neveragain34 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So my exMM recently told me that he wishes me nothing but TERMINAL CANCER for ruining his life by telling his wife about our affair (even though when I confronted her she said she already knew about me and 18 others he's cheated with over the course of their 14 year marriage). He says his wife is leaving him for good this time (we'll see) and his daughter won't speak to him and its all MY fault. I know I played my fair share in contributing to his problems by staying with him after discovering he was married (he said he was divorced when we met) and take full responsibility for my wrongdoing, but they clearly had problems long before me which led to the affair to begin with, along with the affairs with 18 others! HE was the one who cheated, not me. I know he has NPD and they see no wrong in their actions, but to wish I was dead??? Really?? Just needed to vent. Anyone else felt hatred like this from their exMM? (On a side note... for those of you OW out there that are thinking you are different and special, think again. I felt the same way a few months ago and never would have imagined this man would wish a terminal illness upon me. Tell his wife about the two of you and see how special you are and how much he loves you.) 4
skweezd Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 There are probably a lot of things you want to wash after finding out about all these other women.... and I'd hit the OBGYN directly after that. Eeeh Gawd. He's a pig. Be glad you're not his wife. 2
stevie_23 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Oh my goodness. Terminal cancer? 18 lovers over a 14 year marriage? OMG! HE lied to you from the beginning in claiming to be divorced when he wasn’t. By then I assume you already loved him and so you chose to stay with him. There is no fault in that. HE chose to cheat on his wife for all those years, and yes, clearly he wasn’t happy and fulfilled in the marriage for a LONG time before he even laid eyes on you. He is being SO aggressive and horrible to you because HE feels bad about his life and his choices. Nobody has controlled how he has acted apart from HIM, all his life. I DO feel my ex-MM and I were special, and that he still thinks of me as special. But I also would never tell his wife about us. She already knows anyway, cause he’s had 4 D-days and she emailed me herself once (I never replied. Her email didn’t require a response), but I still would never initiate contact with her. That’s her and their business, not mine. She seems never to engage in any discussion with him about it either, so…I don’t know. She is aware but I guess just glosses over it and lives in partial denial. As long as things are stable on the surface, she’s ok, you know? Wow, still shocked by your ex’s words and sentiments. What a weirdo. 1
Author neveragain34 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 I'm sorry you're hurting, but do you believe in wishes and genies in bottles? If not... and I sincerely hope you don't, then he's just proven what an ass he is and that you're well rid of him. You don't get terminal cancer because someone wished it on you thank god and you are going to get through this and be just fine because he just showed you how little he is worth. He's showcased how foolish and nasty and vile he can get, the fact that he slept with 18 other people in the course of his 14 years and that she stayed for it speaks volumes about their dynamic. Wash your hands of him, accept that probably nothing he ever said was true and thank your lucky stars that he showed his true colors. How can we help you to feel better right now? What you said was perfect; I don't need anything other than to vent. I am glad to be rid of him and this is a perfect reminder of why, but it just upsets me that he takes no ownership in all of this. It's like he thinks that saying, "you dug your own grave, now sleep in it" doesn't apply to him. All I want is for him to acknowledge this was just as much his fault as mine, instead of making me feel like this horrible, psychotic, evil monster. But since I know I'll never get that acknowledgement from him, I'm letting my frustration out on here instead of through him. Thanks for listening! 1
Author neveragain34 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 There are probably a lot of things you want to wash after finding out about all these other women.... and I'd hit the OBGYN directly after that. Eeeh Gawd. He's a pig. Be glad you're not his wife. I already did as soon as I found out just how "bad" he was. I'm STD free; thank God!! And yes, so glad I'm not her. Sadly, she is a very sweet woman and I feel for her. I hope she really does have the strength to leave him this time. If I had a hard time leaving after a mere 5 months with him, I can only imagine what she's going through. He is so convincing and charismatic, it's scary! He can easily be compared to a drug addiction: you just want more even though you know it's bad for you. 1
BetrayedH Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I might be going out on a limb here but I suspect that his problems just might all be his own fault. I especially like that he lied about being divorced. Or somehow I suppose that's your fault, too? 4
Author neveragain34 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 18 lovers over a 14 year marriage? OMG! 19 when you add me!
