Does No Contact work on a short term relationship if you want her back?

[pd1220]

Hello all.

 

This is my first serious relationship so I'm a bit devastated and inexperienced. It only lasted for about 5 months but during that time I really enjoyed spending time together with my ex girlfriend.

 

Her reason for dumping me was that there's not enough chemistry or that chemistry had lost along the way. Then she took common approach of saying something similar to "It's not you, it's me" and "I really wanted this to work so badly" or "I hope I find someone who's as kind and caring as you" Then of course if you want to be friend thing.

 

I've had time to reflect on what went wrong between us. I felt like I did not have a chance to explain myself when we broke up (I thought it wouldn't matter at the time). Here's my thought. I was being sick back to back and me not being myself at that time, I left her feeling distant. Plus, my several business trips for work made us even further apart. In the last month and a 1/2, I traveled 3 times, I was sick 2 times in a middle and after that. I think that's where the chemistry got lost. We NEVER argued during this 5 months, we negotiated certain things and sometimes even compromised.

 

I understand that NC is mainly for YOU to heal and move on, not so much about the other person. After stepping back and thinking stuff over, I STILL WANT TO GET BACK WITH HER and want another chance to work things out. My questions are...

 

1. I keep hearing these 1 month of NO CONTACT rule to give the girl time and space. Is there such thing as how long you should wait? 2 weeks, 3 weeks? If I want to reignite the spark, I don't want that to disappear if I wait longer.

 

2. Is it okay for me to initiate contact (email, text) or should I wait for her to contact?

 

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

[irene408]

Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this. How long ago did the breakup happen? I know how painful and confusing this can be as I'm on the same boat. My relationship lasted 8 months and it was 80% long distance. I'm wondering the same thing, too. So I'm gonna share with you what I've read and realized so far.

 

I've read that a minimum of 4 weeks is needed, mainly because it takes that long for you to clear your head. By the end of the 4 weeks, you'll probably not want her back anymore. I know it's hard. We've been broken up for 3.5 weeks and I would go a whole week with NC and he would text me and I would give in. But my short term goal is to go the next 2 weeks without any contact, even if he contacts me.

 

Once enough time has passed and you know deep down in your heart that you still want her back, I think it's ok for you to initiate contact. Of course if she initiates it it'll be more powerful but we can't control what the other person thinks/does. Every one of my ex had came back within 2 months of the breakup, especially the ones who dumped me and they all initiated contact. Some say initiating contact makes you look weak/desperate/needy but in my case, if it's done right, I feel they're sincere.

 

Again, I don't know how long you've been broken up for but in the last 3.5 weeks, I've noticed that I went from missing him like crazy, crying all the time, swearing to myself that he's the one, and wanting him back so badly to remembering all the things I didn't like about him, how he made me felt so undesired and unloved, and the fact that he didn't put in much effort in the relationship. NC will help you one way or another. Stay strong!

[na49]

I'm afraid it doesn't matter what YOU want in this whole thing. It doesn't matter that YOU want this to work. I want it to work with my ex too. but SHE is the one who holds all the cards now. It's up to her if she wants to give you another chance. If she felt like it wasn't working, then that's her right to check out. It sounds like she didn't want it to work otherwise she would've tried to talk to you about it instead of just ending things.

[Sanctionne]

Absolutely! My ex and I had only been dating 2 months before our 1st split. We were also in a ldr. NC is rough. Be strong and try to keep yourself busy. Use the time apart to better yourself and figure out what went wrong in the relationship so that u don't make the same mistakes if you two reconcile. NC is more about you. I think a lot of ppl don't realize that.... If It's meant to be it'll be.

[pd1220]

Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this. How long ago did the breakup happen? I know how painful and confusing this can be as I'm on the same boat. My relationship lasted 8 months and it was 80% long distance. I'm wondering the same thing, too. So I'm gonna share with you what I've read and realized so far.

 

I've read that a minimum of 4 weeks is needed, mainly because it takes that long for you to clear your head. By the end of the 4 weeks, you'll probably not want her back anymore. I know it's hard. We've been broken up for 3.5 weeks and I would go a whole week with NC and he would text me and I would give in. But my short term goal is to go the next 2 weeks without any contact, even if he contacts me.

