Honiebee Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 (edited) My mother has been married to my step father for almost ten years. Difficulties arised and he moved out for a while. They are still in contact, and she is still wondering whether to call him or see him. She has said to him lots of times that she isn't looking for anyone else and she wouldn't date. However- recently she's been very secretive etc. I found out that a male friend she has had for YEARS (20+) is now sniffing around her, and she's still married. She has never, ever fancied this man, even though he has always had a thing for her. It now seems that she is replying to him and flirting with him, and possibly meeting up with him next weekend. I don't know why because she has known for over twenty years she doesn't have feelings him. She even tried to date him before but just couldn't. She lies to me saying it's someone else on the phone. And she is lying to her (STILL) husband saying she isn't dating anyone new. I'm quite angry. I don't know why. I think it's because I know she's not interested in this guy and just making herself feel good. But at the expense of the friend who has feelings for her- and her husband who is under the impression she isn't looking for anyone else. I also live with her and pay rent (I wish I could move out!) and don't like the idea of this weird thing happening where I live. Am I being selfish? Is there anything that can be done? Is my anger unjustified? Edited January 12, 2013 by Honiebee Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I hate to break it to you, but sadly, this is none of your damn business. #it's her life and if she wants to screw it up, that's down to her. You could say this - and this alone: "Mum, I don't care who you see, what you do, where you go or how you go about things. It's none of my damn business. I wouldn't expect or want you to interfere in my life, and I'm sure as hell not about to hold your hand and interfere in yours. Don't tell me anything, if you'd prefer not to - I don't care. I don't need to know. But don't lie to me. Never lie to me. Respect falls through the floor when you find people lie to you. Don't make me lose respect for you. Okay?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honiebee Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 I hate to break it to you, but sadly, this is none of your damn business. #it's her life and if she wants to screw it up, that's down to her. You could say this - and this alone: "Mum, I don't care who you see, what you do, where you go or how you go about things. It's none of my damn business. I wouldn't expect or want you to interfere in my life, and I'm sure as hell not about to hold your hand and interfere in yours. Don't tell me anything, if you'd prefer not to - I don't care. I don't need to know. But don't lie to me. Never lie to me. Respect falls through the floor when you find people lie to you. Don't make me lose respect for you. Okay?" Thanks Tara. It is difficult as I see this happen time after time with her. She will do something like this- it usually goes wrong- and then my aunt and I have to pick up the pieces. Every time. And there's been lots of times. I think I'm angry on my step fathers behalf, he is still a part of our family and she is STILL thinking about being back with him. She does also heavily try and influence my decisions and invades my privacy a lot (hence why I'd love to leave before we do really fall out big time). So, if she does bring her friend (who I do know- have known since I was a child) here, and she does start dating him properly, I should ask her what is going on, and ask her not to lie, as this will make me lose respect for her. Thank you for the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 You should try and guilt trip her, that's what parents always do! Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 she is being discreet - it's not called a "private" life for nothing Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 It's quite simply none of your business. You can't expect others, including your mother to live by your standards nor live their lives for them. Other than the fact that your step-father moved out you probably have very little idea what has been going on between them, or not, for that matter. You have no idea, for that matter, what sort of life your step-father MIGHT be living "off-base" while expecting your mum to be chaste. And flirting, to bolster your self-esteem is not the same as shagging someone. Whether the distinction is an important one or matters to either your mother or step-father is a private matter for them and them alone. It would be best, for you, to wind your neck in, calm down a bit and contemplate a bit of meditation, if necessary, in your own interests. Being your mother's moral guardian is just so not good for you. I am willing to give you evens that if you were to mention the matter to your step-father there is a good chance he might tell you to eff-off as it is none of your business. That is just the way of the world. You have a lot of learning still to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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