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 He's such an idiot and you're right - He isn't owning his own shi.t! It's much easier for him to take it out on you and blame you. He isn't a man, he's a man child that needs to be put in his place. When he's alone and lost respect of his kids, his wife, maybe other family members and some friends, possibly he'll wake up and learn a lesson or two. please block him out of your life. Make it impossible for him to contact you! You don't need to hear his venom and nastiness. 2
stevie_23 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 19 when you add me! Goodness me. And I thought my ex was bad in that regard. He’s had 5 wives over 40 years and cheated on 3 of them, including his current wife with me for over half the total time they’ve been together! lol
KathyM Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Thank you for having the guts to tell his wife the truth. I'm glad you finally see him for who he really is--a nasty man who uses women. Good riddance to him. Hopefully his wife will have the strength to leave him now. 4
stevie_23 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I wonder if she will in fact leave him or if she’ll just stay…I mean, the total count now is 19 women…that’s quite a pattern. Clearly he isn’t going to change. Maybe he’s good to her in other ways and she is willing to continue to turn a blind eye to his “secrets”.
KathyM Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I wonder if she will in fact leave him or if she’ll just stay…I mean, the total count now is 19 women…that’s quite a pattern. Clearly he isn’t going to change. Maybe he’s good to her in other ways and she is willing to continue to turn a blind eye to his “secrets”. Most women would not put up with a serial cheater, and would leave. There are some women, however, that have a fear of the unknown, or a fear of loss of support for themselves or their children, and so they stay in an unfaithful marriage.
Summer Breeze Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So my exMM recently told me that he wishes me nothing but TERMINAL CANCER for ruining his life by telling his wife about our affair (even though when I confronted her she said she already knew about me and 18 others he's cheated with over the course of their 14 year marriage). He says his wife is leaving him for good this time (we'll see) and his daughter won't speak to him and its all MY fault. I know I played my fair share in contributing to his problems by staying with him after discovering he was married (he said he was divorced when we met) and take full responsibility for my wrongdoing, but they clearly had problems long before me which led to the affair to begin with, along with the affairs with 18 others! HE was the one who cheated, not me. I know he has NPD and they see no wrong in their actions, but to wish I was dead??? Really?? Just needed to vent. Anyone else felt hatred like this from their exMM? (On a side note... for those of you OW out there that are thinking you are different and special, think again. I felt the same way a few months ago and never would have imagined this man would wish a terminal illness upon me. Tell his wife about the two of you and see how special you are and how much he loves you.) As for you. You're well rid of him and as others have said he's shown his true colors. As for her. It's so sad that anyone would stay with someone like that but there comes a time when people become volunteers and not victims. I'd love her to wake up one day and feel fully empowered and kick his backside out. If you had any problem being angry at him before I bet you don't have the same problem now!
Got it Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So my exMM recently told me that he wishes me nothing but TERMINAL CANCER for ruining his life by telling his wife about our affair (even though when I confronted her she said she already knew about me and 18 others he's cheated with over the course of their 14 year marriage). He says his wife is leaving him for good this time (we'll see) and his daughter won't speak to him and its all MY fault. I know I played my fair share in contributing to his problems by staying with him after discovering he was married (he said he was divorced when we met) and take full responsibility for my wrongdoing, but they clearly had problems long before me which led to the affair to begin with, along with the affairs with 18 others! HE was the one who cheated, not me. I know he has NPD and they see no wrong in their actions, but to wish I was dead??? Really?? Just needed to vent. Anyone else felt hatred like this from their exMM? (On a side note... for those of you OW out there that are thinking you are different and special, think again. I felt the same way a few months ago and never would have imagined this man would wish a terminal illness upon me. Tell his wife about the two of you and see how special you are and how much he loves you.) Is he also stamping his feet, plugging his ears and threatening to hold his breath till he dies? 5
buckeyeblue Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 What a childish statement!! I hope him showing his true self to you makes it easier for you to heal. At least you won't waste any time pining away for him. 1
Sarabi Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 What a hideous man. You are well rid. I am in agreement with everyone else. ((((((Hugs))))) and good wishes to you from my side of the pond x
dreamingoftigers Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Response: Oh, you again. The predator sex-addict? The one who is a big joke? Yeah, I remember you. Well I wish you were a divorced loser with intimacy and honesty issues that wallowed in narcissistic self-pity. Oh look! One of us got our wish today, F*cker! Now beat it and don't bother me with you temper-tantrum awareness campaign. May the fleas of 1000 camels infest your crotch, near a Bieber concert. Live long and F*ck the Hell off. Don't you have an appointment to waste someone else's time with your very existence. You're late for it. 3
