Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 He signed the affidavid letting her go home on a visit she went home on the visit and returned as scheduled she didn't stay when she found out he cheated she came home found out he cheated and returned to Peru yesterday. Or at least said her intentions were to return to Peru yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Additionally our laws are not the laws of other countries although the USA might see what she did as kidnapping Peru may of may not? Who knows they might say she had every right to take her son back to her home country and unfortunatly our government has better things to do then fight Peru over one child. I'm sure she knows that and I'm sure he knew it too. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Can someone please tell me the option C. I seem to be missing... Divorce takes kid cheats takes kid.... I suppose option C must be stay in unhappy marriage until kid is 18? Option C - Maybe don't have an A? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 As stated he works out of the state most of the time leaving her to do what she wants with the child. Also like I said boarder control rarely question the mother and the airlines never do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Jwi71 right don't have an affair and stay in an unhappy marriage.... Right that would solve everything Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Jwi71 right don't have an affair and stay in an unhappy marriage.... Right that would solve everything I meant YOU don't have an A. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Jwi71 right don't have an affair and stay in an unhappy marriage.... Right that would solve everything You do realize that he did not have to do that don't you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Jwi71 I fully admit my actions were both disrespectful to my self and stupid my point is why would she want to set herself up to be in a loveless marriage by holding his son over his head? And what was HIS option c? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Bentnotbroken.... Please tell me what could he have done? There are stories all the time of parents leaving the country with their kids and the other parent never seeing the child again.... I just thought he was B.Sing me that she would do that to him now I see I was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Jwi71 I fully admit my actions were both disrespectful to my self and stupid my point is why would she want to set herself up to be in a loveless marriage by holding his son over his head? And what was HIS option c? I am going to assume he isn't mentally impaired....he is the agent for his actions. When someone is looking for a healthy change to a sad situation...they weigh all the options and choose from those healthy options. Which healthy option did he choose. You came here looking for a way to help...the bottom line is you can't. Leave them and alone to figure it out on their own. Focus on your own children. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Jwi71 I fully admit my actions were both disrespectful to my self and stupid my point is why would she want to set herself up to be in a loveless marriage by holding his son over his head? And what was HIS option c? Fair and amicable divorce with equal division of time with the children. And don't be stupid enough to cheat after signing an affidavit allowing your kid to leave the country with your wife. In fact..don't be stupid enough to cheat at all. As for you..it's not your concern and your involvement will only make things worse for his son. Move on with your life and let him fight his own battles. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Jwi71 I fully admit my actions were both disrespectful to my self and stupid my point is why would she want to set herself up to be in a loveless marriage by holding his son over his head? And what was HIS option c? Who f_cking cares what his options are or aren't. You aren't his savior. You arent the arbiter of justice in HIS M. That's for THEM to settle - not you. What POSITIVES can you bring to their dynamic? None - in fact, you are a NEGATIVE. Fair or not - it is what it is. One last thing, dont presume to know the truth. Very very few OW do - and those that ARE close to the truth are years on as OW. That's not you here and now. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 I'm sure you are all correct and he lied to me about being unhappy in his marriage but if he didn't and he was unhappy in his marriage I can't really see many possible out for him after the clear "rules" his wife TOLD me she had given him. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I'm sure you are all correct and he lied to me about being unhappy in his marriage but if he didn't and he was unhappy in his marriage I can't really see many possible out for him after the clear "rules" his wife TOLD me she had given him. Why do you have to see any outs for him? :confused:He is a big boy right? As have been pointed out he had legal recourse, he had 8 years to leave the unhappiness and he could have not had the affair. He had outs and he made his choice. You trying to understand the thought patterns of two other people without all the information is like trying to get a clear picture of a puzzle without half the pieces. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I'm sure you are all correct and he lied to me about being unhappy in his marriage but if he didn't and he was unhappy in his marriage I can't really see many possible out for him after the clear "rules" his wife TOLD me she had given him. What does any of this have to do with you now? You're broken up right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 For the most part I argued with her over the fact that she told me my two daughters were little whores in the making just like their mommy.... And yes I think any women whose "rules" for their husband are if you divorce me I take your child to Peru is setting them self up to be in an unhappy marriage. Also many many marriages take a decline after having children it is an extremely stressful time and many marriages don't survive it. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Rings have nothing to do with it. My husband never wore a ring and he never cheated. The ring isn't what keeps them faithful, it's not like it's a chastity belt that prevents it. My MM wears his ring and that's certainly not stopped him. And you know the more I think about it, I think people that use their children as pawns should instantly lose custody. That seems appropriate. And my xH did wear a wedding ring and he cheated. As LFH said it's not the ring that keeps them faithful and if it's necessary to ward off predators then is he ready to even be M? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 For the most part I argued with her over the fact that she told me my two daughters were little whores in the making just like their mommy.... And yes I think any women whose "rules" for their husband are if you divorce me I take your child to Peru is setting them self up to be in an unhappy marriage. Also many many marriages take a decline after having children it is an extremely stressful time and many marriages don't survive it. She should not have called your daughters anything. Is that why you insist on being involved with the custody of their child? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Of course I didn't bring him around my children but he knew I had two daughters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Bentnotbroken... I started off wanting to know if anything could be done to help him keep his wife thus keeping his son like an apology? Bt everyone seems to be of the opinion doing nothing would be best so that is what I will do I don't care to be involved in his custody dispute but if I could in some way help I would have. Her name calling of my children who are only 4 and 1 pushed my buttons to the point where I didn't keep my mouth shut. Even if I should have Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Bentnotbroken... I started off wanting to know if anything could be done to help him keep his wife thus keeping his son like an apology? Bt everyone seems to be of the opinion doing nothing would be best so that is what I will do I don't care to be involved in his custody dispute but if I could in some way help I would have. Her name calling of my children who are only 4 and 1 pushed my buttons to the point where I didn't keep my mouth shut. Even if I should have I understand defending one's children. I have been on the receiving end of someone disrespecting my children. But it is necessary to stop trying to explain this relationship dynamic and the agreements made by the two of them. I will assume that he did agree to her stipulation of what would become of cheating...IDK but he stayed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Of course I didn't bring him around my children but he knew I had two daughters. Just replying to this post as its the last. Believe it or not, we are trying to help you. One, I want to stop the thought process of "his W gave him no choice, he was trapped and not fair". That's not likely to be true but even if it is - its none of your concern. You can't improve things now. I hope you see that. And because you can't affect positive change in their M - stay away. You, least of all, are helpful to them. Why did you enter the A? You knew he was M. You knew he was "trapped". What outcome did you envision? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Pierre.... Why are you on this forum just out of curiosity? You seem to know a lot about cheating men I mean just how many married men have you slept with? Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Any, you are too close to the situation. You can't help him more than a lawyer can, and even if he's trapped by her it's his mess to sort out. He knew when they had a child what it meant to have children with someone from a different country. You can sympathize with his situation,but there's nothing you can do. Leave him alone and they'll probably patch things up enough for now. If she was threatening consequences before his A with you, it could be that she's paranoid or maybe she had her reasons as in he's cheated before. The fact that she called your daughters shores is bad, but more than often a BW talking to the OW is not necessarily a pleasant conversation. She wanted to hurt you and she did by attacking your kids. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Any Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Oh and just FYI I'm sure he has done this before but the wife confirmed during our fight this was the first she has ever known of. So that's not the reason for her rules Link to post Share on other sites
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