PinkLipgloss Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 I met a guy through a friend of mine a year ago...but we have yet to REALLY "meet" as he lives in Hawaii and I live here in California. He is extremely busy as he is working 60 hours a week and also goes to school twice a week. I got a job, my first job out of college, right before we started speaking and can't afford to take time off yet...which is why we have not met each other face to face. So here's the deal...this guy really blew me away. I mean, I dated a lot of guys in the past and I am extremely picky...and no one has come close to this one. This guy really knocked me off my feet. He is very intelligent, hard-working, family-oriented...and he makes me feel like a million bucks. He is my friend's brother's best friend...and they both (along with their parents) have only the most positive things to say about this guy. We are completely in tune with each other and can even finish each other's sentences. If I could pre-order my perfect man...it would, NO DOUBT, be just like him. He calls me in the middle of the day when I'm sick to make sure I'm ok. He takes time everyday to spend time with me, despite his busy schedule...no matter how tired he is even if it means him losing sleep. For two people who have never been together...I will put on my life that we have more affection and respect for each other than most married couples. Since we "met," we have not dated anyone, not slept with, or even kissed anyone else. The problem??? I need sex. Any form of it...phone sex or cyber sex...whatever it may be, I NEED it...with him. And in the beginning, like the first few months...I had plenty of that (everyday, sometimes a few times a day). Now, I'm lucky if I get phone or cyber sex once a month. I always had a very high libido. With my past boyfriends, I was wanting and having it 4 times a day (when time allowed it). It's hard to go from having sex that much to nothing at all! I'm having withdrawals...it's driving me insane! I have told me sweetie this. I asked him why is it that in the beginning we had phone and cyber sex so much and now he doesn't even get horny. He said he still gets horny for me everyday but he blocks out his sexual feelings because having phone sex with me doesn't satisfy him anymore because we have never been together. He said ot f*cks with him mentally. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE to you guys?? I asked him is it because there's someone else or is he masturbating on his own...??? He says he swears on his mother's life there's no one else and he doesn't masturbate on his own. He even swears on his mother's life he doesn't watch porn (he thinks porn girls are nasty). Now I'm left feeling insecure thinking he's no longer attracted to me...he says he's never been half as attracted to anyone his whole life. But what's the deal? Is it REALLY possible to block out your sexual desires just because your partner lives so far away? I don't understand because when I'm horny, I'm horny. My vagina doesn't know that my hunny is thousands of miles away. All it knows is that it absolutely needs to cum. But it's not all about cumming that I need him...when I masturbate, I feel so alone afterwards. I feel like I'm on my own in this relationship. Masturbating with him bonded us, in my eyes. I felt closer to him. I mean, I can't just have phone sex with anyone. Nor could I just strip all my clothing in front of a webcam for anyone else, esp. someone I never met. I felt that that lessened the distance between us somehow. I've done everything I could to get through to him. It just seems to go in one ear and out the other. He doesn't want a part of my sexual needs and it's eating me away. I've told him how I felt a gazillion times...how I feel he's no longer attracted to me and I feel so alone after I masturbate...it doesn't seem to get through. The once-a-month that we have cyber sex...he always knew beforehand that I was really horny. Sometimes I feel like, if he never knew that I needed or wanted it...we would never have it. For the longest time, he hasn't come to me out of his own desire and said "baby, I'm horny...I want you." And well, IT HURTS. It's starting to eat away at my self-esteem...and I can't help but wonder...is this how things will be when we're together in person???? Thanks for reading, everyone...and please...I really need you guys' input! Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 Maybe he's just not into phone/cyber sex. All you can do now is take his word for it that he is blocking the desires, and then see how it is when you two meet in real life. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkLipgloss Posted August 21, 2004 Author Share Posted August 21, 2004 Thanks, Honey. I guess you are right. I just need to engage myself in as many activities as possible so I don't think about being horny. Link to post Share on other sites
