Bourget Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 I have been having an A for 10mos. I want to leave my W for my OW. I have a 10yr old boy. Forgive me for my ignorance but, how do I tell her? I mean besides the obvious. What words, what explanations, what anything? I'm lost. I feel terrible for what I want to do but I know it is the right thing to do for the both us. Initially I know she will be angry and hurt but eventually will move on. Also, how do I tell my son? I guess what I'm looking for is, "a best possible method" or even better, how would you want to be told? Link to post Share on other sites
lioness Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 I guess what I'm looking for is, "a best possible method" or even better, how would you want to be told? Nobody would WANT to be told something like this. There is no right way, there is no gentle way. What you are going to do is hurt them both. Just get it over with, if you have in fact already made your decision. Your wife and son both are going to feel rejected, angry, betrayed to say the least. There is nothing you can do to make them feel ok about being betrayed and abandoned. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 We do not know in the first place why are you leaving? Link to post Share on other sites
Quilly Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 I assume there must be problems in your marriage that led you to begin an affair. As such, I would suggest approaching it in the context of what you see as not working in your marriage, how that makes you feel, and why you believe divorce is the answer. Hopefully you have given thought to these and are not just basing this decision on the initial "high" you are feeling from your affair. Your wife and son both are going to feel rejected, angry, betrayed to say the least. There is nothing you can do to make them feel ok about being betrayed and abandoned. While your wife may possibly feel these things (or maybe she won't depending on your situation), your son doesn't have to if you can both provide him with lots of love, reassurance, and open communication. It will be a difficult time for all of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bourget Posted August 21, 2004 Author Share Posted August 21, 2004 Thank you VERY much Quilly, your advice is well received. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 , I would suggest approaching it in the context of what you see as not working in your marriage, how that makes you feel, and why you believe divorce is the answer. Hopefully you have given thought to these and are not just basing this decision on the initial "high" you are feeling from your affair. good advise. In any way, it will be hard on your wife if she finds out about your OW, which she will. She will feel replaced. Is your OW the reason for your divorce? What kind of marriage do you have? Does your wife have any infidelities as well? You son will need to know that the divorce is not his fault (kids think that sometimes) and that you are not replacing his mother. Do you love your wife at all? Is there a chance you would save your marriage? I think that first of all, having an affair is bad, but at least you are actually ending your marriage instead of stringing two women along. Read some of the OW posts that hear " I'm leaving her" and then they never do. Please give us some more details, that may help us to help you. Link to post Share on other sites
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