Thought I was getting somewhere and then this happens...

[T - mac]

so I told my best friend of 2 years that I liked her. She didn't know how to react and we didn't talk about it at all for another 2 months. The night before last she said "you're not allowed to like me." I told her that that was bull**** and that I was always going to like her. Then she basically told me that she can't help but love me, and that when she told her mom that I had feelings for her, that her mom cried... Whatever that means? And then she told me that every guy she has fallen in love with she has ended up hurting and that she didn't want to do that to me. Which again is a load of crap because every guy shes dated, which has been like 3 tops, she only dated for about 3 months at the most. But basically I have been thinking that it would be worth it to pursue a relationship with her at this point. I wasn't really sure what to say to her though or where to take things from here. But after last night, that's pretty much irrelevant, because last night I was drinking at the beach with her, and our 2 other friends, 1 guy and 1 girl, and she was saying how its so nice to have us all together again, and how I've always been hers and my friend has always been the other girl's... but anyways, after she got pretty drunk, she was down on the beach talking to the other guy in the group, about how we are all worried about him because he hangs out with the wrong people and needs to stop doing drugs... same thing we talk to him about every time. So i decided to let her try and talk to him, and I stayed with the other girl in the group in the car talking. but then we heard a terrible scream coming from the beach. we ran down there and found the girl that I love crying her eyes out, she wouldnt tell either of us what it was, she just kept telling us to leave. after about 5 minutes we finally went back to the car, and when i talked to the other guy that was with her on the beach, he told me that she was crying because he told her that he loves his girlfriend and not her. I havent asked her about this yet, i dont even know if i want to, but If she really loves him that much, maybe it would be best to just try and move on? I dont know, I just really need some advice everyone. What would you do in this situation?

[redleader]

Sounds like her heart was completely somewhere else, move on man.

 

At this point you are headed for either being her support system now that this other friend rejected her and she is now devastated (red flag!), or you will be her rebound guy once she settles on you instead and probably change her mind in 3 months because no relationship lasts when built on a crappy foundation like that.

 

You don't want to stick around for the sake of maybe being with her either, that is setting yourself up for trauma later as every day that goes by she doesn't return your feelings will just hurt more and more.

 

Don't mistake infatuation with love, there is a very big difference between the two.

 

You might be able to salvage the friendship but be careful, if you can't erect some walls between you and maintain it without any expectations otherwise nothing good with come of it.

 

You might need to move away altogether because unfortunately once that cat is out of the bag between friends there is no way catch it and put it back, unless you shoot it. Im busy dealing with this issue myself right now, and I know it sucks.

[T - mac]

I know it might seem that way from what i have stated so far, but she spends loads more time with me than with him. she used to make jokes about marrying me and about how we were going to have kids later in life, and she tells me she loves me every day, and her parents have taken me in as if i were family and just paid off a 1200 dollar debt that i had, which makes me feel like I have to at least pay them back before leaving her completely if i do do that. I have been living away from her for the past year. and in this time we still have grown closer than ever. We both admit that we know each other better than anyone else. She is constantly trying to get me to move back. She even went as far to get her boss to agree to hire me if I moved back. And although i put myself in the friend zone ages ago, our relationship started because we both liked each other in the first place, it just never went there because we were both too stupid to put forth any effort into being more than just friends. lets say I really do love this girl, and that i have a chance at making something happen? how should i approach it? I know that it might be better for me in the long run to move on, and that i would be able to better focus on college and my future, but I feel like I would be missing out on an amazing opportunity to share a relationship with someone that makes me really happy and that i actually connect with. And I know im young, and I've only had about 6 relationships my whole life and most of them were meaningless, but I know I love this girl. and from my experience, having fallen for a best friend before, it seems like its almost impossible that the feeling isnt at least partly mutual right?

[Darren Steez]

I know it might seem that way from what i have stated so far, but she spends loads more time with me than with him. she used to make jokes about marrying me and about how we were going to have kids later in life, and she tells me she loves me every day, and her parents have taken me in as if i were family and just paid off a 1200 dollar debt that i had, which makes me feel like I have to at least pay them back before leaving her completely if i do do that. I have been living away from her for the past year. and in this time we still have grown closer than ever. We both admit that we know each other better than anyone else. She is constantly trying to get me to move back. She even went as far to get her boss to agree to hire me if I moved back. And although i put myself in the friend zone ages ago, our relationship started because we both liked each other in the first place, it just never went there because we were both too stupid to put forth any effort into being more than just friends. lets say I really do love this girl, and that i have a chance at making something happen? how should i approach it? I know that it might be better for me in the long run to move on, and that i would be able to better focus on college and my future, but I feel like I would be missing out on an amazing opportunity to share a relationship with someone that makes me really happy and that i actually connect with. And I know im young, and I've only had about 6 relationships my whole life and most of them were meaningless, but I know I love this girl. and from my experience, having fallen for a best friend before, it seems like its almost impossible that the feeling isnt at least partly mutual right?

 

You will regret not reading into the red flags she's sending up later because you're too hung up to let this woman/girl go. A woman doesn't scream like that unless she's really been hurt.

 

Yes she hangs out with you more but you're Mr Safe & Reliable, Mr Always be There. Look at you, she got dumped by another man and there you are, her safety net, her Plan B, her fall back choice. Do you really want to be that?

 

When she finds someone she likes or someone that stimulates her, she'll be off again and you'll be patiently waiting in the wings ready to catch her when she falls.

 

It's still early in the game. Establish boundaries and man up, tell her you won't be seconds or let her go.