lyfsabeach Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Ok - hubby and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on June 2. Our marriage has been filled with lots of on and offs and even a 2 year legal separation. But, at the end of our spats, we realize we can't live without each other and we always reconcile. We both got married young (I was 17/he was 18) and we have 2 boys, ages 7 and 10. Hubby's biggest problem is dealing with stress - whenever things get too bad at work, he seems to bring it all home, putting everyone in a bad mood. Rather than letting it go or getting it all out, he just keeps bottling it all up and then one day - BOOM - Divorce time! It's like a stupid pattern and I'm really tired of playing the game. This time, he says he wants a divorce - that he Loves me, but is not "in love" with me. That he's tired of trying to make the marriage work and he just wants out. That was 3 weeks ago. At that time, he just wanted to file for divorce and move out. Off came the wedding ring and the "I Love You's" have ground to a halt. But, since that time, we've actually gotten along better than ever, we are communicating - no fighting, he is making sure that we are spending quality time together and our sex life is better than it's ever been before! As a matter of fact, he doesn't even mention the word divorce, now just says that he may/may not be moving out. What am I supposed to think about all this? I'd like to think that he sees just how well we are getting along and is willing to try again, but I just don't know. I have told him from the beginning that I am more than willing to go to a counselor, that I don't want to throw away 20 years without a fight. But, at the time, he wasn't willing to do anything. Right now, he won't say how he feels about that particular subject and frankly, I'm afraid to bring it up. I love him very much and I want to see this thing work. I'd love to get some opinions on this. Lyfsabeach Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 He says he wants a divorce...removes his wedding ring... but still wants to have sex? The man is seriously conflicted. He needs to get a grip, stop confusing you and messing with your head and commit one way or the other. You need to stop accepting his flaky behavior. Tell him, 'If you want a divorce move your stuff into another bedroom. I'll have my lawyer picked out by next week. Your deadline to move out is one month from today, If you want to stay, I will assume you want to continue to work on this marriage." Be strong and assertive. By remaining silent and by allowing him to have relations with you after saying "I want a divorce" you are allowing him to have it both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
finewine Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Sound like your husband wants to have his cake and eat it too. Do you suspect he had any affairs in the past? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts