VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) I recently made a new circle of friends. in this circle of friends and among the first I met, There is a couple. Me and the friend who introduced me to the circle have been hanging with this couple every Friday for the past month. We always go to they're house and have drinks, shoot the sh*t, play cards. For secrecy sake I will call the male in the "relationship" Bob. When I first seen Bob at a Halloween party prior to getting to know him better I locked eyes with him for a short period and thought he was very good looking. He looked away first. Most obviously Because he has a girlfriend. He seems very in love and happy. And the last thing I wanto do is be a home wrecker or the shady new sheep of the herd... but I have noticed the past few times I have hung around them I have felt increasingly fond of Bob the more I get to know him. I haven't made any drastic or inappropriate comments or moves out of respect. But it does not mean the temptation has not been there. There has been certain things that have made me wonder if he may be attracted to me as well. Although I must admit I am confused. I don't know to treat it as nothing because it may be his personality type or to understand it for what it is. I will give you examples- He is really funny, geeky, smart, outgoing, curteous and caring. Oh did I mention exotic with light eyes? HIs girlfriend is not on the attractive side, red hair, lazy eye, crooked teeth, plane jane. NOT TO SAY she does not have internal beauty- but this just goes to show he is also not shallow. every time I have been there I end up staying on they're couch to avoid drinking and driving- he always without fail stays up with me after his girlfriend goes to bed. We spend this time talking, he teaches me guitar, or we play video game, he may show me things in his house. But recently he got kind of personal- on the way that he is really digging into me. he told me I am "rare" by means of good looks and intelligence. Almost psychoanalyzing me, attentive, and offered to be listening ear and open arms any time I need. Just met him so, wasn't sure if he is like this with everyone. Last time I was there he braught me his "favourite" blanket and heart shaped pillow, kissed me on the forehead?he has even gotten really close my body and face while I have been laying down talking about my sadness. but he never pursued anything further. Obviously the faithful type- the yearning to kiss him when he is that close is far to difficult. So I closed my eyes and went to sleep. He is very fond of giving hugs too! And reassuring me of my worth. The more I see him and the more he displays these behavior s, the more I desire him. I will never cross a line on my own without his encouragement. You see when I want something I will take it, but will not run the risk of rejection or embarassment. Based on what I have told you... do you think he likes me? He has already told me he likes me, but I think he meant as a person... I am not sure Edited January 14, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Break into paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 it doesn't seem this way... he does not strike me as that type of guy... Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 it doesn't seem this way... he does not strike me as that type of guy... Question(s)...if he does not seem like that type of guy...why are you even entertaining the thoughts that you are? What type of woman are you? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 i dont know him that well. All that appears a certain way is hardly ever as it seems. i am trying to figure out if this is all in my head or if his gestures are legitimate hints. I don't need to be chastised... I am the type of woman who will seek outside opinion before i assume anything, since you wanted to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Yes, he most certainly likes you. He probabaly has the same reservations you do. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I recently made a new circle of friends. in this circle of friends and among the first I met, There is a couple. Me and the friend who introduced me to the circle have been hanging with this couple every Friday for the past month. We always go to they're house and have drinks, shoot the sh*t, play cards. For secrecy sake I will call the male in the "relationship" Bob. When I first seen Bob at a Halloween party prior to getting to know him better I locked eyes with him for a short period and thought he was very good looking. He looked away first. Most obviously Because he has a girlfriend. He seems very in love and happy. And the last thing I wanto do is be a home wrecker or the shady new sheep of the herd... but I have noticed the past few times I have hung around them I have felt increasingly fond of Bob the more I get to know him. I haven't made any drastic or inappropriate comments or moves out of respect. But it does not mean the temptation has not been there. There has been certain things that have made me wonder if he may be attracted to me as well. Although I must admit I am confused. I don't know to treat it as nothing because it may be his personality type or to understand it for what it is. I will give you examples- He is really funny, geeky, smart, outgoing, curteous and caring. Oh did I mention exotic with light eyes? HIs girlfriend is not on the attractive side, red hair, lazy eye, crooked teeth, plane jane. NOT TO SAY she does not have internal beauty- but this just goes to show he is also not shallow. every time I have been there I end up staying on they're couch to avoid drinking and driving- he always without fail stays up with me after his girlfriend goes to bed. We spend this time talking, he teaches me guitar, or we play video game, he may show me things in his house. But recently he got kind of personal- on the way