kizmet74 Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 My boyfriend still has feelings for his first love. They've been seperated over 10 years now. They broke up because he caught her cheating on him with his best friend. He's been with other woman, and even married. He says other than me, she's the only woman he ever really loved. Says that back when they were together he would have just dropped everything to be with her. We have a pretty good relationship together, but I have a hard time getting him to drop everything to spend a day with me. Well, he told me yesterday that she contacted him via email through classmates. I asked him tonight if he still felt that he could drop everything to be with her if she wanted him to. He said he doubted he would. I asked if he would if he was single and he said he probably would then. He says he thinks its the "first real love" thing. I've only thought I was in love one other time and I'm completely over him. So I don't understand this "well, she was my first real love" s**t. Should I allow him to continue contact with her?? I really don't want to seem like a controlling b***h and tell him he can't even talk to her. But I don't know if I could deal with knowing he's still got these feelings for her and is now in contact with her as well. She lives in a different state so it's not like he'd be able to easily visit her just whenever. He's always telling me he never thought he'd be able to really love another woman until he met me. Should I just get over my insecurities and trust that he loves me like he says he does? Or am I fighting a losing battle now?? I don't know her story. I don't know if she's married or not. I do know she named her son after my boyfriend. I don't think it's his kid though. I really didn't get into talking about her much when he told me she'd contacted him. I asked if he was going to write her back and he told me no. But tonight, when I was asking if he still wanted to be with her, he told me if she ever needed him to help her in any way he would try to be there for her. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 I look at it this way: you want someone to choose you above all others. If, for any reason, he prefers someone else, then that's who he needs to be with. If it were me, I'd want him to see her and then, I'd hope, decide that he'd rather have me after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kizmet74 Posted August 21, 2004 Author Share Posted August 21, 2004 Thank you moimeme. You made a good point. Link to post Share on other sites
SARose61 Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 I swear I think classmates.com is run by the devil incarnate!!! I would personally crucify it's founders if I was given half a chance. It ruined a friend of mine's marriage. Her hubby decided it wasn't fair to stay married to her, because in reconnecting with his 1st love he realized it wasn't fair to stay married to someone he never really loved. Yet his 1st love was married and with no intention of leaving her husband. So this fool left a good wife of 27 years to pine for another woman. Discovered within a month of separation that he's not good at living alone, so he met another poor unsuspecting woman who knows nothing about why he dumped his wife and they are engaged after just 3 months of knowing each other. I told my hubby about classmates.com and what it did to my friends marriage, so what does he do. He signs up and starts looking for his 1st love that I knew nothing about! Just curiousity he swears, but our marriage has never been the same. They made phone contact and I live in fear that one day they will meet and my world will crash. Believe me nothing good can come from letting your bf continue to be in touch with his ex. Heavy Sigh. Rose Link to post Share on other sites
Author kizmet74 Posted September 6, 2004 Author Share Posted September 6, 2004 Oh Rose, that's messed up. Especially your husband signing up to see if he can find his "first love" right after telling him such a story. I really am sorry. The company my BF works for sent him to WV for a job there. Just so happens that puts him close enough to "home" to go visit. Well, he took a day off to do just that. He called last night to tell me he loves me and told me where he was. It just dawned on me.... she's there. I really don't know if he'd go see her or not. I do trust him. I'm just a very insecure person due to low self-esteem. I am forcing myself to deal with my insecurities. I know Moi made a good point. I want someone who will choose me over anyone else and without temptation I'll never know for sure. I do hope he remembers why they broke up and that he chooses me over someone who did that to him. That would kill me if he was to dump me to be with someone who broke his heart by cheating on him with his best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 Originally posted by kizmet74 Thank you moimeme. You made a good point. I think it's an EXCELLENT point. Link to post Share on other sites
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