xxoo Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) Very true and the reason is simple. Men do not like to commit. They are not naturally commitment minded. The woman has to be too good to be true for them to want to commit...they need to think to themselves that they can't/won't get any better so have to stick to this one. Men afford to do that because there are tons of women absolutely desperate for commitment out there. If women did not act like this, there would be more balance. It's true that many men don't have the same desire for commitment and monogamy that women do. And if I'm being cynical, it may be good for the woman to be a bit more attractive, so that he feels "lucky" in that respect. It makes monogamy more attractive for him--being with this woman. eta...as a woman, I feel "lucky" to have a man who adores me. A more attractive guy who is less adoring isn't tempting at all! Edited February 25, 2013 by xxoo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 It's true that many men don't have the same desire for commitment and monogamy that women do. And if I'm being cynical, it may be good for the woman to be a bit more attractive, so that he feels "lucky" in that respect. It makes monogamy more attractive for him--being with this woman. lol so you pretty much admit the OP is right yet still tried to argue with her through the whole thread. Seriously, you need a dose of reality. A LOT of women are not attracted to men they marry, just so they can get to have a family before it's too late. Just because you think all marriages and relationships are all about attraction and butterflies doesn't mean they really are. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Very true and the reason is simple. Men do not like to commit. They are not naturally commitment minded. The woman has to be too good to be true for them to want to commit...they need to think to themselves that they can't/won't get any better so have to stick to this one. Men afford to do that because there are tons of women absolutely desperate for commitment out there. If women did not act like this, there would be more balance. I 100% agree with this. I cringe every day at the desperation of women to enter a relationship. How lowly they allow to be treated, how they ignore that the man is completely wrong for them. It's like they are screaming on the inside "Marry me! Anyone just marry me already!". Men, not being that big on commitment can use woman's desperation to land a woman much hotter than them, in exchange for the commitment of course. It's not all mans fault. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 lol so you pretty much admit the OP is right yet still tried to argue with her through the whole thread. Seriously, you need a dose of reality. A LOT of women are not attracted to men they marry, just so they can get to have a family before it's too late. Just because you think all marriages and relationships are all about attraction and butterflies doesn't mean they really are. I argued about leagues, and I still disagree. Looks do not equal leagues. I know couples where the woman is better looking, but those men have something to offer that attracted those women. All marriages are not this or that. But an outsider can only assume what is going on in any particular marriage. You don't know! Assuming she isn't attracted because she is better looking is not baseless. Women who are only attracted to hot guys are at a disadvantage, to be sure. Link to post Share on other sites
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I argued about leagues, and I still disagree. Looks do not equal leagues. I know couples where the woman is better looking, but that men have something to offer that attracted those women. All marriages are not this or that. But an outsider can only assume what is going on in any particular marriage. You don't know! Assuming she isn't attracted because she is better looking is not baseless. Women who are only attracted to hot guys are at a disadvantage, to be sure. So why arent men attracted to things a woman has to offer other than looks? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 So why arent men attracted to things a woman has to offer other than looks? They are. It isn't black and white. Looks just weigh more heavily for men, and other things weigh more heavily for women, relatively speaking. Link to post Share on other sites
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 They are. It isn't black and white. Looks just weigh more heavily for men, and other things weigh more heavily for women, relatively speaking. If looks weigh as heavily equally for men and women, why are there so many couples where the woman is better looking? And fewer vice versa? If this is true, why are women who only go for hot guys at a disadvantage like you said? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 If looks weigh as heavily equally for men and women, why are there so many couples where the woman is better looking? And fewer vice versa? If this is true, why are women who only go for hot guys at a disadvantage like you said? Huh? I said that looks weigh more heavily for men, relative to women. Just like women care more about a man's career than men care about a woman's career, relatively speaking. It doesn't mean that men don't care about a woman's career....just that it holds less weight. And thus, in many marriages, the man makes more money, and fewer vice versa. Women who only go for hot guys are at a disadvantage because it reduces the number of men she is attracted to enormously--and those guys may be even less interested in commitment (for one thing, they are likely on the young side). Link to post Share on other sites