 

Once enough time has passed and you know deep down in your heart that you still want her back, I think it's ok for you to initiate contact. Of course if she initiates it it'll be more powerful but we can't control what the other person thinks/does. Every one of my ex had came back within 2 months of the breakup, especially the ones who dumped me and they all initiated contact. Some say initiating contact makes you look weak/desperate/needy but in my case, if it's done right, I feel they're sincere.

 

Again, I don't know how long you've been broken up for but in the last 3.5 weeks, I've noticed that I went from missing him like crazy, crying all the time, swearing to myself that he's the one, and wanting him back so badly to remembering all the things I didn't like about him, how he made me felt so undesired and unloved, and the fact that he didn't put in much effort in the relationship. NC will help you one way or another. Stay strong!

 

First of all, thank you for your kind input. It's been about a week. That's why I start this thread.

 

I agree that some see initiating contact for dumpee as weak/desperate/pitiful. However, I agree with you that it can be good thing if you're sincere and you do it right. And that's how I look at my situation right now.

 

Having a bit of time to look back, I can't say that I can really find something that made me bother or dislike her that will make me get over her easier. And like you said, I can try to wait longer (1+ month) but I know deep down I want ANOTHER chance with her. In your case, you said you had your ex got back to you within 2 months. But should I wait that long because it might be more difficult to reignite that spark/chemistry? I would say that I was able to cool off emotionally. Not fully 100% but to the point that if we talk again, I can control emotion to not let it drive the conversation.

 

Also, what's your opinion about losing chemistry? Is it something that can be worked out to get together with the ex?

[Simon Phoenix]

Hey, this sounds familiar. Sh--ty thing about short relationships is that you really don't get a chance to see the negatives in the other person before it ends. It just dies suddenly. At least that's what happened with me.

 

In my situation, it was only a few months, but it escalated quickly, at least for me. So quickly that I got freaked out about how attached I was getting, basically pulled a burn and she reacted horribly and dumped me. I tried some LC for a couple of weeks (she only answered one of 5-6 attempts to contact her, we made plans, she canceled). We didn't talk for about 3 weeks because I was out of town/letting her cool off then talked for a week before seeing each other for a weekend outing. That sucked at first and then was tolerable, so I tried to establish LC again. I got a breadcrumb or two from that, so I wished her a happy birthday (which she acknowledged) and then asked what she was doing to celebrate (which she didn't).

 

I've been NC since (about 3.5 months). Was thinking of contacting her a month in but got info (she's the sister-in-law of my best friend) that she still liked me but was looking to do better, whatever that means. So I've dropped off the map. Have done well for the most part, though starting to date recently has made her come back into my thoughts more, as for whatever reason she's imprinted on me.

 

As for the OP, don't put a time limit on NC. Go NC until you get over her, or at least can interact with her without getting all goofy. Go NC until the thought of her with someone else doesn't drive you to sadness. NC ultimately is for you to move on. Sometimes in the process that can make you more attractive to your ex and make them miss you, but that shouldn't be your priority. In your situation, she's lost feelings for you, so there's really nothing you can do to bring them back. Go NC to settle your feelings for her.

[Njeanne]

Depending on how the break up ended and for what reason, you can't estimate a date on doing "no contact". Usually no one has cleared their minds at a 1month mark, I would just remain in "no contact" and wait for her to initiate contact. She might chance her mind, she might not.

 

My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, been in "no contact" for three weeks, never did beg/plead/cry after the break up. He fell out of love with me, we were together for six months and he had crush on me for five, so I doubt he'll ever return to me... I miss him soo much, his voice and all about.

 

Today I found out he went back to the mmo game we first met at, he is moving on and enjoying himself, it just hurts to see how quickly they can do so, but he prob left relationship weeks before he broke off... It's sad because we were each others best friend, just to think I'll never do anything with him ever again breaks my heart. I cried for hours tonight.

