Is it too soon to date him?

[SG2601]

This is thr first time i am seeking advice in a forum and i really hope it'll get me something good.. *fingers crossed*

 

Ok.. So i just got out of a 3.5 years long relationship a mobth ago. It was me who broke up because the 2 of us had a lot of issues which were beyond repair. My ex used to get really jealous and insecure of any guy i would talk to. His possessiveness made me lose almost all my friends because i used to give in to all his demands. On the whole he was really caring and loving boyfriend, but he used to make me feel trapped and bad for feeling happy( he had a problem with almost anything that i did). So due to all these reasons, after thinking a lot. i broke up with him. He was devastated, and i felt liberated. I actually feel guilty because he's still in a very bad state and i am way past that relationship. Oh ans most importantly, my ex used to be my best friend before we started dating which was in final year of high school. So i only miss my best friend and the person with whom i could share anything and everything. I also feel that what i felt at that time was just really strong affection for a friend who was crazy about me and not really love. I think that being a kid i misinterpreted my feelings because even though he was everything i used to find in a guy, i just didn't feel anything more than that and confused it with love.

 

Ok. So now the problem is, shortly before i broke up with my ex, this new guy entered my life. Like we have been talking for the past 2 monts. But i swear i didn't breakup because of him, because i had been thinking of breaking up for a long time and was just waiting for both my and my ex's semester exams to finish. Now, me and this new guy were already talking a lot and hanging out together a lot by the time i broke up, and that only increased with my breakup. I was really attracted towards him since the first time i saw him, which just increased with all the attention he showered upon me, even when i tried ignoring and stopping it. And, just 5 days after my break up, this guy kissed me. I stopped him then, but i was just so attracted and attached to him by then, that the following day, i kissed him back. And now we have been talking night and day. I have become really attached to him and i know i'll be hurt if we stop talking or move apart now. I did not want to rush into a relationship now, heck not even get into one, but we already have everything thats there in a relationship. And this guy even wants to get into a serious relationship because he says he has never felt anything like this ever before.

 

Now what do i do? I am worried if its just an initial excitement or rush of feelings between the 2 of us, or just a rebound for me considering i just got out of a really serious relationship, then it might end soon and then i'll just regret rushing into things. It started of as just an infatuation, developed into a crush, and now he's something really important.

 

Waiting for responses

Edited January 14, 2013 by SG2601

[NoMagicBullet]

Yes, it is too soon for you to be dating and getting involved with someone else. It's suspscious that he wants to get into a serious relationship so soon with someone who just ended one, someone he's ony known for 2 months. You're in a vulnerable spot, and very likely to overlook his flaws just because they are not your ex's flaws; he could turn out to not be so great. On the other hand, if he really does want a serious reltionship, you might be the one to break his heart later when the intense feelings wear off and you realize you were more in love with a feeling and a fanatsy than the man he really is. (Actually, you might get your own heart broken, too, by falling in love with a feeling and a fantasy.)

[sweetheart5381]

Yes, it is too soon for you to be dating and getting involved with someone else. It's suspscious that he wants to get into a serious relationship so soon with someone who just ended one, someone he's ony known for 2 months. You're in a vulnerable spot, and very likely to overlook his flaws just because they are not your ex's flaws; he could turn out to not be so great. On the other hand, if he really does want a serious reltionship, you might be the one to break his heart later when the intense feelings wear off and you realize you were more in love with a feeling and a fanatsy than the man he really is. (Actually, you might get your own heart broken, too, by falling in love with a feeling and a fantasy.)

 

I agree. Been there, as both a rebounder and the reboundee. They both suck at the end of the day and feelings can get hurt.

 

Better to wait it out, let things settle and see how you feel about the situation in a few months. Let him know how you feel in a tactful way. If he really does care he will understand and feel good with it (doesn't mean he will wait, but he will respect you for your honesty).. if he doesn't, then he is just along for the ride anyway.

 

Good luck