Never happy.

[xPiercethenikki]

I honestly feel like my mom could care less if I did an amazing job at anything I do.. But the FIRST time I make any mistake, she's on my case immediately, screaming and cursing me out.

 

I have never been in a good relationship with my mom.

We've never gotten along, and she knows it's because five years ago she divorced my father and split my family apart. And it makes her even more mad knowing I want to go live with him and his girlfriend, (who she despises.)

 

I've been in honors classes all my life. Since I was in FIRST grade. I play 4 instruments, I'm in orchestra, and was in a honored-choir class, I do a lot of art and photography work, and try my hardest to make my family, and more importantly my mother proud of me..

 

But I've never heard her say it once.

 

But as soon as a class grade drops down to a C.. or even worse, she's right there. In my face, screaming that that's not where I should be and threatening to take things away, and everything.

 

I honestly can't take it. I'm tired of doing all this work to make her happy, and just failing in the long run.

 

I don't know what to do anymore.

[D-Lish]

We've never gotten along, and she knows it's because five years ago she

divorced my father and split my family apart

 

Would you rather your mother stayed in a relationship she wasn't happy in just to appease your illusions regarding your parents marriage?

 

You seem like you are reaching adulthood, so maybe it's time you learned that adults are flawed, your parents are flawed, and there are probably things you could do differently as well to get along better with your mom.

 

If you get the opportunity to live with your dad and his gf, then try it. I suspect there will be rules and a myriad of other problems that will arise from moving to that arrangement.

[Almond_Joy]

I honestly feel like my mom could care less if I did an amazing job at anything I do.. But the FIRST time I make any mistake, she's on my case immediately, screaming and cursing me out.

 

I have never been in a good relationship with my mom.

We've never gotten along, and she knows it's because five years ago she divorced my father and split my family apart. And it makes her even more mad knowing I want to go live with him and his girlfriend, (who she despises.)

 

I've been in honors classes all my life. Since I was in FIRST grade. I play 4 instruments, I'm in orchestra, and was in a honored-choir class, I do a lot of art and photography work, and try my hardest to make my family, and more importantly my mother proud of me..

 

But I've never heard her say it once.

 

But as soon as a class grade drops down to a C.. or even worse, she's right there. In my face, screaming that that's not where I should be and threatening to take things away, and everything.

 

I honestly can't take it. I'm tired of doing all this work to make her happy, and just failing in the long run.

 

I don't know what to do anymore.

 

Tell her some of this. I think you stated your case very well here. Tell her you try hard to make her proud with your achievements, and ask why she doesn't acknowledge that. For a teen you have done quite a lot.

 

On the other hand, try to appreciate that your mother is probably going through a lot to support you and make sure that you have everything you need in order to achieve those goals. You may not like that she points out your faults, and would like to hear congratulations or good job once in a while. But when is the last time you thanked your mom for getting you to your choir rehearsals and making sure you had all the materials you need to do well in school.

 

It sounds like you both need to focus on appreciating the other's efforts.

[delighted_delilah]

Speaking as a mother myself, who is far too critical of her teenaged daughter (working on that, believe me, working on it).... a lot of the time, we see our children walking down the same path we did and it is TERRIFYING. I know how hard it is to feel you are disappointing your parent; nothing I did was ever good enough for my grandfather (who raised me) and it crushed me. Looking back, I see that he was concerned that I was going to turn out like my mother and wanted to prevent that. I see my daughter making some of my mistakes and I want to stop her SO badly, but know I can't. I don't know if this is what is going on at all with your mom, but please be open to the possibility.

In terms of your parents' marriage... I will be brutally blunt here and tell you that you have no idea what it was like for her to be married to your father. None. You can't know. He is your dad and you love him; you have no way of knowing if they were miserable together, if it made them unhappy to be tied to eachother. A divorce doesn't have to be the end of a family; my ex husband, the kids, and I are all still a family. We just aren't a traditional one. Look at it this way: do you care for your dad's gf? Does she make him happy? Doesn't he deserve that? Their marriage ending wasn't about you; it was about them. Please try to let go of any anger you may have towards your mom for that.

 

And, most importantly: be proud of yourself for what you have achieved. And continue to strive for excellence. Not for your mother; for YOU.

Edited January 15, 2013 by delighted_delilah
Grammar