Originality BLUES

[Laleen]

Ok, so I know this may sound silly, but I find it difficult to do romantic things for my boyfriend, or even call him romantic names......because i feel embarrased.

 

We're both really original people, and don't like to conform, so i feel that if i say these things it will seem to him that i'm being hypocritical and old-fashioned, which we both hate. I don't want him to think that I'm being overly sentimental......but then again, i don't know if he will think this or not.

 

We're both shy also, so this is another reason why i can't say how i feel........I know it sounds stupid, but what can i do about it?????????????

[Tony T]

I think your excuses are a cop out. Being nonconformists is great for both of you, but when it comes to something as basic as love, there is just no better way to say it or express it in other ways than the old fashioned style.

 

Holding back on this type of communication for fear it won't be original is just plain crappola. If your guy really cares about you, he will be deeply touched no matter how you let him know. If he gets upset or bored because you weren't original or different about it in some way, he is the world's biggest JERK!!!

 

If you feel your boyfriend would think you were being "hypocritical and old fashioned" by being romantic towards him, he is sick and you should DUMP HIM!!!

 

You really need to talk about this with him. I think you're backing both of you into a corner you won't be able to wiggle out of. Love needs to be a lot more free flowing and natural.

 

However, if you must be original and nonconforming, you could buy a $750,000 30-second spot on the Superbowl in January to proclaim your love for him. Or, if you can't afford that, make prior arrangements to have a disc jockey dedicate a song from him to you at a time when you know you'll be in the car together tuned to that station.

 

Find a bank, restaurant or other business that will put "Laleen loves xsxsxs" on their marque over a weekend or just one evening and drive by and point it out to him...or just tell him to pay attention to all the signs.

 

There are millions of ways to be romantic but if your guy is going to be so fussy about how you show your love, I'd hate to see you get married to him and have to furnish your home, cook for him, watch TV with him, and heaven forbid...what would the sex be like when you ran out of books of illustrations???

[Rachel the 2nd (formerly Rachel)]

My way of addressing the same situation (being shy myself) was to say and do romantic things using jest initially.

 

Theres a saying "never a truer word than said in jest")

 

Its easy after a bit of practice - but not full on though.

 

I know gestures speak louder than words so perhaps this may help you communicate your feelings.

 

Just do what you are comfortable doing and it does get easier.

 

Tony - I disagree with much of your post

 

BlaaaaaaaaagGGGGGhhhhhHHHHHH!

 

*pokes tongue out*

 

hehe

I think your excuses are a cop out. Being nonconformists is great for both of you, but when it comes to something as basic as love, there is just no better way to say it or express it in other ways than the old fashioned style. Holding back on this type of communication for fear it won't be original is just plain crappola. If your guy really cares about you, he will be deeply touched no matter how you let him know. If he gets upset or bored because you weren't original or different about it in some way, he is the world's biggest JERK!!! If you feel your boyfriend would think you were being "hypocritical and old fashioned" by being romantic towards him, he is sick and you should DUMP HIM!!! You really need to talk about this with him. I think you're backing both of you into a corner you won't be able to wiggle out of. Love needs to be a lot more free flowing and natural. However, if you must be original and nonconforming, you could buy a $750,000 30-second spot on the Superbowl in January to proclaim your love for him. Or, if you can't afford that, make prior arrangements to have a disc jockey dedicate a song from him to you at a time when you know you'll be in the car together tuned to that station.

 

Find a bank, restaurant or other business that will put "Laleen loves xsxsxs" on their marque over a weekend or just one evening and drive by and point it out to him...or just tell him to pay attention to all the signs. There are millions of ways to be romantic but if your guy is going to be so fussy about how you show your love, I'd hate to see you get married to him and have to furnish your home, cook for him, watch TV with him, and heaven forbid...what would the sex be like when you ran out of books of illustrations???

[Tony T]

Rachel:

 

For posts to be helpful, they should be directed to the person seeking the advice. It is best to give that person the benefit of having enough intelligence to decide if the information is right or wrong for them.

