I like this girl and she also likes me, but I don't know if I should ask her out.

[exoduse22]

I've been with this girl for about 4 months now, as friends initially, but then I started to have feelings for her. Then I also noticed she felt the same way. But I never wanted to go to the next level which is entering a relationship because it goes against my understanding of what it means to get into a relationship. If one goes into a relationship, it means that person is "the One" or the person they would like to marry. Not just because the feeling is there.

 

Ever since we got back from our Christmas break in college, we felt really distant from each other. I only talked to her once and there was something different about her--I had a feeling she was giving up on the chance that I would ask her out because it's been a long time.

 

Just to give a background on what she is like. She is really kind and has a really big heart. She is really lively and energizing to be with. She does not get affected by peer pressure and what people think of her that much. She is one of the most genuine people I have ever met.

 

I've been thinking for days now and I've been down and heartbroken. I think it's because I am really attracted to her and I feel that I should do something. But then I am very confused whether or not it is really right to ask her out.

 

I've been having headaches from all the thinking lately and I feel like my life has been really dull. When I sleep to forget about everything when I wake up the same thing happens. I couldn't find happiness in what used to make me happy before. And I know this might sound insane, I would hear my cellphone ring and see her name on my phone in my head while sleeping then when I wake up and look at my phone there is no text at all; this happened 2-4 times over the 4 month period.

 

I've been wanting to let her go for a while now because we're becoming distant from our group of friends in college because we are always the ones talking to each other. Unless I would decide to ask her out, I think I would need to make the relationship casual again to not hurt her in the long run. But I'm having a hard time because when I think about it, everything she has done is genuine.

 

So the question I really want to ask you guys is:

"Should I ask her out?"

 

There are so many factors that are running in my head right now and I cannot come to a decision, and I think an outside perspective would really help a lot.

 

Thanks!

Edited January 10, 2013 by exoduse22

[rakula]

Yeah do it bro! It's one thing if you don't know about her feelings. But you both know you like each other. I don't know what the problem is here. It seems like a no brainer. How do you know this person isn't the one if you don't give a chance? You don't want to regret not going for it! If it doesn't work out doesn't matter. At least you tried it out and know you it didn't work out. You can rest your mind easy on that. You're just torturing yourself otherwise. lol. What exactly is your fear?

[exoduse22]

Yeah do it bro! It's one thing if you don't know about her feelings. But you both know you like each other. I don't know what the problem is here. It seems like a no brainer. How do you know this person isn't the one if you don't give a chance? You don't want to regret not going for it! If it doesn't work out doesn't matter. At least you tried it out and know you it didn't work out. You can rest your mind easy on that. You're just torturing yourself otherwise. lol. What exactly is your fear?

 

She is in the group of friends of mine. And we will probably see each other for the next 3 years or so. If things don't work out I don't know what will happen.

[todreaminblue]

She is in the group of friends of mine. And we will probably see each other for the next 3 years or so. If things don't work out I don't know what will happen.

 

 

 

One thing i do know not succumbing to peer pressure myself is that friends of both of you need to accept if things dont work out, its not abotu status quo, if they dont then they arent truly friends to begin with......its hard when you have the same circle of friends.....

 

 

 

BUT genuine peopel like to surround themselves with genuine others....and if you are both genuine.....i genuinely feel...lol...ahem.....i genuinely feel you can work it out and your friends and yourselves will work out a compromise if something goes askew and it doesnt work out between the two of you.....you should give it a go and i wish you much happiness in doing so....you never never know unless you never never go(that's what they say about the northern territory in australia...i am going there one day)...goood luck go outback style kamikaze.....and cooooooooooeeeeeeeeee just do it....deb

[exoduse22]

One thing i do know not succumbing to peer pressure myself is that friends of both of you need to accept if things dont work out, its not abotu status quo, if they dont then they arent truly friends to begin with......its hard when you have the same circle of friends.....

 

 

 

BUT genuine peopel like to surround themselves with genuine others....and if you are both genuine.....i genuinely feel...lol...ahem.....i genuinely feel you can work it out and your friends and yourselves will work out a compromise if something goes askew and it doesnt work out between the two of you.....you should give it a go and i wish you much happiness in doing so....you never never know unless you never never go(that's what they say about the northern territory in australia...i am going there one day)...goood luck go outback style kamikaze.....and cooooooooooeeeeeeeeee just do it....deb

 

I told her today just before I went home. She was shocked and laughed. I'm not sure if that was a good or bad sign. Maybe she was just too shocked to answer appropriately and laughed due to a flight/fight response. Or maybe she just really sees me as a friend.

 

Well even if she does not like me that way I am glad I tried. I felt relieved, but the uncertainty of not knowing whether she likes me or not is troublesome.

