Author Jcut22 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 As far as dna testing I believe she would have to allow it as well. I do not know the doctor that shes seeing. Chances are I may not know in till the baby is born. given the possibility of it not being mine, I would rather leave now than have this go on any longer.
BetrayedH Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 You need to speak to an attorney about your options. You may not want your name on a birth certificate if you are not the father (you could end up responsible whether you are found to be the biological father or not and a post-birth test would do you no good). He can advise you if you need a paternity test prior to the birth. 1
BetrayedH Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I also recommend that you carefully think about what your response will be to each particular scenario that may play out when she is confronted. What if she lies about what she told her mother? What if she declines to have any test done? What is she admits to another biological father? Etc.. You need to think clearly about your response in each of those scenarios. This is the time to make decisions with your head, not your emotions. 1
Author Jcut22 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 I also recommend that you carefully think about what your response will be to each particular scenario that may play out when she is confronted. What if she lies about what she told her mother? What if she declines to have any test done? What is she admits to another biological father? Etc.. You need to think clearly about your response in each of those scenarios. This is the time to make decisions with your head, not your emotions. My guess is that she will lie if she cheated, about her due the date.. I think she will say she doesnt know, give a different date, or poss say the may 14 date. If thats the case I will bring this all up to her. My problem is though is telling her that I am basing this off of reverse due date calculators found online and not looking look a fool when doing this. I know she will decline the test. So thats why I think there is nothing I can do in till the baby is born and tell child services that I am contesting the birth certificate. This should require a state dna test forcing her to do one. She admits to another father I am out and she knows that. Chances are she wouldnt admit. I am the breadwinner, she has a lot to lose with me leaving the picture.
Ninja'sHusband Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 If you are that suspicious, something is probably funky. That being said, we were at odds with our doc by about 2 weeks. She was putting conception time when we were at the inlaws' place for Christmas. We knew nothing happened during that time (and there was no opportunity for cheating). We also knew that we had an "oopsie" almost as soon as we got back home for New Years. The doc was wrong.
Author Jcut22 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 If you are that suspicious, something is probably funky. That being said, we were at odds with our doc by about 2 weeks. She was putting conception time when we were at the inlaws' place for Christmas. We knew nothing happened during that time (and there was no opportunity for cheating). We also knew that we had an "oopsie" almost as soon as we got back home for New Years. The doc was wrong. This is over 30 days though. Can they be off by that much?
BetrayedH Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think the most likely scenario is that she cheated and will lie about the due date when you ask her. My gut says to quietly inquire about the due date (say someone in your family asked) and then just accept whatever reply she gives. It is almost never wise to reveal your sources. It's smarter for you to play quietly stupid and think out your next move. It's hard not to confront her but it buys you nothing really. You're going to need to think, talk to an attorney, etc..
Author Jcut22 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 This is over 30 days though. Can they be off by that much? Conception date and intercource date can be off of from 5 days it seems. So its possible that you guys conceived before xmas?
BrokenPrincess Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Technically my conception date based on reverse calculation was also off by about 2 weeks. The month I got pregnant my period came very early but I ovulated at the "normal" time. I know for sure the calculation was off based on where I was during the calculated contraception week. My due date ended up being revised at about 8wks when it was clear via US I was only actually about 6wks along. So I don't think you could feasibly be a month off because that would put you into the next cycle, right? But the thing I'd be most concerned about if I were you is the fact that she hasn't directly told you any of this herself. That's definitely red flag behavior. Why else wouldn't she be talking to you about it?? Good luck tonight...
Author Jcut22 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Technically my conception date based on reverse calculation was also off by about 2 weeks. The month I got pregnant my period came very early but I ovulated at the "normal" time. I know for sure the calculation was off based on where I was during the calculated contraception week. My due date ended up being revised at about 8wks when it was clear via US I was only actually about 6wks along. So I don't think you could feasibly be a month off because that would put you into the next cycle, right? But the thing I'd be most concerned about if I were you is the fact that she hasn't directly told you any of this herself. That's definitely red flag behavior. Why else wouldn't she be talking to you about it?? Good luck tonight... Pregnancy Conception Calculator This calculator will give a 2 week range for intercourse date. If you enter in my expected due date, you'll see that its no where close to our actual intercourse date. How accurate is this? I gather that most people agree that I am right to believe something is wrong.
