How are you feeling today? Share your thoughts and feelings.

[th90]

Tomorrow is my ex's birthday. This time last year, I was terribly sick when he visited. I ended up waking him in the middle of the night to get me to hospital. I was having palpitations, feeling very anxious, my hands and legs were shaking (at that time, I didn't realize they were the side effects from the drugs I was prescribed for my prolonged flu&cough). Anyway he got me to the hospital, waited for me while I was given IV fluid transfusion in the OPD. It was 3am and his birthday. All I could do for him was wishing him a 'happy birthday' while he wandered around the hospital since he was not allowed into the treatment room and talked to strangers while I get my drips.

 

How can he just forget the love we once had?

 

Happy birthday, X. It's really sad that you won't even hear it from me personally this year onwards.

[Simon Phoenix]

New to this thread, but what the hell. I relapsed today. Almost broke a four month NC but stopped myself. It sucks, I really thought I was in the clear and today, bam, it just hit me. This is the most that I've thought about her in months. I have gone out on dates recently, which is maybe why she popped back into my head. It's stupid, I only went out with her for a couple months and it was barely a formal relationship, but this woman has imprinted herself on me more than anyone else. And it's infuriating the crap out of me because that's not how I roll. I'm generally independent and can roll with the punches, but this girl has something on me. Friends who have known me for 15 years say they've never seen this and are shocked that I had this in me.

 

A big part of me wants to break NC (not now necessarily, I'm pretty busy with things at work) but I wonder what the hell the point would be. We broke six months ago and haven't talked for four months. I mean, if she really gave a s--t she'd contact me right? That's the perfectly logical explanation for all of it -- she hasn't tried to get ahold of me because she doesn't want to or because she doesn't care. Yet why do I feel the urge to try? I mean, I guess it's possible that she's being stubborn and waiting for me to crack. But that seems like a false hope tale to me.

 

Sorry, I just had to rant. I just wish I could be rid of this. I mean, every time I date someone am I going to have to do this? Screw that. I've been done with this relationship longer than it existed. Why can't I just completely turn the page? Gah.

[Toddbt12y1]

My ex is b-day is Feb. 14th. I think I am going to go fishing. and beach time!

 

Other than that I have one hell of a headache so.

[Coping Vortex]

Today I feel as bad as I did weeks ago. Not getting any better. Only getting 2 hours of sleep a night. For 11 weeks. I tried everything I could to get her back over those weeks but to no avail. Im hurting so bad. No fair she is so happy. I did so much for her. This how she repays me?

[cavalier99]

New to this thread, but what the hell. I relapsed today. Almost broke a four month NC but stopped myself. It sucks, I really thought I was in the clear and today, bam, it just hit me. This is the most that I've thought about her in months. I have gone out on dates recently, which is maybe why she popped back into my head. It's stupid, I only went out with her for a couple months and it was barely a formal relationship, but this woman has imprinted herself on me more than anyone else. And it's infuriating the crap out of me because that's not how I roll. I'm generally independent and can roll with the punches, but this girl has something on me. Friends who have known me for 15 years say they've never seen this and are shocked that I had this in me.

 

A big part of me wants to break NC (not now necessarily, I'm pretty busy with things at work) but I wonder what the hell the point would be. We broke six months ago and haven't talked for four months. I mean, if she really gave a s--t she'd contact me right? That's the perfectly logical explanation for all of it -- she hasn't tried to get ahold of me because she doesn't want to or because she doesn't care. Yet why do I feel the urge to try? I mean, I guess it's possible that she's being stubborn and waiting for me to crack. But that seems like a false hope tale to me.

 

Sorry, I just had to rant. I just wish I could be rid of this. I mean, every time I date someone; am I going to have to do this? Screw that. I've been done with this relationship longer than it existed. Why can't I just completely turn the page? Gah.

 

Well bud. We aren't robots. And a relapse is when you act on the urge...you didnt. This stuff leaves our system when it leaves our system. No explaining the urges to contact either. I have had a few recently out of the blue at 4 month also. Could be the dates you went on. Just don't crack. Believe me you don't want to call her or text her when you feeling like this.

Don't worry about the fact that the relationship wasn't long and you can still be affected sometime. (Snickering inside..kidding )This girl for whatever reason did a number on you. Not your fault. Anyway you have held steady so long..and you give out damn good/great advise. We all go thru these moments and come out shaken but stronger after. Cav

[h3braica]

i still miss him. from day 1 of the BU til now. sigh!

[h3braica]

woke up with a tight feeling in my chest again. still missing him.got an hour of sleep.

[cavalier99]

Man every time i start to feel slightly down i just need to remember how bad it was the 1st few weeks. Ok I feel better now. Its just a little heart break..death is not imminent lol

Edited January 29, 2013 by cavalier99

[Simon Phoenix]

Well bud. We aren't robots. And a relapse is when you act on the urge...you didnt. This stuff leaves our system when it leaves our system. No explaining the urges to contact either. I have had a few recently out of the blue at 4 month also. Could be the dates you went on. Just don't crack. Believe me you don't want to call her or text her when you feeling like this.

Don't worry about the fact that the relationship wasn't long and you can still be affected sometime. (Snickering inside..kidding )This girl for whatever reason did a number on you. Not your fault. Anyway you have held steady so long..and you give out damn good/great advise. We all go thru these moments and come out shaken but stronger after. Cav

 

Oh, I wasn't going to text or call her. I did almost look at her facebook though, but held myself back. It just blows though, I feel like a complete goon. I've had longer girlfriends that I haven't had nearly as much angst over losing. Probably my best girlfriend as far as a total package was an effortless breakup. There have only been two other breakups that have lingered in my life, and neither lingered as long as this one has, and I saw both of those women regularly after the break (one was in college and she had a class with me, the other was a co-worker). I don't meet people that hold my interest romantically very often, and not nearly as much as this woman did.

 

I mean, I'm not regretting my NC. I'd almost certainly be in worse shape if I hadn't done it. I don't know anything that she's done in the last four months other than a) what she told me before the NC and b) stuff that's trickled down through the grapevine. And I really don't want to know. Not because I'm fearful -- I don't really care if she's been going nuts on the dating scene (I doubt it) or if she's feeling bad. But yeah, there's a void -- a void I've never had.

 

Even with the other two that lingered, I never felt a void. I mean, I wanted them and I was shook up when they happened, but I knew that I'd move on eventually and that there were plenty of fish in the sea. It was more of a shot to the ego than anything else. But even though this was short, this was the first woman I visualized spending holidays with my family and crap like that. I usually love being single and unfettered, now it sucks though. I feel like I finally had a good taste of how the other half lives and I want it back. And with her. And I feel like a complete sissy douchebag for thinking like this, especially with a woman I dated for such a short period of time. I mean, you dated your woman eight years and don't feel like this.

 

I will probably discuss this with others before I make any move, if I make a move. My mom has already suggested that I put my ego and pride aside and reach out to her (she thinks I might be being too careful and protective of myself). I'm just extremely impatient and want it solved now in my head. I mean, I'll probably see her again for something or another and maybe I should wait until then. I don't even have any expectation of success (which isn't a bad thing) but a lot of me wants to say f--k it and go after it (obviously not in a "I love you and I miss you way", but in a rational, normal way). I guess I could be having a bad patch and I'll be back to normal soon. That'd be nice, because having emotions is for the birds.

[Hopeful714]

Woke up feeling crappy as usual but as the day wore on I thought...who needs a lying cheating jackas8 anyhow. I don't even care who he's banging or if he has a gf. No doubt she will get the same...or at least a version of it.

 

mojo = 70%

[stevie_23]

Speaking of ex’s birthdays, it was my ex’s birthday January 6. He left me on December 6, and we were completely NC from December 21. It was so strange. Last year I sung him “Happy Birthday” in a breathy Marilyn Monroe voice as a joke. Not this year.

 

I am ok again today. Feeling stable. I have realised though that I am completely addicted to junk food. I stuff my face with chocolates and junk every single night and have been having McDonalds several times a week. Usually I don’t touch any of that stuff. Still cannot put on weight though. Interesting.