[todreaminblue]

I told her today just before I went home. She was shocked and laughed. I'm not sure if that was a good or bad sign. Maybe she was just too shocked to answer appropriately and laughed due to a flight/fight response. Or maybe she just really sees me as a friend.

 

Well even if she does not like me that way I am glad I tried. I felt relieved, but the uncertainty of not knowing whether she likes me or not is troublesome.

 

 

I have fight or flight response in situations when someone asks you out, it isn't really a fight or flight necessary action especially with a friend, flight or flight response is not normally to laugh either, maybe it was a shock response because she has the same feelings. i know you aren't going to want to, but you might have to find out why she laughed......

 

 

 

 

i think if she didn't like you it wouldn't be laughter...Why do you feel it was a fight or flight response does she have anxiety? I tend to laugh when i am relieved.I also laugh when i am in pain, dont know why i do that so I am not one to go by .....smilin atcha....

 

 

 

I do have fight or flight response, but when that is in effect you can tell because I am looking for an escape route, checking exits,paths, a way out, if I am in a car and I have been in this situation, I have my hand on the door handle,ready to jump, on a bus my nose plastered to the door window waiting for it to open same thing with a train, and its normally violence or aggression that sets it off, feeling threatened.....and I am not laughing....so maybe she felt relief.Tell me what you said and what she said? .Do you want to try again?

[exoduse22]

I have fight or flight response in situations when someone asks you out, it isn't really a fight or flight necessary action especially with a friend, flight or flight response is not normally to laugh either, maybe it was a shock response because she has the same feelings. i know you aren't going to want to, but you might have to find out why she laughed......

 

 

 

 

i think if she didn't like you it wouldn't be laughter...Why do you feel it was a fight or flight response does she have anxiety? I tend to laugh when i am relieved.I also laugh when i am in pain, dont know why i do that so I am not one to go by .....smilin atcha....

 

 

 

I do have fight or flight response, but when that is in effect you can tell because I am looking for an escape route, checking exits,paths, a way out, if I am in a car and I have been in this situation, I have my hand on the door handle,ready to jump, on a bus my nose plastered to the door window waiting for it to open same thing with a train, and its normally violence or aggression that sets it off, feeling threatened.....and I am not laughing....so maybe she felt relief.Tell me what you said and what she said? .Do you want to try again?

 

 

I told her 3 days ago, just a few minutes after we parted ways, whether or not she already got in her vehicle. She said that she already did and asked why. I said "nevermind it's ok, next week then". If you guys are wondering why I texted that is because I could not tell her how I felt when we were together and I changed my mind and decided to tell her.

 

Then a while ago when we met for lunch with a couple of friends, she kept asking me what I was trying to say back then. But I kept looking for an excuse to deley it because I wanted it to be only me and her, without my other friends.

 

Then just when we left the restaurant we got a reasonable amount of distance and I told her there; although it took a lot of effort to say it. She got shocked for a split second and started running a bit and laughed. Then she told me to go home already because it was already time for their class and I had an early dismissal, so we waved to each other then we parted. That's it.

Edited January 14, 2013 by exoduse22

[todreaminblue]

I told her 3 days ago, just a few minutes after we parted ways, whether or not she already got in her vehicle. She said that she already did and asked why. I said "nevermind it's ok, next week then". If you guys are wondering why I texted that is because I could not tell her how I felt when we were together and I changed my mind and decided to tell her.

 

Then a while ago when we met for lunch with a couple of friends, she kept asking me what I was trying to say back then. But I kept looking for an excuse to deley it because I wanted it to be only me and her, without my other friends.

 

Then just when we left the restaurant we got a reasonable amount of distance and I told her there; although it took a lot of effort to say it. She got shocked for a split second and started running a bit and laughed. Then she told me to go home already because it was already time for their class and I had an early dismissal, so we waved to each other then we parted. That's it.

 

 

ok, so it wasn't clear at all was it, I would talk to her again one on one,just ask her why she laughed and see what she says, that way you are not repeating yourself.... and be prepared for either way,see how the conversation goes....i wish you much luck and I hope it turns out well....deb

[exoduse22]

ok, so it wasn't clear at all was it, I would talk to her again one on one,just ask her why she laughed and see what she says, that way you are not repeating yourself.... and be prepared for either way,see how the conversation goes....i wish you much luck and I hope it turns out well....deb

 

I don't think I should ask again because I think the friendship can still work out. If I do ask her again i'd seem too desperate and things might not go too well. The fact that I already confessed can probably tell me, the next time I see her, whether or not she feels the same.

 

But thanks for the advice

[todreaminblue]

I don't think I should ask again because I think the friendship can still work out. If I do ask her again i'd seem too desperate and things might not go too well. The fact that I already confessed can probably tell me, the next time I see her, whether or not she feels the same.

