Why do I still feel like I don't want to date anyone else?

[Bluem]

It's been 8 months since my "break up" but really 4 months since I drew the line and said "good-bye" forever (though I didn't talk to him for 3 months after the break up at all). He tried to come back around month 4 and it even though it hurt me to say no, I knew it would be the wrong choice because my feelings for him had been gutted after some of the ways he treated me.

 

I've had several guys ask me out. I've tried dating someone else (just one guy before I gave up). At first, I would get excited at the initial dating, but after a few dates or so, the thought of commitment really scares me. It's been so long, so why can't I just get over it? Even though I don't want my ex back and that ship has sailed etc, I have a hard time forming a bond beyond frienship.

 

Now I'm just not interested in dates at all - even a few guys who I have a lot of chemistry with and I found to be attractive previously. I just tell them I want to be "friends". I do enjoy being friends with them, going out, etc but I just don't want anything physical or emotional.

 

On one hand, it's depressing and lonely. On the other, I still have very low interest in anyone. Can anyone relate? Have any advice?

[LostOne1]

My guess is you been hurt so commitment = pain for you right now. You like being with someone as a friend because you know you can't get hurt. But once your WITH someone in a relationship that pain could happen all over again by getting hurt.

 

TO me it just means you have NOT healed yet.

[Loved77]

I tried dating after one year & it was way to soon. It wasn't until over two years when I was prepared to put myself out there again because I didn't want to get emotionally involved with anyone. The pain of breaking up was to horrible to take another chance.

 

I enjoyed being on my own & enjoyed my own company the majority of the time.

 

 

You will know when you are ready. Everybody heals at different paces.

[cotts1]

I know that feeling. Breaking up with someone you really care about is one of the worst things we as human beings have to go through.

 

Don't let fear stop you from dating again. I would recommend trying to take things slow. If you find a guy you like just be honest with him. Tell him you've been hurt in past relationships and you want to take it slow. He'll appreciate your honesty and hopefully will understand where you're coming from. You can get to know each other pretty well without having the intense bond should things not work out.

[stevie_23]

Well, it takes everyone a different amount of time before they start to feel that kind of interest in someone else again. Everyone’s different and each person’s individual time is right for them.

 

Also, it can take quite a bit longer to feel interested again if the breakup was drawn out. Your’s was. Obviously you had problems prior to the 8 months you mentioned, and then it was only 4 months ago you really did break up, so…don’t feel pressured or place expectations on yourself to feel anything you don’t yet.

 

I also find with certain people (myself included), they will NEVER be interested in “finding someone” or “being in a relationship”. They don’t have the motivation UNTIL they meet a CERTAIN someone. Someone specific that they really click with and actually WANT to be with. It’s all about the person, not the relationship or being in A relationship or finding any old person. So this may happen to you at some stage. It’ll probably creep up on you too. You won’t even fully realise you’re interested until you’re already developing feelings for someone.

[mike588]

Yeah I felt the same way for awhile too. I had several dates after my ex. dumped me but just wasn't into it.

 

We all "heal' at different times and in different ways...it's ok to feel this way..it's normal!

 

After I was completely over her I was more comfortable dating and it's been alot of fun...I look back on the relationship now and think....wow she did me a favor.

 

You WILL get past this and will most likely think the same. Take all the time you need...you'll be ok.

[D-Lish]

Just sounds like you're not ready to date yet. You can be over a break-up, but that doesn't mean you're ready to jump back into something new- and that's okay.

 

It took me over a year and a half after my last break up to open up to someone new. You can't put a time limit on how long it takes.

[denxnis]

On one hand, it's depressing and lonely. On the other, I still have very low interest in anyone.

 

How long were you two together?

 

You have a void which you are trying to fill, instead try to repair it by enjoying being single and not depending on someone else for the time being. When Mr. Right comes along you will know it.