[thefooloftheyear]

Speaking of ex’s birthdays, it was my ex’s birthday January 6. He left me on December 6, and we were completely NC from December 21. It was so strange. Last year I sung him “Happy Birthday” in a breathy Marilyn Monroe voice as a joke. Not this year.

 

I am ok again today. Feeling stable. I have realised though that I am completely addicted to junk food. I stuff my face with chocolates and junk every single night and have been having McDonalds several times a week. Usually I don’t touch any of that stuff. Still cannot put on weight though. Interesting.

 

Glad you are doing well!!

 

Do yourself a favor and dont eat that crap. It will ruin you eventually. Im finding that ramping up my workouts is really helping me. I am already a workout nut, so just taking it to a new level...The mornings are really tough, though...

 

TFOY

[stevie_23]

Thank you! I have been a chocaholic and junk addict from age 12. Have a very fast metabolism and it wasn’t until I quit smoking at age 26-27 that I put on some weight and changed my eating patterns. Since then I don’t really touch much junk food, apart from at Christmas and when I go on my annual vacation for 2 weeks and indulge myself completely.

 

Right now I find it gives me something to look forward to, as lame as that sounds. At 9pm every night I settle down in front of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and stuff my face. I don’t intend to keep this up permanently. If I was putting on weight, I’d wean myself off it but as I’m not yet, I will continue for a while longer since it does lift my spirits. I can’t be disciplined AND get through this heartbreak at the same time.

[Cam116]

6 weeks post BU here. Had drinks with the ex on Saturday just to catch up. Had no expectations of anything other than that, and it went exactly how I imagined it would. Talked and laughed for 2 hours, then hugged goodbye and he said he would call soon so we could do it again. Woke up today feeling completely in control of my life, and looking forward to the million possibilities ahead of me. Came to the realization that there were things about him that I DIDN'T like. Came to the realization that I will absolutely find someone else out there, when I am ready. Felt great.

 

Then he liked my Facebook status from last week. Started thinking "OMG...he's checking out my page again". Then I realized......

 

It doesn't matter. Stop overthinking. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.....

[stevie_23]

GOOD FOR YOU!

 

This is sort of how I felt about a month or so after my FIRST BU with my very first ex, way back in 2001. We were best friends before, and still are to this day. It was hard for a while, awkward, I felt lonely, but then things improved and I started feeling ok by myself, and so could fully appreciate my ex’s friendship.

[Cam116]

We absolutely want to keep a friendship, although we both realize we are still a ways away from being able to really be friends. But we had such a good time together. I've been handling this BU almost TOO well, overall. I still though feel somewhere deep down that we're going to be together again.....stupid gut feeling. But in the meantime, I am ready to just live my life, move forward, and whatever happens, happens. I've learned before that the more you try to control the outcome of certain situations, especially involving other people, the more you lose control. "Let it be" are words to live by....

[cavalier99]

Oh, I wasn't going to text or call her. I did almost look at her facebook though, but held myself back. It just blows though, I feel like a complete goon. I've had longer girlfriends that I haven't had nearly as much angst over losing. Probably my best girlfriend as far as a total package was an effortless breakup. There have only been two other breakups that have lingered in my life, and neither lingered as long as this one has, and I saw both of those women regularly after the break (one was in college and she had a class with me, the other was a co-worker). I don't meet people that hold my interest romantically very often, and not nearly as much as this woman did.

 

I mean, I'm not regretting my NC. I'd almost certainly be in worse shape if I hadn't done it. I don't know anything that she's done in the last four months other than a) what she told me before the NC and b) stuff that's trickled down through the grapevine. And I really don't want to know. Not because I'm fearful -- I don't really care if she's been going nuts on the dating scene (I doubt it) or if she's feeling bad. But yeah, there's a void -- a void I've never had.

 

Even with the other two that lingered, I never felt a void. I mean, I wanted them and I was shook up when they happened, but I knew that I'd move on eventually and that there were plenty of fish in the sea. It was more of a shot to the ego than anything else. But even though this was short, this was the first woman I visualized spending holidays with my family and crap like that. I usually love being single and unfettered, now it sucks though. I feel like I finally had a good taste of how the other half lives and I want it back. And with her. And I feel like a complete sissy douchebag for thinking like this, especially with a woman I dated for such a short period of time. I mean, you dated your woman eight years and don't feel like this.

