitchicks idea Log onto her face book ask the guy buying gifts " hey my husband could use some new size 10 1/2 Sneakers can u send me apair sweety "
MissBee Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I don't think him getting this guy to get him a gift will solve anything frankly, as the person who should be putting an end to it is his wife. It's like if a man's wife/gf is flirting with another man and the man punches the guy in the face. Great. That ended that...but the truth is your wife is still a woman who flirts with other men and you now have the duty of ridding the world of men for her to flirt with instead of asking her why she thinks its acceptable to do that. Same here. You can't stop others from being attracted to you, but you can certainly choose to shut them down and to not accept gifts from them. I am not married and as a single woman, men whom I'm not dating and don't like have offered me gifts and I felt it was my duty to say no. So even more so, if I had a husband I would not be texting with some man and telling him to get me a bracelet or agree to him getting me a bracelet then when my husband asks I tell him it's no big deal. I mean what the eff?! That's so insulting and disrespectful to your marriage and if I did that it would mean that I didn't respect my husband and thought him an A class fool. So IMO, the problem is his wife's improper boundaries with her "friend" and not the friend. If a women provides an opening, why wouldn't a single guy put his foot in the door??? Most would...so it's up to the married woman in this case not to provide that opening.
aed Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I don't think him getting this guy to get him a gift will solve anything frankly, as the person who should be putting an end to it is his wife. It's like if a man's wife/gf is flirting with another man and the man punches the guy in the face. Great. That ended that...but the truth is your wife is still a woman who flirts with other men and you now have the duty of ridding the world of men for her to flirt with instead of asking her why she thinks its acceptable to do that. Same here. You can't stop others from being attracted to you, but you can certainly choose to shut them down and to not accept gifts from them. I am not married and as a single woman, men whom I'm not dating and don't like have offered me gifts and I felt it was my duty to say no. So even more so, if I had a husband I would not be texting with some man and telling him to get me a bracelet or agree to him getting me a bracelet then when my husband asks I tell him it's no big deal. I mean what the eff?! That's so insulting and disrespectful to your marriage and if I did that it would mean that I didn't respect my husband and thought him an A class fool. So IMO, the problem is his wife's improper boundaries with her "friend" and not the friend. If a women provides an opening, why wouldn't a single guy put his foot in the door??? Most would...so it's up to the married woman in this case not to provide that opening. So true. It's his wife that's is the source of the problem, nothing else IMO
walfootrot2 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 This guy is crazy in love with your wife. If I were this dude I would be going to Vegas to buy a threesome. Not jewelry for a married woman. Put your foot down dude. Amen to this. There is obviously another motive going on here. When my ex girlfriends who later became "just friends" married, I cut all ties with them. I told them I did not think it appropriate. If this man respected your wife and you he would do the same IMO. Obviously he does not. Sweetkiwi. I am also a kiwi but live in the USA.
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