that he is really digging into me. he told me I am "rare" by means of good looks and intelligence. Almost psychoanalyzing me, attentive, and offered to be listening ear and open arms any time I need. Just met him so, wasn't sure if he is like this with everyone. Last time I was there he braught me his "favourite" blanket and heart shaped pillow, kissed me on the forehead?he has even gotten really close my body and face while I have been laying down talking about my sadness. but he never pursued anything further. Obviously the faithful type- the yearning to kiss him when he is that close is far to difficult. So I closed my eyes and went to sleep. He is very fond of giving hugs too! And reassuring me of my worth. The more I see him and the more he displays these behavior s, the more I desire him. I will never cross a line on my own without his encouragement. You see when I want something I will take it, but will not run the risk of rejection or embarassment. Based on what I have told you... do you think he likes me? He has already told me he likes me, but I think he meant as a person... I am not sure A skillful manipulator and con man working his game - slowly building trust as you expose more of you to him. Given what you say I believe he is looking for a sexual relationship with you. I dare say his GF wasn't present during any of that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 hmm this is all very interesting perspective.. she was not!! the think that struck me as odd was the over-interest, over caring. but let it be known, there has never been anything physical. I would never be the initiator. I dont know how I would react if he made a move. Guess we could keep pretending... and keep physical attraction @ bay. i cant help how i feel, its just natural. Acting is a whole nother story in my books. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 i dont know him that well. All that appears a certain way is hardly ever as it seems. i am trying to figure out if this is all in my head or if his gestures are legitimate hints. I don't need to be chastised... I am the type of woman who will seek outside opinion before i assume anything, since you wanted to know. I agree with seeking outside opinions when necessary...as we do with most things that are outside our comfort zone. Would your questions be best answered by strangers or people who know the couple and I asked questions there was no chastisement there at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 the other woman hey... been down that road. Don't like being that other woman. Its pathetic, and im better than that. mostly just wanting to figure out if im crazy. So its sounds mutally agreed that he is making passes. Just wanto make sure I am not flattering myself...you know how we can make up stories in our heads that suit our ulterior motives. I need advice so i know how to handle such instances and keep the friendship circle pure. However, it is always nice to know that there may be a chance when someone is attracted to you in return. it is just empowering in some odd way. even though you may never ever impose upon anything tangible. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 the other woman hey... been down that road. Don't like being that other woman. Its pathetic, and im better than that. mostly just wanting to figure out if im crazy. So its sounds mutally agreed that he is making passes. Just wanto make sure I am not flattering myself...you know how we can make up stories in our heads that suit our ulterior motives. I need advice so i know how to handle such instances and keep the friendship circle pure. However, it is always nice to know that there may be a chance when someone is attracted to you in return. it is just empowering in some odd way. even though you may never ever impose upon anything tangible. Does that make sense? Sure....sounds like external validation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 By the way the above statement is also quite common among OWs. You seem to fit the profile. I wish you good luck! but it is true. he can "groom" all he wants. Wont be the other woman. For what reason? to be played the same way she was? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 hmm this is all very interesting perspective.. she was not!! the think that struck me as odd was the over-interest, over caring. but let it be known, there has never been anything physical. I would never be the initiator. I dont know how I would react if he made a move. Guess we could keep pretending... and keep physical attraction @ bay. i cant help how i feel, its just natural. Acting is a whole nother story in my books. Incorrect - he kissed you and hugged you - again I dare say not in the presence of his GF. Question: does he act like this around you in her presence? I think if you examine the history with this guy, you will see some trends - notably his behavior towards you is largely tied to the presence of his GF. What do you think his GF knows? Do you think she knows even a fraction of what was in your first post? The follow up Q, as the answer I will presume is "no" is why do you think that is? Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Sure....sounds like external validation. Can you please elaborate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Incorrect - he kissed you and hugged you - again I dare say not in the presence of his GF. Question: does he act like this around you in her presence? I think if you examine the history with this guy, you will see some trends - notably his behavior towards you is largely tied to the presence of his GF. What do you think his GF knows? Do you think she knows even a fraction of what was in your first post? The follow up Q, as the answer I will presume is "no" is why do you think that is? He has hugged me in front of her. She obviously feels very comfortable leaving us alone and going to bed, and that alone displays alot of trust. Does that not speak for his character? or is she to naive? Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 You say the fact that his gf is a plain jane type shows that he's not shallow. If he cheats on her with you what will that show about him? It wont happen. if it did, obviously he would be shallow. But that is alot of if's. Everyone in this post is assuming he has bad intentions and that i am going to give into them. Geez... Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Can you please elaborate? You said.... However, it is always nice to know that there may be a chance when someone is attracted to you in return. it is just empowering in some odd way. even though you may never ever impose upon anything tangible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 He has hugged me in front of her. She obviously feels very comfortable leaving us alone and going to bed, and that alone displays alot of trust. Does that not speak for his character? or is she to naive? Could be either or both. I thought it meant he was of good character...just turns out I was naive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 You said.... It is as though you are misinterpreting my statments. Let me clarify, what I meant was; people like to be liked. It does not mean you are going to **** each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Could be either or both. I thought it meant he was of good character...just turns out I was naive. O, uve been cheated on. i see... YOu have a personal vendetta for TOW. But i am not even her in literal terms. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 He has hugged me in front of her. This is understandable. And the other kiss and "being close"? Do you believe he would have done that in her presence? She obviously feels very comfortable leaving us alone and going to bed, and that alone displays alot of trust. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they have an open R? Do not assume what she knows or feels or feels comfortable with - after all, who thinks their BF is going to cheat in their own place with them home? Not saying he is - just who would think such a thing. Does that not speak for his character? or is she to naive? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe speak to his GF about this and eliminate all possible doubt. Ask her if its ok for him to kiss you and share intimate details of your past. Ask her to help you set boundaries. Your key to this, imo, is does he behavior change when she isn't around. And the easiest way to head off ANY possible "issue" is for the three of you to speak about this openly and directly. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 It is as though you are misinterpreting my statments. Let me clarify, what I meant was; people like to be liked. It does not mean you are going to **** each other. Let me clarify my statement....I never said you would do whatever the dots imply. You said you were empowered by his mutual feeling. What do you think empowerment means? O, uve been cheated on. i see... YOu have a personal vendetta for TOW. But i am not even her in literal terms And yes I am a fBS but at what point did I say anything to you about cheating or did I ask you direct questions about your post? Not only do I not have a personal vendetta against the OW in my situation...I don't have one against you (as I would have to know you personally to do that). And thank God you are not her...you have no idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I could care less if a man who has a girlfriend or wife "likes" me. And if one showed "interest" in me like your guy is, I wouldn't be flattered or "empowered" --- I'd be disgusted. That's the difference between a person who needs external validation and one who doesn't. Exactly. I would be horrified . It's not a compliment. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Let me tell you a secret. Most women that are very sure of themselves will pay zero attention to a man that is already in a relationship. These women will immediately realize they are dealing with a cheater. You were an OW already and you show OW traits in your posts. You even use the same old phrases OWs use. The reason you are vulnerable is that you have an appetite for external validation (see bold part in your post). From your other posts I can see how you eat up all the adulation. This guy can smell a woman that thrives on attention and he is giving it to you. Attraction is attraction. plain and simple. Whether someone is involved or not. We can see that by the 60% divorce rate in America. That being said I guess most woman are unsure of themselves. Or is it the Men?? cant a man accept when he is happy? why are woman always the villians in this ****? always "the stupid one" what about the animal and compulsive behaviour of the Men? i would say he is vulnerable... and much to easy. who doesn't love attention, LOL?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Exactly. I would be horrified . It's not a compliment. I suppose I am selfish in this way. Everyone has they're own "external validations". Mine are bing revealed to me right now... Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Attraction is attraction. plain and simple. Whether someone is involved or not. We can see that by the 60% divorce rate in America. That being said I guess most woman are unsure of themselves. Or is it the Men?? cant a man accept when he is happy? why are woman always the villians in this ****? always "the stupid one" what about the animal and compulsive behaviour of the Men? i would say he is vulnerable... and much to easy. who doesn't love attention, LOL?! it's ok to find attention flattering - it's not ok to act on it if one or both people are in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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