 

I will probably discuss this with others before I make any move, if I make a move. My mom has already suggested that I put my ego and pride aside and reach out to her (she thinks I might be being too careful and protective of myself). I'm just extremely impatient and want it solved now in my head. I mean, I'll probably see her again for something or another and maybe I should wait until then. I don't even have any expectation of success (which isn't a bad thing) but a lot of me wants to say f--k it and go after it (obviously not in a "I love you and I miss you way", but in a rational, normal way). I guess I could be having a bad patch and I'll be back to normal soon. That'd be nice, because having emotions is for the birds.

 

Hmmm well I'm not sure I'm as recovered as you think. I defiantly feel a void that has been tough to fill. Sh*t i barley remember what it is like to be single. So i think that is the biggest adjustment. I'm not sure if i miss her or just the routines of a relationship that are deeply ingrained. Probably both.

 

In your case i think that you just need to keep on going. This is small set back and i don't think it even has to do with her. You just got a taste of what a stable relationship can be. I wouldn't break NC to find out where she is at. You don't miss her per se..you miss the idea.... and her lack of contact makes her feelings pretty obvious. This is just the roller coaster of emotion rearing its head again and it took you by surprise. Just ride it out.

 

I think you need to look forward to the next gal who will hopefully work out and not flake on you. Going back to try with this one will lower your self esteem. Keep on going man. In a couple months this wont matter at all and if you want to call her do it...but not now. In reality nothing has changed...she still left. Cav

[thefooloftheyear]

Thank you! I have been a chocaholic and junk addict from age 12. Have a very fast metabolism and it wasn’t until I quit smoking at age 26-27 that I put on some weight and changed my eating patterns. Since then I don’t really touch much junk food, apart from at Christmas and when I go on my annual vacation for 2 weeks and indulge myself completely.

 

Right now I find it gives me something to look forward to, as lame as that sounds. At 9pm every night I settle down in front of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and stuff my face. I don’t intend to keep this up permanently. If I was putting on weight, I’d wean myself off it but as I’m not yet, I will continue for a while longer since it does lift my spirits. I can’t be disciplined AND get through this heartbreak at the same time.

 

Good for you, if that works then DO IT!!

 

Im feeling so ****ty right now, Id probably eat the ass end of a skunk to get some relief!!

 

Seriously. good to hear you are on the mend. its a tough road, no doubt..

 

Keep on keepin on.....

 

TFOY

[stevie_23]

Thank you again!

 

I mean, I LOOK good. I’m slim and toned and femininely-athletic looking so if I stuff myself with crap for a while, no real harm done. When I start to resemble a human potato, THEN I’ll re-think. lol

[Simon Phoenix]

Hmmm well I'm not sure I'm as recovered as you think. I defiantly feel a void that has been tough to fill. Sh*t i barley remember what it is like to be single. So i think that is the biggest adjustment. I'm not sure if i miss her or just the routines of a relationship that are deeply ingrained. Probably both.

 

In your case i think that you just need to keep on going. This is small set back and i don't think it even has to do with her. You just got a taste of what a stable relationship can be. I wouldn't break NC to find out where she is at. You don't miss her per se..you miss the idea.... and her lack of contact makes her feelings pretty obvious. This is just the roller coaster of emotion rearing its head again and it took you by surprise. Just ride it out.

 

I think you need to look forward to the next gal who will hopefully work out and not flake on you. Going back to try with this one will lower your self esteem. Keep on going man. In a couple months this wont matter at all and if you want to call her do it...but not now. In reality nothing has changed...she still left. Cav

 

Meh, I don't know about that. I definitely think I miss her, though you are right, I miss the idea of her as well. But she is the reason why I have this "idea". And I agree that right now would not be a good time to contact her and I wasn't planning on doing that right now. If I do, it'd be a month or so from now at earliest.

