Mochalatte Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 He had sex with a former lover 30mins after telling his long time girlfriend "I love you too" over the phone... How does one do that??? It can't be love... Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 It isn't love. Just a show. A show to keep his cake and eat it too. To remain good, when he's not. Such is the world. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ribbons Undone Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 How does one do that??? i'd like to know that too.. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 He had sex with a former lover 30mins after telling his long time girlfriend "I love you too" over the phone... How does one do that??? It can't be love... i'd like to know that too.. Simple: being 'in love' and 'having sex' are not necessarily the same thing, to some men. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 He had sex with a former lover 30mins after telling his long time girlfriend "I love you too" over the phone... How does one do that??? It can't be love... Polyamory is one potential reason. Some people can compartmentalize their definition of 'love' into discrete boxes and, within each box, that love is, to them, authentic and honest. A more likely scenario is words are being used as social Astroglide to achieve a goal. The evocation of emotion through properly delivered words is a powerful tool of 'influence' and some people are masters of it. Many potentials. Link to post Share on other sites
Ribbons Undone Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Simple: being 'in love' and 'having sex' are not necessarily the same thing, to some men. like in this thread and many more situations like it, why do cheaters string someone along though, if they are going to be cheating in the first place? like Toddbt12y1 said, do they just want to have cake and eat it too? or is there something else cheaters are gaining from cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 like in this thread and many more situations like it, why do cheaters string someone along though, if they are going to be cheating in the first place? like Toddbt12y1 said, do they just want to have cake and eat it too? or is there something else cheaters are gaining from cheating? Why do they do it?! ............ My theories are: 1 - They are not capable of true love, in a very deap sense; they have personal defects and personal issues that make it so they can cheat on a person they "love", because the extent of their love is just not that deap to begin with. They love you as much as they CAN "love" a person; only their love is shallow to begin with, which makes cheating an option. In this case, it is not you- It iS THEM! It is not because they do not have strong enough feelings for you... they would have been able to cheat on ANY PERSON they were with because they are not capable of really loving ANY one enough to NOT cheat. 2 - They picked a partner who they were not truly in love with, which means when they come aross other people they click with, they wonder (rather than staying away from them). People who are really in love would meet people who they "click" with. People who, if they were single, they would pursue... Even people who are really in love still meet people who they KNOW they "have" something with. Something is there, but they do not go and explore this, because they love their partners. People who are in relationships meet other people who they have something with; there is more than one person out there for you, who you just have a "thing" for. The difference between cheaters and non cheaters is normally: cheaters never truly loved their partner, so new love interests are something they would go after. Partners who are truly in love, however, would not go after another person, even if they KNEW there was something "there" Being attracted to others is normal in a relationship! It is normally physical, but at times even non single folk will come accross an attraction that would have otherwise lead to a relationship; you know, you just "feel" that you would have been interested in them IF you were single. ......................... ...So..... I am pretty sure that people either cheat because they are not capable of loving that deaply, so cheating on a partner they "love" is possible OR they are not in love with their partners in the first place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 like in this thread and many more situations like it, why do cheaters string someone along though, if they are going to be cheating in the first place? like Toddbt12y1 said, do they just want to have cake and eat it too? or is there something else cheaters are gaining from cheating? Because they don't care. It's all about them and not who they are hurting. Some feel entitled to do as they please, some can separate love and sex very easily. Or maybe he loves both and can't choose. Maybe he just is used to having two women meet his selfish needs. He's living in a bubble. Idiot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Why do they do it? - Why does a dog lick his balls? - because he can. On a serious note though, he either doesn't love you, or he does love you but he's just not "in" love with you. Either way, you shouldn't allow yourself to be disrespected like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mavendark Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Simple: being 'in love' and 'having sex' are not necessarily the same thing, to some men. Absolutely correct. Unfortunately there's no way to tell whether he loves you or whether he is "in" love with you. Don't put up with this please. His "I love you too"s have become a thing of habit rather than of real meaning it seems like. Link to post Share on other sites
