Testing, testing, 123..

[The_Face]

My ex's baby is due soon. I called the hospital where she will be giving birth and asked them if they could do a dna test there at the hospital after the baby is born. They said no, they can't. And the proceeded to list a bunch of websites I can look at for places that do testing.

 

That isn't my issue, so much. I can find a place if I look enough, the problem is that I cannot speak with my ex about the test. Every time the topic has came up, she's dehumanized me and made me out to be some kind of ******* with no justification for the test, whatsoever. There is no way I can see myself re-opening that wound and trying to talk to her about it again once the baby is here. She will get hysterical, probably tell me she wants me to stay away from her and the baby if that's how I feel. Why subject myself to that again?

 

So... I wanted to find a way to get it done that involves the least amount of interaction with my ex as possible. Given the fact that the hospital can't do it for me, that means I either have to convince my ex to do it or get it ordered by the court. I never wanted it to have to go the legal route. I figure that will only cost more money and possibly delay things.

 

What am I supposed to do now? the day is fast approaching and no matter what I do as far as the test is concerned, I have my back against the wall. Isn't there some way I can get the hospital to request one for me? So I don't have to take this heat again?

Edited January 12, 2013 by The_Face

[Radu]

I want you to repeat this again and again 'she ****ed a guy while she was pregnant with her child'.

 

She exposed her child to any number of things just to spite you, just to assert her dominance in your relationship.

 

There is no other way than the court way.

Talk to a lawyer, put a line in the sand ... and provide consequences if that line is crossed.

Either the baby is yours, in which case you get custody [but probably not primary even though both her and her mom sound like ****ty parents], or it isn't yours ... in which case it's her problem.

 

Simple as that.

[Balzac]

I think you asked the wrong question actually. A hospital is an institution, you need a physician to write an order for the test OR as has been stated a court order. Your imminent problem is the birth certificate. You must not, paternity not documented, sign that birth certificate.

 

Just step back a bit and allow the process to grind along.

[The_Face]

I think you asked the wrong question actually. A hospital is an institution, you need a physician to write an order for the test OR as has been stated a court order. Your imminent problem is the birth certificate. You must not, paternity not documented, sign that birth certificate.

 

Just step back a bit and allow the process to grind along.

 

I'm confused about the "you asked the wrong question" bit. I'm slow, forgive me.

 

As for stepping back and allowing the process to grind along, I am still confused.

 

I figured I have to instigate this test somehow, or it won't get done. Because the hospital isn't going to set it up for me. And obviously my ex isn't going to suggest it or take it upon herself to do it. That's why I'm back, posting this.

 

Looks like a court order is my only option. She won't voluntarily do it. I guess that answers my question.

[Balzac]

Face, sorry I wasn't trying to confuse you. My unfortunate wording.

 

I have a good knowledge of your situation, your feelings at several previous moments in time and your frustrations. I lack but one fact, I've forgotten your state of residency.

 

I'll quickly lay out a couple paths to your goal.

 

Every state has defined time windows. For example TX allows 5 days to put paternity identity onto the birth certificate. To date there is no marriage involved that I am aware of. [her]. AOP is an additional form that you might sign, intent on that is clear. You have the option in some states of signing the birth certificate ~~ defined days to challenge that by means of DNA testing results. So. your state has specific rules for several pathways.

 

You cannot compel birth mother to agree to test w/o a court order. That court order can come from the local prosecutor upon certain events happening. Generally the events are petition for child support. Application for benefits or SNAP aka food stamps.

 

The reason I said to slow down is that this paternity test can come to issue not at your legal expense. Maybe that is more clear?

 

I cannot see what you gain at this point to hire an attorney to compel DNA be taken during the very short hospital stay. Emotions will be high.

 

 

I get that you'd like to know yesterday. I get that you'll likely be present at the birth and wish you knew. As it stands today, you'll not know at the birth, not know prior to hospital dismissal and likely not for more than 2-3 weeks.

 

You're a quality good intentioned guy. You can buy, gift and otherwise proceed as if this baby boy is your DNA.

 

So far~~~,any more clear a picture? Let me hear you talk now.

[The_Face]

Thanks. That helps, Balzac.

 

I started to panic once I heard the hospital can't just do it sometime after the birth. Maybe it was naive to think it would be that simple. Anyway, I thought the only alternative was to get one court ordered. The thought of weeks, or months going by after the birth with no dna test done, really freaks me out.

 

You have explained it perfectly.. I think I'll just kick back and relax for now. And I'll still be there for the child in every other way possible until I find out. No sense hiring a lawyer.

 

I just hope things (the dna test) fall into place on their own and without taking too long. Thanks again to any commentors... Nothing really new from me, it's kind of the same broken record playing.. Anyway. Time for some sleep!

[delighted_delilah]

I am so sorry you are going through this. You could purchase a DNA testing kit online I believe, and do it yourself, could you not? I don't think it would hold up in court, in regards to custody, child support, etc, but it would certainly give you peace of mind.

Again, really, really sorry about this situation.

[The_Face]

I am so sorry you are going through this. You could purchase a DNA testing kit online I believe, and do it yourself, could you not? I don't think it would hold up in court, in regards to custody, child support, etc, but it would certainly give you peace of mind.

Again, really, really sorry about this situation.

 

I'm just going to drop the bomb on her after the birth. She'll probaby figure it out before I even say anything. Once she realizes I'm not signing any paperwork, she'll get it.

 

This has been 9 months of pure hell. I wish I never met my ex. And if it's my kid, I will always feel horrible that his mother is such a psycho. I hate her, no longer do I care if she gets upset about the test. It's ****ing ridiculous she would even have the nerve to get mad at me for this. She's opened her legs for at least 3 guys since we broke up.

 

And I'M the bad guy for wanting to be sure it's my kid. **** you!