 

I will remain in "no contact" forever, I can't be his friend ever again, because deep down I'll always want to be more. Rikard...

[LostOne1]

Depending on how the break up ended and for what reason, you can't estimate a date on doing "no contact". Usually no one has cleared their minds at a 1month mark, I would just remain in "no contact" and wait for her to initiate contact. She might chance her mind, she might not.

 

My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, been in "no contact" for three weeks, never did beg/plead/cry after the break up. He fell out of love with me, we were together for six months and he had crush on me for five, so I doubt he'll ever return to me... I miss him soo much, his voice and all about.

 

Today I found out he went back to the mmo game we first met at, he is moving on and enjoying himself, it just hurts to see how quickly they can do so, but he prob left relationship weeks before he broke off... It's sad because we were each others best friend, just to think I'll never do anything with him ever again breaks my heart. I cried for hours tonight.

 

I will remain in "no contact" forever, I can't be his friend ever again, because deep down I'll always want to be more. Rikard...

Sometimes I wonder if they move on quickly, because it gets rid of the guilt and other feelings. They think moving on fast will let them feel less and it will help with the loss of leaving someone?

[Njeanne]

Sometimes I wonder if they move on quickly, because it gets rid of the guilt and other feelings. They think moving on fast will let them feel less and it will help with the loss of leaving someone?

 

I don't know how it works, he was my first love.

I got no experience with being dumped...

All I know is that he was hurt by saying the things he said during break up, and that was getting drunk too because of it. I guess guilt took over completely... I just don't know, he always said I was so important too him, no idea why he never told me how he felt, why he gave up... leading me on for two months...?

 

I also don't get why he broke up after his exams, wouldn't he felt better before it? Our mutual friend also said he is offline on her skype all time, after he told me he would tell her we broken up, like he doesn't want to talk with her...but he did join the mmo game we met, so it's painful because it feels like he doesn't care/think about me anymore at all.

[FailedFirstLove]

I don't know how it works, he was my first love.

I got no experience with being dumped...

All I know is that he was hurt by saying the things he said during break up, and that was getting drunk too because of it. I guess guilt took over completely... I just don't know, he always said I was so important too him, no idea why he never told me how he felt, why he gave up... leading me on for two months...?

 

I also don't get why he broke up after his exams, wouldn't he felt better before it? Our mutual friend also said he is offline on her skype all time, after he told me he would tell her we broken up, like he doesn't want to talk with her...but he did join the mmo game we met, so it's painful because it feels like he doesn't care/think about me anymore at all.

 

Is there any hope they will come back at all? I feel like complete SHIET. if I contacted wud that give me a chance for him to come back.

 

Yeah They act like their completely fine... And I'm tearing apart.

[pd1220]

In my situation, it was only a few months, but it escalated quickly, at least for me. So quickly that I got freaked out about how attached I was getting, basically pulled a burn and she reacted horribly and dumped me. I tried some LC for a couple of weeks (she only answered one of 5-6 attempts to contact her, we made plans, she canceled). We didn't talk for about 3 weeks because I was out of town/letting her cool off then talked for a week before seeing each other for a weekend outing. That sucked at first and then was tolerable, so I tried to establish LC again. I got a breadcrumb or two from that, so I wished her a happy birthday (which she acknowledged) and then asked what she was doing to celebrate (which she didn't).

 

I've been NC since (about 3.5 months). Was thinking of contacting her a month in but got info (she's the sister-in-law of my best friend) that she still liked me but was looking to do better, whatever that means. So I've dropped off the map. Have done well for the most part, though starting to date recently has made her come back into my thoughts more, as for whatever reason she's imprinted on me.

 

As for the OP, don't put a time limit on NC. Go NC until you get over her, or at least can interact with her without getting all goofy. Go NC until the thought of her with someone else doesn't drive you to sadness. NC ultimately is for you to move on. Sometimes in the process that can make you more attractive to your ex and make them miss you, but that shouldn't be your priority. In your situation, she's lost feelings for you, so there's really nothing you can do to bring them back. Go NC to settle your feelings for her.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm new to this and very inexperienced.

