My wife cheated while we were dating

[Soldier]

Ok so I've been married now for about a year and half. Me and my wife talked when we were younger then it didn't work out. I joined the army and I was deployed to Iraq and I was on leave from Iraq and we started talking again. We moved pretty fast we were dating after just two days but of course I had to go back overseas. I came back from deployment we got married and we very happy. I just recently found out that my wife gf at the time cheated on me with two different guys while I was deployed she kept lying about it n trying to cover it up until I left then she told me. I've caught her lying and hiding about talking to guys and flirting and just other stuiped stuff. Trust was already on the low side now I know she cheated. I truly don't think she is telling me the whole story. I don't know what to do. Should I try n work it out I don't know if I can trust her again I just don't know what to do I love her and want to be with her but need advice.

[GSB81]

First of all, thank you for serving. If your girl is still acting shady, you need to take a cold hard look at the situation you're in. She has already proven she doesn't deserve to be trusted.

[MrWindupBird]

Tell her you're not playing any more games. If she wants to be xyz, then she can go be xyz and not mess with you because you're serious about leading a stable and happy life and you don't have to put up with dishonesty and disrespect.

 

I was Marine Corps myself, 3521, and I had an on again off again back home. I knew what she was, and when I was home, we were together. When I was gone, we saw other people.

 

The problem is we're talking about your wife, and if she's still doing questionable stuff, I'd let her know I wouldn't tolerate it.

 

Just do what feels right and accept what you can accept.

[road]

Soldier, you came back home on leave dated for a short while (how long was that time) then went back overseas. Did both of you declare that you were in an exclusive relationship back then?

 

What made you suspect?

How recent did you find out, and how?

 

Right now your mind is to upset to make a sound decision. So get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.

 

How did WW meet these guys?

Are they married or did they have GF's at the time?

 

What are you doing to verify that there is NC, no contact between the OMs and WW?

[nofool4u]

Not only did she cheat on you while you were deployed and serving your country:sick:, she cheated with TWO guys.

 

The last thing the great people in our military need is to worry about who their spouse is f****g when they are overseas.

 

Get an annulment quick!!!

[Soldier]

When I was on leave we became exclusivebf and gf. I stopped talking to any other girls n dedicated myself to her. I got back from deployment in aug 2011 n I just found this out like two weeks ago. I literally had to pry it out of her she was lying to me about who's she's been with which is dumb but she did it so that I wouldn't figure out that she cheated on me. One of the guys I knew that she was staying with because she got kicked out of her house for a short time but of course she told me he was gay n he wasn't. She would talk to other guys delete the messages hide convos from me that I knew were inappropriate. But I got suspicious when I found a message between her n the one guy where he said it was weird that she was engaged ( because she only told him we were engaged when we were really marride) n she why because of us then went on to talk about how he doesn't need a bigger dick ect she told me it was a joke I trusted her so I let it slide but then I found her lying about talking to other guys n just stuiped stuff with in our lives. She tried to keep lying about cheating till she finliy told me which took like three weeks of none stop fighting she's always accausing me of cheating n talking to other girls which I'm not n I just don't believe he's being completely honest with me.

[Bryanp]

You married the wrong person. Seek an attorney for an annulment. You should get tested for STD's. She does not respect you or your marriage. Don't waste your life with this person. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.

[seibert253]

No kids; in the imortal words of Monty Python:

Runaway, runaway.

 

God bless, and thank you for service to our country.

[Ribbons Undone]

u need to leave ur cheating wife.

 

u need someone that will treat u right.

if she genuinely loved u, she wouldn't of cheated on u.

 

to me, cheating is unacceptable (no matter what)

but I've seen alot of people believe in second chances.

but for ur wife, she didn't just cheat once and learn from it, she went and cheated again.

how much do u really know?

if she hid these affairs from u, it's very likely that she has hidden more and that u dont know the whole truth.

if ur saying uve caught her lying and flirting with guys, it's just going too lead to more cheating until u end up leaving her.

 

trust is very hard to build and very easy to lose.

 

u need someone that will be truthful to u, love u and be with only u.. not someone who is going to cheat, while ur away serving..

 

anyway Soldier, if u decide that u do want to save the marriage, u have to be very careful not to get hurt again.

 

at the end of the day, u deserve to be happy.

 

all the best

-ribbons undone

[TaraMaiden]

What's to 'save'...?

here we have the classic American soldier, being deployed to defend his country and fight overseas for a cause he's signed up for, and the woman - who one would presume should be sitting at home, keeping herself for him, and making sure home-life is stable, secure and comforting to him - is gaily putting it bout to other guys.

 

Shows a dreadful and complete absence of Respect, and betrayal of Trust, with flawed, non-existent or false Communication.

 

And you guys all know what I think about the -

 

Communication, Respect and Trust

 

- Tripod, huh?

 

So... what's to 'save'....?

[carhill]

OP, I would suggest getting some legal advice from your JAG office, if nothing else to better understand your options and obligations going forward.

 

If you'd like to reconcile this, perhaps seeking counseling through the VA would be helpful. Spousal infidelity amongst military/civilian marriages isn't uncommon. Ironically, I wouldn't exist had my father's first wife not done so while he was active-duty deployed in a war zone.

 

My sympathies.