She found out and now I want to get THEM back together

[Any]

Cominginhot.... I think all the advice is valid everyone has said leave them alone to work it out and I plan to take it. The people who know what is going on seem to think there is no chance he won't contact me though.

[Any]

I honestly don't think I will hear from him. He was looking for a scapegoat to put all his own blame on and that became me. He hates me for what he did. Also I'm no ones consolation prize and that's exactly why I told him it would never be me that told his wife.

[ComingInHot]

Any;

You have immediate responsibilities. Give those your attention.

There were a couple of statements about you being trash etc that came from You.

You are Not trash! You are one of a kind. Your situation may not be but You my dear are Good!!

Accept being Good but make mistakes. Do Not succumb to accepting poor choices as being who you are. That's when justification happens. As many have said, You are better than the situation you've gotten yourself into. So, get out of it*

[ThatJustHappened]

TJH appreciate your point but I too had a largely absent father and am grateful for that. I was truly better off without him and I don't applaud my mother for not tellig me sooner what kind of man he is. I'd have stopped wanting him in my life all the sooner if she had.

 

Any- his wife is totally innocent. Wouldn't matter I'd she told him if he heated she would go Lorena Bobbit on him, shes still 100% innocent re his cheating and her returning home.

 

As I said in my post, mentally or physically abusive fathers don't count.

 

You said you would have stopped wanting him in your life had you known sooner what kind of man he is. Well this little boy might not get to make that decision for himself. I didn't. I don't know my father's name, and my mom passed away so I can't even ask. I have no siblings and this little boy won't either if his parents are splitting up. I'm 29 and I have no family. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

 

He's a terrible husband and a filthy cheater but he might be a good father, and his son deserves to make that decision for himself.

[Any]

This is an update to my original post incase anyone cares to read more about my drama....

 

He called tonight I had asked him via text the same day I started this thread for a "closure" phone call. Well today the coast was clear enough, so to speak for him to call.

 

Our conversation was very healing for me. he told me him and his wife were in MC and that she was bluffing about the affidavit she never had one to leave the country. I told him I thought it was very healthy that he and his wife were trying to work things out and that I hoped he managed to save his marriage. I told him that one thing his wife said really stuck with me.... I had asked her to please consider forgiving him and she said "I have a very high set of standards and he doesn't fit those standards anymore" I told him that I was learning that I too needed to have the same high standards and that unless I had those I would never find someone who made me their number one.

 

He asked me to be good to my self and proceeded to tell me that he missed me and I told him that I missed the friendship we had and still longed for the early morning texts and what not but that I didn't miss the affair. At the end of the conversation he told me how hard it was for him to say good bye knowing this was the last time we would talk and I said that I would do it for him then I said good bye and good luck and hung up.

 

My close friend and sister who are the only ones who know about the affair say this is absolutely not the last time I will hear from him. My friend who is the tough love type said but you love the drama so you don't want him to quit... I don't want him to quit but I know the strong feels I have for him can not dissipate unless he does and if he does this hurt will not last forever.

 

I close my eyes and imagine the wonderful NEXT relationship I will have will my wonderful unmarried boyfriend, and that helps.

[Got it]

MFH, why are you here, you refuse to show even an iota of support. Ever. Even Pierre supported her and he is not one to just willy nilly support OP.

 

What on earth is your campaign here? This and other threads show time and again even BS supporting the OP by parts of their posts, thought processes, etc but you will not or cannot find any piece to support by any degree.

 

How is this helpful to the posters here? What value do you think you are adding? Maybe because you aren't even a BS, OP or WS that you truly cannot see the degrees of this and you cannot seem to budge at all even for common decency. I have only seen this from posters who themselves have actually not been involved in the dynamics but oddly seem to fixate on affairs and the players involved.

 

Any - I am sorry for the t/j. I am glad you had the call. Take it for what it was, and keep looking forward. I think you learned some great lessons and have a better idea of what you want in the future and what you expect from yourself. I wish you well but be gentle with yourself if/when you cycle back down and you start missing him, the relationship, etc. Mourning a relationship is a cyclical process so you will take some steps back as you move forward; it is not a linear progression. Be gentle with yourself, allow yourself this moments, but keep moving forward in your life. I wish you all the best.

[Got it]

The campaign is hatemongering. It's very obvious. MH is here to try and punish all of us for the transgressions by their own spouse.

 

Even while spouting how they couldn't do terrible and evil things, they are incapable of seeing that with every word typed, they are also hurting people, but it must be "ok", since apparently in their mind we are deserving of every bit of pain. The hatred drips from every word, and showcasing this posters need for therapy very badly. They think they aren't a bad person, because they didn't cheat... but there are plenty of ways to be a bad person without cheating.

 

Yes but the very odd and troubling thing is MFH wasn't a BS, there is no cheating spouse in her world. She is not trying to recreate any old storyline. This is what is so perplexing about her, and others like her, and their even more adamant stance on things. There is no "dog in the fight" so why the energy towards this topic and the duration of it?

 

I can "understand" to a degree those directly hurt by an affair and having poor coping mechanisms dealing with it which could result on taking out the pain and anger on unknown person on the internet. It isn't right but it is understandable. But I am left scratching my head when that experience hasn't happen but yet the same/similar behavior. Where does that energy come from? Why does that energy exist? What is the goal? Is it taken up like some kind of hobby to spend a lazy hour or so? It is just very odd behavior.

[Any]

I just consider it one rotten apple and I won't let it spoil the whole bunch.... I have gained a tremendous amount of insight into my affair and the direction I need to go from here as PP said it isn't a straight line but I know I can move forward and I thank everyone who has helped me in that realization, as for those who have no sympathy I feel badly for them imagine how it will hurt and they realize they are not perfect people.

[Got it]

I am very happy for you Any and I will stop my comments towards anything else.

 

I am glad you have gained insight, taking away some advice and given some additional information to help you along your path.

 

As hard as it is, one day you will look back and this will be a small part of your well lived and rich life. Focus on those around you that support and care for you and put your best interests first. Those are the people who will give back to you in the future and will help you along your way.