Author Jcut22 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Also for her date to make sense shouldn't it be in early to mid June?
Ninja'sHusband Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 This is over 30 days though. Can they be off by that much? More than 30 days does sound fishy to me. I only have the 1 experience to speak of (where it was off by 2 weeks) and am definitely NOT an expert ^^.
road Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Also for her date to make sense shouldn't it be in early to mid June? What? WW gave due date 5/14. Now were did you get conception date June? You are saying WW got pregnant and carried the baby for 11 months. Impossible. The doc's will induce labor once they are about 1 week late. You have the doc's waiting 2 months past due date.
Author Jcut22 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 What? WW gave due date 5/14. Now were did you get conception date June? You are saying WW got pregnant and carried the baby for 11 months. Impossible. The doc's will induce labor once they are about 1 week late. You have the doc's waiting 2 months past due date. No its one month past due date not conception. Conception date should be in September to make sense for it to be mine right? Should have due date in June conception date near the date we had sex again near the end of September.
jwi71 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 --I have never been given a due date from my wife. I think she knows that I am pretty ignorant about what goes on during pregnancy. Ask your W for one. On the next OB/GYN visit - go with her. In the Dr office, ask how many weeks is child and when it is due. Then ask what the likely conception date was. --Did search for calculator sites and all the math indicates possible conception/intercourse dates would have to be in August. This is also playing with the numbers of LMP and length of ovulation. I believe my wife is average and always has her period once a month. Even doing so, would push the due date way off and is not accurate with our intercourse dates... If multiple calculator sources are giving you a date that falls before your renewed sexual contact with your W - believe them. Do be mindful of the delta - if it is greater than two weeks it is highly unlikely you are the father. You have some options. If you wish to confront her then by all means do so. It IS possible to determine the paternity of the child in utero. If its not adding up - demand the test. IF she does NOT agree to the test and you still have doubts - do NOT sign the birth certificate. Seek legal counsel before doing so - preferably before the birth. In my state, you can sign the birth cert at any time with no legal consequence but once signed - you cannot "un-sign" by ANY legal means. Be wary. Better still be informed. Your local lawyer can better guide you. In short, do NOT accept legal paternity and responsibility of the child until you KNOW its yours.
Try Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 She has a coworker group she goes out with and I know one of the guys texts her quite a bid out of the norm. Also, the getting back together was mostly engaged by her. Big change of attitude.... If getting back together was a big change for her, and if you took her back when she decided to get back together with you, then the separation was her idea. She separated so that she could pursue the relationship with the other man. She only got back together with you so that you will pay for supporting the child. The math does not lie. It is probably not your child and you need to man up and confront her with this fact. You need to see a divorce attorney and then demand before birth DNA testing or file for divorce. Your fear to confront her with the obvious impossibility of the the expecting date if it were your child, and her not even thinking that she needed to tell you the date on her own, clearly shows that she has all the power. You need to take it back for your own long term good. If she has the baby and you are the husband, you are the father no matter if it is the child of her affair partner. When she leaves you for the affair partner after legally establishing the child as yours, the courts have shown their willingness to ignore DNA and make the husband pay child support to the cheating wife until the child is an adult. Imagine what a fool you will feel like paying child support to your ex-wife as she has the biological father sleep in her bed and get to raise his child. Do not let this happen. You are so afraid of her that you are being played.
mourningMM Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 If you and your Wife were split, and then reconciled, you have more than a conversation ahead of you... And you have a potentially volatile situation. Regardless of who is the father, she is pregnant. Assuming it is her first too, expecting many details from her is probably unrealistic. This forum is great support and sounding board but 1) you should consider a counselor. 2) accusations are negative, fact finding with her OB/Gyn. (Obstetrician/Gynecologist) in terms of her pregnancy could be viewed as supportive...if you handle it without ultimatums. 3) if after you hear from the Dr, you feel paternity is still in question, you have options: A) talk to her about your concern. B) be prepared to negotiate next steps (like you offer to pay for the test) C) determine if your relationship is important enough to save. D) remember regardless of whether the baby is yours, it is hers...and maternal instincts in a pregnant woman are HARDWIRED. I'd suggest individual counseling for you both. Regardless of what happens, a competent, unemotional third party will help control the conversations in productive directions. Good luck. Note: Insemination can occur before, during or after ovulation. A woman's menstrual cycle can be longer or shorter than 28 days. Your wife's Doctor is a much better source of reality than online calculators...