pitprincess Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 This is JMO... Get on a plane and travel to see him... Then you will know not only if its you he wants or needs but if you guys have the love for one another that you both share through cyber. It sounds pretty rough to have to go through something like that... If you love him, want him, need him in anyway make arrangments to go to him or him come to you. It can be done if the heart desires Good Luck to you :) Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkLipgloss Posted August 21, 2004 Author Share Posted August 21, 2004 Well, I can't afford to fly there right now because I am literally living from paycheck to pay check and have been for almost 2 years. I have been saving up for a plane ticket but I have to make sure I have a place to live first. I don't want to tell him my money situation because then he will buy me a ticket...and I just can't let him pay for that. As for him, he's seriously afraid of flying. His family lives in Georgia and he hasn't even flown there in 11 years.Thanks for the good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 you either choose to live on yopur long distance dreams and fantasies or you forget about him altogether and try your luck somewhere else. the sea is full of all kind of fish. All we need is to stretch our net a little bit further. Good luck in every direction you may take. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 He said ot f*cks with him mentally. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE to you guys?? Absolutely. I asked him is it because there's someone else or is he masturbating on his own...??? He says he swears on his mother's life there's no one else and he doesn't masturbate on his own. Well, that'd be silly. You have just said you masturbate but somehow it's not ok for him? That's not even close to fair. Now I'm left feeling insecure thinking he's no longer attracted to me...he says he's never been half as attracted to anyone his whole life. You are just an image on a machine. You may be able to be attracted at a distance but I don't think guys are as able to do that. It's great he says he finds you attractive but he still can't smell, touch, or taste you. But what's the deal? Is it REALLY possible to block out your sexual desires just because your partner lives so far away? I doubt it but it is possible to dislike cybersex. when I masturbate, I feel so alone afterwards. I feel like I'm on my own in this relationship. Masturbating with him bonded us, in my eyes. I felt closer to him. But that's you and he may not feel the same way at all. and I can't help but wonder...is this how things will be when we're together in person???? I don't know that you'll find many guys who are up to satisfying you 4X/day. When two people have very different libidos, they need to negotiate a solution that will be agreeable to both of them. So rather than nagging him to go back to the way it was before, ask if there's something you could do a little more often with him. It could be he's starting to feel like he was just a tool for you to get off with. Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 For two people who have never been together...I will put on my life that we have more affection and respect for each other than most married couples. I would agree. Perhaps you've hit upon the perfect "marriage:" a year of never having had face to face contact. Stick to Fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinzel Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 It's sure easier to have respect and romance for someone when you aren't dealing with each other's crap every day. I think face-to-face relationships are much harder. So it's not really fair to say you have a better relationship, because yours occurs just over the phone and/or computer. I also agree with the others who said that you either need to find a way to be with him, give up, or just find someone else. You have every right to come here and complain, but I don't know what you expect. You live far away from each other, and he needs to do what's right for him. I don't know if you have a problem with him masturbating on his own or if he just said he doesn't, but he should be able to if he wants. Masturbation is a private matter that should be left up to each individual, as well as the accompanying thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkLipgloss Posted August 21, 2004 Author Share Posted August 21, 2004 Ummm...who told him NOT to masturbate??...I just think it's almost impossible for someone not to when you haven't had sex in a year. Link to post Share on other sites
crazydave Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Hey pinklipgloss, Link to post Share on other sites
Lakespookie Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 honey i have 3 words shop for toys Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 He says he swears on his mother's life there's no one else and he doesn't masturbate on his own. Is his mother dead? Seriously, this does not add up. It sounds to me like phone/cyber sex does not do it for him. That may change if he has something to remember. Go to Hawaii, let him help you with the fare or tell him to get on a boat! Meanwhile, enjoy the fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by Samson I would agree. Perhaps you've hit upon the perfect "marriage:" a year of never having had face to face contact. Stick to Fantasy. Bahahahaha that's hardcore! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts