When you ask a girl out does she know its a date?

[Els]

The whole thing can be very awkward for me as a woman.

 

Sometimes I get the sense a random stranger is gearing up to ask me to do something. Well, it doesn't matter if he's attractive or not -- I have a boyfriend so my answer would be the same regardless. But I try to mention my boyfriend if I can beforehand,"oh yeah, my boyfriend and I were talking about that the other day," which sounds obnoxious! So I have to decide beforehand if that's what he's trying to do.

 

But sometimes I'm oblivious. Like you go to someone's house and a friend of a friend chats with you and then says we should do something sometime.

 

Do I assume it's a date? If I do, even if he had intended it to be, when I say I can't because I have a boyfriend, he'd say he only meant as friends, so I'll feel ridiculous. But what if I said sure? Let's hang? I'd be giving the wrong message.

 

Sketchy.

 

Yup, I've done this too. If I've mentioned the boyfriend and he still asks me to grab lunch or whatever, I'm going to assume he meant in a friendly way. If I catch a whiff of flirting, though, I'm outta there.

[JuneJulySeptember]

There you go. Go for the women you're likely to find at events that are more dominated by men. Football games, professional wrestling events, video game/comic book cons, martial arts classes, etc.

 

Ok, I'm speaking of the places I tend to frequent, but you get the idea.

 

I was speaking of your mentality, not your interests. I don't need to do that. I'm into more mixed interests.

 

I just find it funny that women here (and some guys too) say it's so easy and you just have to get off the couch, and then when presented with an example of why it's difficult, they have nothing to say.

[Necris]

Explain those 'confused' dates to me, OP. Where did you go, what did you do? When you asked her out, did you refer to it as a 'date' or just 'hey, you wanna hang out or pick up lunch on our way home'? Did you pay, or pick her up? Did you flirt with her?

 

If you brought her to a nice dinner out where you picked her up, paid, flirted with her, etc, then she's just being obtuse. Hopefully on purpose, otherwise it doesn't bode well for her intelligence.

 

If it was more of a "hey there's a new cafe in college, wanna check it out between classes", there can certainly be confusion.

 

The dates were regular, I might say "hey want to go out to dinner on Friday?" or something like that, we make plans, I pick her up at her place or we meet up somewhere and then we go to the place we decided on going to, and I pay for everything, just typical date stuff. To prevent further confusion I now make sure to say something like "hey can I take you on a date?" and actually use the word "date".

 

Then again in my last date while the girl enjoyed the movie, she didn't seem too interested in me or flirtatious on the date, and afterwards she does the fade, so I manage to get a hold of her and ask her what's going on and if she's interested in another date and she tells me she actually doesn't date at all as she's focused totally committed to herself. While I definitely know she's rejecting me, I was a bit confused about the she doesn't do dating part, since I thought we just went on a date, with me doing the driving, paying for the food and drinks, and movie tickets.

[Els]

Definitely use the word 'date' next time.

[JuneJulySeptember]

The dates were regular, I might say "hey want to go out to dinner on Friday?" or something like that, we make plans, I pick her up at her place or we meet up somewhere and then we go to the place we decided on going to, and I pay for everything, just typical date stuff. To prevent further confusion I now make sure to say something like "hey can I take you on a date?" and actually use the word "date".

 

Then again in my last date while the girl enjoyed the movie, she didn't seem too interested in me or flirtatious on the date, and afterwards she does the fade, so I manage to get a hold of her and ask her what's going on and if she's interested in another date and she tells me she actually doesn't date at all as she's focused totally committed to herself. While I definitely know she's rejecting me, I was a bit confused about the she doesn't do dating part, since I thought we just went on a date, with me doing the driving, paying for the food and drinks, and movie tickets.

 

I once took a 'date' to a movie who I had met at a bar of all places, though she was a friend of a friend. During the movie, I sat first and then she sat down... with a seat in between us.

 

I was too much of a wuss to say anything, so I continued to charm her through dinner, thought I was getting places, and making her laugh. Later on, she predictably nixed me.

 

I don't know why women who have no interest go on dates. Maybe boredom?

[Necris]

Definitely use the word 'date' next time.

 

In the example paragraph I did, and she still says she doesn't date at all after I talked to her, almost feel like I have to explain what date actually means.

 

Anyway I'm with Mr. Castle on this one, there is no real confusion, if she isn't interested this is just another way of saying it.

[Necris]

I once took a 'date' to a movie who I had met at a bar of all places, though she was a friend of a friend. During the movie, I sat first and then she sat down... with a seat in between us.

 

I was too much of a wuss to say anything, so I continued to charm her through dinner, thought I was getting places, and making her laugh. Later on, she predictably nixed me.

 

I don't know why women who have no interest go on dates. Maybe boredom?

 

Personally I would have sat closer though it probably wouldn't make any difference.

 

As for why women go on dates they have no interest in, well they do get free food, drinks, movies, etc. they just have to put up with you first:laugh:. But seriously there could be tons of reasons though it doesn't really matter why.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Personally I would have sat closer though it probably wouldn't make any difference.

 

As for why women go on dates they have no interest in, well they do get free food, drinks, movies, etc. they just have to put up with you first:laugh:. But seriously there could be tons of reasons though it doesn't really matter why.

 

I think it's because they want the social outing, and they convince themselves that the man has purely platonic intentions. The thing is, if she's boorish and vapid, I don't want her either. But on the other hand, she's already made up her mind that she doesn't want me.

 

That's why I shudder for the guys here who have never even been on dates. That's just the first step. It gets a lot harder from there on.

 

Yea, that was a long time ago. I was a wuss. These days, I might consider walking out if a woman does something like that.

[Mrlonelyone]

The dates were regular, I might say "hey want to go out to dinner on Friday?" or something like that, we make plans, I pick her up at her place or we meet up somewhere and then we go to the place we decided on going to, and I pay for everything, just typical date stuff. To prevent further confusion I now make sure to say something like "hey can I take you on a date?" and actually use the word "date".

 

Then again in my last date while the girl enjoyed the movie, she didn't seem too interested in me or flirtatious on the date, and afterwards she does the fade, so I manage to get a hold of her and ask her what's going on and if she's interested in another date and she tells me she actually doesn't date at all as she's focused totally committed to herself. While I definitely know she's rejecting me, I was a bit confused about the she doesn't do dating part, since I thought we just went on a date, with me doing the driving, paying for the food and drinks, and movie tickets.

 

Yeah take that as she's not going to date you...or she's not going to date until a guy who really turns her on and tickles her fancy comes along.

 

There is a real chance that she went on the date with you and is in a mental place right now that nothing but a real charmer could impress her.

 

True there are women who go out on dates for the free good time.

 

There are also women who go out on dates, date a certain guy or kind of guy, and even get married and have children, simply to please various social expectations. She may have gone on a date with you just to be able to say to various nosy relatives .."see I went on a date I did not like it blah blah blah." That happens too.

[Els]

In the example paragraph I did, and she still says she doesn't date at all after I talked to her, almost feel like I have to explain what date actually means.

 

Anyway I'm with Mr. Castle on this one, there is no real confusion, if she isn't interested this is just another way of saying it.

 

If you did ALL that and she still acts dumb, then yes, she's just being avoidant.

[Brunettie]

I assume it's a date if a guy asks me to do any of that stuff.

But if it was a guy friend asking, I'd be a little more uncertain.

[Treasa]

I will admit that typing this out is making me giggle, but...your pickers are off.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I will admit that typing this out is making me giggle, but...your pickers are off.

 

I'm not sure what to say about this.

 

Women who I go for usually fall in the category of

 

1) Friends who have been out with me one on one a number of times

2) Average looking women (or slightly below or above) who seem to be nice and not too shallow

 

I mean, the only other thing I can really do is go for women who are my exact height difference, race, etc. Which I did do that for a number of years.

 

I mean, like bleach blonde, 5'10", with the Gucci sunglasses. I don't even know any women like that.

[Mrlonelyone]

I'm not sure what to say about this.

 

Women who I go for usually fall in the category of

 

1) Friends who have been out with me one on one a number of times

2) Average looking women (or slightly below or above) who seem to be nice and not too shallow

 

I mean, the only other thing I can really do is go for women who are my exact height difference, race, etc. Which I did do that for a number of years.

 

I mean, like bleach blonde, 5'10", with the Gucci sunglasses. I don't even know any women like that.

 

Perhaps you should try what George Costanza would do. Do the opposite. If nothing you do is right, then take whatever your first instinct is. Think of the diametric opposite, and do that.

 

[JuneJulySeptember]

Perhaps you should try what George Costanza would do. Do the opposite. If nothing you do is right, then take whatever your first instinct is. Think of the diametric opposite, and do that.

 

 

I love that episode!

 

"Hi, I'm George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."

 

I dream of stuff like that happening.

[Feelin Frisky]

Wise up Necris. Females will eat and drink on your dime and act oblivious if you let them. I went through my phase of being used. I like this video I just watched on youtube where this PUA tries to ask a strange chick for her number. And she says "and what if I don't put out after you've paid the bill at Olive Garden?" What a retort and a put down. I lolled. Use the word "date" when you ask them.

[Mrlonelyone]

You know what if you aren't sure if it's a date just put your hand on their ass and see what happens.

 

If it's a date a gentle hand on the backside (not squeezing, not rubbing, not patting, just a firm steady confident hand) can be strangely reassuring. While certainly not "just" friendly.

 

At least it has been to me at times when I was on the receiving end of that. (SO I know just how to do it too.)

[La Trese]

Depends on how you met. If I meet a guy and after a conversation he asks me out, then I know its a date.

 

If its a guy i've been friends with and he asks me to go somewhere with him, then I would think we are going as friends, unless its a super romantic restaurant...then I would be unsure. If he offered to pay and starts acting like its a date then I would realize his intentions early on.

[crude]

 

I don't know why women who have no interest go on dates. Maybe boredom?

 

For the same reason some people sneak into a party. Free food and drink. Men do the asking, the planning, the paying, the driving. As long as women have no investment in a date, they can just go for the free ride.

[Casablanca]

She knows it's a date if she likes you.

She knows it is one even if she doesnt like you, she'll just say she thought it was just hanging out and didn't know it was a date in that case

[Mrlonelyone]

A good example of just the mindset I've been talking about has presented itself.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/368106-urgent-how-friend-zone-guy-without-breaking-his-heart

 

The person in that thread is just being herself and working with what makes sense to the very structure of her brain. To her it makes perfect sense, that because she does not like this man right now, their "meetings" at resturants and in bed, for sex, weren't dates. He is a deluded guy who would not leave her alone....a creep...a stalker...a freaking date rapist just about because she decided that now she does not like him.

 

That guy got to have sex with a woman, which if it happend to some guys here would change their whole lives.

 

Gents, take a hint from the guy described in that thread.

 

Be persistent until she says a clear unambiguous no.

 

Don't even worry about weather you are BF GF, FWB, or what ever else you wanna call it. Just take what she'll give when she'll give it. Let the one who cares about labels and statuses worry about them.