crash9i77 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 You must look at their history.. Male and females who have a large history of cheating very likely indicates a possible personality disorder. Cluster-B type like Narcissistic personality disorder, and Borderline personality disorder. People who are serial cheaters crave the initial "Endorphon" rush of the first stage of a relationship and it feels like love but it is just your body feeling high and on a drug. Once your body stops producing this drug.. A person needs to feel this so they pursue it by cheating on the current boyfriend and finding a new "High" or rather "Fix" by finding new lovers. This phenomenon is actually increasing in todays society. People with "NPD" will leave a victim an empty husk of what he/she used to be. They not only cheat, but abuse and manipulate with no empathy or care. It truly is a "Have your cake and eat it to" type of a situation. Bottom line is this. People who cheat are not good people. Yes people do this. But a one time thing is usually something a person goes through in high school and realizes they will never hurt another like this. And never cheat on a partner again. But people who typically have a PD will never learn this and continue to cheat on every partner they will have, and the thing about cheaters is this.. The more they cheat, the easier and better they get at it and it actually becomes a big habit. As soon as partner comes along who who seems new and attainable. They get a curiosity and build this to a new affair. Then.. Out with old in with new like a battery.. They never learn how to settle... If they did.. They don't know how to live without that high...or distractions that feel so great. Sex is always more explosive in the beginning as well. After things calm down.. They don't feel in love anymore and crave that initial excitement again. And do so by cheating. Many cheaters ( especially NPD partners) will have multiple relationships going on at once and you would never know because they are masters at doing what they do keeping one primary "source of narcissistic supply" in which they need to live, and many other secondary sources... Like emotional/mental vampires.. Like i said, swap one battery for another.. Overlapping relationships.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mochalatte Posted January 20, 2013 Author Share Posted January 20, 2013 (edited) My apologies for the delayed response... but I really agree with everyone for the most part. I don't necessarily believe in men and compartmentalizing. I guess I find that too complex for a cheating man to have to do. Crash- This particular man cheated on his wife with a 17yr old when he was 34...It was consentual by the minor. He was caught by authorities because he was at a "party" so his wife found out. He was in a position where this should not have happend and lost his job. And I have no idea how many times he cheated on her with various women. He has never admitted to me "who" he cheated with...just that he was unfaithful. He swears that he battles with acceptance. And now he hasn't learned how not to live as being single. And this love-his girlfriend lives less than an hour away, but he says he can't do long distance very well. Although he does see her quite often. It just drives me nuts how he behaves angelic to her, then changes like it is no big deal. It's disturbing really. The kicker is that this "girlfriend" that he loves, has been around for three years... and she has a teen daughter. I don't see anything happening there, but you can't help but wonder. He is attatched to her children I believe more so than her. He is definitely a repeat cheater. His facebook page portrays no pics of his "love" nor any sign that they have a relationship. This woman did drop a few lines one night stating that she loved him. He erased it! A pic was tagged of them together. He erased it too! Many have told me he has slept with tons of women behind his girlfriends back. Other old friends say he will never faithful to a woman, nor do they ever see him remarrying. He is a great friend of mine. But, my head hurts from trying to figure him out and how he hurts others. I have tried to help him to understand that he doesn't love someone to do this but he won't respond to me. He truly is a nice guy on the outside, and on the inside, but he lives a secret bad life. I will never understand how someone can tell a loved one I love you then immediately sleep with someone else. This guy even had sex with another woman in this woman's (his girlfriend's) car! Amazing... What is even MORE amazing is that this girlfriend hasn't caught wind of any of any this!!! I think he DOES have an illness... Edited January 20, 2013 by Mochalatte Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Why do they do it?! ...So..... I am pretty sure that people either cheat because they are not capable of loving that deaply, so cheating on a partner they "love" is possible OR they are not in love with their partners in the first place. Or that they were once very much in love but the lust/desire has faded with time. Some people take others for granted as the years progress. Other times one of the partners changes over time and is not the same person they once fell in love with (personality and or physically). Desire is pushed down the agenda behind, career, mortgages, keeping up with the jonses, kids, health issues, other hobbies, shopping, and so on. Cheating makes them feel, emotions that have not felt in a long time. Studies have shown many men even though they do cheat still very much love their wife. (I am sure the same can be said for wives who cheat) Its more of a dutiful bond type love though than a passionate love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Simple: being 'in love' and 'having sex' are not necessarily the same thing, to some men. Wait a minute. For me being in love and having sex is indeed not the same thing. But if I'm in love, like I am now, there is no way I'd consider having sex with someone else. And a big part, I'd say 99%, of the reason is that it would obviously hurt the person I'm in love with. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 "But, my head hurts from trying to figure him out and how he hurts others." But you see a cheater wont think like that. The intention is that they wont get caught out so their partner wont know and so wont be hurt. What they don't know wont hurt them..like it is for his current '1 hr away single mother' gf. Link to post Share on other sites
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