iKING Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yep. Primarily short-term, disastrous relationships, rather than long-term relationships including but not limited to marriage. That's exactly what I said. They say those who can't be alone are afraid of looking inward. Like they'd be living with a stranger whom they don't know and don't understand. We all have to do it at some point if we stand any chance of self-improvement and becoming a valuable asset to others. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigQuestion Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 If it makes you feel any better, I'm a guy and I get it as well. One or two women gave me the vide that they thought i was a player or a commitment phobe because i have been single for going on 2 1/2 years. Dudes who have been single for a long time either get pigeonholed as players or losers. I spent three years single, most of it on purpose, and got characterized as both from time to time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yep. Primarily short-term, disastrous relationships, rather than long-term relationships including but not limited to marriage. That's exactly what I said. But if you asked them a question "How long have you been single?" Their answer wouldn't reveal anything. I thought that's what we were discussing. Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yep. Primarily short-term, disastrous relationships, rather than long-term relationships including but not limited to marriage. That's exactly what I said. Oh man, a ton of my friend who have been in relationships all their lives have some serious issues, just different types. For example being very insecure, emotionally dependent and unable to function on their own... I have only known one girl who had a lot of relationships that was completely sane and respectable. I'm being very serious about this. If it makes you feel any better, I'm a guy and I get it as well. One or two women gave me the vide that they thought i was a player or a commitment phobe because i have been single for going on 2 1/2 years. Dude, even BullN had a relationship Joking, nothing wrong with that obviously. After a certain age, you just don't want to waste your time with someone that's just not "it". 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Personally I avoid guys that have never had a LTR but I also avoid guys that jump from one LTR to another. It suggests that they use women to fill the void in themselves and it's not about a particular person.... How long they have been single is irrelevant and is in fact a big plus to me (given that they had LTRs in the past). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Joking, nothing wrong with that obviously. After a certain age, you just don't want to waste your time with someone that's just not "it". I 100% agree. I can now tell within couple of months if a guy is IT or not. I don't see a point in wasting any more than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigQuestion Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 But if you asked them a question "How long have you been single?" Their answer wouldn't reveal anything. I thought that's what we were discussing. I agree. I was addressing the reasons for being single past a certain age generally. It doesn't make them bad people by any means. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 It's almost cool to be thought of as a player I know you just choking, but I think players from both sides of gender barrier are why dating is so f-ed up now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I know you just choking, but I think players from both sides of gender barrier are why dating is so f-ed up now. I know how you feel so I was just teasing you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Joking, nothing wrong with that obviously. After a certain age, you just don't want to waste your time with someone that's just not "it". O I know, it's just a good chunk of that time I was single on purpose. I had a fiance and 8 year relationship end (her decision not mine) and I needed some time to deal and recover from that. and since then nothing has really worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 This is another thread where the OP uses his/her experiences IRL, which constitute for about ~0.0000014% of the world population on a healthy estimate to explain why an entire gender is never or almost never committing out of their league? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 This is another thread where the OP uses his/her experiences IRL, which constitute for about ~0.0000014% of the world population on a healthy estimate to explain why an entire gender is never or almost never committing out of their league? I dont see this with women most of the time but I do alot with men. (However, Im not saying ALL men do this...but over half of the men I know only want to commit to a woman hotter than them) Background: I live just outside of Washington DC and most men here expect a potential girlfriend to have a good career AND to be better looking than him. No, I am not a Type A personality (at least, outside of work Im not) but alot of people here are. You should have read the original post first. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I find most men in my generation to be selfish and entitled. My thread is about why men wont commit to a guy unless shes out of their league Because men are ENTItLED I see many beautiful women with guys that arent that cute. I have never ever seen a vice versa example. Sorry but that disclaimer is no excuse for what the rest of the posts are screaming. It might not be written that explicitly but it's clear that she's at least addressing an issue that would affect a significant majority of the male population. Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Sorry but that disclaimer is no excuse for what the rest of the posts are screaming. It might not be written that explicitly but it's clear that she's at least addressing an issue that would affect a significant majority of the male population. I don't think she should have to mention in each post that she doesn't mean each and every single man out there, that's a given really considering the number of people on this planet. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Blah. Let's just say that it's hard for genuine people of either gender looking for lurve and leave it at that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Well crap......... I don't want to date an younger even though everyone and their brother and sister thinks I should. One of my friends wife's keeps trying to set me up with a coworker of hers that's 21. I think I have had the same conversation with her 3 times now. She is always like "Jane" (not her real name) is really nice and super pretty. I always have to reiterate I'm 33 years old, what am I going to have in common with a 21 year old..... I think either you and Iris are right or several of me female friends are right. You and Iris I think believe I'm attracted to emotionally unavailable women. My friends keep tell me my personality, dating style (old fashioned at least by LS standards), general intensity, and dominant personality scares women. Two of the women I have dated came right out and said that after the fact. Some times I feel like I'm screwed no matter what I do. Sorry, I missed this post. I think you should be open to dating younger but 21 is a bit much. You are unlikely to have much in common and she is even less likely to want a serious relationship. Iris is a vary smart woman I don't think you should modify you personality to attract women. Especially not those inherent traits such as intensity and dominance. I am pretty intense myself and like it in others. While it scares some men, others have said that my intensity and passion is what they like most about me. These two women saying that they dislike it were pretty much telling you they don't like your personality. That's OK, it just means you aren't compatible. They could also be using it as an excuse to avoid further commitment (see my comment about going for emotionally unavailable women ) You should just be thinking, screw them, rather than changing yourself on such a fundamental level. My feeling is though that you just need to relax and let it happen. Your relationship history is solid, you have most likely just been down on your luck in the last couple of years. You sound like a great guy all around 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I dont see this with women most of the time but I do alot with men. (However, Im not saying ALL men do this...but over half of the men I know only want to commit to a woman hotter than them) Background: I live just outside of Washington DC and most men here expect a potential girlfriend to have a good career AND to be better looking than him. No, I am not a Type A personality (at least, outside of work Im not) but alot of people here are. Being ambitious has a lot to do with. I was out in the City of London last Friday with a lot of Type A personalities and this is exactly how they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 That's pretty funny. Do you think people make judgment calls based on time spent alone? Just curious really. Although I may just go with the honesty route on that one just to get a good laugh out of the reaction. Men are incredulous if a good looking woman has been single for a while. A work friend of mine keeps pushing me to tell him whom I'm dating or whether I'm dating at all every time we are out. If I told him the truth he would burst out laughing (or would try to f**k me, depending on the amount of alcohol consumed). It is how it is. I just get the 'you must be a lesbian' or 'you are super picky' line. Often the former. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I don't think she should have to mention in each post that she doesn't mean each and every single man out there, that's a given really considering the number of people on this planet. It still refers to some sort of particularly significant fraction or at least a predominant observation regarding many men. What else is the point of addressing the thread if it's not something major at least? I think the OP is clearly stating that this is not something that only applies to a small fraction of men. And it that's the case for such claims solid, concrete, tangible evidence, statistics, analogies or whatever you can come up with to reinforce the claim. Otherwise it's just... unsupported nonsense. I can come up with my own empirical observations that contradict them and were back at the start. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 It still refers to some sort of particularly significant fraction or at least a predominant observation regarding many men. What else is the point of addressing the thread if it's not something major at least? I think the OP is clearly stating that this is not something that only applies to a small fraction of men. And it that's the case for such claims solid, concrete, tangible evidence, statistics, analogies or whatever you can come up with to reinforce the claim. Otherwise it's just... unsupported nonsense. I can come up with my own empirical observations that contradict them and were back at the start. Believe it or not, it is exactly the point. People post and read because they want different perspectives and experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Believe it or not, it is exactly the point. People post and read because they want different perspectives and experiences. I understand that it's the point, I even appreciate personal experiences and observations as they tell us more about the people posting here. What I do speak up against is that these observations and experiences are used as an argument to reinforce huge generalizations about a certain gender. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 So the questions is...Why do men seem only to want to commit with women out of their league? Answer... because they can... Le't put things differently... if the norms are for guys to absolutely drive to their place of work, they only have 30,000 USD and they can have a 60,000 or even a 100,000 USD.... for a car they're not really sure they want to have, anyway... what do you think they'll do? Pick a car that costs and looks like a 27,000? Thank you, animal lover, I think you may have just opened my eyes as to another long lasting question I didn't even realize I had ! Oh, and I am sure, if women were more rational/superficial as opposed to emotional, they would act exactly the same! Whatever one can get away with 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yet it's ok for you to assume that there must have been attraction?? I don't assume, I have seen it closely way too many times. And I see it the reality as it is not with balloons and butterflies around it. I'm sure there are cases like that too but not as many as you think. When you say "less" or "more" attractive you are classifying into leagues. You can say leagues in terms of looks or whatever but you are still doing it. You're still agreeing that men are more shallow and commit based on qualities that a woman can lose any time or does not have any control over. I'm not sure why you sound so happy about that fact lol "More attractive" and "better looking" are different things. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I just don't understand a single person (of either gender) whining because they can't get someone as hot as them to commit. Yes, you need attraction. But if you need exactly as physically hot as you to feel attraction, there may be other issues at play. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I dont see this with women most of the time but I do alot with men. (However, Im not saying ALL men do this...but over half of the men I know only want to commit to a woman hotter than them) Background: I live just outside of Washington DC and most men here expect a potential girlfriend to have a good career AND to be better looking than him. No, I am not a Type A personality (at least, outside of work Im not) but alot of people here are. First of all location ... Washington is probably the only place in the US that is more shallow than NY, since you have so many politicians, leaders, lobbyists and journalists who actually pretend like they are checking up on the politicians and lobbyists. This does happen with women and men and it's related to what the other gender sees as having value. The men as you noticed put lots of emphasis on looks and career, and having both means she's a catch [above their status in life] ... so they want to lock on quickly on that deal. The women on the other hand value other things when they look at the social ladder ... they are not the same things as the men, but similar in some ways; they will also have the same behaviour when it comes to seeing a catch, they will try to take the deal quickly. In the end, both men and women are shoping untill the old age / biological clock bell starts ringing or we find that great deal and end it early. After the bell rings we get the best possible deal we can or we refuse to do that and get a bunch of cats. Link to post Share on other sites
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