 

I would like to know more about your LC if you don't mind sharing. Perhaps, that's what I would start with before trying NC.

 

When did you start your LC and what kind of initiation did you choose based on your situation (text, call, email)?

 

What kind of LC conversation did you start off with? Something along the line of "Hey, how are you doing?" or something more like "I watched this show the other day and it remind me of how much you really enjoy that show"

 

It's good to see that there are some people like me who are not ready to move on (aka completely forget about the ex) and actually try to get another chance to make it work. Thanks.

[Njeanne]

Is there any hope they will come back at all? I feel like complete SHIET. if I contacted wud that give me a chance for him to come back.

 

Yeah They act like their completely fine... And I'm tearing apart.

 

I've browsing internet a lot, and most people say once you fall out of love, or loose those feelings they will never come back... If it is a instant loss of feelings, chances are slightly higher because time/space could recover it. Rikard lost his feelings over two months gradually, saying he had to be sure before breaking up with me...

 

As much as I want him to come back, I doubt he will. I am sure he hurts because he lost me as a friend, and hates himself for falling out of love (never gave me reason why) because he said "feel free to change my feelings" but he also said "realised I was happier when you weren't around" which I assume is normal when you fallen out of love and annoyances build up. "99.99% sure you're not person i wanna spend life with" he was teaching me swedish weeks before... I only asked "are you 100% sure you lost feelings?" his answer wasn't really what I wanted to hear...he could've said "yes"

 

He never hurted me ever, always happy, good mood, caring...he turned into a person I never knew he could be... Maybe he was trying to hide something...or he thought acting that way was better for me to move on?

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm new to this and very inexperienced.

 

I would like to know more about your LC if you don't mind sharing. Perhaps, that's what I would start with before trying NC.

 

When did you start your LC and what kind of initiation did you choose based on your situation (text, call, email)?

 

What kind of LC conversation did you start off with? Something along the line of "Hey, how are you doing?" or something more like "I watched this show the other day and it remind me of how much you really enjoy that show"

 

It's good to see that there are some people like me who are not ready to move on (aka completely forget about the ex) and actually try to get another chance to make it work. Thanks.

 

A combination of text messages and calls. We normally communicated by text. There were a variety of texts. One was me hoping to come over to pick up her frisbee golf discs (which she was going to give to me) which she never responded to. Then I called her to see if she wanted to hang out (never responded) then called again three days later (she responded by text, arranged to hang with me, then canceled). Then I sent a couple other texts (what's up? wht do you got going this weekend?) and called her once. Didn't respond to any of those.

 

After the three-week hiatus, I texted her again to ask if she needed help getting some baseball tickets (she was getting tickets for her, myself, my friend and her sister). She responded right away and asked how I was and we had some texting small talk. She then asked if I wanted tickets to another game (she works in season ticket sales for a professional sports franchise) which I rejected because I had a prior commitment. I then thanked her for the tickets to the baseball games a few days later with no response.

 

Not sure how much that helps, it wasn't successful for me really. I wish I had gone NC first, but oh well.

[RespectfullyAlone]

I've browsing internet a lot, and most people say once you fall out of love, or loose those feelings they will never come back... If it is a instant loss of feelings, chances are slightly higher because time/space could recover it. Rikard lost his feelings over two months gradually, saying he had to be sure before breaking up with me...

 

As much as I want him to come back, I doubt he will. I am sure he hurts because he lost me as a friend, and hates himself for falling out of love (never gave me reason why) because he said "feel free to change my feelings" but he also said "realised I was happier when you weren't around" which I assume is normal when you fallen out of love and annoyances build up. "99.99% sure you're not person i wanna spend life with" he was teaching me swedish weeks before... I only asked "are you 100% sure you lost feelings?" his answer wasn't really what I wanted to hear...he could've said "yes"

 

He never hurted me ever, always happy, good mood, caring...he turned into a person I never knew he could be... Maybe he was trying to hide something...or he thought acting that way was better for me to move on?

