I just found out my 25 yr old boyfriend WAS a virgin

[KungFuJoe]

I've been here for awhile. this is the second one I've seen.

 

I've been here for almost 7 months...this is the first I've seen.

[TouchedByViolet]

Just take everyday one at a time. You are projecting too far into the future IMO. If you are meant to be together I don't think him being a virgin before you will stop it. I know people who married their high school sweetheart's and are happy to this day being with only 1 women.

[crude]

Assuming you didn't find him in a mental institution, he was able to live nicely without sex until 25. That means that he might be able to control himself monogamously better than a guy who's conditioned to be getting new women ever since he was 16.

[Samilia]

I am 33 and he is 25. I just found out yesterday (after some drinking he confided in me) that he lost his virginity to me. I had asked him before that if he was a virgin because I had this nagging suspicion and he of course said he wasn't and pretty much evaded the question. So now I know the truth and I am very scared. I feel very deep feelings for him... now that I know he has only ever been with one person I feel it's doomed to fail- won't he someday want to go sew his wild oats or bang different girls- I am not a man so I have no clue. I did ask him if he thought he could be with one woman for the rest of his life and he said he thinks he can...

 

thoughts??? I don't want to drive down a road that could easily end in a trainwreck of hurt feelings

 

I would think that'd make him stay.

[Nightsky]

We're looking at it from two different angles. You're looking at it from "this guy just wants to get laid". I'm looking at it from, "Don't be a ****ing tool".

 

You should look at the things you say from that angle.

 

We would have to ask the OP if she would have had sex with the man if he admitted he was a virgin before they had sex.

 

I can tell you right now a likely NO.

 

Jeepers, if I get divorced, I'm going to lose weight and go on a loveshack de-virgining tour.

 

Three reasons:

 

1. I can't believe there is any left and it's fun to do.

2. I won't care because I'll be messed up from the divorce.

3. I'm sick of hearing the bitching on here.

 

The problem is the male virgins are a crafty bunch. Very awkward yet claiming to have past sexual encounters. My virgin radar is going off the charts with kungfujoe.

 

Ah yes, another group of straight people who for whatever reason fall under the heading sexual minority.

 

Males who did not loose it by say 22 are judged in the ways shown in the OP all the time.

 

OP, he's only going to leave you if you aren't right for him. It may be the fact that you'd judge him for being a virgin at 25 means your not right for him? Either get over this and treat him right or just end it because you can't deal with the fact he's a virgin and all the stereotypes around men who value their virginity.

 

Have you noticed how opposed many male posters who are incel here are to casual sex or seeing a prostitute? They often just wanted to save it for a woman they cared about. Congratulations he cared about you, you had him. Bravo.

 

I might have given your post a like if not for the way you started it off.

 

I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to read that on this forum.

 

I'm tempted to start a thread just that ridiculous.

[truth_seeker]

If you like him, and he likes you, does it really matter? Live in the here and now.

[Janesays]

My fiance lost his virginity to me when he was 32, so I've been where you are and immediately thought the same thing. Won't he get curious someday?

 

I stressed about it for a bit until finally I decide to suck it up and talk to him about it. I told him I was worried about our long term potential and was very clear and reassuring that I wouldn't blame him in the least if he wanted to experiment someday, but I just wanted to know whether or not I should protect my heart if that's what he wanted to do in the future.

 

He told me he waited for sex for so long because he wanted to be in love, that he was old fashioned like that, and the idea of sleeping with other women in the name of experimentation didn't appeal to him at all and never had. Two years later and we're engaged.

 

My advice? An open and honest, non judgemental conversation with this man will tell you all you need to know.

Edited January 12, 2013 by Janesays

[SJC2008]

Male virgins lie because they are "embarrassed" that they, as men, don't have years of experience pillaging and plowing women like society expects them to have done.

 

NOT because they are afraid their gf might think they will want to sow their wild oats and cheat on them.

 

Two different things.

 

Bottom line. Don't freakin lie about being a virgin. You just come out looking stupid. I know cuz I've been there done that.

 

We lie because we don't wan't to be REJECTED! What women is going to date me if I tell her I've never had an R, and only 3 sexual experiences, 2 being actual sex?

 

If I tell them this here is what's gonna go through her brain: 1) He'll never get me off. 2) I can't date him because once he get's experience/confidence he'll leave me for someone else!

 

Mabye 1 in a 100 women would say: "We'll he seems like a good man who has his shyt together, I'm sure there's a logical reason for it. I'll get to know him better and see if he'll eventually open up as to why".

 

I'm not going through 100 women to find one that won't care!

[SJC2008]

My fiance lost his virginity to me when he was 32, so I've been where you are and immediately thought the same thing. Won't he get curious someday?

 

I stressed about it for a bit until finally I decide to suck it up and talk to him about it. I told him I was worried about our long term potential and was very clear and reassuring that I wouldn't blame him in the least if he wanted to experiment someday, but I just wanted to know whether or not I should protect my heart if that's what he wanted to do in the future.