Sanitarium Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 lol so you pretty much admit the OP is right yet still tried to argue with her through the whole thread. Seriously, you need a dose of reality. A LOT of women are not attracted to men they marry, just so they can get to have a family before it's too late. Just because you think all marriages and relationships are all about attraction and butterflies doesn't mean they really are. She is not right BTW You don't need the woman to be more attractive for the relationship to be successful. Personally, I have no interest in being with somebody more attractive than myself and many guys are in the same boat Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) I argued about leagues, and I still disagree. Looks do not equal leagues. I know couples where the woman is better looking, but that men have something to offer that attracted those women. All marriages are not this or that. But an outsider can only assume what is going on in any particular marriage. You don't know! Assuming she isn't attracted because she is better looking is not baseless. Women who are only attracted to hot guys are at a disadvantage, to be sure. Yet it's ok for you to assume that there must have been attraction?? I don't assume, I have seen it closely way too many times. And I see it the reality as it is not with balloons and butterflies around it. I'm sure there are cases like that too but not as many as you think. When you say "less" or "more" attractive you are classifying into leagues. You can say leagues in terms of looks or whatever but you are still doing it. You're still agreeing that men are more shallow and commit based on qualities that a woman can lose any time or does not have any control over. I'm not sure why you sound so happy about that fact lol Edited February 25, 2013 by mesmerized Link to post Share on other sites
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Im not trying to bash anyone in this thread but us women accepting that men are more shallow and rationalizing it is pretty embedded in our culture...women are big to blame for this because we enable it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Content Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I dont see this at all..some women on here seem to think theyres a bunch of super models running around with slobs with beer stains on their shirt and i dont see it.. Most couples i see are pretty evenly matched and in my circle theyres prboably more *gasp*couples with the man a little more attractive then his wife.. If you cant find anyone perhaps the common denominatgor is you not all men and their shalowness.. I see plenty of women who arent gonna be mistaken for lookers in relationships with men who are the same..stop blaming all men for your woes its not attratcive Link to post Share on other sites
Sanitarium Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Im not trying to bash anyone in this thread but us women accepting that men are more shallow and rationalizing it is pretty embedded in our culture...women are big to blame for this because we enable it. Personally, I think women aren't shallow enough Somebody's appearance should be about 50% of the attraction...yet you still see pretty women with men who are about 30 LBs overweight or who have faces only a mother could love Link to post Share on other sites
CptObvious Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Kimberly, I never date women out of my league. I tend to date average girls that are down to earth. It's what I like. It's what you can handle. Dating on the easiest difficulty is so boring. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamFinder Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I don't know about this 'out of their league' business but personally just want an attractive, sweet, personable, down-to-earth girl. I know my type and what I'm typically attracted to and it isn't something unrealistic like a supermodel. Link to post Share on other sites
CptObvious Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Personally, I think women aren't shallow enough Somebody's appearance should be about 50% of the attraction...yet you still see pretty women with men who are about 30 LBs overweight or who have faces only a mother could love 30lbs overweight can be overlooked if he makes 200k/yr Link to post Share on other sites
boaaaar Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 If commitment was a better deal for men, maybe they wouldn't be so demanding. Heck, why wouldn't a man ask for the moon ? If no one wants to fulfill his requirements, he loses nothing since committing is a crap deal anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Content Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 lol so you pretty much admit the OP is right yet still tried to argue with her through the whole thread. Seriously, you need a dose of reality. A LOT of women are not attracted to men they marry, just so they can get to have a family before it's too late. Just because you think all marriages and relationships are all about attraction and butterflies doesn't mean they really are. You need to realize that not everyone is as shallow as you are. In your world only a small perecentage of the population is attractive but people from both genders are actually attracted to each other who dont fit in that top percentile of beautiful people as hard as it is to imagine for you.. Im not naive enough to think looks play no role but judging from your posts you have a skewed view of attraction Link to post Share on other sites