 

I'd love to understand more about this. Not sure it's totally applicable to my situation, but my ex left me 3 days after I last saw her, us sleeping together. 3 days after telling her family about me, us falling in love and being happy. Thus if she did fall out of love, it must have been super quick, like in 3 days, or maybe she knew a week or two beforehand, IDK. But I don't think it was so much that she fell out of love with me, as that she was thinking of someone else, and I guess couldn't stop thinking about them, and thus ditched me and ran back to them. It's been 14 days since the BU and also day 14 of NC, but I think they are even living together already, and she's even changed her FB status to in a relationship. So this guy doesn't mess around.

 

Still I have to wonder then if that means she's never had the chance, and time, to deal with her feelings for me. She's simply off on the new guy and focusing on that. Thus a part of me wonders, if she went off me so quickly, then that's a massive sudden loss in feelings. Time & space for them to come back perhaps?

[LostOne1]

He never hurted me ever, always happy, good mood, caring...he turned into a person I never knew he could be... Maybe he was trying to hide something...or he thought acting that way was better for me to move on?

 

I'm thinking my ex thinks that way about me. But more for me.. I thought that of my ex. How she changed so much within a week or 2. It was scary and I think she was just changed to hurt me back. She felt hurt so she was hurting me back in any way possible. I think it's wrong, because that's a cowards way of doing something. If your hurt TELL your other special person you are hurt by this event etc..

 

My ex held it in and never told me and then just moved on thinking I was too busy to listen. Which is NEVER true... but I can't change the way someone thinks.

[NoMoreJerks]

It sounds like she didn't want it to work otherwise she would've tried to talk to you about it instead of just ending things.

Yup. This is my philosophy on most break-ups.. mature people who wanted the relationship to work, would've discussed the problems and found ways to resolve them, rather than taking the easy way out. That makes me question whether they wanted the relationship to begin with. I don't think so. So, all the excuses (we argue too much, there are too many problems, etc.), blame-game that they play (putting all the plane for the failed relationship on you), are all bullsh*t, aimed at justifying why they're leaving, but not the real reason for why they are leaving.. just because they claimed that was the reason that they left, doesn't mean it really was the reason that they left. Rarely is this the case, IMO.

[LostOne1]

Yup. This is my philosophy on most break-ups.. mature people who wanted the relationship to work, would've discussed the problems and found ways to resolve them, rather than taking the easy way out. That makes me question whether they wanted the relationship to begin with. I don't think so. So, all the excuses (we argue too much, there are too many problems, etc.), blame-game that they play (putting all the plane for the failed relationship on you), are all bullsh*t, aimed at justifying why they're leaving, but not the real reason for why they are leaving.. just because they claimed that was the reason that they left, doesn't mean it really was the reason that they left. Rarely is this the case, IMO.

yeah you might be right there... if someone really wanted to work it out they would have...

 

But is it possible the ex wanted to teach a lesson. In my case she said she wouyld've came back. But since I posted stuff about her on FB after our huge fight she was hurt.

 

But I never saw her want to work it out. She always said what's the point or it's too late or that it shouldn't have taken you a BU to realize how much you love me etc...

 

Personally looking back. I think the BU was needed. BUT I think a sit down chat was needed a little while after to fix things. I think the BU allowed us to analyize things differently. But then when you do and you want to fix it you can't if both sides don't agree. On her end at one point she DID want to work it out. Then flaked out at the last min.

[NoMoreJerks]

But is it possible the ex wanted to teach a lesson. In my case she said she wouyld've came back. But since I posted stuff about her on FB after our huge fight she was hurt.

Who knows.. Posting stuff on facebook is never a good idea, and I would've been pissed about that too (not sure if my ex posted anything on his, since he never added me on fb to begin with).. but it's also possible that she's saying that to make you feel bad, and she never really intended to take you back. And anyway, I mean, who wants someone who plays games with break-ups?? So she was really bluffing? Well, you called her bluff, do you really want to be with someone who thought so lightly of breaking up? I know the feeling, because my ex constantly threatened to break up with me, and the first break up was in fact him bluffing, and I called his bluff... now that I think about it, I can't really live in fear of being broken up with every time I do something that might upset him... I wouldn't feel guilty about this not working out, though as I said, posting stuff about ex'es on FB , etc. , is IMO unacceptable and vindictive and immature.