 

It is great to disagree or agree with other people's posts but it your feelings serve no useful purpose for the person seeking the advice.

 

I do not come here to debate anyone. If you are the obnoxious, veangeful Rachel that has been around here for the past few weeks, I really want to avoid you. Comment on my posts all you want if you desire to waste your time and be hateful. And if it makes you feel like a better person to put others down, I really don't mind you cutting me or my posts up all you want. But if really does make you look foolish.

 

You waste my time...and I never really understand your posts. I will never read another of your posts because I choose not to be on your hateful level.

 

Now, you had given me hope that you had begun to actually help people here...but I guess that was the new Rachel, not you.

[Rachel the 2nd (formerly Rachel)]

In a word:- "Projection" Thats all your post is..

 

How tedious to have to explain...

 

Heres some insight into yourself and assorted paraphernalia.

 

1. The negative feelings stated in the excessive labelling - are in fact your own.

 

2. Do you run the group and set rules?

 

3. Are you trained in this specialised area? Counselling, psych and stuff?

 

4. I will write tomorrow or another day as this issue has bored me to tears and if I continue I will fall asleep.

 

I have better things to do.

 

Catchya later....

 

Rachel

 

(Not the Rachel you appear to so blatantly despise)

Rachel: For posts to be helpful, they should be directed to the person seeking the advice. It is best to give that person the benefit of having enough intelligence to decide if the information is right or wrong for them. It is great to disagree or agree with other people's posts but it your feelings serve no useful purpose for the person seeking the advice. I do not come here to debate anyone. If you are the obnoxious, veangeful Rachel that has been around here for the past few weeks, I really want to avoid you. Comment on my posts all you want if you desire to waste your time and be hateful. And if it makes you feel like a better person to put others down, I really don't mind you cutting me or my posts up all you want. But if really does make you look foolish. You waste my time...and I never really understand your posts. I will never read another of your posts because I choose not to be on your hateful level. Now, you had given me hope that you had begun to actually help people here...but I guess that was the new Rachel, not you.

[Deejette]

Being clever and original are intellectual activities and love mixed with intellectualism and ironic distance doesn't work. I once had a boyfriend that tried to be original because he thought sentiment was so mundane and he made a joke out of lots of things. It killed the romance because he was so all-fired clever about stuff. I would have preferred a sincere, if slightly corny, sentimental card for Valentines day, but his cards were all jokes. Eventually I had to look elsewhere for affection from someone who was not so scared of real emotion.

 

"I love you," is not an original expression, but it carries a lot of weight with it and there is nothing more beautiful than saying it and having it said to you.

I think your excuses are a cop out. Being nonconformists is great for both of you, but when it comes to something as basic as love, there is just no better way to say it or express it in other ways than the old fashioned style. Holding back on this type of communication for fear it won't be original is just plain crappola. If your guy really cares about you, he will be deeply touched no matter how you let him know. If he gets upset or bored because you weren't original or different about it in some way, he is the world's biggest JERK!!! If you feel your boyfriend would think you were being "hypocritical and old fashioned" by being romantic towards him, he is sick and you should DUMP HIM!!! You really need to talk about this with him. I think you're backing both of you into a corner you won't be able to wiggle out of. Love needs to be a lot more free flowing and natural. However, if you must be original and nonconforming, you could buy a $750,000 30-second spot on the Superbowl in January to proclaim your love for him. Or, if you can't afford that, make prior arrangements to have a disc jockey dedicate a song from him to you at a time when you know you'll be in the car together tuned to that station.

 

Find a bank, restaurant or other business that will put "Laleen loves xsxsxs" on their marque over a weekend or just one evening and drive by and point it out to him...or just tell him to pay attention to all the signs. There are millions of ways to be romantic but if your guy is going to be so fussy about how you show your love, I'd hate to see you get married to him and have to furnish your home, cook for him, watch TV with him, and heaven forbid...what would the sex be like when you ran out of books of illustrations???