2long Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 If getting back together was a big change for her, and if you took her back when she decided to get back together with you, then the separation was her idea. She separated so that she could pursue the relationship with the other man. She only got back together with you so that you will pay for supporting the child. The math does not lie. It is probably not your child and you need to man up and confront her with this fact. You need to see a divorce attorney and then demand before birth DNA testing or file for divorce. Your fear to confront her with the obvious impossibility of the the expecting date if it were your child, and her not even thinking that she needed to tell you the date on her own, clearly shows that she has all the power. You need to take it back for your own long term good. If she has the baby and you are the husband, you are the father no matter if it is the child of her affair partner. When she leaves you for the affair partner after legally establishing the child as yours, the courts have shown their willingness to ignore DNA and make the husband pay child support to the cheating wife until the child is an adult. Imagine what a fool you will feel like paying child support to your ex-wife as she has the biological father sleep in her bed and get to raise his child. Do not let this happen. You are so afraid of her that you are being played. ^^THIS Plus the fact that there are way 2 many red flags here. When my W was pregnant for the first time, I was a major part of every major Dr visit, we went 2 weekly Lamaze classes, painted the spare bedroom and bought baby stuff, flipped through baby name books. I knew the due date from the Dr and had conversations with my W many times about how she knew he was wrong because she "felt" when she got pregnant after we decided that we wanted a child... ...did you have that conversation when you reconciled? Did you plan on pregnancy? Who's suggestion was it, if you did? Because if it was her idea, I'd be suspicious, considering the timing and the fact that you were separated. Separated is still married, so yes, if she shacked up with someone while you weren't 2gether, it's an affair. How long have you been married? How old are you? If the child isn't yours, the simplest, smartest thing 2 do would be 2 divorce (maybe even annul), and wish your ex and her new family well. Then take a deep breath and thank your lucky stars that you didn't complicate the next 20 years of your life unnecessarily. best, -ol' 2long 1
SidLyon Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I'm not sure if anyone else has mentioned but the average time between conception and birth is approx 38 weeks, around 266-269 days on average as somebody has already said. However pregnancy is usually measured as if it were 40 weeks, because it dates back to the first day of the woman's last menstruation. Conception usually occurs about 14 days after this. If someone is 23 weeks pregnant on 15 January then this will give a due date of 14 May and means conception (ie intercourse) occurred around mid August however the last menstruation occurred in early August. Your wife may well tell you the baby is dues in June and there will be a big surprise when it's a few weeks "early". I suggest you go with your wife to a doctor and discuss this with the doctor in the presence of your wife. If you can't bring yourself to do this then I advise to tell your wife there must be a DNA test and that your name won't be down as the father until it is confirmed. It's actually quite a reasonable thing to do as you were apart for a few months.
2long Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Jcutt: What happened last night? Don't be scarce. If you had a confrontation, you're going 2 need help going forward. all the best, -ol' 2long
Author Jcut22 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 I would like to thank everyone for the feedback. I had a talk with my wife but did not bring up the idea that she might of cheated. I didn't ask for her due date but I am going to her next doc appt which is Friday. I plan to address my concerns with the doctor. If he reaffirms the issue I will bring it up to my wife. In the mean time I am seeking legal help. I have already contacted an attorney and will meet with him tomorrow to go over my case. I believe the math does not add up. Hopefully the doctor can shed some light on this.
Bryanp Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Why not call the doctor now and talk to him on the phone?
Realist3 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Why not call the doctor now and talk to him on the phone? HIPPA. He can't discuss anything with him without her permission.
Bryanp Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 O.K.. This means he will have to ask the doctor in front of his wife. I wonder if the doctor will put a spin on it since he has to discuss this in front of the wife as well.
2long Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 If it were me (it ain't), I'd bring this 2 a head right now. Why stow it for days waiting for "the right moment"? Easy. "W, what does the Dr say about when are you due?" and, if she says "June 14", go with her 2 the Dr's office and ask him the same question. If she tells you the truth, say "that's what I was afraid of. Oh well, guess this is officially d-day. Here's what I'm willing 2 do..." and tell her what you want 2 do about it. (presumably, run screaming from the room). -ol' 2long
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