 

But thanks for the advice

 

 

glad you are smiling...hugs....and thanks for the appreciation.even though i didnt help you for crap....smilin.. there's a bunny i can give you one of them i give crap advice sometimes, but i give bunnies too...best wishes......deb

[exoduse22]

glad you are smiling...hugs....and thanks for the appreciation.even though i didnt help you for crap....smilin.. there's a bunny i can give you one of them i give crap advice sometimes, but i give bunnies too...best wishes......deb

 

glad you are smiling...hugs....and thanks for the appreciation.even though i didnt help you for crap....smilin.. there's a bunny i can give you one of them i give crap advice sometimes, but i give bunnies too...best wishes......deb

 

Relationships are very complicated I can understand very well that people have different perspectives about things. The reason why I am asking here is to know what you guys think about it , but of course i'd prefer accurate advice.

 

I have never been on a relationship before, and I only recently started caring about socials, so I am really bad at these things. I guess her reaction wasn't enough for me to know whether she likes me or not so I guess i'll have to find out more myself. Just like Sherlock Holmes once said: "It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has the data."

 

Thanks for the bunneh though and your support !

[todreaminblue]

Relationships are very complicated I can understand very well that people have different perspectives about things. The reason why I am asking here is to know what you guys think about it , but of course i'd prefer accurate advice.

 

I have never been on a relationship before, and I only recently started caring about socials, so I am really bad at these things. I guess her reaction wasn't enough for me to know whether she likes me or not so I guess i'll have to find out more myself. Just like Sherlock Holmes once said: "It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has the data."

 

Thanks for the bunneh though and your support !

 

you are welcome for the support, hope someone else can offer you some accuracy.I am so off today its not funny.....best wishes....deb

[rakula]

I don't think I should ask again because I think the friendship can still work out. If I do ask her again i'd seem too desperate and things might not go too well. The fact that I already confessed can probably tell me, the next time I see her, whether or not she feels the same.

 

But thanks for the advice

 

Hey exoduse22!

 

Sorry it's been a while since I've check this post out. First of all. Hats off to you for telling her how you feel. I think it's the greatest feeling when you get it off your chest.

 

About not sure of her reply. I dunno about you but that would kill me if I didn't really exactly know how she felt. I'd want her to tell me verbally what she thinks otherwise that would just eat me alive. Maybe the laughing thing is her non-verbal way of saying she likes you. I would really want her to say that she didn't like me that way if I were you. I know you're concerned about the "Friendship" but believe me you can salvage it if it's meant to be. Also opposite sex friendships are bound to end or change at the end of the day. Check out the video below and fast forward to 3:55. That help me get some clarity if when I was worried about "ruining the friendship".

 

3:28 would have been something I would have advised you if you didn't ask her btw. Just keep that in the back of your head when you have the urge to ask someone out again.

 

Ask Arden: #2 FRIEND ZONE - YouTube

 

Hope the best for ya man.

[exoduse22]

I saw her again today. We did not talk for the first half of the day, not even eye contact.

 

Then just before we go our own different schedules later that day, she went to me and apologized about how she inappropriately she acted during that moment. I said it was fine and told her I just wanted to get the feelings out. Then she asked if I really meant it. Then I just nodded sincerely. We parted after that.

Edited January 15, 2013 by exoduse22

[rakula]

I saw her again today. We did not talk for the first half of the day, not even eye contact.

 

Then just before we go our own different schedules later that day, she went to me and apologized about how she inappropriately she acted during that moment. I said it was fine and told her I just wanted to get the feelings out. Then she asked if I really meant it. Then I just nodded sincerely. We parted after that.

 

Good job man. All I can say is that you did your part. Let her sort it all out. If you guys don't talk again. It's not a big woop. I told a friend of mine that I liked her too. It took her about 2 to 3 months to sort it out. But in the end we are still great friends today after all that was said and done. What will happen is what is meant to happen. You took the action but results are not in your hand. Kudos for you on taking action.

[NateC]

Good job man. All I can say is that you did your part. Let her sort it all out. If you guys don't talk again. It's not a big woop. I told a friend of mine that I liked her too. It took her about 2 to 3 months to sort it out. But in the end we are still great friends today after all that was said and done. What will happen is what is meant to happen. You took the action but results are not in your hand. Kudos for you on taking action.

 

Agreed. I went through a similar thing like a year ago with a now-friend ...took her a couple days to finally tell me she only wanted to be friends. We're actually best friends and we hang out a lot - no pressure equals a very strong friendship.

[exoduse22]

Thank you guys for all your support! She said she also liked me. And I guess we will be together soon. She is the only one person I've ever liked and I hope things go well for us .

[rakula]

Thank you guys for all your support! She said she also liked me. And I guess we will be together soon. She is the only one person I've ever liked and I hope things go well for us .

 

Dude! That's awesome! I guess she needed time to process it all after all. Good luck with the next phase.