I like a New Zealander but dont know how to approach her, Seeking serious suggestions

[Anshul]

giving up completely due to rejections and developing a fear of girls :

 

I am of Indian origin but have never lived in India, and have travelled widely and studied in some of the best schools in the world. But in my beginning years in New Zealand I developed chronic depression and practically went to the negative end of lifes spectrum, by the time herbal medicine doctors revived me I was already 26 years of age possibly a bit too old for girls. My current weight is 158 kgs, I am fat but I do not have an inferiority complex because of that. I really like this girl in my doctors clinic. She is very cute. Every time I go she smiles and we have always had a decent conversation. I have always given her more than respect in body language. For example I always look in her eyes when I talk etc but the way she smiles, I think she knows i have some ideas on her in a nice way looming in my head lol. I have never ever thought of sleeping with her or any other demeaning thoughts. I just regard her as a good person but I like her. the trouble is the doctor is a good friend of my mother. Though I am 90% out of depression and still recovering, I have a fear if I walk upto her which is no problem at all and tell her what I feel, she might reject me cuz i had depression and was treated at her clinic. So I just go on some pretext once in 2 months see her, talk and feel satisfied and come back, think about her for few days and forget. I have been rejected by many girls for over 8 years, thus the fear of NO just exists above all the self confidence and energy I have gained in the last 8 months which are better than even some of the working individuals i know of. I know as I work most working individuals have to smile 5 days a week but I feel attracted towards her and she has come to my cyber cafe few times. i m a bit confused.

 

i m also getting a gastric bypass surgery done that is quite high risk and i might or might not live. I think I'll send my friend with a note one day before the surgery that way if im gone for good i'll have nothing to lose. I know this sounds depressed and sadistic but I cant find a better solution since she is always in her store behind the counter.

 

If anybody can help me on how to approach her, I can think of what to do. I work at a cyber cafe and have high respect for her even though she is a born and bred New Zealander so plz no vulgar comments on this msg.

 

Cheers

[Mr Spock]

I think you should take it for what it is-kindness. I don't want to see you hurt yourself-why not wait until you've got your life back on track again before you venture out like that?

[Anshul]

Guys I need further advice, this morning I was passing by her shop as our shops are nearly next door. I was going to the bank and I saw her work colleague suddenly come out of her shop and looked at me with a laugh kind of a charming smile and we had eye contact though i was taken by a bit of surprise and i go Helllloooo as if I t looked like she saw me coming from her glass windows and purposely popped out. The smile was no ordinary one, it was very teasing kind of smile like as if she had been watching me. I simply proceeded to the bank and thought I'd ask you guys once I am online.

 

About 3 weeks ago I walked up to this girl and told her she was very nice looking and very beautiful and she just said thanks. Now I cant understand why someone would kind of follow a fat guy. I mean most fat guys follow women. I cudnt understand. It was like she understood wat was in my head.

[Mr Spock]

Go slow partner. Ask her when her lunch break is, then ask her if she wants to go for a coffee. Small steps. Smiling at someone is not a declaration of undying love-remember this.

 

There are a lot of people out there who don't judge on physical appearance, BTW.

[Anshul]

thank you mr. spock, but do i ask the lunch break and the coffee thing in one go and ask the lunch break first and coffee 2 weeks after. I am so sorry I have never really been successful in this direction

 

cheers

[Mr Spock]

Why has she turned you down?

[Anshul]

well i havent asked yet, I'll try next week, i cant walk into her store and ask her, have to catch her outside. Cuz if i do it in the store she'll be embarassed in front of other people.

[Mr Spock]

thank you mr. spock, but do i ask the lunch break and the coffee thing in one go and ask the lunch break first and coffee 2 weeks after. I am so sorry I have never really been successful in this direction

 

I took this to mean you'd already asked her. Try asking her. Go in and do it, waiting around for her is too stalkerish. Just say "when is your next coffee break? I'd like to treat you" if she says no, then you know.

[Anshul]

I gave her a phone call this morning actually I made up a story like I wanted to find the price of herbal capsules of mega B. halfway thru the talk she said it wasnt available in her store but was in two other suburbs. I just named the suburbs almost sounding like, I didnt call to find out about the herbal capsules, all I wanted to find was her name; (which she told me when she picked up the phone); and she uttered a shy laugh but was trying very hard to be professional at the same time, i wonder if i have taken a very small step.