 

He told me he waited for sex for so long because he wanted to be in love, that he was old fashioned like that, and the idea of sleeping with other women in the name of experimentation didn't appeal to him at all and never had. Two years later and we're engaged.

 

My advice? An open and honest, non judgemental conversation with this man will tell you all you need to know.

 

Why can't I meet a woman like you:)?

 

That's great that you were open about it with him and the fact that you stood with him tells me you're a really strong person!

[newmoon]

he'll probably be so happy to be getting regular sex that you'll keep him satisfied for some period of time. don't worry he'll run off now that he had a taste; if it took him this long to lose it then he probably has some other emotional issues that he needs to deal with. a guy with that type of patience would probably be fine with just one person.

[dreamingoftigers]

One of my dear close friends (she has the flu today, poor thing!) has a brother who just married before Christmas.

 

He is 40. He was a virgin until he got married.

 

I've met him etc. I've got to say that I am surprised.

He was not only an attractive guy, he's also sociable, soft-spoken though and he's a CFO to a Calgary oil company. Figure that one out.

 

Apparently he wanted THE ONE. Not just ANYONE.

 

His wife is early 30s. They want kids etc. She's the whole package too.

 

He probably lasted 2.5 seconds.

 

My fiance lost his virginity to me when he was 32, so I've been where you are and immediately thought the same thing. Won't he get curious someday?

 

I stressed about it for a bit until finally I decide to suck it up and talk to him about it. I told him I was worried about our long term potential and was very clear and reassuring that I wouldn't blame him in the least if he wanted to experiment someday, but I just wanted to know whether or not I should protect my heart if that's what he wanted to do in the future.

 

He told me he waited for sex for so long because he wanted to be in love, that he was old fashioned like that, and the idea of sleeping with other women in the name of experimentation didn't appeal to him at all and never had. Two years later and we're engaged.

 

My advice? An open and honest, non judgemental conversation with this man will tell you all you need to know.

[Janesays]

Oh Lord. I don't think either me or the OP had an issue with the virginity, by itself. I mean, if anything, it's a plus. No std's! Score!

 

The issue is being older, in love, looking to settle down and worrying whether or not you're on the same page with your partner. Society rubs the idea in our face that all men NEED to sow some oats before settling down, so of course you wonder if a man who hasn't plowed more than you will be happy with one sort of grain for the rest of his life.

 

Let me put it this way, if my boyfriend had been a 32 year old virgin and *i* was a only 22, it wouldn't have concerned me in the least. At 22, I wasn't the least bit worried about 'forever' then, so his lack of experience would have been irrelevant.

 

Luckily enough, sowing wild oats is simply a societal construct that may be totally irrelevant to the OP's boyfriend. She'll never know if this is a theory that he subscribes to unless she asks him in such a way as to reassure him that she respects him no matter what his answer is.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yeah but if "being a ****ing tool" will help get the guy laid, it is what it is.

 

How many threads have we seen where a woman says "bf has slept with too many people, should i keep seeing him?"--not many

 

It's mostly threads like this one.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/366809-i-m-troubled-my-boyfriend-s-past

 

I swear this is a coincidence. I didn't go create a new username/password just to prove a point.

[Janesays]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/366809-i-m-troubled-my-boyfriend-s-past

 

I swear this is a coincidence. I didn't go create a new username/password just to prove a point.

 

Bam! Looks like DOT just made this thread her biotch.... :laugh:

[mortensorchid]

Hmmm ... Well, knowing what I know now, don't say that it doesn't happen. Because it happened to me years ago. Granted, the situation might have been a bit odd compared to yours or others who are also in this situation, but here's my story ...

 

About ten years ago, the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with had broken it off and I was devistated. After I had gotten over it (ha ha ha - I'm still not), I tried online dating for the first time. After meeting a few people here and there, I got my first real boyfriend after him. He was actually from the west coast, he was attending law school in my city. He was a good guy, very nice Jewish boy. After we had gotten together a few times, he told me something about himself. He was 22 (I was 28 at the time) and he was a virgin. He offered the information to me, I did not pry into it. I said "Really?" He said he was. I asked how it was that he had gotten to this point in life and had not done IT before, he said he felt rather insecure and felt he was not ready to do IT. Now that he had met me, however, he felt that he trusted me and wanted me to do the honors of relieving him of his V card. Honestly, I didn't know how to feel about this. Me? Are you sure? He said he wanted to.

 

And yes, we did IT. Afterward he said "Wow, that was great!" We did not last obviously, he has moved back to his hometown on the west coast, but we keep up through Facebook with an occasional chat every once in a while. Since then he has been with other women, and he is now in a serious relationship with another woman. He said he always has a special place for me in his heart (and he mine) as the one who he first did IT with.

 

I guess my question here is do you want to do IT with him? Despite what the future may hold for the both of you, you will always have this special place in his heart. And that's a nice thing.

[Nightsky]

 

I guess my question here is do you want to do IT with him? Despite what the future may hold for the both of you, you will always have this special place in his heart. And that's a nice thing.

