Ninjainpajamas Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 It's worth it if you have the confidence to and security, not letting jealousy or insecure feelings get in the way of your relationship. If they're out of your financial league, or physical attractiveness league than I think the challenge will come outside influences on what others may think or perceive about your relationship. If you really want to be together and make it work, you can always try. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Leagues exist and research supports that people of similar attractivness tend to end up together. If you want to land a woman a lot better looking than you, you must have something to compensate: i.e. money For myself, no, happy to stay within my own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 A lot of people are too insecure for that Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 A lot of people will tell you that leagues don't exist by the way and that everyone has a chance with everyone else but I don't think that's true. Yep, the problem is that most people who say 'leagues don't exist' are looking at it from the perspective of who someone can get, not who can get them... A successful and attractive 25 year old guy is not going to entertain the idea of dating a 40 year old unemployed obese single mum of three, no matter how fervently she believes 'leagues don't exist'. Likewise my short, balding thirty something male friend is rather unlikely to be dating Shakira any time soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I have never dated anyone who isn't out of my league. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Depends on how unhappy you are with your "league". I'm gonna be the guy that says they "don't exist" - at the very least because I do not see life in that manner, but I'm aware that as far as social circles are concerned, they absolutely do. Certainly, leagues can be defined in terms of compatibility, even in a superficial sense. I don't have an opinion either way, people like what they like. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) . I remember reading through an OLD profile that I saw this week. As I read through it, I briefly looked at the woman's pictures and, in my opinion, she was not physically or facially attractive in any way, shape or form. To make it clear, I'm no Adriana Lima; but at least I'm humble and I'm aware of how universally I may be (or may NOT be) attractive to the general population of guys. That being said, here is an excerpt from the OLD profile I read: "At least 90% of men on here need to take a rain check and get over themselves we're all supposed to be on here for the same reason and would it do any harm if someone has sent a message to you to have the good manners to reply even if it's just to say thanks but no thanks or are you so far up your own a***s to think otherwise. You dont have to be skinny to be sexy or beautiful.... Beauty is the size of your heart NOT the size of your jeans. There could be a medical condition behind someone's weight so why not take the time to ask. So come on guys why not drop by and say hello. If you're over the age of 50 with or without pic don't waste your time messaging me cos I'm not interested and you won't get a reply. Guys I know I'm fat but if you're fat yourself please don't message me as I like my men to be slim average or with muscles and the thought of two fat people having sex yuck the thought repulses me. Final thing if you live outside a 35 mile radius what's the point as we would never see each other." Note the parts of her profile that I've highlighted in bold, italics and underline. Her overall attitude towards guys and even dating seems to be negative and condescending. The part of her profile that says that any guy who messages her HAS to be "slim, average or muscular" EVEN THOUGH SHE IS SEVERELY OVERWEIGHT just had me shaking my head in utter disbelief! In my opinion, she has NO right to expect, request or demand that any guy who messages her (let alone is brave enough to DATE her) has to be ripped and in great physical shape when she herself is horrifically OUT of shape and overweight! This is why I think this woman is delusional; she expects to date wayyyy OUT of her physical attractiveness level and what's more amazing - is that she expects a guy who puts in the time, work and attention to stay healthy and physically fit to be attracted to her UNhealthy and NON-physically fit body!!! Idk...I just can't wrap my brain around that. Now, I realize that there are thin and in shape people out there who are actually physically and sexually attracted to severely out of shape, overweight and morbidly obese people. So, barring THAT exception, I have a question for all of you: Do you think that an unattractive, average looking and/or overweight person has the right to expect or demand to date wayyy OUT of their league - and to expect other people who ARE attractive, very attractive and/or physically in tip top shape to be attracted to them??? I know some (or maybe even a lot of) people will disagree with me on this, but in my opinion, if a person is low or very low with their attractiveness level, they should NOT expect or even attempt to score a date with someone that is way above them in that regard. Even though I have seen mismatched couples where one of them is very unattractive and the other one is way attractive - I think this is more of an exception than the norm. I can only speak for myself, but personally, I DO NOT and would NEVER expect to date out of my league physically speaking. I mean, if a guy who was way more hot than I am facially and/or physically demonstrated an interest in dating me, then I'd totally go for it! But, I *never* expect to date someone more attractive than myself - and I don't expect to or demand it because I'm a realistic type of person as well as a humble person. I would wholeheartedly expect for a guy within my attractiveness level (or below it) to be interested in me and attracted to me. Some people may say that just because a person is unattractive body-wise or face-wise, it doesn't mean that they're relegated to dating the same type of unattractive people; and that they have every right to not only expect for more attractive people to date them and be attracted to them - but they have a right to DEMAND it, because, it's a "free world". Idk though...it just seems unrealistic and even conceited when an unattractive person expects to date way above their attractiveness level and refuses to date anyone that is as unattractive as they are or even less so. What do YOU think?? . Edited April 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to photo redacted Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Everyone has the right to have whatever expectations they personally choose to have. Whether those expectations are realistic or not is another matter entirely. She can demand Ryan Gosling if she wants but chances she'll find him are pretty minimal. That kind of ridiculous rant in an OLD profile would be an immediate "next" for me. I've no desire to meet with someone who feels that kind of stuff is appropriate for a dating profile. If they are like that on their profile then how are they going to be in real life? Nightmare!!! So yeah it's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Put all the sensible guys off and who's left but the idiots and arseholes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 My opinion? No one has a "right" to a date with anyone. People are not products or property. That is part of the problem with the emotionally unintelligent basement dwelling types. They think if they add x, y, and z, they have a right to her, whoever her may be. People are not math equations or minecraft strategies. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 There's an obese girl at Walgreens I see in the morning sometimes. I don't think she'd be a looker even if she lost weight but she has this weird confidence. To the point she's kind of brushed me off a few times when I had nothing interesting to say. And I find it completely charming. It's a much more healthier, and charming attitude than walking around thinking we live in India and you belong to a lower caste. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) There are so many men on there who hold the same sort of attitude, that I don't really care. If it works, it works; if it doesn't, then maybe she'll adjust. I don't think that anyone has a right to determine my league. By the way: you might want to alert on your own post, and ask for the picture link to be removed. We aren't allowed to post links like this. Edited April 17, 2015 by Anela 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Since all social interactions are completely voluntary, none of us has any real rights to speak of and we're all presumed equal, though some of us appear to be more equal than others. Hence, if the title were published as 'Does a person have the privilege to want to date someone who they perceive to be out of their league?', yeah, sure. What does it feel like to want? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 I think a person has every right to try to get with whatever kind of person they want. Whether or not they will be successful is another story. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bohonia Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 I think a person has every right to try to get with whatever kind of person they want. Whether or not they will be successful is another story. I agree, why limit yourself? Go for who you want with confidence! Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 I agree with clia as well. But that person has other more serious issues than potentially dating out of her league. She's going to repel a lot of people with that attitude alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 I agree, why limit yourself? Go for who you want with confidence! And when you fail, you can either adjust your expectations, or turn bitter. Most people seem to choose the latter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 My opinion? No one has a "right" to a date with anyone. People are not products or property. That is part of the problem with the emotionally unintelligent basement dwelling types. They think if they add x, y, and z, they have a right to her, whoever her may be. People are not math equations or minecraft strategies. Even though the OP has an example about a woman stating her requirements for a man... Anyways, I agree no one is owed a date or anything really, but that does not mean people won't feel shortchanged in certain interactions. At the base level all friendships and relationships are essentially transactions of trading something the other person desires from yourself for something you desire from them. Mostly what happens is that people don't lay their wants or desires on the table during these and then feel taken advantage of afterwards. In the least, the woman in the OP clearly and unabashedly states her; requirements, goals, and wants. Most people don't have the cahones for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 In the least, the woman in the OP clearly and unabashedly states her; requirements, goals, and wants. Most people don't have the cahones for that. Yes but she does it in a matter that would repulse her target audience. Especially since she's totally hypocritical. She berates people who judge based on size, then says if you're fat please don't message me. It's a totally self destructive thing to write on your dating profile. Anyone who reads it is going to be immediately put off. The only people who will message her, are the type who don't read profiles. And who wants to meet that type...? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Actually, I know plenty of female basement dwellers too I think the problems comes when we cannot accept that people have preferences, and when we do not meet them, it does not necessarily mean there is something with with them OR us. It just means it isn't happening. So move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 That kind of ridiculous rant in an OLD profile would be an immediate "next" for me. I've no desire to meet with someone who feels that kind of stuff is appropriate for a dating profile. If they are like that on their profile then how are they going to be in real life? Nightmare!!! So yeah it's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Put all the sensible guys off and who's left but the idiots and arseholes. I read the profile and yes it is very ranty. Also very poor spelling and grammer for someone who claims to be in a role as responsible as that which she claims. All in all very unattractive. Does she have the right - well yes she does. Is she going to get anywhere? I doubt it Mind you I know worse women who are doing "well" on these sites and sleeping around so who knows... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Paper crane, the one post may have highlighted one woman, but the question was about people in general. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Yes but she does it in a matter that would repulse her target audience. Especially since she's totally hypocritical. She berates people who judge based on size, then says if you're fat please don't message me. It's a totally self destructive thing to write on your dating profile. Anyone who reads it is going to be immediately put off. The only people who will message her, are the type who don't read profiles. And who wants to meet that type...? That's what bothers me about her profile most of all; the hypocrisy of it. Another member here has seen this woman's profile and they said that this woman was the worst they have seen, but that they've seen profiles of other women that aren't too far behind her....I mean, does anyone honestly believe that they're going to attract ANYONE with those type of profiles - let alone the attractive people that they're demanding to message them? Who in their right mind that dates on OLD would be attracted to a person who has a negative and condescending attitude like that?? . Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 IDK why y'all are so surprised, that's typical for OLD. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Oh, no doubt. The hypocrisy is so thick I could cut it and put it on toast. I see it quite often too. However, maybe it will attract that one person she actually wants. Kind of going against the numbers game and pigeon holing it. I'd actually wish there was a way I could query their server to see the results on her profile. Paper crane' date=' the one post may have highlighted one woman, but the question was about people in general.[/quote'] Yes but it turned a general question into a pinpointed area. Although that running meme on the net as of now doesn't look like it'll run out of steam as that attitude she describes seems to be a product or symptom of societal norms and expectations not really quite making the connection when romance hits on a more complex and primal level. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 I think it speaks to her expectation that men are supposed to take care of themselves but women aren't. To her, if you're a fat man you have no value, but if you're a fat woman then you have tons of value. Why does she have this mindset? Because she's fat. Humans have a tendency to think that rules apply to everyone but themselves. "You can't be fat, but I can." "You can't cheat, but I can." "You have to pay, but I don't." "I can have anonymous sex, but you can't." We see it in many different situations from both genders. She simply has an overestimated sense of self and of her value. Are there men who like fat women? Sure. How many of them are fit and attractive? Probably very, very few. As in so few they are practically non-existent. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
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