Can you ever really trust after being cheated on?

[Sunnylover21]

My bf cheated on my in a ldr and now he's coming home and wants to make it up to me and try again etc, but is it actually worth trying? From your own experiences would you say it's possible to trust a cheater and make your relationship work?

[KathyM]

If the guy has shown himself to be a cheater, why would you want to take the risk with him? There are plenty of men out there who would not cheat on someone they love. Life is too short to waste it on men who have shown their true character to be something not worthy of your time. As far as personal experiences, my sister's husband cheated on her early in their marriage. He was remorseful, she forgave him, and they spent many years together before he cheated on her again. If a person shows you their true character, one who would stoop so low as to betray you in the worst possible way, why would you want to take a gamble on him? Don't waste years of your life on someone who has already shown himself to be of low character.

[chex]

I really don't know. Due to my current bias and situation, I'd love to say "yes you can trust a cheater" and that people make mistakes, but I'm really not sure.

[GSB81]

You trusted him to not cheat before, right? He did anyway.

[Sunnylover21]

Hmm, interesting.

 

Does anybody think there's a difference between an "affair" and a one night stand?

[chex]

Hmm, interesting.

 

Does anybody think there's a difference between an "affair" and a one night stand?

 

I would say so. An "affair" involves actual emotional attachment to the person usually, while a one night stand is usually just for the pleasure or impulse, and most of the time people want it to be "no strings attached" .. if it's truly a one night stand(they dont hook up again) then it probably didn't involve much of an emotional connection.

[loversquarrel]

First of all, people do make mistakes....cheating is not one of them. Cheating involves a conscious decision and some effort, hardly a mistake. People who have been caught cheating, or realize the grass wasn't greener tend to call it a mistake. Its on purpose and selfish. Whether its a one night stand or a full blown affair, its still cheating.

 

Personally, I would rather if my SO had an affair than a one night stand, because at least I could tell myself they lost me for something rather than nothing.

 

Another thing - if he had a ONS, be so careful of your health. If you do decide to give him a second chance, make sure he gets screened for STD's before you get intimate.

[aed]

First of all, people do make mistakes....cheating is not one of them. Cheating involves a conscious decision and some effort, hardly a mistake. People who have been caught cheating, or realize the grass wasn't greener tend to call it a mistake. Its on purpose and selfish. Whether its a one night stand or a full blown affair, its still cheating.

 

Personally, I would rather if my SO had an affair than a one night stand, because at least I could tell myself they lost me for something rather than nothing.

 

Another thing - if he had a ONS, be so careful of your health. If you do decide to give him a second chance, make sure he gets screened for STD's before you get intimate.

 

I am the opposite of that. I would rather want her to have an affair then an ONS. because in both situations i done with her (how i look at it now). But trowing away a relationship for an easy ons (and most girls i dated can have ONS easy if they wanted) is harder to cope for me. then she betrays me with a guy she thinks she has an emotional deep connection with.

 

Also I wont accept cheating, but I think the trust can grow back, but it all depands on the WS. If the soley take responsibilaty for their actions and don't come with stupid excusses like: the relationship went bad (my first response will be: why didnt you break up?) I didn't feel wanted by you anymore etc.

 

If they really understand that it was their own doing, and only their own doing. Then they have to need true patience with their betrayed spouse. And help him or her to every stage of the grieve they go trough. It might work out. But the problem is allot of people (men and women) have a really hard time taking 100% responsibilty for their actions (not only when they cheat). Then it al depands on who I feel about the girl at that moment