[irene408]

First of all, thank you for your kind input. It's been about a week. That's why I start this thread.

 

I agree that some see initiating contact for dumpee as weak/desperate/pitiful. However, I agree with you that it can be good thing if you're sincere and you do it right. And that's how I look at my situation right now.

 

Having a bit of time to look back, I can't say that I can really find something that made me bother or dislike her that will make me get over her easier. And like you said, I can try to wait longer (1+ month) but I know deep down I want ANOTHER chance with her. In your case, you said you had your ex got back to you within 2 months. But should I wait that long because it might be more difficult to reignite that spark/chemistry? I would say that I was able to cool off emotionally. Not fully 100% but to the point that if we talk again, I can control emotion to not let it drive the conversation.

 

Also, what's your opinion about losing chemistry? Is it something that can be worked out to get together with the ex?

 

Unfortunately I'm no relationship expert and I can't tell you exactly how long you have to wait. Otherwise I wouldn't be in the same situation myself. But what I can tell you is, when I broke up with a guy, the last thing I wanted was to hear from him. Sure I missed him and started to realize all he did for me but I needed some time to think. Time goes by really slowly when you're hurt. It seems like we've been broken up for 2+ months but it's really less than a month. I'd say wait at least another week. Me and my most recent ex met up in person 2 weeks after the breakup and surprisingly, I didn't have the urge to ask him to take me back.

 

As for lost chemistry, I do think it's something that can be worked on. With my past breakups, I had gotten back together with ex's because when I saw them, all the old feelings came back. Once we started hanging out like friends, it felt natural to just act like a couple. But none of those relationship worked out, obviously, because we never discussed the fundamental problems that broke us up in the first place or they would promise to change but went back to their old ways.

[LostOne1]

Who knows.. Posting stuff on facebook is never a good idea, and I would've been pissed about that too (not sure if my ex posted anything on his, since he never added me on fb to begin with).. but it's also possible that she's saying that to make you feel bad, and she never really intended to take you back. And anyway, I mean, who wants someone who plays games with break-ups?? So she was really bluffing? Well, you called her bluff, do you really want to be with someone who thought so lightly of breaking up? I know the feeling, because my ex constantly threatened to break up with me, and the first break up was in fact him bluffing, and I called his bluff... now that I think about it, I can't really live in fear of being broken up with every time I do something that might upset him... I wouldn't feel guilty about this not working out, though as I said, posting stuff about ex'es on FB , etc. , is IMO unacceptable and vindictive and immature.

yeah I regret it. She told me she cheated on me, she slept with the guy, she is going to marry him next year, she talked to his parents on the phone at his place etc..

 

For once in my life I LOST complete control. I'm usually VERY hard to snap and to get me mad or hurt. But this was the bomb thrown at me and I reacted! My friends and siblings saw the FB post too and quickly told me to take it off. I didn't.. I guess I wanted to embarrass my ex for what she did.. if she left me for me.. I'd be okay. But cheating on me and throwing me away and replacing me set off a bomb in me. My bro and sis were right.. If I don't take it down I'll regret it.. and I do. She told me after that she lost her feelings for me totally. Though I think it's a lie, because a month or 2 later. When I talked she did say she has feelings and it doesn't just go away like that...

 

As for her playing a BU game. I did call her bluff and it blasted in her face IF she did in fact place a game of BU hoping it would change me etc.. and then she would take me back. I just feel either she replaced me with someone OR as she said she told me she is with someone else out of anger so I would leave her alone. Either way she was immature as well for doing any of those things. I would NEVER tell my gf or ex that I am with someone else JUST to get them to leave me alone. I would just say straight up leave me alone or give me some time alone.

 

I guess you are right though.. I mean my ex played the BU game with me if a fight happened. She would DELETE me off FB and not talk to me for a day or two. Then say sorry and beg me to add her to FB or she would get mad and say you don't want to work this out thats why you won't add me back. She must have deleted me at least 5-8 times over our 3 yrs and I added her back each time even though I told her I wouldn't accept this behaviour. And if a fight happened it was always I am gonna move away and marry someone else or that she was gonna leave me.

