i want her back but she doesn't right now what do i do?

[a_rod81]

please help im dyning inside.

 

hi everyone i thanks for your help ahead of time. here is my story. i've know this wonderful beautiful girl for 6 years we met in highschool. i fell in love with her from the moment i met her she was beautiful and a great person. She had a bf at the time so we kept it strictly platonic she graduated and then we lost touch for a while about a year later she contaced me and we went out at the end of the night she kissed me and we pretty much became became bf and gf after that kiss.

 

i was 18 when we started to go out. i had never had a girlfriend, first kiss, first date and i lost my virginity to her. she had a lot of problems when we became bf and gf i knew that but i still decided wanted to be with her and help her get through them all and be happy it took a lot out of me and a lot of my time, In doing this i lost my best friends and my life. i we became each others life. I spent every waking moment and basically put my life on hold.

 

we went out for about a little over two and a half years. then i began to think about other girls and what it would be like to touch someone else kiss someone else just be with someone else in general. i brushed these thoughts off for a long time but they kept building up and they started to eat me up inside. i would never cheat on my girlfriend so thinking i was doing the best for the both of us i decieded to break up for a while thinking i just want to get this out of my system and then come back and just be normal and in love. i was twenty at the time and kinda stupid.

 

i hated myself for hurting her like that. she was so in love with me and so was i, i was just really confused. i wanted her to go out and make sure that i was the one she wanted to be with for the rest of her life, i wanted to us to both be sure. i didnt go out with anyone for 6 months and she just wouldn't go out with anyone other than friends i became a mean friend and was rude and pretty much evil to her in hopes that she would be like forget him im going out but she didnt in 2 years she stayed true to me and didnt date.in 2 years i dated this girl one girl and one girl only and i never felt any thing for her we never had sex or anything the furthest i let it go was making out. we went out for only 1 month and then never went out with any one else again i was too in love with lynn.

 

lynn and i were broken up but not really for 2 years and she didnt go out with anyone and i went out with one girl and i lied about doing it then i got caught. we never lied to each other before that. it hurt her so much. im so sorry for that. about 6 months ago i asked her if she would like to become like my gf again she said yeah of course but within those 6 months she has decided to break up with me like 6 or 7 times and each time it kills me inside when she breaks up with me, each time she does i ask for her forgivness and to please not leave me so she comes back from feeling guilty. she said that she does love me and that she wants to be together again some day but not now. so this time i didnt beg and now i feel like crap and she doesnt want to be with me and im just so sad what do i do? how do i get through this? how do i get her back? she said that she is scared that she might take too long and that i wont be there when she is ready to come back and that she doesnt trust me anymore and that she just wants to be friends for now.

 

I WANT HER BACK WITH ALL MY HEART, I WOULD NEVER HURT HER AGAIN I LOVE HER TOO MUCH. SOMEONE HELP PLEASE. HOW DO I GET HER BACK? I KNOW IN MY HEART WE ARE MEANT TO BE I JUST DONT THINK SHE THINKS ANYMORE. HELP!!!!!!!

[VroomGrl21]

You can't keep on making her get back with you out of guilt only for her to break up with you over and over again. Obviously she's not ready to be with you and there's nothing much you can do about it.

 

I'm in similar situation, I broke up with my ex around same age you did (21), thought I wanted to see other people, wasn't sure if he's the one for me. After couple months when i wanted to get back with him, he doesn't anymore, he's on a limbo, like your ex. I guess we can't always get what we want. Now that we can't have it, we want it even more.

 

I think part of reason why they don't want to commit to us yet is because they are afraid that we'd bail out on them again. Lynn broke up with you again and again maybe because she was afraid you'd break up with her, so she just did it to not get hurt first.

 

In a way, we scarred our exes by breaking up with them. When they were surely in love with us, we weren't. All I can say is the more you pressure her to be with you or the more you tell her how much you love her/need her/won't hurt her again, the more you'll push her away. Even though I know my ex probably still loves me, he told me not to keep on telling him I love him and things like that, because 1. he already knows, 2. saying those things to him make him feel pressured and more confused.

 

Your ex has a reason to not trust you fully now, because you broke up with her when you found it convenient and you were the one curious about other girls. If you can, be a good friend and be there for her, but don't pressure her. At least she still loves you, she just has fear of being hurt again. You promising her doesn't really make much difference. It just takes time for her to start trusting you and realizing that you won't leave her again.

 

At the same time, are you really sure that she's the one you want to be with rest of your life? I'm around the same age as you, and my ex was my first also. We were together for almost 6yrs. Even though now I still love him very much, I can't help asking if I'm really IN LOVE with him, or just attached because my life for the past 6yrs revolved around him, pretty much like what you did. So it's hard to imagine our lives without the other person. But did we really find true love with the first try?