Sanitarium Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 30lbs overweight can be overlooked if he makes 200k/yr Money is so overrated. I know a guy who makes 190K a year dating a woman who is below average looking Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) I 100% agree with this. I cringe every day at the desperation of women to enter a relationship. How lowly they allow to be treated, how they ignore that the man is completely wrong for them. It's like they are screaming on the inside "Marry me! Anyone just marry me already!". Men, not being that big on commitment can use woman's desperation to land a woman much hotter than them, in exchange for the commitment of course. It's not all mans fault. Where does a guy like me come in? I've been trying to date in my "league" for like a year and a half now with no real success as far as I'm concerned. To me success is a lasting relationship with a woman I'm attracted to in more ways than just physically. Like ~80% of the women I have dated can be put into two bins. 1. just wants to get physical with me, and then either gets pissed because that's not what I want, or feels bad because that's not what I want and they feel guilty. 2. The ones that won't open up, because they are suspicious all I want is something physical. The other ~20% didn't work for one reason or another. I don't know about everyone else, Commitment is damn hard to come buy in my area and age group. Edited February 25, 2013 by Lonely Ronin 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Where does a guy like me come in? I've been trying to date in my "league" for like a year and a half now with no real success as far as I'm concerned. To me success is a lasting relationship with a woman I'm attracted to in more ways than just physically. Like ~80% of the women I have dated can be put into two bins. 1. just wants to get physical with me, and then either gets pissed because that's not what I want, or feels bad because that's not what I want and they feel guilty. 2. The ones that won't open up, because they are suspicious all I want is something physical. The other ~20% didn't work for one reason or another. I don't know about everyone else, Commitment is damn hard to come buy in my area and age group. I read your threads and you seem drawn to emotionally unavailable women. It's hard to say why that is; but that's the pattern I observed. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I read your threads and you seem drawn to emotionally unavailable women. It's hard to say why that is; but that's the pattern I observed. Well crap......... I don't want to date an younger even though everyone and their brother and sister thinks I should. One of my friends wife's keeps trying to set me up with a coworker of hers that's 21. I think I have had the same conversation with her 3 times now. She is always like "Jane" (not her real name) is really nice and super pretty. I always have to reiterate I'm 33 years old, what am I going to have in common with a 21 year old..... I think either you and Iris are right or several of me female friends are right. You and Iris I think believe I'm attracted to emotionally unavailable women. My friends keep tell me my personality, dating style (old fashioned at least by LS standards), general intensity, and dominant personality scares women. Two of the women I have dated came right out and said that after the fact. Some times I feel like I'm screwed no matter what I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 lol so you pretty much admit the OP is right yet still tried to argue with her through the whole thread. Seriously, you need a dose of reality. A LOT of women are not attracted to men they marry, just so they can get to have a family before it's too late. Just because you think all marriages and relationships are all about attraction and butterflies doesn't mean they really are. Yep, pretty much all my female friends latched on to the first guy willing to comitt when they turned 30. They openly say things like "We don't have great love" or "attraction fades anyway" or "I was looking for a good provider and good father".... Only one married out of genuine attraction and love. Reality of most relationships is actually quite ugly. At best, most grow to feel lukewarm affection. I dream of living in society where people didn't settle. It's better than it was 100 years ago but not by much. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Threads like these amaze me. Either humanity has defied the odds by somehow managing to pair off despite having to "settle" for their partners. Or, we're all the descendants of "the most attractive people" who existed years ago and who thus paired off. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 And anyone who "settles" is making a choice. They value being with someone they might not be fully into (or who might not be fully into them) over the prospect of being alone. It's a choice. Sometimes we don't like our options, but as adults we have to make the best out of them. Link to post Share on other sites
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