dreamingoftigers Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Usually I don't suggest responding at all. But something about this one was a little extra-special. Narcissists have a HUGE need to be in control and a preference to be worshipped. A response would actually suggest that you aren't shocked by him and that you see him for being the biggest loser he possibly can be. As well, I doubt anyone, even his mistresses have given him a low blow in awhile. Sh*t-brick him. Let yourself go just this once to hit him gut-level. As long as he has that terminal cancer text out there, he thinks he's got the most bitter last word leaving him in control. My Dad was a HUGE narcissist. When you realize what they are, they shrink a lot in their might and power. You can even learn to play one like a fiddle if you are in the need to for some reason. Honestly, escorts are mostly for this brand of men. Paid temporary worship. Seriously. They love to hold the strings tightly. I'm not saying to dunk yourself in the reinvolvement tank. Just one swift blow to the gut. Also end it with: "Don't bother responding. I'm not the least bit curious as to what lame, whiny, baby comeback you'd have to say. No one who knew you would think you were worth remembering. Get a real hobby like musical theatre or something. Anything is better than trying to get to me and pitch a fit." See, nothing is harder than not just rejection but total, infinite not even worth thinking back to or even worth it in the future remembering. He becomes nothing to the person that in his mind "destroyed his life." Seriously, he won't look at it as a childish temper-tantrum in return because that's how he operates. He thinks he got the last blow in, that last scrimping bit of power. But since he's SOOOO hooked on that, it's really easy to snap back and then disappear. NPDs fume about stuff like that. Let him have no peace. You can't tell me that he doesn't deserve it. LOL God I'd love to talk to his BW and really pull her from the trauma bonding/codependent crap she tells herself. I went to a group full of them for a long time. Some of them really stagnate until someone decides their husband is wasting their life. Then she starts looking good etc and one by one the group started pitching the husbands that didn't shape up. It was pretty cool.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 YOU ruined his life? I would imagine his wife may finally be fed up with this man's lack of remorse. Someone with genuine remorse wouldn't blame anyone but himself. I can only imagine what he's telling her - "But [insert excuse], but [insert blame to someone else], but [wash] . . . .but [rinse] . . . . but [repeat]. He's disordered and that's why he's blaming everyone and everything under the sun except himself. Seems like he wasn't too bright about not getting caught either. You can bet 18 is just what she knows about. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Or OP you could just text back: LMFAO your wife was the most memorable part of the whole thing. Nice Lady. You aren't memorable. You're blocked. Than if he texts back, send a message saying: ' "The customer is no longer available at this number." It ain't lying... 3
dreamingoftigers Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Your reply texts are cracking me up this morning. TBH, I just started back on ADD meds over the last 48 hours. Anytime I start meds or get a small dosage increase, I can be up for two nights straight. I try not to be I've had two hours of sleep and I'm a little raw. When the dose is at it's crest, I get very long-winded. When it's tapering (right around....now) I get a little bit punchy/cranky and/or my humor kicks in. Oh gawd my brain is so tired but can't sleep:( "Dexedrine's a Helluva drug." Maybe OP should just text him back that, he would just be completely confused. Or send him random words across the day just to irk him. Nah, stick with just throwing him under the bus....
ThatJustHappened Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So my exMM recently told me that he wishes me nothing but TERMINAL CANCER for ruining his life by telling his wife about our affair (even though when I confronted her she said she already knew about me and 18 others he's cheated with over the course of their 14 year marriage). He says his wife is leaving him for good this time (we'll see) and his daughter won't speak to him and its all MY fault. I know I played my fair share in contributing to his problems by staying with him after discovering he was married (he said he was divorced when we met) and take full responsibility for my wrongdoing, but they clearly had problems long before me which led to the affair to begin with, along with the affairs with 18 others! HE was the one who cheated, not me. I know he has NPD and they see no wrong in their actions, but to wish I was dead??? Really?? Just needed to vent. Anyone else felt hatred like this from their exMM? (On a side note... for those of you OW out there that are thinking you are different and special, think again. I felt the same way a few months ago and never would have imagined this man would wish a terminal illness upon me. Tell his wife about the two of you and see how special you are and how much he loves you.) Congratulations on shedding 180lbs of dead weight! 2
bentnotbroken Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 ...why would I tell her about me? He's my friend. Friends don't tell each other's secrets. Friends don't let friends destroy themselves while taking others along for the ride. 3
dreamingoftigers Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Friends don't let friends destroy themselves while taking others along for the ride. Nor do they let each other drive drunk. Just covering it all.... 3
Recommended Posts