 

But yeah, she is the female version of me in many ways -- kind of detached, likes to have fun but doesn't really emotionally connect at a romantic level with many people. Which is probably why she's in her late 20s and single (from what I know, I guess it's possible that she has a dude right now, though I think I would have heard) despite being attractive, athletic and making a good amount of money. She was the one bringing up meeting my family and going on vacations with me and doing this, that and the other. Which in turned got me excited and scared at the same time. I got scared, she got scared, she shut down. All that is irrelevant now, but hard not to think about especially when I'm in this state of WTF.

 

And the fact that she hasn't contacted me is a main reason why I haven't caved -- I shouldn't be the one to break the silence. But at the same time, what do I value more, my pride or the peace of mind in my head that I put out the proper effort? That's the million-dollar question. Self-esteem isn't really an issue, especially since I'm not really expecting anything. I don't expect a grand romantic gesture to sweep her off her feet (which isn't my style anyway). I'm not going to debate her into liking me again.

 

Sure, a rejection might be a setback, but besides the immediate few days after it, self-confidence hasn't been a problem. I'm meeting women -- just not women I value like I valued her at the beginning when we first started seeing each other. I'm just rambling incoherently at this point. Usually I'm completely about playing the percentages and the percentages say completely move the f--k on, but I'm starting to not give a s--t about that. I'll keep going out and trying to meet others and see if I can fix this conflict in my brain that way. That'd be nice.

Edited January 30, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[Samilia]

I thought a random thread might help those that need to express how they are feeling each day, if you're having an off day or feeling really good! A place where we can quickly vent and help those around us.

 

I'll start it off. Yesterday I had a pretty bad day. Very sad, pathetically sobbing. Yeah. I have had a somewhat better day today and managed to get through most of it with no tears until just before. I like it when (If this makes sense) I feel that I can't cry even if I wanted to. I can't even force the tears, you know? That makes me feel like I am getting better. It definitely is a roller coaster. I feel that I've had a couple of days of being very depressed and hopefully tomorrow and for the next few days I'll be feeling better.

 

Today is my first day of vacation, I just got out of English class. I'm fine, just bored. I wish I had the ball to just ask the guys I like out. But if I am a strong character and leads my life the way I want to, I definitively am a gigantic pussy when it comes to asking a man out.

[stevie_23]

Can you tell if a man likes you? If you can, then it's SO much easier to kind of "half" ask him out. Like it just...happens, almost simultaneously. They want to go out with you and you want to go out with them and so it occurs. It's not as "formal" as asking a guy you've got no idea if he really likes you or not so you're thus risking a potential rejection.

[Samilia]

Can you tell if a man likes you? If you can, then it's SO much easier to kind of "half" ask him out. Like it just...happens, almost simultaneously. They want to go out with you and you want to go out with them and so it occurs. It's not as "formal" as asking a guy you've got no idea if he really likes you or not so you're thus risking a potential rejection.

 

You know what, I don't think so. Unless it's really staring me in the face, I have no clue about that sort of things, and I'm 39. I definitively should go out more, to the pub, not the dog park or cloth shopping. lol

[suladas]

I'm feeling pretty good, I haven't been down about the BU in probably almost 2 months now, it just doesn't cross my mind anymore. If i'm at home I still think of her some but don't care, but that's not really going to go away because I see her all the time.

 

However for the last month or so, I have been pondering contacting her and just seeing what happens. I'm in a good place because I don't really care much anymore, i'm almost forcing myself to write it because I have stopped caring, but I think I want to do it. I'm not pinning on getting her back or anything, I just figure I want to say a few things. If she ignores it or responds badly it might hurt a bit, but I know it won't do much to me. It's tough to know what to say, but I am positive I want to and just see what happens.

 

The only thing that might be able to hurt me now is if I seen her with a new guy, I think that would still cut me pretty deep. I thought she was seeing someone back in october and it hurt me so dahm badly. It's weird though, I don't mind being single now at all, I don't ever check my phone or wonder what she's doing or about contacting her, but the thought of her dating someone still kills me.

[westcoastguy]

it's bed time and im alone.

 

i miss sleeping next to you each night. i miss waking up next to you.

 

i'm ok. i miss you being around.

 

it's like you died.