 

I was 22 when I first did it. I guess I just hadn't been horny enough up until that point. I stupidly sabotaged any shots I had at sex for the hell of it. Finally I was ready to do it and I totally lied to the girl and said I had been with lots of girls. She even asked if I was a virgin the next day, I just said "haha no I'm not a virgin lets have sex again" and we did have sex again.

 

That girl was hot, but she turned out to be a bitch an there for hold no special place in my heart. If I ever see her again I intend to not even acknowledge knowing her. It didn't end well.

[fortyninethousand322]

I am 33 and he is 25. I just found out yesterday (after some drinking he confided in me) that he lost his virginity to me. I had asked him before that if he was a virgin because I had this nagging suspicion and he of course said he wasn't and pretty much evaded the question. So now I know the truth and I am very scared. I feel very deep feelings for him... now that I know he has only ever been with one person I feel it's doomed to fail- won't he someday want to go sew his wild oats or bang different girls- I am not a man so I have no clue. I did ask him if he thought he could be with one woman for the rest of his life and he said he thinks he can...

 

thoughts??? I don't want to drive down a road that could easily end in a trainwreck of hurt feelings

 

Honestly, I think you should break it off. Your post sounds eerily like this one from a long time ago.

 

Relationships like this with one experienced partner and one inexperienced partner rarely last very long. So, my advice is just get out now while you can.

[CptObvious]

so i guess the real question is

 

 

 

 

 

 

how'd he do?

[ThaWholigan]

Meh, I think that every male virgin should do one of 2 things:

 

1) Try to find a woman like Janesays who doesn't care. The are actually fewer than women like to think unfortunately. Even I had been unable to find such a woman. Failing that, they should do what I did, which was.....

 

2) Find the most promiscuous girl you can think of (well, she found me ) and lose it to her. Make sure she is clean first, and see if she also doesn't care about your experience.

 

Don't lie about being a virgin, just act like you don't care about it.

Edited January 12, 2013 by ThaWholigan

[MrCastle]

Bam! Looks like DOT just made this thread her biotch.... :laugh:

 

Not really. I can if I wanted to, sift the site for threads that back me up. Truth be told, it's more so individual posts in various threads where women back up what I've said and not so much dedicated threads to this topic. Thread could be about men dating an escort and you'd find an off topic post where a woman says "well i would be uncomfortable dating a virgin"

 

But I digress

[markpr]

I am 33 and he is 25. I just found out yesterday (after some drinking he confided in me) that he lost his virginity to me. I had asked him before that if he was a virgin because I had this nagging suspicion and he of course said he wasn't and pretty much evaded the question. So now I know the truth and I am very scared. I feel very deep feelings for him... now that I know he has only ever been with one person I feel it's doomed to fail- won't he someday want to go sew his wild oats or bang different girls- I am not a man so I have no clue. I did ask him if he thought he could be with one woman for the rest of his life and he said he thinks he can...

 

thoughts??? I don't want to drive down a road that could easily end in a trainwreck of hurt feelings

Interesting. I can see why you feel confused by this turn of events. I hate to be an alarmist but I've got to say that what you did was extremely risky and almost may've sabotaged the relationship. From personal experience (again, I may be wrong), a woman opens a floodgate of emotions when she asks her bf if he's going to be with one woman for the rest of his life especially after he's made himself emotionally naked enough to admit that he lost his virginity to her.

What you did was introduce an idea in him. You introduced the thought that he may be insufficient in some way (as deemed by socio-cultural standards) by only having been with one woman his whole life. Now that idea is going to grow and play around in his mind until it hits a breaking point. How and when he will react to it when he reaches that point of realization is anyone's guess.

I'm no expert on this sort of stuff and I really hope I'm wrong on this. Good luck and tread carefully!

[AngelDollFace]

Follow up:

Sorry I've been working a lot... wow this post blew up... answering a few questions:

 

1) Were we intimate: Yes we were intimate and then after the fact he told me he had been a virgin. I still would have had sex with him but I honestly wouldn't have done it as quickly as I did. I don't usually have sex with people this soon and I've had very few partners so this (moving so fast) was a new and unique experience for me too. He isn't a dishonest person... I understand why he wasn't honest about it but I still left me feeling a little untrusting of the situation.

 

2) Why am I (33) dating a 25 year old- I didn't mean to... I got very lost downtown in a city near where I live and I was walking around for hours lost and my cell phone had gone dead. I stood on a bridge and started to get really upset and concerned and he walked up and offered to help me. I didn't know he was 25 and he didn't know I was 33... we hit it off and kept spending time together... now we joke around a lot about how we "met on a bridge"- it's sort of romantic I guess. But I've never dated anyone this young before... the relationship just sort of found me I guess.

 

3) What now? I am pretty crazy about him so I am just taking it one day at a time. I could overthink it and be concerned about all of the things that could go wrong or I can just relax and enjoy having met someone that I feel close to and have so much fun with.

 

Thank you everyone for the honest advice.

 

Even if this doesn't work out... it renewed my faith in the magic factor- you can meet really great people in really strange and random ways- I think after years of online dating I forgot how great it is to meet someone organically.

 

Good luck in love everyone.