woinlove Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I am not sure what i want from him. All I know is I really like his personality, and i feel magnetically and physically attracted to him. Expectations have not been considered yet. i thought based on what I get form him so far , that- there may be an attraction towards me that will most likely not be followed up upon. In fact, if he did do something to push it further i would be surprised as hell. Of course i would feel happier not needing validation of his interest, but one cant help but wonder if he may feel the same.. or if his intentions are more on the selfish side. Actually, one can. I have a married male friend who I have always been attracted to and I suspect he feels the same way. However, we have never discussed it with each other, so I don't know. And I don't care. I discussed my attraction to him with my H, maybe he did the same thing with his W, who knows? None of my business. I became friends with his wife too, as he did with my H. So, over the years, we have remained good friends, nothing ever messing that up. Attractions are kind of fun, but they don't need to be returned. Meanwhile, real friendship is something to treasure, possibly forever if one places enough value on it. So, one can help but wonder if one's priorities are elsewhere. In the end, if you learn he is attracted to you and would cheat if you are game, then what? You just learned he is broken, weak, selfish, whatever. If you learn he is attracted to you but would never act on it because he loves his gf, then what? Does that really give you some needed ego boost? If you learn he isn't attracted to you, then what? Does that make you feel less somehow because one man you happen to find attractive doesn't feel as you do? I just don't see what is important about knowing unless you want him to cheat with you, and you say you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 where is your child when you are visiting prospective mom? This is the answer to your initial post and i congratulate you for having the ability to at least write it down. However, you may still be fully capapble of being the ow again. I can tell by the tone of your posts. Foo issues are very strong. You will have the tendency to repeat the history of your family. You really need ic very badly. You were attracted to losers because they gave you external validation and attention. And you thrive on attention and validation. Once you are exposed to this you will do anything to get your fix. Please show this entire thread to your counselor. I pray you don't have a "pop psych" that just say things to you to make you feel better. You could have saved all that money and ask me. This is quite evident from your written words. What are you going to do about this? They have intrinsic happiness. They don't need external validation (as you do) to be happy. That is the main difference. what is mom? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 MOM = Married Other Man Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 MOM = Married Other Man lol alright this website really does have its own lingo doesn't it! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 You are right about the sleeping over. I am tottaly not doing it anymore. i will take cab if I have to. Lets see how he reacts to that... Good choice. Or, just don't drink at all that way you can drive yourself home. Don't wait for his reaction. this isn't a game... if they are happy, why is he acting this way? I'm confused.. however i have always known about my esteem issues. And they stem deep from being emotionally, psychologically and verbally abused for several years in a long term relationship. another thing that made me think he has plans is because he is always talking about the future. And me being in it. we should go camping, we should have cookoff, you should come to EVERYTHING (as in part of the circle) Maybe he really is just being a good friend?? Including himself in my future vision but he STILL has not done anything really questionable. I really dont wanto get carried away about how much of a "dog he is".. and how "stupid I am" cuz it hasn't even gone that way. As far as my child, she is with Family one day a week. Either her Father, my mom or her Aunt. I get one day a week to myself- its a nice break They are happy doen't mean it's her fault that he is wanting to cheat on her with you. He has his own issues as to why he feels the need to get his ego stroked by you. Sure maybe he is crushing on you too and is getting something out of it, either way, PLEASE do not cross the lines and 'discuss' it with him or let him kiss you, hold you, hug you anymore. Re-read my replies to you from the other day. Focus on getting to know his girlfriend, that might kill your crush for him once you get to know her better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanillaSpice71 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Vanilla: Attraction between people is a common daily event. I am probably attracted to women everyday. I am certain that some women are also attracted to me, what is the big deal? Why do you need that to feel good? Furthermore, if you put a man and a woman together on a regular basis and if they talk for a long time they will often develop feelings. There is nothing magical here. Please show this thread to your psychiatrist ASAP. Stop pursuing the BFs of women that that are your friends; not nice. I am not pusuing anything. This thread is done. THanks.. guys. FYI- I am not seeing a psychiatrist. They are more sick in the head than anyone. I dont need drugs. I can deal with this **** naturally. i wont be showing this thread to anyone. my councellor is already aware that I have esteem issues. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I am not pusuing anything. This thread is done. THanks.. guys. FYI- I am not seeing a psychiatrist. They are more sick in the head than anyone. I dont need drugs. I can deal with this **** naturally. i wont be showing this thread to anyone. my councellor is already aware that I have esteem issues. Good luck, and if you develop healthy self-esteem, you'll see it doesn't matter if he is attracted to you or not. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 lol alright this website really does have its own lingo doesn't it! Yup........ Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I don't think anyone pointing out a need for external validation is doing so to be mean to you, OP. I can understand how that would make you feel defensive. IMO---anyone who encourages you to work on your internal validation, IS taking your best interests into consideration. I"m very sorry to hear that you've already experienced an emotionally abusive relationship---the invisible scars from an experience like that , can take a long time to heal. The sad truth is---people who "rug-sweep" the damage from those types of relationships. tend to repeat history--- unless they do the internal work to repair the damage, and learn to recognize the red flags early on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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