My first kiss, and I'm already cheating.

[chex]

So I decided to tell people here what I'm going through, behind my mask of anonymity. First off, I'm a guy, to get that out of the way.

 

So, last sunday, I had my first kiss. And it was my first time making out. And maybe some shirts flew off.

 

To preface it, I've been friends with this girl for about three years, and I've pretty much crushed on her since when I first knew her, never really openly though. See, the thing is that she's been in a relationship since probably the beginning of last school year, or before. [it's become something like a long term relationship for a while now -- see, he's transsexual and their parents found out and they don't exactly approve] So I had just backed off, seeing as I didn't want her to cheat or to get myself into anything complicated.

 

A few months ago, we got closer than we have been. We were doing more things together while not at school, et cetera. She'd been hinting at me being attractive to her and her being into me, but since she's a big flirt I had blown it off somewhat.

 

But last Sunday, we were on her bed just talking, and she all of a sudden straddles me and looks down at me with this really purposeful, sexy face, and kissed me, and I can't say I resisted. It turned into 4 hours of making out on and off, and in general it was tons of fun. We kept it secret since it was well known that she had a boyfriend, and, while I thought it would make my and her everyday relations much more awkward, it really didn't and only served to strengthen our bond.

 

About tuesday, she started to tell me about how much of an ******* she felt like, and how we really should do self control better. That afternoon, she almost unconsciously gave me a goodbye kiss but I could see her trembling, and she stopped herself. She actually did tell her boyfriend, and he was pretty angry, and since then he's been acting a lot more needy and protective. I can see where he's coming from, if I got cheated on I probably wouldn't be the most civil person.

 

Through the rest of the week we went through, trying to control ourselves, and both feeling vaguely .. disappointed and let down. Just unhappy. On friday, we made some spontaneous plans with two other girls to hang out at her place[we were going to go skating, but the freezing rain wasn't awfully friendly so we just stopped at her house]. And it was a typical sort of hanging out with friends you're pretty close to night, with the pillowfights and fun stuff. Actually at one point I got on one of her bras and we stuffed it, and I put on one of her shirts and we got some pictures I think they're on tumblr somewhere, making me famous.

 

And, after everyone else had left, we made out right there. She got on top of me again. I guess it had just been too much for us, and we're both genuinely very attractive to each other. She's been pretty unhappy with her boyfriend as well, and he's been even more insecure. I think he texted her 8 or 9 times with no reply during two hours while we were hanging out.

 

We also have a pretty deep intellectual relationship, both pretty nerdy with our interests and upbringings, and, yeah, we were friends for three years, so we know each other pretty well.

 

So, am I a horrible person? Are my hormones ****ing with my brain and making me think this isn't wrong? Is she just using me for the physical pleasure?

[dreamingoftigers]

Jeepers. You aren't a horrible person. But really messing around with another dudes (?) lady is not cool.

 

And it will get stupid pretty fast.

 

But it doesn't sound like you are going to switch the "off" switch anytime soon either.

 

Maybe make sure those pics don't end up everywhere....

[Sunnylover21]

You're not a horrible person, and a lot of people would say you're not the one in the wrong she is - after all she's the one with the bf.

But put yourself in his position, how would you feel if he was messing around with your girl?

Even if she ends up ending this relationship and starting one with you (which is very unlikely, she would have done it by now and the majority of the time people stick with their actual relationship) she'll probably just do the same to you!

 

Just think whether its really worth all this heart ache and drama?

[chex]

You're not a horrible person, and a lot of people would say you're not the one in the wrong she is - after all she's the one with the bf.

But put yourself in his position, how would you feel if he was messing around with your girl?

Even if she ends up ending this relationship and starting one with you (which is very unlikely, she would have done it by now and the majority of the time people stick with their actual relationship) she'll probably just do the same to you!

 

Just think whether its really worth all this heart ache and drama?

 

My view on romantic relationships has always been that it should be something that relaxes you, a sort of more stress-free part of your life. And, I can honestly say, when we're together, when we're close, it is.

 

But yeah, I really don't know if I want the drama. I suppose I should break it off, but I'm damn curious to see if this works, and I don't want to just build walls around myself, so I'm wondering if it'll work.

 

Plus I'm really infatuated right now I won't say love or anything because it's only been a week that we've been really intimate.

[chex]

Alright just sort of an update here, she's telling me things like "Don't worry about it" and she definitely wants to keep together with me ... I think she likes that I'm less experienced than her, and that romantically and sexually I'm not experienced at all, so that she can shape me. (I'll admit- this idea is pretty attractive to me, that she knows what she's doing. I think she's had 3 or 4 partners now, about half male of them male and half of them female.)

 

I really don't know what her present standing with her boyfriend is, and I'm honestly not too interested in it. I think I'm just gonna live in the moment, and see how it works out.

[chex]

Hell, this teenage drama is making my brain bleed. I still can't figure out WHO is the transsexual.

 

Is it this girl's 'boyfriend?' Or is it the girl herself - the one you've been friends with for 3 years?

 

Her boyfriend is a transsexual ... not really an important detail at all I just kind of threw it in there.

Edited January 14, 2013 by chex

[road]

I do not know if chex is a guy or a girl.

 

Shim is not showing good logic dating a girl that has a transexual BF, and that this girl has had sex with other boys and girls.

 

Shim needs to ask his parents to go to an IC.

[NoMagicBullet]

She likes that she can "shape" you because you're inexperienced? I find that creepy.

 

Also the fact that she has a bf, but she initiated the kiss, and seems to be promoting the cheating with you. It's not a matter of self-control, other than she should control herself enough to stay away from you and sort out or end things with her bf first. She's starting things with you, and that's very selfish.

 

Your hormones and emotions are getting the better of you, and she is using that to her advantage. There's no guarantee that her "attraction" to you is motivated by little more than an ego boost -- I question her bisexuality at this age, and I can't help but wonder if accumulating male and female sexual partners is the way she gets attention/validation.

 

chex, I am concerned that this girl is just using you, even if she doesn't actually intend it that way, and that when she's done with you, she'll have moved on to another guy. Or girl. Or transsexual. Or other gender designation I may not be aware of.