smile95 Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 It has been 3 wks since I have talked to my bf. We never broke up really. He is just going thru a lot and will nto talk to me. I love him, but I have to move on. I deserve better. I just really want to know if I stop talking about him and thinking if he will call and stop focusing on good memories, will time REALLY heal me? He ignores my calls because that is how he deal with stress. I know this from experience with him. Usually when I stop calling, he will call. But this time I would rather get over him and move on. IS is true that dating someone else will help? I have done all I can to talk to him and he will not. Please tell me time really helps! Link to post Share on other sites
aFighter Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 It's been what, 9 weeks now? Since I broke up with my gf & I've gotten very good at blocking her out of my thoughts. In fact replying here is the 1st time I've thought about her today. I just conditioned myself to ignore the fact that we share the same country, hehe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted August 22, 2004 Author Share Posted August 22, 2004 do you keep busy? Do you miss her? DO you still talk? Is it silly to think that I will never have fun and a connection withanyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
aFighter Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 *do you keep busy? No more than usual. I just do my day to day thing same as always. *Do you miss her? No, that would be like asking the sugeon to re-attach your ruptured appendix *DO you still talk? Absolutly not. She doesn't deserve a second of my time ever again for what she did & rightly so. *Is it silly to think that I will never have fun and a connection withanyone else? Yes it is. You need to get back on track and start living your life for yourself again. People come & people go, it's a fact. You can't let it interfere with your life. To do so would mean they win, utterly. Link to post Share on other sites
SwEeT P Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 goin thru the same thing u r beth........if i could only find some1 else then it would take my mind off of him........ Link to post Share on other sites
trouble Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Sweet P and Beth Please be careful with your hearts. I totally understand your desire to find someone else. And yes it would really take your mind off of it but it could potentially harm you in the long run. If you get involved with someone you may begin to feel that you have feelings for the new person but really it is just left over feelings from your break up. ok it is late and I am not making the most sense. You are right it will make the pain easier to find someone else, but it could be more damaging in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
frogprinz29 Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Meeting someone else right now, would be just a rebound. If your feelings, emotions, or love is still with your x, then meeting someone is just a temporary fix for just the immediate moment. More feelings could be hurt and you'll still be hurtin' over your x. Some people can do the rebound thing well and get over their x. If it works for you then, by all means do what you need to do. The only thing that will certainly put you onto the road to recovery is time and doing the things that you like to do, your interests, and working on your goals. You had a life before your x and now life is still going on without your x. I sometimes think that things happen for a reason, even though it may suck for the moment. I'm still trying to get over the end to a 9 year relationship. We've been broken up for almost 7 months now, but stopped talking only close to 2 months now. I'm feeling better and stronger. I'm not dating though. Although it's lonely at times, I don't have the inclination or desire to date. I feel that I need to work on myself and find myself as an individual again. The hope of getting back with my x is dwindling, but there still is the wishful thinking. I will always love and care for her, and thoughts of her will pop into my mind for the rest of my life, but life has to go on without her. I read a post where someone said that people meet or get to together for a reason. Whether it be to experience something or learn something. When that reason is fulfilled then things may end. Then you move on. It was something to that effect. I can't remember the exact wording. I wish you all luck and take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted August 22, 2004 Author Share Posted August 22, 2004 I guess I do need to get over him 1st before I move on to someone else. Ilove him too much, but have to heal and start doing things for me to get me over him and that does not mean finding another man I guess. It's so hard. But, I guess things do happen for a reason and I learned a lot...like never date a man who lies and is separated and emotionally abusive....good lessons I guess Link to post Share on other sites
trouble Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 frogprinz and beth You are both right and I am sorry for your pain. Every person handles break ups differently. Some people need to be close to another person in order to get through their pain. I just know that from experience you can end up hurting deeper if the new or rebound relationship doesn't work out. It opens up old wounds. I totally agree with your statements about meeting people for a reason. Sometimes it helps to think back to earlier times in life and how you learned certain things from friendships or relationships. You learn what you need and what your values are. You learn to trust or not to trust certain people. It all has purpose and value. If it didn't we would be living meaningless lives. Take comfort in your ability to hurt. This may sound strange but at least you are a caring and loving person with the ability to hurt. Some people are cold and unable to experience emotions. This pain will get you to a new level and once you heal you will be stronger. Someone else will come into your life and make you smile again. You will be able to say "Thanks for not coming back" to the ex. I have to believe all of this advice because I am only 4 weeks out from my fiance changing his mind about our wedding. I have a wedding dress, the location etc. I guess I am all dressed up with no where to go But I know that I am a good and caring person and I am trying to reach out and be there for others who are experiencing pain. We may be strangers but I hurt for all of you and wish you all well. Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Guys, It does hurt, I am still having sad feelings and lonelyness. I know everyone says time with heal all wounds...but right now I am still hurting....Hopefully we all can stop hurting and good things happen to us soon Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 I got over my first true love, and my second true love. I was engaged to one of them for a while when he broke it off. I've been married to my real true love for over 20 years now. But, I didn't find him right after breaking up with the others. I learned not to rely on someone else for my own happiness. I don't need to have a man in my life to be happy. Be careful jumping into a new relationship. Date people you know you would not want to settle down with, just for fun. Not sex - just companionship, fun, conversation, a touch of romance. Don't make any commitments - just learn about yourself and allow yourself to heal. You will heal. Link to post Share on other sites
ww Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 well for me...it has been a year and now I am really starting to feel better.. I often think about him...but it does not hurt anymore Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Guys, This may sound dumb, how do you know when you are happy with your self? I ask this b/c I thought i was happy before I met my ex...I did not have my life in order but i was working on getting to that point and now that my ex broke up with me, I do see that i am not happy with my self the way my career is going....part of the my break up was b/c of this....I am just wondering if i get my life in order will everything fall into place? I know you all dont know that answer...I am just feeling a little low today....I keep getting these high and lows all through out the day.....and I still miss my ex Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Time really did help me get over my ex. At first when people told me that I didn't believe them. I thought I would hurt like that forever, or at least until I got my ex back. It's been about 4 months and I don't think about him as much as before, but now when I do it doesn't hurt anything like it did. Link to post Share on other sites
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