[NoMoreJerks]

lol, well, looks like both of our exes are pretty immature... mine deleted me from Skype twice in the span of 6 months.... broke up with me twice (first time was a bluff, second time looks final).. never even added me on facebook (claimed he used fb to keep in touch with co-workers -- though his Google+ profile showed that he had girl "friends" , from his visits to Thailand)... I mean, he must've spent so much time with these Thai prostitutes to get to the point of adding them on Google+, and if he added them on Google+, what are the odds that he didn't add them (or others) on Facebook? Still, he didn't want to add me on his facebook... even wanted to hide me from his friends and family....

[LostOne1]

lol, well, looks like both of our exes are pretty immature... mine deleted me from Skype twice in the span of 6 months.... broke up with me twice (first time was a bluff, second time looks final).. never even added me on facebook (claimed he used fb to keep in touch with co-workers -- though his Google+ profile showed that he had girl "friends" , from his visits to Thailand)... I mean, he must've spent so much time with these Thai prostitutes to get to the point of adding them on Google+, and if he added them on Google+, what are the odds that he didn't add them (or others) on Facebook? Still, he didn't want to add me on his facebook... even wanted to hide me from his friends and family....

I guess I dodged a bullet then? I mean you just made me realize I took that abuse from her. I constantly took her FB deleting after fights, her threatening of leaving me because I didn't so something right from her point of view.

 

I guess maybe that's why I became the way I didn't want to become with her at the end. Because her constant abuse like this kept hurting me. I kept taking it and never bailed out. I think my biggest mistake is NOT bailing out early. ANd letting her leave me.

 

But I guess it it's an advantage for me still. Why? Because she is gonna sit there and think I am miserable and I won't find anyone and that she has a new guy and new better life. But what she doesn't know is I can stand up and enjoy life without her. And I think I need to show that more now. I need to meet more people at school and open up more. Crack more jokes with new people and enjoy life now.

 

I will say my stress level is A LOT better without her. I don't have to deal being bitched out on the phone in text for something I forgot to do. Or for not saying hi and in the morning and saying it later in the day.

[pd1220]

Unfortunately I'm no relationship expert and I can't tell you exactly how long you have to wait. Otherwise I wouldn't be in the same situation myself. But what I can tell you is, when I broke up with a guy, the last thing I wanted was to hear from him. Sure I missed him and started to realize all he did for me but I needed some time to think. Time goes by really slowly when you're hurt. It seems like we've been broken up for 2+ months but it's really less than a month. I'd say wait at least another week. Me and my most recent ex met up in person 2 weeks after the breakup and surprisingly, I didn't have the urge to ask him to take me back.

 

As for lost chemistry, I do think it's something that can be worked on. With my past breakups, I had gotten back together with ex's because when I saw them, all the old feelings came back. Once we started hanging out like friends, it felt natural to just act like a couple. But none of those relationship worked out, obviously, because we never discussed the fundamental problems that broke us up in the first place or they would promise to change but went back to their old ways.

It's always nice to hear perspective from somebody else. Thanks for the response. Right now I'm doing stuff (hobby/activities) just to get my mind off of things.

 

Stay strong and good luck on your next journey! I know I'm trying to do the same...

[Svet74]

I feel you. well me and my ex were only together 2 months. and been broken up 2 months. I broke NC and sent him a message on christmas. He replied, then asked a question and I didnt reply back. Long story short its been another 2-3 weeks and he has not contacted me. I feel like if he really wanted to he would. we had a perfect relationship. I dont know if he will ever contact me

[pd1220]

I feel you. well me and my ex were only together 2 months. and been broken up 2 months. I broke NC and sent him a message on christmas. He replied, then asked a question and I didnt reply back. Long story short its been another 2-3 weeks and he has not contacted me. I feel like if he really wanted to he would. we had a perfect relationship. I dont know if he will ever contact me

Thanks for sharing. Can you tell me why you chose not to reply back?